43 - Peace with Ourselves

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The stranger stood, an easy smile on her lips. She was also wearing red lipstick, but it looked better on her than it did on me. "So . . . are you going to introduce me to your friend?" Her question was casual, but it felt like a bit of a jab.

Before I could worry about how Forrest would reply, Ivy answered for him. "Uh, this is June." I forced a stiff smile. "And June, this is Audrey."

She tilted her head as she examined me. "Hmm, I feel like I've seen you before. It's weird how Forrest hasn't told me about you."

"Well," he began, tightening his hold on my hand, "maybe I don't have to tell you everything."

Just like that, tension settled over us. Who is she? And what was up with Forrest's reply? He sounded so strained.

"Are you still upset about yesterday?" She frowned. Her words made my stomach twist. "It's all okay now, though."

"Audrey," Forrest frowned, "this isn't the time or place to talk about it."

Talk about what? Was she who Forrest told me about? When he asked me about being in love?

"You're wrong about him, you know," she muttered, "I can't believe you're still hung up on it."

"Tell that to all the mascara you wasted with your tears," he retorted, and my eyes widened at how snippy he was being.

Audrey narrowed her eyes. "Shame. We've been going to this church for years. Haven't you learned about forgiveness by now?"

Before Forrest could respond, his parents came back. "Audrey!" Marites greeted warmly, giving her a hug. "How are you? We didn't see you here last week."

"She was too busy fighting with her boyfriend," Forrest let out, but I was the only one close enough to catch it.

"Oh," Audrey gave a tight smile, "yeah, I wasn't feeling well, but I'm better now."

"I'm glad you are. Come - please sit."

"Uh, actually," she looked over Marites's shoulder, "I'm going to go sit with Loremae today. Hope you don't mind."

"Oh . . . of course, it's no problem." With that being said, Audrey left, walking towards the back of the church. She settled five pews behind us, next to another girl.

Forrest's parents sat back down. I looked at Ivy and her usual smile was no longer on her lips. She looked bothered. I focused on Forrest and wordlessly asked a question. What's going on with you and her?

He stared back at me and released a low sigh. His face gave an answer: It's complicated.

Minutes later, the service began. I quickly learned that Father Davis was nothing but vibrant energy. He wasn't very old, and he had a burly physique. Attired in a black suit with a lavender tie, he had no hair, and his skin, the shade of coffee, was clear of blemishes. He grinned, genuine and kind. And when he spoke, it was as if his voice streamed through all of our ears - smooth and refreshing. We started off with a few prayers before he began his sermon.

"Today, my friends, my brothers and sisters, let us open our minds as well as our hearts to our Lord Jesus Christ." Every word that left his mouth was drenched with passion. "Today, we are to ask the Bible the deep question: How do we find peace? Peace with God, peace with ourselves." I sat so still that I could feel my heart shudder. Peace. I heard that word all the time yet I still wondered how it truly felt like. Father Davis continued. "We can spend our entire lives searching. What do you do? Where do you start?"

"Please turn to John - chapter fourteen, verse twenty-five to thirty-one." He started to read, and one of the verses stuck out to me. "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

"In order for us to have peace," Father Davis slowly looked around the room, "we must let go. Let go and let God. Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Hebrews - chapter twelve, verse one to two." From the corner of my eye, I noticed Forrest turn his head to me. However, I kept my eyes on the pastor, gripped by his words. "And in order to let go, we must trust in Him. Give ourselves to Him. God does not want us to worry; He does not want us to be weighed down. He will take care of us should we let Him. We must allow Him to work, allow Him to help. Only when we learn how to fully open ourselves to Him is when He will free us. And only then is when we will know what peace is. Amen."

Amen, my mind whispered.

The rest of the sermon went by, but the hour didn't feel like an hour. There were times where I wandered around in my head and failed to catch every word of the address. Nonetheless, the service was still worth attending, which I frankly hadn't anticipated. Whenever the band and choir performed, they sounded so joyous and ardent that it affected everyone. Swaying to the music, I even heard Forrest sing along. It was astonishingly uplifting.

By the end, I couldn't shake off this feeling I got ever since Father Davis talked about letting go. Although it'd been a while since I thought about God seriously, it was easy to start again. The thoughts wrapped around me, but instead of feeling suffocated, it was almost like a welcome home embrace.

Maybe Forrest was right - it wasn't too late. Maybe things were already changing.

"Have a beautiful Sunday, and may God bless you all," Father Davis finished. "In the name of the Father, and of the Son -"

"And of the Holy Spirit," I murmured, crossing myself. "Amen." I released a deep breath, turning to Forrest. We smiled at each other; I loved how his eyes were so alive.

"So," he raised both brows, "how are you feeling?"

"Grateful," I truthfully replied, grabbing his hand. "Thanks for taking me here."

"Of course," he gave me a squeeze, "I'm so relieved."

We made our way out of the church, and everything felt so right. Santa Barbara was quite different from St. Luke, and I think I preferred it more. It left me feeling lighthearted, so much that I forgot all about Audrey.

That was until we saw her standing outside, waiting.

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