bonfires-topper

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y/n still couldn't get used to it.
she'd wake up and check her phone,
only to see no messages from topper.
she'd habitually get ready every thursday night for their dinner date,
before remembering:
they broke up.
after an argument that unfolded from harbored jealousy and a lack of trust,
they had said some things that could never be taken back.
and in turn,
they decided to go their separate ways for the sake of their mental health's.
still,
y/n found herself torn up inside,
heart aching without him.

"do you think i'm stupid?! i know you're still in love with sarah cameron, topper!"
"look me in my eyes and tell me that, y/n. tell me that, after almost two years together, that i'm still in love with her."
"i saw you freeze up when she asked if we were still together. you didn't want to tell her, did you? thought she might come back?"
topper rolled his eyes and got up to leave,
but y/n wasn't close to being finished.
"who was there when she cheated on you, huh?! go ahead, topper, run right back to her! i won't be here when she breaks your heart all over again."
topper hurried to turn around,
eyes burning with anger and slightly intimidating
y/n.
"do you want to go there? really? what about you and that-that lowlife jj? i have never complained about you two hanging out, even after he used you to win a bet."
y/n crossed her arms and felt the hot tears rising at the memory;
topper and y/n had found their way to one another in a moment of hurt and darkness.
their friendship blossomed,
sharing that pain,
and they healed alongside one another.
then finally,
they fell for one another.
up until this moment here.
topper suddenly wasn't so sure if either of them had healed after all.
"thanks for that, top."
"what? you get to throw me getting cheated on in my face? but-but the moment i bring up that you, too, had gotten burned, it's a problem?"
y/n turned on her feet and slammed the door behind her.
she winced at how familiar it sounded;
the final nail in a coffin of their now dead relationship.

y/n shut her eyes of the memories and forced them back into the depths of her mind.
the last thing she wanted to do was cry after already having rubbed her eyes sore.
"y/n? sweetie, your friend is here."
"who?"
her bedroom door opened to reveal kie,
a sympathetic smile against her lips as she trailed in.
"hey, you."
"oh. hey."
kie sat herself on the edge of her bed and sighed.
"you doing okay?"
y/n shrugged.
"yeah, i'm alright."
"well, as much of a lie that is, i'm choosing to ignore it. come out tonight. it's the bonfire!"
y/n's face curled up into dejection.
the last thing she wanted was to be surrounded by people and their drunk antics.
"kie-"
"before you say no,"
she hurried to interject,
"let me sell it to you. topper won't be there, he's been on the other side of the island as far as we know. we all miss you at the chateau, especially me!"
kie grabbed her hand.
"please! the boys are driving me insane! i need my girl."
y/n let a smile pull at her lips,
the first one in a long while,
and sighed.
"fine. fine! i'll go."
"yes! you won't regret it, y/n. we'll have a great time."
kie trailed to her closet and began sifting through her clothes,
finding the right outfit for tonight.
"we've got to make you look wow, you know? it'll be your first outing in a while and i want people to run back to topper and humiliate him for ever leaving you."
despite the piercing of her heart that often followed the ring of topper's name,
y/n couldn't help but laugh.
it felt good to have such lovely pressure on her diaphragm after being left unused for so long.
kie finally had an outfit laid out from head to toe,
and y/n suddenly felt her spirits brighten.
***
the night rolled around quicker than y/n was anticipating,
and her stomach was beginning to twist into knots from the anxiety of it all.
but when kie forced a cup into her hand,
telling her to ease up and drink the strong liquid inside,
y/n was suddenly light on her feet and happy to be here.
the party went smoothly for the first half.
she danced until her feet began to ache,
played games with john b,
shotgunned many beers with jj,
talked deep thoughts with pope until her brain couldn't function anymore,
and laughed like she'd never laughed before.
it was rejuvenating.
y/n was singing playfully when she backed into a hard figure,
sending her stumbling forward a bit.
"oh, god, i'm so sorry. i've-"
when y/n's eyes met with the boys she bumped into,
her heart climbed into her throat and threatened to cut off her airways.
topper thornton.
"hey, y/n,"
topper said softly,
staring into her bloodshot eyes that only appeared when she drank herself numb.
but even drunk,
topper was overcome by her beauty and grace.
he had never gotten accustomed to her ravishing self.
every time he saw her,
he still found himself surprised.
"you look good,"
he said,
trying to fill the silence with something other than this melancholy escaping from both of them.
"t-thanks. you, too."
she turned her head away from him,
giving light to the tears rising in her eyes.
the separation was just as painful for y/n as it was for him.
how he loved her more than life itself and still let her slip through his fingers.
"hey, look...i'm sorry for how i left things."
"don't be. we both needed a break."
topper nodded,
not being able to stop himself from brushing away the tear on her cheek.
"don't cry, y/n. you're breaking my heart,"
he whispered with a tremble to his voice.
she only scoffed and eyed him.
"welcome to my world, topper."
"you're not the only one who's been hurt by this."
y/n suddenly fell dejected at the truth of it all.
she then looked down at her feet,
shifting them to distract herself from the knot rising in her throat.
"i'm sorry...you're right. i've been selfish, even when we were together."
"we both did things worth regretting. no need to dwell on it now."
topper laid a hand to her shoulder,
trying to be cordial even if his body was pumping love he'd fostered during their departure.
when she looked up at him with those eyes full of light,
holding pieces of every life she'd led,
topper felt himself crumble.
  he lowered his head in defeat and admitted,
"i can't stop thinking about you, y/n. i've tried so hard to move on, but i can't. you're all i'm ever going to want in this lifetime."
y/n moved his hand from her shoulder to her cheek,
where he molded his grip around it like he'd done so many times before.
she kissed his palm slowly,
sending his body into a rush of thrill,
then she exhaled.
"come on, top. let's go home."
y/n and topper trailed back to the home they'd created,
overlooking the ocean and full of memories.
when she entered,
a rush of enamor pounded inside of her chest and made her laugh out in relief.
after having felt like a walking corpse for so long,
she was finally alive again;
alive and in her lovers arms.
they curled up in the bed together,
thankful for the warmth that now coursed through them.
topper had never been so grateful for something as divine as this.
they were at their hearts content,
smiles mirroring one another's,
and unable to stop themselves from pouring over with laughter.
when y/n straddled topper's waist,
his palm then shaped itself around the nape of her neck and pulled her close.
y/n's forehead was now resting to his,
his breath hitching from the excitement of being reunited after so long apart.
"i swear, y/n, i'll never make that mistake again."
y/n smiled widely,
her cheeks beginning to grow sore,
and felt the ghost of her lips on his.
her skin became covered in chills.
"you're the other half of my soul, thornton. we'll always found our way back to one another."
topper agreed by closing the space between them and pouring out this heightened vehemence that kept them fueled.
they kissed each other raw,
tangled into one another,
and became their most vulnerable selves until the sun came up.
how beautiful it was,
the love y/n and topper had,
and it would nurture their souls for forever to come.

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