Achilles

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Patroclus was dead. Gone from my reach, from my very own two hands. I did not know this grief to be possible as I fell to my knees and ran soot over my face. I clutched my hair in grief as I lay on the ground and my attendants started screaming with me in my grief. My dearest Patroclus.

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"So then, Patroclus, since I too am going below, but after you, I shall not hold your funeral till I have brought back here the armour and head of Hector, who slaughtered you in your greatness. And at your pyre I am going to cut the throats of a dozen splendid sons of Troy, to vent my anger at your death." (18; 333)

And I ordered to have his body washed and I would avenge him and if it was the last thing I did for my love Patroclus.


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I was clutching Patroclus' body in my arms when my mother Thetis arrived and she gifted me new armour, forged by Hephaestus and promised to preserve my brave Patroclus' body until my return. And with a lighter heart still burning with anger I returned to fight. Odysseus tried to stop me but I would fight then and so Agamemnon and I renounced the quarrel. The girl would be mine again but the grief for Patroclus was still fresh in my heart and I could not find real joy in any of it. I wanted Hector's head and nothing would stop me.

"Oh Patroclus, my heart's delight!" The girl had thrown herself onto Patroclus' dead body and I fought myself not to storm up and remove her immediately. "-you would not let me weep; you said you would make me Achilles' lawful wife and take me in your ships to your home Phthia and give me a wedding-feast among the Myrmidons. You were so gentle with me. So in death I mourn you inconsolably." (19;288)

When I heard her lament, I knew I had been foolish to think I could love someone other than him. If he had promised her a wedding I might give it to her. As his last wish, but my heart was his'. The women tried to give me food but I rejected.

"How often you yourself, my most unhappy and beloved companion, have set a delicious meal before me in this hut, with speed and skill, when the Greeks were set to bring war with all its tears in the horse-taming Trojans. As it is, you lie managed here, and my heart rejects all thought of food. Not that I lack it. I lack you. I could have suffered no crueller blow than this, not even the news of my father Peleus' death, who is no doubt shedding soft tears in Phthia at this moment for me, the dear son he has lost - while I am fighting Trojans in a foreign land for wretched Helen's sake; not even if they told me my own son, godlike Neoptolemus was dead, who is growing up in Scyros, if he is still alive anywhere. And yet I like to think that I alone would perish here in Troy, far from Thessaly where the horses graze and that you, Patroclus, would get home to Phthia and be able to fetch my son from Scyros in a fast black chip and show him everything, my possessions and slaves and great high-roofed palace. Now surely Peleus, if he is not dead and gone by now, is only half-alive, crushed by the burden of old age and in daily expectation of the dreadful news that I myself am dead." (19;315)

I was still crying and as much as I knew that Patroclus would not want me to weep, I could not stop myself. He was gone and I was alone now. As my hunger disappeared, rage and grief took over and I prepared for battle. I put Hephaestus' armour on and was shocked to hear my own horse Xanthus, who had been gifted the art of speech, predict my death. It did not surprise me though. I was prepared to die.


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As I stood before the man I had sworn to kill, after killing many of his treasures Trojans and almost being drowned by the river-god Scamander, I breathed heavily, but my mind was set. Poseidon had told me not to return to the ships till I had Hector's life ended and I would do as he said. Hector had fled from me like the coward he was and now he stood in front of me, all gods having deserted him and destined to die at my hand. He had tried to form an agreement with me, but I would not permit it. He had killed my brave Patroclus, an agreement would not do. I had missed the first time I threw my spear but so had he and now it was my time. He spoke as he finally realised that the gods abandoned him and as he charged at me, clad in the armour I had given to Patroclus I focused on the expanse of skin that was not covered by metal and drove my spear there. As he fell I triumphed and my mind was with Patroclus yet again. Now I could bury him. So I tied him to the back of my chariot in triumph and drove to the hollow ships and to my beloved Patroclus. I had down everything I could to avenge him, next Troy would fall.


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After the funeral feast held in Patroclus' honour I laid down at the beach where I could hear the soothing melody of the waves and slept. In my dream my beloved Patroclus came to me and I could have wept with joy at seeing his dear face.

"You are asleep: you have forgotten me, Achilles. You did not neglect me in life; you do in death. Bury me as quickly as possible and let me pass the gates of Hades. I am kept out by the spirits, the images of the dead, who refuse to let me cross the river and join them, but leave me to wander forlornly up and down on this side of Hades' halls with its wide gates. And give me your hand, I beg you; for once you have passed me through the flames, I shall never come back again from Hades. Never again in life will you and I sit down together out of earshot of our men to shame our schemes. For I have been swallowed up by the dreadful doom that must have been my lot from birth; and its your destiny too, godlike Achilles, to perish under rich Trojans' walls.

Something else now, one more request. Do not let them bury my bones apart from yours, Achilles. Let them lie together, just as you and I grew up together in your house [...] So let the one container, the golden two-handled vessel your lady mother gave you, hold our bones." (23;65)

"Dearest Patroclus, why did you come and make these requests of me? Of course I will see to everything and do exactly as you command. But come nearer to me now, so that we can hold each other in our arms, if only for a moment, and draw some comfort from our bitter tears." (23;95)

But as I reached out for him, he was only a shadow. I embraced nothing. But I now knew that we survived in the halls of Hades and I would see my brave Patroclus again, to hold this time as I would be with him forever. We had to hurry and prepare his pyre, but upon his lying on the pyre, the fire would not catch. I prayed and cried to the Boreas, wind of the North and Zephyr of the West and they came and settle fire in motion. The whole night I spent pouring libations and stoking the fire, till the ground was soaked red with wine and my dear Patroclus' bones were ash. And my tears would not find an end. The funeral games soon followed and I handed out many a prize to the worthy winners, all the while Patroclus' image never left my mind or heart.


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Night after night, following my dear Patroclus' funeral I could not sleep as images of his manliness and spirit haunted me and I wept, tossing and turning on my bed until it was all too much. I got up each night and dragged the body of Hector around his grave-mound three times before going back to bed. Grief and rage had taken over my being and I only stopped when my dear mother came and convinced me to return Hector's body. Obeying the orders she had got from Zeus, I allowed Priam to come for his son's body with a ransom. Priam came to my hut and fell to his knees, clutching mine and kissing my hands.

"Achilles, respect the gods and have pity on me, remembering your own father. I am even more entitled to pity, since I have brought myself to do something no no one else on earth had done - I have raised to my lips the hands of the man who killed my sons." (24;505)

Priam's call to my father had me fight my tears and so I took his hands from my knees as we were both overcome by grief. Prim cried for his lost sons as he lay huddled at my feet and I raised my lamentation for my father and yet again, my dear Patroclus. I offered him a seat at my table when both our tears had subsided but he refused, just asking for his son. My anger flared- I was only doing this because Zeus had sent my mother, Priam should be careful what he did here. When I finished my speech, the old man was afraid and so sat down with us.

Priam handed us the ransom soon, and I sent some waiting-women to wash and anoint Hector's body to be called in a clean tunic that his father had brought. I did not want Priam to see Hector as he was now. It might provoke an anger too strong to ignore and he would turn on us. As I laid Hector's body on the wagon Priam had brought I called to my beloved companion:

"Patroclus, do not be indignant with me if you learn, down in the halls of Hades, that I let his father have god-like Hector back. The ransom paid me was a worthy one and I will see that you receive your proper share of it." (24;595)

It pained me to break my promise to Patroclus but the Father Zeus had commanded it and I did not want to invoke his anger. Having returned the body, we ate and afterwards I had a bed prepared for the old man. I would give him how ever many days he needed for Hector's funeral, these days would be filled with peace and we would not attack, but Troy would fall.

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