26 - Wild Thoughts

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After texting Forrest, I set my phone down and yawned. This, without a doubt, had been the longest day of my life. Somehow, I had managed to get through the strain and turmoil, and it left me exhausted. It was time to do what I appreciated most: Sleep.

I got into a more comfortable position and before drifting off, I remembered the maroon hoodie I had on. I had forgotten to give it back, but I didn't really mind. It made me feel safe in a way.

I closed my eyes, a green-eyed boy being the last thing in my mind.

***

One step. Another step. Three steps.

I thought about the unlucky person who would be behind the wheel, but I was too selfish to stop.

Hurry, my mind drawled. Kill me now.

I kept my eyes straight ahead. Like all pedestrians, I was supposed to look both ways before crossing the road.

No - no - no -

never mind. Keep going.

Don't look. Don't look. DON'T LOOK.

I looked.

A beige Corolla.

"June?" The voice echoed. "June? Why are you -"

STOP.

Too late. It's too late.

He screamed my name.

No - no - no - oh my God -

Why is there so much blood?

***

My eyes shot open. I froze in sheer terror. Sweat beaded down my forehead; my hair stuck to my neck. I needed to breathe, but my body stayed rigid. Inside my chest was a heart soaked with fear. You're not dead. You're not dead. Calm down. I realized where I was and relief washed over me instantly.

Still in a daze, I slowly sat up and stripped off the hoodie. Forrest, my mind murmured, agonized. Even though it was just a nightmare, I felt extremely apologetic. I'm sorry.

It wasn't the first time I'd dreamed of dying, but it was easily the worst. The only person who genuinely wanted me alive . . . killing me? No words could express how twisted that was.

I glanced at the clock. 3:37 A.M. Great.

I doubted I'd be able to get much sleep after this. Because I felt hot and dirty, I decided that there would be no harm in taking a bath. I longed to feel fresh again.

Gathering clothes and a towel, I made my way to the bathroom. It was eerily quiet - it was as if the world had come to a halt.

Once inside, I locked the door and began to fill the tub with water. I adjusted the temperature to cold and added soap. I then removed Ivy's clothes and stepped into the water. Right away, a wave of shock hit my body, but I was able to tolerate the lack of warmth and carefully settled down.

I sucked in a heavy breath and exhaled. Fragments of the dream were slipping away now, but the unease lingered. Logically, it would never happen. I knew Forrest would be the last person to hurt me, but . . .

No. I forced myself to stop thinking about it. Instead, I remained still and allowed my body to unwind. I rarely took baths, but whenever I did, it was to loosen up.

I didn't know how much time was passing, but when I finally felt clean and calm, I unplugged the bathtub and watched the water go down the drain. When it finished, I took a quick shower to rinse away any extra filth.

Minutes later, I wiped my body down and then put on a black t-shirt and white loose sweatpants. I left the bathroom and returned to my bedroom, drying my hair off with the towel.

According to the clock, it was 4:17 A.M. so that meant I just spent roughly thirty minutes. Now that I felt better, I wasn't sure what to do. I was still tired, but the bath had woken me up completely. After a moment of contemplating, I headed to my phone.

I decided to go back and read over the messages between me and Forrest. Before I knew it, my lips stretched into a dumb smile. He was so . . . Well, there wasn't a word that could perfectly describe him. But whatever it was, I appreciated it.

After reading the texts, I went over to my music library. The silence was beginning to get to me so I felt like playing a song. Scrolling through the options, one eventually caught my eye. I pressed it and soft, melancholic music soon met my ears.

Do you remember 
The way we moved 
A Monday in November 
You kissed my chest 
Did you hear the emptiness

And I am on the floor 
Let the wild thoughts begin 
Staring at the door 
Maybe you might barge in

Say it was all a mistake 
Say you're sorry 
for making me ache 

Say you love me 
As if you love me

Crawl back to that moment 
Your hands, my mind 
My sheets, your scent
Bodies intertwined 
We were magic

Do you remember 
Say you remember

I closed my eyes. This song had lyrics that both pleased and hurt me. Soon, I found myself submerged in a memory.

"I have something to tell you," he muttered, not able to meet my eyes. I feigned a smile, trying not to panic. "June, I . . ."

"What?" I gently urged, even though I didn't want to hear it. Please don't. "You can tell me anything."

He let out a noise between a sigh and a chuckle. "Uh, yeah . . . this isn't going to work out. You're just . . . I'm just not interested anymore."

I continued to smile. I don't understand. I don't understand.

"I don't think we're right for each other. It's been nice, but I don't really feel anything, you know? Thanks, though. You're great - really, you are. I'll, uh, I'll see you around, yeah?" He started backing away. "Sorry. I really am."

Why are you doing this to me?

I grunted, snapping back to reality. I quickly changed the song and refused to waste another second thinking of him. He was too far in the past to care about anymore. Instead, I made my mind return to someone else.

Green eyes danced through my thoughts. His half-smile, his sharp disposition, his ability to take my breath away. Although we were just friends, it was enough. Forrest had treated me better than anyone else I'd ever known. I didn't know what was going to happen from this point on, but one thing I was sure of was that as long as he was there for me, I would be fine.

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