As the newlyweds initiate their first dance, someone stood right next to me and asked warily, "Why didn't you profess how much you love her?" Not taking our eyes off the couple who's lovingly swaying to the tune of their favorite song while the subtle glow of the setting sun quietly rests behind the background of a dazzling turquoise-laden sea.

"I can never give her what she wanted. I am not what she needed," I responded with a heavy, pounding feeling against my chest. 

Seeing the soft glow in her eyes – her hazel eyes that are now only meant for the man who is rhythmically whirling her around and adoringly caressing her back, I felt blood rushing to my face as I fight the urge to breakdown.

"But you could've at least tried," the person beside me insisted.

Holding back the tears, I turned to the woman beside me and said, "It wouldn't matter..."

With the look of concern, she wrapped me around her embrace and I returned the gesture as I whispered to her, "Mom, I have to go."

She released me from her embrace and kissed me lightly on the cheek, "You have to be polite, anak. You have to say goodbye."

I smiled politely and gave her a nod.

Every step I have to endure as I advance is agony; like I am slowly sinking as I near the dance floor bracing myself for an impending depression bound to last a lifetime. 

Their song is almost over. I muster all the courage I have in my system to tell her that I must leave without confessing that I'm leaving for good. 

For good, I thought. I must not let my emotions get the best of my sanity and reasoning.

"Just five freaking minutes," I convinced myself.

As the music stopped playing, she saw me standing at the corner of the dance floor, patiently waiting for her to approach me - waiting like I have always waited for her when we were still in college until we had our fair share of responsibilities with work and family. 

I have always been the person standing in one corner, waiting.

She signaled "one minute" to me and I nodded.

"Damn, can't this go any faster?" I murmured feeling the thump of my uncontrollable heart. I have to get out of here now! My nerves are going crazy.

Walking towards me is my friend who I have loved the very moment I laid eyes on her. She looks stunning in her classic ivory wedding dress that faultlessly embraced her stunning physique. 

Why is she so perfect?

I try to create a smile that will fool even my deeply departed ancestors. Yes, I thought, this is how I should present myself. This is most appropriate. Right this very moment, seeing her happy is my top priority.

"There you are. I thought you'd never make it," she said as she squeezed me tightly into her warm embrace. Her scent of wild gardenia and jasmine, the scent that I have always adored, sends more signals to my nerves and triggers a churning effect in my gut, making it hard for me to stay still.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," I responded as I hugged her back. 

I should've not come. Everything about this is making me harder to breathe. Should've conjured up a very good excuse like being in a traffic accident, or plane crash, or being kidnapped - something believable. Anything, just so I would not be standing right here, trying to gather the courage to look her in those hazel eyes, see her happy with someone else, and finally bid her goodbye. 

Kate always knows when something is terribly wrong. She's a hustler at pointing out the truth from dozens of lies. I hope she doesn't notice that my heart is racing faster than a speeding bullet. I think I'm going to go into stroke.

"Wait." Oh shit, she must have noticed. Looking at me quizzically she mused, "You look pale. And your pulse is pounding erratically. Are you okay?"

Quick brain, give me an excuse.

"It must have been the wine or something I ate." I uttered feeling the jitters overwhelm me completely. Darn it, where's the EXIT sign when you need it?

She looked at me puzzled, trying to figure out the truth. "Did you have your fill of the buttered garlic shrimps that they served?"

"Ah. Y...Yes," I panicked, "They were exquisite, I just couldn't resist." Kate still trying to look unconvinced, I continued, "And I had wine too. That's probably the reason why I'm feeling this hazy." 

Seriously, I should get an award for Liar of the Year.

"Oh. That figures. I specifically told you to drink one tablet of that antihistamine I prescribed at least 30 minutes before indulging yourself in a hefty serving of seafood so as not to trigger your allergic reaction, especially with crustaceans."

Right. I'm dying inside and you're giving me a lecture in Medicine 101 or something similar to that. This is rich.

"You should go home. You don't look so good." She said examining my face and my arms to check if hives are erupting from it.

"I don't feel good." I really don't. "I'm sorry, Kate, but I have to leave early." 

There, I finally said it. Please don't hold me back. Please don't hold me back.

Please, hold me back.

"As your beloved physician and ever dearest friend, I beg you to take your meds and get some rest. You'll get better in the morning." She smiled dreamily as she rubbed her fingers on the tip of my right earlobe. Kate knows how to calm me down during times of distress. 

On the other hand, she is the current cause of my distress.

My heart needs rest from all this.

"Yep. Gotta get me some of those antihistamines you prescribed."Yes, I'm actually selling this crappy lie. A master of deception, on so many levels.

I gazed upon her. God, she looks happy. 

I wanted to remember her like this - eyes sparkling, glowing amidst the golden-streaked sky. I need this exact image of her elated to remind myself of the reason why I am walking away. This is where she belongs. She has always dreamed of this moment and I can never give her something this real.

"Honey!" Frank called, waving at Kate to approach him. I cringe. I will never get used to that term – honey. Distasteful.Terms of endearment like honey or buttercup or munchkins should be placed in a jar and be sealed. Forever.

"I gotta go. Frank wants me to meet his other relatives. Seems like he's never out of relatives, they just keep on coming."

"And I thought this is just an intimate wedding."Intimate. Like only me and you.

She laughed and snorted. God, I will never get tired of that laugh along with every snort that comes with it. How can someone so perfect manage to produce a sound so silly? Life's mysteries.

"We are being outnumbered." I joked. 

Summoning the last breath of courage from the innermost part of me, I let out a sigh, squeezed her hand and ushered, "Well, I think that's my cue to leave." Literally, just a lot of agony and torment in one sentence.

"Okay," she agreed, "we'll be hanging out soon. By the way, I have something for you." She handed me a small vintage box, the size of my palm, neatly tangled by a ribbon with shades of black and white .

"Kate, I..."

"Shh." She cuts me off as I attempted to express gratitude. "Not a word," she continued. "Open it once you get home. Do not peek." 

I acknowledged, looking at the box. 

"I'll call you in a couple of days once Frank and I get back from our trip. Bear hug?" She let out another delightful smile and managed to give me another tight embrace. "I miss you already. Until tomorrow?"

"Until tomorrow."I gave her a kiss on the cheek, pleading that every cell in my body does not crumble. 

As she released my hand and walked towards the crowd who are anticipating for her presence with a meet-and-greet, I turned around and slowly excused myself, away from the dance floor and from this reality. 

I must not cry. This is not the proper place and time to fall apart. But my tears, they cannot be tamed. No matter how hard I try to wipe them away, they just kept coming.

My pace went faster as I reached the doors of the venue and gasped for air.