Melody

I was still fuming when I stood outside waiting for Alani to pick me up. My heart was pounding, and my hands were trembling, but I pasted a smile on when I saw Alani's little silver Nissan pull up to the driveway. Emma was in the front seat next to her. I slid into the backseat and forced enthusiasm out of every pore on my body.

"How was your Friday night?" I asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Great! Alani and I ended up having a sleepover, so we stayed up watching half the Harry Potter movies," Emma explained, her fingers fiddling with the nobs and buttons on the radio.

"That sounds good!" I said cheerfully. Though I'd only seen the first Harry Potter and something in me felt oddly bitter about the fact that I hadn't been to a sleepover since I was nine, I was still smiling.

Emma settled on listening to a punk rock band, which Alani bopped her head to appreciatively. "My loves," Alani cooed. I had no idea who this band was, but I listened to her and Emma go back and forth on this guy's voice, that one guy's hair, another one's guitar playing.

We soon pulled into a strip mall, and the three restaurants I saw were, Olive Garden, Chipotle, and IHOP. I glanced down at the phone in my hand, wondering if I could look at each restaurants' menus and nutrition pages without one of them noticing.

"Where are we going?" I asked. I hoped my voice didn't quiver with the nervousness I felt. Maybe I would only have to look at one.

Alani turned and grinned. "Chipotle!"

My heart sunk in my chest. I'd never been before, but I knew it was a fast food place. Mia was right. They picked a place with greasy unhealthy food and were super excited to eat it. Never mind the fact that all it would do was make everyone feel bloated. If she was right about that, she was probably right about everything else she was saying to me.

"Oh my God! I love Chipotle!" Emma squealed, imitating a video online that I'd seen Mia laugh at. I searched up their menu on my phone and quickly clicked the link.

"Chipotle is my life," Alani finished. The both of them started cackling excitedly, while I faked a laugh from the backseat. As the first items on the menu popped up, I felt my chest tighten nervously. Burritos, tacos, burrito bowls... Did they have a salad option?

The car came to a stop, so I put my phone down and continued to pretend to be happy as we walked into the restaurant.

The moment we stepped inside, the smell of Mexican spices and meat wafted towards me and my heart sank at the thought of having to resist it. I glanced at the large menu, seeing the amount of calories each meal had, displayed right next to it and I tried to keep my face from giving away how I anxious it made me feel.

"Over there!" Alani pointed to Cora, who was saving seats for us at a booth by the window.

"Hey girl hey!" Emma exclaimed sitting down next to Cora. Cora smiled at everyone, and though I noticed her smile dimmed slightly at the sight of me, I waved excitedly at her, probably startling her in the process.

"Hey, hey," Cora said to her friends. I sat across from Cora and Alani slid in next to me. My heart hammered in my chest as I waited for someone to say something. I felt like I was intruding on their friendship time – even if they invited me.

"Are we ready to go grab something yummy?" I was as surprised as they were, that that came out of my mouth. I think it was nerves that prompted me to say it. Or maybe to play a part. Emma giggled and even Cora cracked a smile.

"Yes, let's do that," Alani grinned.

***

I tried to add the calories together on my phone before ordering, but Cora kept looking at me, so I eventually put it away and had to take a guess. I settled on a salad, and skipped the cheese, sour cream, beans and the guacamole. But even with the chicken, vegetables, salsa and salad dressing, I was sure it was around 600 calories, maybe closer to 700.

I stared down at my half-eaten plate and pushed past the feelings of guilt that washed over me. I also remembered I had to have dinner after with Margot and her book club buddies. Why was it always polite to eat with people at meals? Why wasn't there a get out of jail free card or something?

"What about you Melody?" Alani asked.

I glanced up at her in surprise before I remembered they were talking about tattoos. Quickly rearranged my facial expression into a more neutral one.

"I'd want a small one behind my ear probably, but I'm not sure of what," I told them with a forced smile. I believe someone was leaning towards a sleeve and another wanted an inspirational quote. I wouldn't get a tattoo until I stopped modelling, so I never put any thought to it. That was a hidden spot though, and if I were to, it'd probably have to do with my mom.

"That's a cute place!" Emma encouraged, though the silence from Cora was uncomfortable. It was so weird sitting down and trying to fit into a group like an extra piece to a completed puzzle.

We sat around for a little while longer, talking. I decided on fading into the background. Listening was still a part of being friends with people, so maybe that could be my role? They talked about the upcoming Halloween weekend and their possible costumes, then favourite seasons, which ended up in a discussion about animals and insects. Then we headed outside.

"I can just walk, it's not far," I said to Alani as we stood at her car.

"Are you crazy? It's pretty far, and I think it's going to rain later! I'm driving you home," Alani insisted. I smiled and thanked her, because it was really nice that she would waste her gas to take me home. But at the same time, I felt slightly sick with all the food I had eaten, and knowing I had to eat later, but couldn't even walk it off.

Mia was right. I glanced down at my abdomen and it was like seeing a balloon being inflated. The food sitting like rocks in my stomach caused it. We got into the car and I could feel my façade slipping, though I was desperately grasping at it.

I stared out the window, no longer in the mood to be making conversation, or even listening to it. Emma was now in the backseat, because Cora needed a ride home too, but I could barely find it in me to turn to her and strike up some dialogue.

However, when Alani yelled an excited "Yes!" I couldn't help but peel my gaze away from the passing trees and buildings outside of the car to look at her. Cora laughed and turned up the stereo. I assumed she was playing a song that Alani loved.

Emma leaned over to me. "Do you like Plague Vendor?"

I shrugged, suddenly embarrassed that I didn't listen to music as often as most teenagers. "I haven't heard of them," I admitted quietly.

"That's okay! Honestly, I didn't know them until Alani played them for us. Now, Cora is obsessed with them. I like them, but I also like pop punk. What about you?"

"Um, I kind of like indie. But I'm not really picky," I said. A ghost of a smile appeared on my lips, thinking of the conversation I had with Carson about music.

"Oh! Indie is pretty sometimes... depend on the artist of course," Emma said. I nodded in agreement, but I wasn't sure what to add. A specific artist maybe?

"I, um, sort of like Iron & Wine," I told her. I hated how unsure I sounded. Talking with Emma was easier than talking with a lot of people, because she was so encouraging, but it was still a task to think about light-hearted things to say, when mine felt so heavy.

"They have a song in Twilight!" Emma exclaimed. I nodded again, but I'd only seen the movie once and I wasn't die-hard fan of either that or the band. I glanced out the window again and saw that we were nearing my house. Margot's fancy little car and catering company van were in the driveway and I felt my palms starting to sweat.

"You can just stop here," I said as we got to my neighbour's house. I had them pick me up between both, so they didn't really know where I lived, and I planned to at least not let anyone know I lived with Mia.

Alani stopped the car, and Cora gave her look, but at this point I was too over it to care. Maybe I wouldn't be friends with her, or close friends with Emma and Alani. I was like a basket or a horn on their tricycle. I was an addition. I could be there, but they could easily live without me. I didn't move to Alcott to make friends anyways... right?

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Author's Note: Surprise! I've been on a writing streak since a couple days ago! I'm not sure why, but I've been super inspired! Sooo grateful though nonetheless! I also wanted to thank you all again for your reads and votes! Over 1200 reads! I'm so thankful! 

Let me know what you think of this chapter!!