Melody

That night, the house felt empty and heavy all at once. My father was finally home from his business trip but locked himself away in his office without even saying 'hello'. I hung by his office door before I forced myself away from it to go downstairs and jog.

I ran the moment I stepped onto the treadmill. My feet were trying to outrun my racing mind, but they couldn't seem to win. I kept going until I couldn't see straight. My legs wobbled, and my breathing laboured.

Panting and half-blind, I stumbled up to the main floor. I stopped at my father's office once again, to see his chair facing away from the door. I stood there, staring. Glaring. Waiting. Hoping.

"Melody?" Leslie's voice startled me. She looked up from the spot on the wood she was cleaning with a Swiffer.

"He doesn't see me anymore." It was a statement, not a question. I didn't wait for a response as I blinked away the dizziness and strode up the stairs. I knew it was true and I didn't know if it would ever change.

It was silent upstairs as Margot and Mia were out shopping. As if they needed more things. They had everything my father's money could buy and my father. What more could they want?

I went to my bathroom and let the bathtub fill up as I got my towel and pyjamas ready. After putting them on the counter, I took my phone out and turned on an indie playlist that Carson had sent me. I then stripped off my sweaty clothing and stepped into the bath. I sat down in the hot water and let the heat engulf me. I sighed immediately as my body seemed to relax and I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the tub.

Though my body was relaxed, my mind felt anything but. I watched as my hand floated effortlessly on the water and I wished I could feel that weightless all the time.

Try not to gain any weight. Rose's words repeated in my mind.

I felt the opposite of weightless. I felt heavy. Like I was sinking. Slowly sinking.

She better keep working out. Margot's voice joined Rose's.

I was heavy. Sinking. Weighing everyone down.

Did, you could definitely lose a lot. Twelve-year-old Aubrey united with the chorus of antagonizing voices.

Try not to gain any weight.

She better keep working out.

Didi, you could definitely lose a lot.

Try not to gain any weight.

Keep working out.

Didi, you could definitely lose a lot.

Suddenly I was underwater, and I didn't care. It was quiet under here. No voices, no people judging me, no spreading rumours, nothing.

I felt all my emotions rise to the surface and I let out a frustrated scream that I didn't know was building in my chest. It was silenced by the water and rippled all around me until oxygen was no longer in my lungs. I burst out of the water, gasping for air as unshed tears finally broke free and made their way down my cheeks.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my cheek on them as I cried. Silent tears, the quiet breaking of a girl who would carefully put herself back together before anyone noticed.

After a while, I dragged myself out of the now lukewarm water and wrapped a towel around my body. I avoided my appearance in the mirror as I dried off, trying to tuck away some of the emotions I was feeling. I pulled on my pyjamas, brushed my teeth, and crawled into bed, despite my wet hair.

Soon after, I heard a knock on my door, which I answered with silence. I didn't want to talk to or see anyone.

"Melody dear, I made you some tea. I'll leave it outside if you want it," Leslie's soft voice said from outside my door. My only response was to turn over and stare out the frost-covered window. It was cold outside, but it felt colder in here.

***

Grey. The sky was grey. The clouds were grey, no sun in the sky, ready to release snow on any given whim.

Grey. The day was grey. It felt grey; an immeasurable amount of blah. Not quite black but definitely not white. It was grey. Numb. Empty. Cold.

It was the 6th; officially eight years to the date. It didn't hurt any less. I missed my mother and wished she were here.

I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, letting that heavy-chested feeling overcome me. I reached out and sent a text to Carson, telling him to leave without me.

My phone soon rang, and I barely processed it until the fourth ring. Rolling to the side, my hand stretched out and answered it.

"Mellie, are you okay?" Carson's voice was a stream of golden light amidst the grey.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"That doesn't sound convincing," Carson said softly.

"I'll be fine. I-I just...I can't. Not today," I whispered.

"Today? Oh, is it–"

"Yes," I said quickly, as if saying it out loud was forbidden.

"Do you want me to come over?" Carson asked.

"No, you'll get in trouble for skipping," I murmured.

"Alright, well take care of yourself Mellie," he said. "I'll check in after school... and please text me if you need me."

"Okay," I said quietly. "Bye." I hung up before Carson could reply.

I lay flat on my back once again and stared up at the blank ceiling. I'm not sure how long I stayed there, staring. Breathing. Unmoving. Feeling.

After what felt like a few minutes, I checked my phone to see that it had been a few hours. Noon was around the corner. I sighed, pulling myself away from my warm sheets. I threw on an oversized, black hoodie and grabbed a box out of my closet before creeping out of my room. As I closed my door, I noticed the untouched cup of tea sitting there. I ignored it, however, as I tiptoed down the stairs and into the den.

Once there, I opened the box and pulled out a videotape before popping it into the VHS player we had, but rarely used. I turned on the television, changed the input, pressed play, and then sat on the closet couch.

I watched as the slightly shaking video recording done by my father panned across the kitchen of out Boston home, and rested on my pregnant mother.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I pressed lips together to keep from crying out loud. She looked radiant. Glossy, brown hair that reached her waist, long slender legs carrying her small body and cute baby bump, her skin was glowing, and her smile was effervescent. Her eyes sparkled like the sunlight reflecting on clear water. She was perfect.

My mother was cooking, stirring something in a pot, and dancing to the radio that could be heard faintly in the background. When she noticed my father filming her, she held up a hand as her cheeks turned a subtle shade of pink.

"Robby stop! I look like a mess!" She giggled, abandoning her spoon and smoothing down the baby doll dress she was wearing.

"You look beautiful like always," my dad said softly. I imagined him smiling lovingly at her from behind the camera. My mom grinned in response and looked back to her pot.

"What are you making?" my dad asked.

"Soup! It's a cold day and we are ten weeks away from our beautiful baby girl. I have to stay healthy so that she stays healthy," my mom said.

The camera zoomed in on her belly and she wrapped her hands around it, happily. The camera panned to her face. Though it was focused in closely on all her features, I didn't see one imperfection on her face. She smiled at the camera.

"I have never been so excited to meet anyone in my entire life!"

A sad smile with water eyes to match made its way to my face as the words left my mother's mouth. Though I watched these home videos every year, I reacted the same way.

The screen went black before it cut to another scene. My mother was lying in a hospital bed, grinning from ear to ear as she held a small baby in her arms. Me.

"Robby, she is so perfect!" my mom exclaimed.

"She looks just like you Harmony," my dad replied proudly.

"My little Melody. You're so precious," she cooed. My mom glanced up at my dad. "You have to hold her!"

The camera was placed on the bed, staring at blankets, before my mother picked it up and pointed it at my dad and I. He smiled brightly at me. A smile that I had not seen in years. A smile I missed incredibly. A smiled that was buried with my mother.

Fingers against skin, I brushed a few tears off my cheeks as the scene on the screen changed to a later video of my mom dancing to music with a baby version of me in her arms.

I let myself watch all the videos on this tape, and three more tapes after that. It was something that I could only do once a year because the reminder of life before was just too difficult to do all the time. Though I knew I missed my mother every day, I didn't think about the fact that I missed my father too. In a way, I lost both parents at the same time. My mother's was just the harsher of the two losses, and my father's was an everyday dose of salt in the wound.

_________

Author's Note: HOLY BANANAS!! WE MADE IT TO 300,000 READS! I am quaking!! Thank you all sooo soo much! You don't know how much it means to me and how excited I am!!! This is crazy and I could not have done it without any of you!

Special shoutouts this chapter go to: laoletu, Greymodem, mitchs_endstone, SandNareAmazing, 1uvbug, and purplewallflower_ for voting and/or commenting! You all are the bomb diggity! 

Onto the story stuff!!

What do you y'all think of this chapter? Poor Melody!! She just wants her mom (and her dad) back! And the drama at school is really beating her up!! I had fun writing this chapter! My emo self loved the bathtub scene LOL! 

What do you think might happen next?

Thank you for reading, voting, and commenting!