Dori's POV

The next morning was hell.

Kruz and Dennis had a hangover and were loudly groaning  with every move they made causing the whole room to sound like a zombie habitat.

Micah was trying to make breakfast for all of us. Needless to say that he was very unsuccessful. The pancakes in the pan were black and there was smoke all over the kitchen. The eggs too were burnt, filling the kitchen with more smoke. He coughed and tried to fan the smoke away with his mitten, then just gave up and threw both pots in the sink and drowned them in water.

I would've laughed at the scene in front of me if it wasn't for the sucky mood I was in.

After Ryder had left I knew for sure that I wouldn't have been able to fall asleep. I kept Wondering what he was doing. If he was ok.

It was hard to tell whether he was mad at me or mad about the situation. Knowing Ryder, it could be both and neither.

Thinking about him gave me a headache so I decided to just forgo the breakfast, which was ruined anyways, and go upstairs to sleep.

As I turned to leave the chaos that was downstairs, I heard the front door open. I turned to see that it was Ryder.

My eyes instantly raked over  his figure, checking for any sign of bruising or injury. He was wearing a grey hoodie that looked a bit too small for him, and a black sweatpants. A wave of relief washed over me when I saw that he was ok, but it was immediately replaced with confusion and curiosity as my eyes spotted a red mark on his neck.

I instinctively stepped forward to observe it and the closer I got, I realized that it was a hickey.

I know for sure that I didn't give him a hickey.

It didn't take long for me to figure out that the man who I loved so much, who I would give my life for, had slept with another girl.

I looked up at him in shock and was met with emotionless blue eyes. For a moment, I swear I saw a bit of guilt in them, but it disappeared as soon as it came.

We stared at each other for a while, silently having a conversation.

How could you?

No answer.

A single tear ran down my face as we kept our eyes on each other.

"Dori?" I heard a distant voice call me as a hand rested on my shoulder. But I couldn't focus on that. Everything seemed distant, like the only thing that mattered was Ryder and I and what we did in that moment.

His face still wore an emotionless expression. It didn't take much more than that for the realization to hit me. He cheated on me.

Well not cheated since we weren't official but still.

My heart felt as if it was caving in on itself. There was a huge lump in my throat that refused to go down no matter how much I forced it.

I couldn't stand there and look at him while he just stared at me with a blank face. I didn't miss how the muscle in the jaw ticked though. I turned around just as a tear fell from my eye and ran up the stairs and into my room, desperately trying to get air into my lungs as quiet sobs racked my body for the rest of the day.
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As I stared out my window at 6 in the evening, I couldn't help but wonder why I felt so sad and disappointed.

I should have expected this. I knew I couldn't be happy. Yet I clinged to hope. I had expectations which is why I only ended up with disappointments.

It was a wonder why the men in my life who were supposed to show me what love was were the ones who sucked the most at doing it.

Micah, Kruz and Dennis came to my room at different intervals during the day, each coming at a separate time to ask if I was okay and brought me food. I looked over at the box of pizza that had been left untouched ever since it arrived. I guess they somehow knew that all three of them coming together would've been quite overwhelming seeing as I wanted to be alone. I hadn't spoken a word to either of them, I just stared out the window.

With one last look at the flock of birds flying over head, I let out a heavy sigh and made my way to the bathroom.

Slipping off my clothes, I stepped into the shower and turned it on, allowing hot, scortching water to hit my skin. I knew my skin would be all red and blotchy but I didn't care. I wanted to feel pain. I was tired of feeling emotional pain. I wanted to feel something else. The water burned my skin in a way I found pleasant.

After about 20 minutes, I came out of the bathroom with one towel wrapped around my body and one around my head. As I slipped into some comfortable blue pajama shirts and a white tank top, I heard a knock on the door.

Maybe it was Micah again, coming to check if I had eaten. I used the towel to dry my hair as I waited for one of them to enter, as they always did when they realized, after knocking, that I wasn't going to answer them.

But instead of barging, they just kept on knocking. I ran a brush through my long hair and went to open the door.

It was him, standing there in all his glory with a defeated look in his face.

Him.

Ryder.

Without thinking, I slammed the door in his face and turned to walk away. Well, I thought I slammed the door in his face but his hand stopped it from closing as he stepped in. I turned to face him, my face growing hot from anger.

"Get out" I seethed, my voice coming out strong and demanding. He flinched from the harsh tone of my voice but didn't make a move to do what I had told him to. "Get out" I repeated louder. "Get out of my room"

"Dori" he spoke softly trying to reach out for me. I immediately stepped out if his reach.

"Don't touch me"

He closed his eyes and sighed as strands of his black hair fell over his eyes.

Don't you dare comment on how good he looks right now.

"Please just let me explain" he tired.

"Explain?!" I yelled. "Explain what? How you ended up I'm bed with another woman who gave you that hickey on your neck?" I said, my voice growing louder and angrier at each word.

Guilt filled his eyes. This blue eyes that I had grown to love. Those same blue eyes that once stared at me with admiration. The same blue eyes that stared at me blankly as my heart broke into pieces at the sight of the mark given to him by another woman.

"Please, just hear me out" he tried to reach for me again but I moved away.

"No! Don't touch me, God! I don't know what you've done with those hands" A look of hurt flashed through his eyes as he looked down and stepped back from me.

I was actually interested in what he had to say to get himself out of this one because he couldn't come back from this.

"Fine." I spoke harshly. "You have 5 minutes to convince me why I shouldn't hate you right now"

His vulnerable eyes snapped to mine. "You hate me?" He spoke, his voice in a soft whisper.

"Four minutes, 55 seconds." I crossed my arms over my chest as I waited for him to speak up.

"Look Dori, I don't know what happened okay? I-I wasn't thinking. I was an idiot"

I rolled my eyes but urged him to continue. "I was mad. Very mad. I was furious. The way I feel about you... I've never felt that way before, about anyone, a-and, it scares me. I've become so attached, so infatuated and dependent on you, that I didn't want, no I couldn't lose you. For some Reason I felt threatened by him. Mason. I don't know why but I did. It's stupid, I know but I just couldn't stop the thoughts that came. It physically pained me to think about it. So I left. I left you and Micah and went to drink, and to party, to, I don't know, drown you out of my mind. In the midst of it all, I met a girl. She asked me to dance and I said yes. I just wanted to get you out of my mind so I said yes. She asked me if I wanted to take it somewhere else but then you came back-" he paused and gripped his hair. He looked so vulnerable, I just wanted to slap him and step on his toes so hard that I crushed them. Then I'd look in his eyes and tell him that that was how my heart felt. "I told her no. But she insisted and gave me her number, saying that if I needed anything, I should-you know." He sighed heavily, looking at me with that same guilty expression, his hair falling over his eyes again. "I took her number and left. I came home and all I could think about was You. So I came up here and well, you know what happened. I am so sorry Dori. I said alot of things I shouldn't have said and did alot of things I knew I shouldn't have. I yelled and I was just so out of control. And I am so sorry. I was just so angry. I was mad at you. I didn't have a reason to but I was. So I left. I called her and I went over. I just.. I was losing control of my mind and I wanted to feel in control again. I wanted to feel like the leader I was but I couldn't with my love for you eating away at my sanity . You drive me crazy Dori" he said with sad eyes and a soft chuckle. " But I love you. I love you so much it hurts. And I know you might never be able to forgive me but please don't hate me. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to. I won't ask you to forgive me because I don't deserve your forgiveness, I don't deserve your love, I don't deserve you." His voice cracked at the end as he hung his head in saddness and shame.

He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something.

I inhaled deeply and stared bavk into his steel blue eyes.

"You looked at me today. You saw when I noticed the mark and you did nothing but stare at me. You didn't say or do anything but stare at me blankly." I scoffed.

He looked to be on the verge of breaking, and to be honest, I didn't mind. I wanted him to feel how I felt. I wanted him to revel in it and for it to etched it's way into his brain permanently so he would never forget that feeling.

"Get out" he looked up at me in surprise as if he hasn't expected my harsh tone. He opened his mouth as if to say something but I quickly shut him down.

"Please, I need time to think, please just go" I shut my eyes. His confession was just too much for me to take in. Even though he said all of that, it still didn't give him the right to go sleep with other women then come back to tell me he loved me afterwards.

It wasn't fair.

I had a forgiving heart. Maybe that's why people always took advantage of it. I knew I was going to forgive him eventually, I just wasn't ready to do it now. I was still very much upset with him.

He stared at me, long and hard before lowering his gaze. "As you wish" he mumbled and turned around to leave the room. Leaving me and my obscured thoughts behind.