{request for: ememem02 <3}

i've never had to say it out loud.
it's always been known.
but i think now is the time to say these words in hopes they'll heal all that's been broken:
i would do anything for y/n l/n.
there's not a single exception to that statement.
anything she needs,
i will deliver.
how can i deny her these simple requests?
i've never known a greater love than the one y/n offers.
since the day we met as children,
worried about nothing more than what game to play at recess,
i've always loved my dear y/n.
so when things were finally solidified between us at the age of sixteen,
i knew the rest my life laid in those softened hands of hers.
i've never known what's it like to be without her and i hope to never find out.
so,
in order to keep us safe and in love,
i'd do anything she asks.
but for now,
i'll mollify into her embrace and pretend nothing is wrong in the world.
so long as we are together,
there's nothing that can take this away from us.
i'll avoid the question that's begging to be asked,
and she'll run her fingers through my hair in steady silence.
i wonder how long this will last.
"jb?"
she says in her voice of slick honey.
it never fails to send chills down my spine.
"yeah?"
"what's wrong?"
i pick my head up from its resting place that's been her chest and ask,
"what do you mean?"
"you haven't said a word in almost an hour. that's a record for you."
y/n's lips spread into that smile i always long to see.
when it hits its peak,
creasing her eyes and shining beautifully,
i feel a smile of my own appear in her honor.
"i'm sorry. i hope you don't think i've been ignoring you."
she shakes her head then gathers my face in her soothing hands that often feel like an angels embrace.
i haven't spoken because i know the words i've been dying to say will hurry-tumble from my lips.
i know how she will react.
and though it may ease me for a moment,
the worry is still there.
"i didn't think that, no. are you okay though?"
"i just...i'm worried, y/n. about you. the whole thing, really."
i wait for the response that's bound to come:
"oh, john b. you shouldn't worry. i've got it under control."
she'll wave her hand in the air and the issue will be dissolved.
but i watch as her eyes pull down to reveal some sort of hidden ache within.
as though the cloak to her hurt has been removed to reveal this underlying desolation.
i've never known my heart to react so quickly;
it begins to weigh heavy beneath her eyes.
y/n takes the pad of her thumb and smoothes it down the worry lines gathering at the center of my forehead.
"i've been awful, haven't i? i'm sorry. i shouldn't have let you worry like this."
"i'm always worried, you know me. just always on go,"
i say with a light smile in hopes that eases her.
i lean forward and place gentle, but quick, kisses all over her cheeks.
i listen as y/n giggles a sound of symphony beneath my actions.
but when i pull back to stare at her again,
her eyes are still as saddened as they were prior.
"talk to me,"
i say while gathering her one hand into both of mine.
it's become an anxious habit,
this hand holding.
so when i make myself busy by pressing my lips to her knuckles,
she's quick to say,
"i don't know. i thought everything would be fine by now..."
"but?"
i ask.
y/n inhales deeply then answers,
"i don't know. it's getting out of hand."
"what's happened?"
unrequited love is one hell of an ego bruiser.
especially when the receiving end has unstable emotions that influences their decision making.
rafe camerons burning infatuation with y/n has seemed to increase severely this summer,
though i'm not entirely sure why.
it's been known that his pining for her has grown into an obsession that doesn't show any signs of slowing.
i'm not sure how it ever began,
though neither is y/n.
if i had to suspect,
i'd assume it has to do with her recent growing in friendship with sarah cameron.
bringing y/n around him in the midst of our hottest summer yet makes for an insatiable hunger.
not that i blame anyone but him,
that much should be noted.
rafe cameron is sick in the head.
if i had it my way,
i'd pummel him until his brain was fixed straight.
but y/n fears his anger and refuses to see me hurt.
so in exchange for her pleasure,
i've agreed to stay quiet.
but with the distance put between rafe,
it's seem to have driven him deeper into this craze.
y/n won't admit it;
she's been camped out in the comfort of my bedroom for nearly a week now in hopes of rafe never being able to see her and corner her.
small towns are cruel in that way.
"john b?"
i bring myself back to the present,
where y/n is well in my bed, in my embrace.
"sorry...what'd you say?"
"where'd you go just then?"
she's avoiding my question.
i can tell by the twitch in her bottom lip that she's holding back tears,
so i don't press.
she'll speak when she's ready.
i take a hand and cup it around her cheek where my thumb will trace slow circles.
"i was just thinking about you."
"what about me?"
y/n's wearing her best teasing smile.
i can't help but to let out a gentle laugh at this.
how willing she is to brighten the world.
"how excited i am to hear about the newest movie you've watched in full detail today."
she laughs loudly but tries to cover it up with the back of her hand.
i laugh along with her,
though i've made myself quiet in order to bask in her ray of light.
"you're excited, huh?"
"oh, very. i just love hearing about the plot holes, character flaws, all of it."
"you're something special, i'll tell you that."
"seems to be mutual,"
i say in a lower tone while a gentle kiss is pressed against her lips.
kissing my wonderful y/n is like being succumbed beneath waves of violet colored euphoria.
i've never understood why.
i just know when i close my eyes to kiss her,
i see an array of violet colors behind my eyelids.
she's unique that way.
"he's been asking around for me. kie called earlier to tell me."
and suddenly,
my bliss is washed away to be replaced with that primal rise to protect.
y/n jokes about how barbaric it is,
i agree.
though it never stops me from balling my hands into fists.
"i don't know what to do, john b. i'm sorry."
i can see the cabin fever is beginning to paint her skin dull.
her eyes quickly swell up with tears then pour over in unadulterated worry.
worry that rafe will never stop this insolent search,
worry that she's taking up too much room in hiding.
worry, worry, worry.
"i'm sorry. i really am,"
i say.
there's not much left for me to do but admit how deeply i sympathize with her.
"there's nothing to be sorry for. i guess in some...sick way, it's my fault?"
she knows the words aren't true.
i can see the distaste on her face as they ring in the air.
"you're not to blame, y/n. don't make this your fault. i'm serious. rafe is...he's fucked, okay?"
she giggles a little at this.
it's enough to release some of the pressure rising in the back of my throat.
i'm desperate to do something to help her.
if it meant working until my bones were dust,
i would.
i'd sacrifice all two hundred bones in my body for my lover if it meant easing this fear,
making this worry fade away,
bringing her some sense of normalcy.
and that's when i decide:
"let's do something tonight. we don't have to go out, we'll bring the party to you. yeah?"
"i don't know..."
she begins while knotting her fingers together in her habitual nervous way.
"come on,"
i begin singing while poking her cheek.
"it'll just be the pogues, as usual, a bonfire, some drinks, the night sky. what's there to be afraid of?"
i mean the question in a joking manner,
but her eyes narrow at me as though in answer.
i don't know if rafe is unhinged enough to ever cause any true damage,
but i don't allow myself to think of it.
"i won't let anything happen to you, y/n."
i watch the words register and fall over her like a thick blanket of reassurance.
it gives me the strength i need to continue fighting with her.
y/n leans into my embrace then after a few moments of thinking says,
"okay."
and so i don't hesitate to bring our friends to the chateau,
accompanied with some twelve packs that jj never fails to acquire.
when the night is upon us,
bringing with it beach breezes that smell of saline and paradise,
we hover over the bonfire and begin a night of relaxation.
throughout the night,
y/n and i never part.
though this isn't unusual for us,
i take notice to the way she keeps her hand entwined with mine.
and i don't mind it being there,
not in the slightest.
i'll often bring her hand to my lips to pepper it in kisses from time to time.
it eases her as it eases me.
right now,
she's deep in conversation with pope and i admire the shine in her eyes.
it's beautiful and something i've surely missed.
my company can only provide so much.
i rest my head back against the beach chair as she doubles over in laughter,
leaving me to sit in my smitten pose.
when she notices my eyes haven't left her being,
because how could they?
y/n lifts her head and asks,
"what? is there something in my teeth?"
"what? no,"
i answer with a laugh that mirrors hers.
"well, then why are you staring?"
the drinks in her system are beginning to bring out that flirtatious girl i see once in a blue moon.
it never fails to fluster me.
"what? i can't stare at my girlfriend?"
i ask,
watching as she takes notice the pink rising in my cheeks.
y/n's wearing a grin now.
she climbs from her chair and into my lap,
where i'm immediately sheepish to her charms.
y/n is quiet when the alcohol isn't present.
whenever it is,
there's a looser side to her that i'll never grow accustomed to.
how light she seems on her feet coupled with the seductive words against her crimson lips.
y/n's mastered the art of making me weak in the knees,
both tipsy and sober.
"you're forgetting it's not just us here,"
i whisper while she pretends to make herself busy with the buttons on my shirt.
it's a ruse and god,
is it working.
"i didn't forget anything."
she picks her head up from my chest and tosses me that grin that still makes my stomach fill with nerves.
is it possible to be this shy years into a relationship?
y/n leans into me and closes the space between us.
it's sweet heaven being here with her.
she's happy with her friends and i'm happy when she's happy.
it's perfect.
i feel her hands tangle at the nape of my neck where a bundle of chills corrupt my skin in response.
it's then she flinches away at the sound of a car door closing.
when we're met with this late guest,
i realize it's sarah cameron.
"oh, i thought...i thought it'd be okay,"
i defend,
though i'm stupidly shaming myself right now.
when she meets my eyes again,
they're glossed over but she's back to being worrisome again.
i can't say i blame her.
"no, it's fine! i miss her. thank you, my love,"
she says while kissing my cheek.
i give her a close lipped smile while she rises and greets her friend.
i can't help but overhear her ask,
"are you sure he didn't see you come?"
jj smacks my leg into gaining my attention.
"so, what should we do about rafe?"
pope and kie lean in at this.
they're like y/n's siblings,
of course they're just as worried for her.
i know jj and kie are ready to spring into action,
whichever way possible.
but pope and i are trying to maintain a levelheaded nature in sake of y/n.
"i don't know. she's scared, dude. i can't do anything right now. not when she's worked up like this."
i turn to see her again and watch as she worriedly checks over sarah's shoulder in confirmation.
jj presses his lips together in suppression of the curses i know are rising in his throat.
he's fucking with my family, john b!
i recall him once yelling in my face when he first found out of rafe's cornering of y/n.
though we had all collectively agreed to ward him off,
it didn't last long.
"soon, jj. i'm trying."
the conversation ends there now that sarah and y/n return.
y/n gives up her chair for sarah and returns back to the spot in my lap.
i pretend i don't feel her heart racing at unhealthy levels.
it makes mine spike up in rate too.
"john b?"
she whispers into my ear after a while of conversation between the group.
i look at her and hug her as close as i can while maintaining discretion.
"what's up?"
"i love you."
the words are true,
they always are.
though i can't help but to feel a sense of forewarning in them.
i don't like this.
"i love you too, dove."
i kiss her temple in hopes it'll make all these thoughts of hers fade away.
until i realize her timing is horrifically impeccable.
the sound of tires grinding against the pavement rises in the air and we know who's come to intrude.
i toss a look to jj who hurries to set out the fire while kie and sarah hurry to hide from rafe's line of vision.
they protect themselves in the tree branches above,
holding out their hands for y/n.
i heave her upward and watch as she makes herself hidden within.
jj and pope follow behind shortly after,
but i keep myself grounded.
i refuse to let y/n suffer anymore at the expense of rafe.
i hear her whispering cries of disapproval but i remain solid.
"john b, get your ass up here,"
i hear kie harshly whisper.
don't they understand?
i'd brave anything if it meant keeping y/n safe.
"oh, of course you're here,"
rafe says as he appears in the light.
i scoff at this.
"it's my house."
"mhm. is sarah here?"
i shake my head in reply.
it's taking everything in me not to lunge forward and have him bleed into the dirt beneath us.
"funny. i could've sworn she was here. you're not lying, are you, john b?"
"be honest, rafe. you're here for y/n."
rafe laughs into his hand,
sick and twisted,
then shrugs.
"if she's here, then she's here."
"you need help. i've left you alone for the sake of y/n but it stops here. you're seriously fucked in the head. leave y/n alone."
i watch his eyes glimmer with a certain look of defiance.
he's taken my words as a challenge.
the next few moments happen in a blur.
i don't feel the shattering of my knuckles as they continuously collide with rafe's jaw.
i can feel the breaking of his own bones and it's quite relieving.
i don't stop until i see blood,
and even then it's getting difficult to quit.
it's when i recognize the simple rest of her hand to my shoulder that i force myself to stop.
dread is suddenly overcoming this adrenaline at the fact y/n has made herself known to our public enemy.
"what are you doing?"
i ask in a moment of desperation.
y/n's face is lessening in color now.
i can see the trembling of her hands and the streaks of tears on her cheeks.
she's never looked this mortified before.
"look at you,"
she whispers,
brushing my cheek where rafe seems to have cut me.
i wince beneath her touch;
the skin there is raw and achy.
rafe lies on the ground for not much longer,
holding his soreness and swallowing his own blood.
it's when he rises to walk that i see the true shine of psychopathy in his eyes.
he's backing away further and further to where his car lies and i think for a moment:
it's finally over.
but who am i kidding?
rafe will never be satisfied.
i watch in tortured slow motion as he lifts his shirt to reveal a gun tucked away in his waistband.
how did i not notice that?
and with a bloody smile,
he lifts it to begin releasing bullets in the air.
fear swallows me whole but i hurry to protect y/n.
i shield my body over hers and know that if a bullet were to hit me instead,
it meant she'd been well protected.
it's enough peace in this moment of pure chaos.
finally he's gone,
leaving behind ragged breathing and fear stricken teenagers.
i pull y/n back to see she's just as pale as before,
but her eyes are dimming.
"are you okay?"
she nods in reply.
it looks as if her lips are frozen shut.
i begin to say something else,
an apology of sorts,
but i'm stopped short when i feel a pool of something wet and sticky against my palm.
i look down and think:
did i get shot?
surely i would have felt it,
right?
there's no pain emitting from my body.
this is not my blood.
with terror written in my expression,
i realize it belongs to y/n.
"jb?"
she asks in a whisper,
clutching her stomach that's pooling crimson.
i can smell the metal in the air and it makes my stomach heave.
"oh, my god. y/n,"
i call out for her because i can see the life practically draining from her eyes.
this panic is overwhelming.
"y/n!"
kie shrieks from behind us as she collapses into my arms.
is she....is she dead?
no, stop.
i shake the thoughts from my head and swallow the knot in my throat.
i can hear jj on the phone with the police,
just as frantic and fearful as i am.
why won't my words work?
please,
i beg,
let my words work.
i need to say the right thing to her to bring her back to me.
i need to give her the healing of words.
i need to tell her i love her!
i'm screaming in my head but nothing will come out.
these tears fall from my eyes and drip from my chin.
"what's happening to me?"
y/n asks in a whisper of unadulterated horror.
i press my hands to her wound in hopes of stopping the bleeding and i say,
"n-nothing. you're-you're fine."
my teeth are chattering.
and they don't stop.
not even when y/n is loaded into the ambulance and i'm declined from riding with her.
"no!"
i scream as they use one hand to keep me away from my lovely y/n.
"she needs me! you-you have to let me come!"
" son, we need to-"
"please! let me go with her, please!"
i'm begging now and i don't care who sees it.
let them see these tears of grief and know what it means to be in love and in fear.
i drop to my knees when the ambulance drives away from us.
i tuck my head into my hands and let out a string of wails that echo in the air.
what have i done?
how could i have been so stupid?
i feel arms begin to wrap themselves around me to embrace me,
to share my agony.
but nobody will understand.
this is deeper than simple heartbreak or mourning.
it feels as though my insides have been shredded to the point of no return.
will i have lost my lover?
my best friend?
my future?
the thought makes me cry even harder.
i'm not sure i can breath anymore.
but why should i?
if y/n is forced to fight for her life then maybe i should be too. 
life is cruel and unfair.
my stomach is tight from all this crying,
my veins are drained of any warm blood,
i'm a shell of a person.
and if my sweet girl never comes back,
that's all i'll ever be.
"no!"
i cry into the ground as if the reverberation might find y/n and jumpstart her heart.
"not her! please!"
***
it's been hours.
i can't say exactly how many because all