There are many ways I have woken up in the past. I have woken up because of a nightmare and once I woke up because Dani dumped a bucket of water on my head but I still stand true to my words. Waking up with a pounding headache is the worst.

Groaning, I cuddled more into the pillow below my head but stopped when I couldn't smell the familiar lavender scent of my bedcover.

Opening my eyes slowly, I let them get adjusted to the room's brightness, which intensified my headache. The wrinkled navy blue covers of the bed were definitely not mine. In fact, I know someone who loves navy blue covers.

Partially covering my eyes with my arms, I looked around and groaned when I realized where I was. This can't be happening. Why the fuck do I have to wake up in Ethan Knight's bed after a drunken night?

Sitting up, I rested my elbows on my knees and cover my face with my palms. Closing my eyes, I tried to recollect my memories of last night but all I could remember was dancing with Nora and then rushing to the bar for more vodka shots. Clearly, that wasn't the complete story if I'm sitting in Ethan's bed with his t-shirt covering my body.

I was still trying to recollect when the sound of the door being pushed open caught my attention. I looked up just in time to see Ethan step inside the room.

"Good. You're awake." He said, walking further.

"Tylenol is in the nightstand and there's a clean toothbrush in the bathroom." He said, putting his hands in the pockets of the sweatpants he was wearing.

"Thank you." I mumbled, not sure how to handle this.

"You don't look too bad." He said.

"That's great, considering I feel horrible." I said harshly and instantly regretted it.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that." I said, finally meeting his eyes.

"It's fine. You're hungover. I expected this." He said, smiling a little. "Anyway, freshen up, breakfast is waiting."

With that, he turned around and left the room without waiting for a reply while I sat there, shocked. If he woke up in my bed after a night like last night, all I'd want would be for him to leave my house as soon as possible, but that doesn't seem like the case here.

Groaning, I pushed the covers away and got up. True to his words, there was Tylenol in the nightstand and a clean toothbrush in the bathroom. Using the only face product I could see in the bathroom, I got rid of whatever makeup was left on my face and went downstairs.

On any regular day, the basketball house is full of chaos, but I couldn't help but notice the unfamiliar silence when I stepped down.

Turning around, I saw Ethan cooking with his back to me. I stood there at the foot of the stairs for a while, watching how comfortable and at ease, he looked.

"Are you gonna continue standing there or are you gonna take a seat?" He said, without turning.

Jumping a little in surprise, I ruffled my hair a little to hide the blush I was currently sporting.

"Where's everyone?" I asked, looking around, and walked towards the bar stools.

"At the practice." He said, placing a plate with a pancake in front of me. "In case, you haven't noticed, it's twelve in the noon."

"It's noon?" I asked, looking around for a clock.

"It is." He said, grabbing my attention and placed his unlocked phone in front of me to show me the time.

"Wait... why aren't you at the practice?" I asked, scrunching my brows and I took the fork he offered me.

"I asked the coach for a day off." He said, leaning against the counter in front of me.

"Why?"

"Because I'm sure you wanna know about the things you said last night and so do I." He said assertively, leaving no room for discussion.

"What did I say?" I asked though I was very much afraid of the answer.

"We'll talk about that after you finish eating." He said and slid me a cup of coffee.

"No, tell me." I insisted. If I did something embarrassing, I need to know it.

"Eat."

Pouting at his commanding tone, I let it go and instead do as he said. Eat. The sooner I do it, the faster we can get to the important part.

It took me around ten minutes to finish the food on the table along with my coffee, and for those ten long minutes; we sat in absolute silence. I was focused on finishing my food while Ethan was focused on his phone.

"Done. Can we talk now?" I said, placing my plate and mug in the dishwasher.

"Sure. Let's go to my room." He got up and pocketed his phone.

"Why?" I asked, scrunching my eyebrows. I would rather avoid any situation which involves me, Ethan, and a bed.

"Because the team will be back any moment and I would rather have this conversation without an audience. A very immature one at that." He said, mumbling the last part mostly to himself.

"Fine. Okay." I said, sighing because I knew he was right.

Sitting down on his bed with my back to the headboard, I raised an eyebrow when he dragged his desk chair closer to the bed instead of sitting on the bed.

"Okay, so, what happened?" I asked when he sat down.

"Nora came and dropped you here because you wouldn't let her take you home and she had something going on. So, she couldn't really deal with your drunk, stubborn self." he started, making me cringe. I decided to come here. Can't even blame anyone.

"Did I say something? Anything?" I asked, closing my eyes, knowing I must have said something.

"You said a lot of things. You told me how Dani and Riley are pissed at you. You asked me to sleep with you and..." He trailed off and honestly, I think I know what comes after, but I really hope I'm wrong.

"You told me why you met Chase the other day." He said, proving me right.

"You know, Ethan..." I started and almost got up from the bed, but then he placed his hands on my knees and pushed me down.

"No, not this time." He said, shifting from the chair to the bed, exactly in front of me.

"We're gonna talk. It's fine if you still don't want to be together. I still respect that and I'll respect that after this conversation as well but we need to talk." He said, making me sigh.

Pushing my hair back, I looked down at my folded legs and his hand, which was still on my knee.

I don't know what I exactly said last night but I can't deny that my decision to not leave the airport after seeing Chase was highly based on my current relationship with Ethan. It's not just Chase stopping me from having a relationship, it so much more than that, and I think if I'm going to turn down Ethan for the third time, the least I can do is give him the truth. I owe that to him and myself.

"I was ten years old, and I had the perfect family. I had perfect... everything. My parents loved me. I was great at school. I had everything I could ask for and at ten, I knew what I wanted to do. Until one morning." I started feeling my body tense up and my heart sped up as the memories ran through my mind.

"Every morning I used to rush down the stairs and greet mom and dad who would sit on the breakfast table, eating food and exchanging sweet whispers amongst themselves..." Smiling at the memory, I realized how far away it seemed now.

"But that day, they weren't there. Grace, our house help, stood in the kitchen with a sad frown on her face. And for a moment, I was confused, but then I heard it. The yelling, the name-calling, the sound of glass breaking..."

"My parents were fighting in their room and it was a shock to me because they never fought..." I paused, taking in a deep breath as Ethan's thumb drew a circle on my knee.

"They obviously argued like any other couple. They bantered, but they never fought...not like this. I tried so hard to not listen. I promise I did." I choked on my unshed tears as my throat closed up.

"Hey, shh. It's fine. You don't have to talk anymore." Ethan said, pulling me in for a hug.

"No, no, I have to. I need to." I said, pulling back.

"Grace asked me to go back to my room and start getting ready for school and I was going but when I passed by their room, I heard a slap ring out and I froze. I was so scared about what's going on inside that room, that I just couldn't move. Then I heard my mom's voice. I hope you had fun screwing that woman and our family, she said before she pulled open the door." I paused for a while, collecting myself.

"She looked at me and the anger and hurt in her eyes suddenly, turned into sympathy. Sympathy for me but she didn't stop and hug me or... said anything. She walked right past me and out of the house. I looked inside their room and the scene inside broke my heart. My dad stood there at the foot of their with head hanging low and everything around him was... destroyed."

"My dad cheated on my mother." I said, and I realized how this is the first time I've said this sentence out loud.

"Iris..." Ethan said with a heartbroken expression on his face.

"I ran inside my room and closed the door and somehow I knew that everything's about to change now." I said, fisting my fingers, and my nail nipped at the skin of my palm.

"You know, they tried. For months, they tried to pretend like nothing happened but the dining table was quieter, weekends were uncomfortable and there were yelling competitions in the living room almost every day for six months straight and no matter, how loud I played the music, I heard it." Recalling it, I felt as helpless as I felt back then. I felt like a scared kid who knew they were gonna lose their family and couldn't do anything about it because they are a... small child.

"And then it stopped. She went to Paris for a fashion show. He went to Seattle for a business deal and never returned. Not at the same time, at least. They used to come back once every two months, on different days, of course... and mom never stayed for over two hours."

"It was like she was checking on some property and I hated it, so I ignored it. I used to have dinner with her and then go to Dani's for a sleepover and by the time I returned, she was already on a flight to another country." I sighed.

"As much as I understand the pain and heartbreak she must have gone through, I don't think it gives her the right to raise me the way she did... or he did." I said, looking at our interlocked fingers that rested on my knees silently.

"You know what hurt me the most..." I said after a few moments passed. I wanted to stop, but it felt like the words were just slipping out of my mouth.

"He was a cheating husband but... he is an amazing father. Even when he's on the opposite side of the world, every year on my birthday, he would call Grace and tell her the recipe to any one dish that he used to cook because I loved them all and I know that's not a lot but it means so much when my mother didn't even wish me." I told him, smiling faintly at the memory of a stressed Grace running around the kitchen while my dad's voice continued telling her the recipe.

"After he went to Seattle, I didn't talk to him. I still don't because I feel like if I do, I'm betraying my mom, but I can't bring myself to hate him as my mom does. I've tried. I hate he cheated on my mother but I don't hate him... and for that, I hate myself" This was the first time I've ever told someone that. I feel this is too twisted and uncomfortable for someone to understand and that's why I don't tell anyone. Also, because a part of me is sacred. Scared that maybe they would tell me I'm right. That I'm the worst daughter for not hating my cheating father.

"Hey, it's fine. Whatever your emotions are... they are legitimate." He whispered, cupping my face.

"I was never told that. While everything was happening, no one even asked me how I felt about it and that's why, for the longest time, I felt like I wasn't allowed to feel anything. I felt like-like this doesn't concern me and if I feel sad or angry, I'm trying to seek attention and make all of this about me when it clearly doesn't concern me but it did. It did concern me and it affected me but no one ever acknowledged that and that's why I feel I didn't let myself acknowledge my own emotions."

"Did you talk to your parents recently?" He asked softly.

"I haven't talked to my dad in years. I don't reply to his birthday texts or pick up his calls. When I was coming here, he messaged me, right before the flight. He sent me this long paragraph wishing me luck and how proud he is of what I've become, everything considered." I said, smiling a little, and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"My mom... she sent me the text, lying to me about the whole coming to LA thing but other than that, the last proper conversation we had was years ago. I think... my junior year when Chase cheated on me and I broke with him. It broke my mother's heart more than it did mine, I guess." I thought out loud, laughing bitterly.

"For months, she tried to get us back together and obviously she's still trying...." I said, rolling my eyes.

"What happened with Chase? If you don't mind me asking." He asked, maintaining his soft voice.

"Chase was the first guy I actually opened up to after everything and we were close, very close. We met freshman year, started dating in sophomore year and then he cheated on me in junior year and I was helpless and... broken all over again. What happened to my mother, also happened to me and it just felt like a sign, however stupid may that sound. It was like universe saying fuck you in big bold letters."

"You know..." I said, looking up. "For months, I went numb. I didn't know what was happening around me. I didn't care. Nothing made sense. All I could think of was, why? Unlike many people who blame themselves, I didn't do that. I knew it had nothing to do with me. It was for him, but all I wanted was an answer to my question. Why? Why not break up with me? Why not tell me he didn't feel it anymore? Why not just end it? Why did he feel the need to do it while we were together? Why not just break up with me and then fuck anyone he wants?" I said, feeling anger rise within me.

"Hey! Breathe." Ethan said, taking hold of both my hands.

Taking a deep breath, I focused on the familiarity of his room and him.

"Ever since Chase, I stopped doing relationships but then I met you..." I said, smiling at the memory of the party.

"And you were amazing. Almost like dream. After having men like Chase and my father in my life, you felt impossible." I said, shaking my head a little when I saw a small smile take over his lips.

"But I liked it. I enjoyed spending time with you. I liked everything we shared and then... you told me you liked me and it was... like I was standing at the door of a failed relationship again. Like it was just waiting for me to step in so that it could torture me all over again."

"You were saving yourself." He whispered like he finally figured out a piece of the puzzle he was struggling with.

"I am." I said.

"When I saw Chase the other day, I wanted to turn around and leave. I also wanted to slap him again but... that's not the point." I said, laughing a little, but my voice was hoarse from all the emotions I was feeling in my throat.

"The point is, I wanted to get away from him as fast as I could and I almost did. I turned around, took a couple of steps, and then stopped." I told him, recollecting the memories of that day.

"Suddenly, I thought of you." I told him, smiling a little. "I wanted to be with you and my trust issues, cheating father and a cheating ex were stopping me. That ex was right in front of me. It was an opportunity for me to get my answers, my closure, and then finally move on."

"So, that's why I made a deal with him. He wanted to have lunch and talk. I agreed, but I had a condition." I told him.

"What?" he asked, scrunching his brows.

"He had to answers a few questions of mine before we got on with his part of 'the talk'... "I told him, making him nod.

"We went to this restaurant nearby, and I asked him my question as soon as we sat down."

"What did you ask him?"

"Why did he cheat on me?" I said, feeling the heat in my skin as my anger flared up all over again.

"Did he answer?"

"He did." I told him, laughing bitterly as I remembered his answer. "It was a stupid teenage decision. She was constantly hitting on him and then she kissed him and he couldn't stop himself." I said, and instantly I saw the anger I felt in Ethan's eyes as his hand tightened around mine.

When he calmed down, I spoke again

"That pissed me off, more. So, I left and drove. I don't even know where I went. I was trying to clear my head and when things were finally clearer, I took a u-turn. While driving, all I could think of was if we got in a relationship and someone tried to seduce you, you could easily do the same thing..."

"Iris, I would never..." He started, but I cut him off, cupping his cheek, and leaned my forehead against his.

I closed my eyes, taking in his familiar scent before I whispered, "I know you would never, but I don't think you understand how difficult it is for me to convince myself and give that control to someone else. The power to hurt me whenever they want and... I know you would never do that but..." I trailed off, knowing he can't understand what I was feeling and I don't expect him to, especially when I know how messed up I am.

"This is me, Ethan. Raw, frustrating, messed up, broken, and fucked up in every way possible." I whispered, feeling my lips faintly touch his, and suddenly, I started missing the feeling of his lips on mine, his hands on my body, and my fingers in his hair.

"And I want you, anyway." he whispered, making my heart stop with all the emotions in his voice.

"Ethan..." I whispered, breathing out shakily.

"I want you, Iris. I will always want you. All of this doesn't make you broken. It makes you strong. Stronger than me. Hell, stronger than half the people I know. All of this is you and I wouldn't change a thing." he said and a lone tear slipped down my cheek.

I was about to lean forward and connect our lips when a phone started ringing. Ethan's phone. We ignored it, but then my phone started ringing, making me sigh and pull my arms back from around his neck.

"We should take that." I said, wiping my cheeks and got up to pick my hope from where I left it at the kitchen counter.

⤎❁⤏

Hey guys! So... Who got their closure? And who feels what Iris is going through? Anyone who thinks she's being melodramatic?

100 Questions, 99 got answered. If you have some questions, ask me in the comment section, I'll be more than happy to answer you!

Also, tell me a scene, any scene you would really like to read about and I'll try picking one and putting it one of the chapters ahead.

Don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter. Follow me on Wattpad and Instagram (spiicychoco) for a lot more.

QOTD: I am planning on buying more published books and get back to reading in a few months. Any recommendations? And please, no naked men