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Her hand felt so small with Lucas' hand wrapped snugly around it. What she couldn't deny, even if she wanted to, was just how right it felt to be held by him.

He led her to the table outside but rather than them sitting down he lent back on the table, parted his legs and pulled her into his arms in front of him.

She looked up at him nervously, her tongue licking her bottom lip.

Lucas groaned.

"Why do girls do that?"

"What?"

"Lick their lips like that?" he shuddered "It's... well... it's a turn on."

She looked at him in complete shock, her eyes wide as his words registered in her mind.

"Oh... um..." she did it again without realising and Lucas closed his eyes and tilted his head back, taking a deep breath before looking down at her again.

"What happened in there baby? You froze up and weren't listening."

She dropped her head to look at his chest. How could she explain that his words...

"I love you Tara."

She froze. Stiff and rigid in his arms she couldn't look at him.

Lucas chuckled softly before speaking.

"I guess we know what made you freeze huh?"

She dropped her head even further and closed her eyes. She didn't know what to say. How could she tell him those words scared the hell out of her? Well maybe not so much the words but the implications of what they'd mean.

A long finger rested under her chin and pushed her head up so she had no choice but to open her eyes and look at him.

"That scares you?" he asked quietly.

She nodded then shook her head.

"Yes or no?" Lucas asked with amusement.

"Eh... both?"

He smiled down at her and she could help but notice just how perfect his teeth were. The she blushed and if it weren't for his finger still beneath her chin then she would have dropped her head again.

"So? Care to explain? I'm kinda hoping you're ok with it ya know but I can understand that it's big. Hell it took me long enough to accept it myself."

She looked at him in surprise.

"Yes baby" he nodded "I didn't want to admit how I was feeling. I kept telling myself that I was just doing the right thing by doing so much for you."

"The right thing?" she scrunched her nose up "I always thought that that was what you were doing because..." she broke off. Bringing up that night hadn't been part of her plans just at that moment but she didn't know any other way to explain what she meant. She took a deep breath and carried on.m

"Because of guilt. Trying to make amends and well... yeh, guilt."

Lucas nodded and pulled her head into his chest with a sigh.

"I do feel guilty for that Tara. I won't deny that, nor am I asking for forgiveness. I just... baby I just hope that we can move forward from it."

"I need to take things slow Lucas. Honestly... I never expected to ever be able to stand you being this close. I didn't..."

"Didn't?" he prompted as the tears from his heart started to cloud his eyes.

"I didn't think I'd ever let anyone touch me again" her words were spoken in a voice that was just above a whisper. She wanted him to hear what she said but didn't want to say them. She was afraid. Afraid of what the words would mean for both of them. Thinking that way was one thing but saying them was opening up a wound that never healed quite properly.

He wrapped his arms tighter around her and started to rock her without knowingly doing it.

He kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry I make you feel that way. We'll take things as slow as you need them. Coming back from something like that can't be easy."

She pulled away from his chest to look up to his face.

"It isn't. Lucas... I don't know if I'll ever..."

She broke off as he nodded sadly.

"I can wait. As long as you're willing to to be with me then all the rest can wait... well all but holding you and kissing you cause those pretty pink lips of yours are far too kissable to be ignored and you fit so well in my arms I'm happy to hold you."

She smiled suddenly and tilted her head sideways to look at him cheekily.

"My lips are kissable?"

"Yep! In fact... they're kinda calling me right now" he looked at her mouth and then quickly back to her eyes with his own holding a smirk...

"But!" his expression became serious "we need to talk about Ellie before I answer that call."

She started to giggle.

"That sounds so...

"Tara Porter! Are you making fun of your husband?"

She went quiet suddenly and just as Lucas thought that he'd blown it she spoke.

"You really are my husband aren't you...." her voice trailed off and she looked past his arm to the scenery behind them. "I sorta get it but don't if that makes any sense?"

"It does baby. I haven't exactly been the best husband material up till now. Tell me... do you ever call yourself Porter?"

She looked back at him quickly before looking away and shaking her head telling him no.

He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I hope one day you will baby. I hope one day you'll be proud to yell out that I'm your husband. I hope..."

"It's not really that though Lucas."

She pulled away from him completely and started to walk slowly away from him before turning back.

"I didn't have a choice. I couldn't say no. I was made to get married. I didn't get that little girl dream..."

"Tell me about your dream" Lucas broke in suddenly as he stood watching and listening to what she was saying.

She was surprised that he'd asked and shook her head.

"It doesn't matter now. It's too late for silly dreams."

Lucas shook his head.

"No baby: it's never too late to dream."

"Some dreams are unachievable so what's the point of dreaming them?"

"Oh Tara... dreams can come true. Don't give up dreaming baby..."

She laughed mockingly.

"So what.. The dream I had when I was a little girl about coming home and being hugged by my dad, sitting and having dinner with him while we talked about our days... sure Lucas.. We both know that achievable" she scoffed "Dreaming about my loving dad walking me down the aisle to marry the guy I fell in love with... Sure Lucas that's achievable!"

"Your father was a first rate arsëhole Tara and even though I totally fücked things up I'm fucking glad he brought you to me. I have no idea where you and I will end up Tara but at the risk of scaring you away I'll tell you what I dream of when I think of you."

He walked closer to her with his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

"I dream of the day when you tell me you love me. I dream of the day when you can handle me holding you without freezing up. I dream of the mornings I get to wake up and see you sleeping beside me with your hair spread out over the pillow. I dream of the day when we sit by a stupid stick and count the seconds until we see if the results are positive or not. I dream... I dream of the day baby when I hear you introduce yourself proudly as the wife of Lucas Porter. I dream of them with you baby. I don't want these things with anyone else. I want them with you."

"I don't know..." she started shakily.

He took a step forward until he was an arm length away from her and opened his arms and sighing in relief when she stepped into them.

"I know baby. I know... but I won't stop dreaming them."

They stood holding onto one another as an unspoken level in their relationship was reached. The sounds of nature were the only noises they heard.

"There's just one thing..." Lucas started.

"What?"

"Could you grow your hair again please? This boy look is cute but... well... You're a girl and..."

She started to laugh and Lucas joined in.

"I'll think about it" she said with a tease.

"I'll brush it for you" Lucas negotiated making her giggle again.

"Maybe..." she went serious all of a sudden "Lucas... Ellie is really bad isn't she?"

"Yeh baby. She won't think twice about hurting you. She wants me and I belong to you. She won't ever accept that. You need to be really careful of her baby. That's why..."

"I get it now Lucas. I understand."

"So you'll be ok with the guys and Maggie going to Brisbane and regular visits from your ever so handsome husband?"

"Is my husband handsome?"

Lucas pouted and she giggled.

"I have some thinking to do. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Sure baby. Just be careful ok?"

"I will be."