y/n l/n had never felt her body become so tense.
it was tight in every limb,
making it cramp in certain places.
and while her tension grew,
the hand currently lying itself in her thigh slid further and further up until she could no longer take it.
"i told you i wasn't ready for that,"
she said in a rushed breath.
the boy she thought she'd been dating,
but who now seems to be in it for another reason,
groaned in frustration and ripped his hand away from her skin.
the rejection felt heavy on her chest.
those same hands had once pulled her in,
hungry and yearning for more,
only to just shove her away when she said no.
"what do you want from me, y/n? you want for me to-to love you for days on end when i get nothing out of this?"
"seriously? you're an asshole,"
she spoke,
each word harsher than the last,
pushing past him to grab her keys.
"no, you know who's the asshole? you. the fact you expect me to sit here, for god knows how long, and be this-this perfect boyfriend when you won't even put out. it's been a damn month, y/n! stop being such a prude!"
despite the cruelty of his words and their weight burrowing in y/n's chest,
she laughed at his desperation and scoffed out,
"you're sick and need help. please lose my number and never speak to me again."
she found refuge in her car.
there would be no pressure to put out here,
no expectations to meet,
just herself and the low humming radio.
y/n decided to drive towards the chateau and prayed her friends would be awake inside.
she needed them now more than ever,
especially since her ego had been bruised severely.
y/n slowly waltzed in through the front door,
skipping over the tiles in the floor that often squeaked,
then laid eyes on a working pope at the dinner table.
his focus was deep into whatever project laid before him.
y/n hoped he wouldn't mind having some minutes stolen from him.
"pope,"
y/n whispered softly to announce her arrival.
his head popped up in surprise.
"holy shit, y/n. please don't scare me like that,"
he breathed in as he held his chest where his heart was,
before taking another look at her.
he realized her eyes were swelling with a look that only follows a certain hurt.
"hey, why are you trying not to cry?"
at his words of cordial care,
y/n let the first few tears rise and spill from her.
"what did that idiot do?"
"we broke up,"
y/n explained with a shrug.
pope got up from his seat and wrapped his arms around her,
pulling her into a hug that was well needed.
"guess that's what i get for dating a kook, huh?"
"eh,"
pope teased before pulling back to look at her,
wiping the tears away from her cheek.
though in their wake,
was left a glimmering trail of shine.

"they're all like that. too many mimosas at the country club, i think."
y/n and him both shared a laugh that helped to brighten her darkening mood.
it was only one of the many reasons why she loved pope,
he always could make her laugh even when she thought her body would never produce that sound again.
pope soon pulled the couch out into a bed,
where they would lay together and talked for the rest of the night.
their voices were hoarse and nearly nonexistent by the time the sun came up,
greeting the tired teens with the song of the birds.
"i'm sorry, y/n. you're worth more than what your body can offer. that's not at all your only offering. you're a gentle soul, you know that? not many people can appreciate that for what it is."
"but you can."
"without a doubt, i can, y/n. it's rare and beautiful. i think that's what describes you."
he lowers his voice to almost a whisper then repeats,
"rare and beautiful."
she felt an odd feeling begin in her stomach.
it fluttered around then warmed the blood in her veins at his words of validation.
"you're perfect, pope. perfect."
y/n felt her eyes begin to burn from both the lack of sleep and after effects of crying,
so she rubbed them to ease that feeling some.
pope laid with his hand tucked behind his head,
eyes gazing over her,
and a smile painted gently across his lips.
"get some sleep."
"will you stay here?"
pope nodded without a moments hesitation.
y/n had fallen under quickly than she anticipated,
sending her into a dream state where no ex-boyfriends were there to haunt to.
pope laid next to her,
watching her body rise and fall in synchronic beats.
he hoped she was dreaming beautiful dreams that matched the radiance of her imagination.
his heart began to ache for the girl the longer he pondered on her existence.
she deserved better than the boyfriends she'd had prior,
who doubted her at every chance they got,
discarded of her at their earliest convenience,
who made her feel less when she was absolutely everything.
it was then his mind was made up,
he was going to prove just that to her.

y/n woke up that afternoon to see pope's arm draped across her while he slept peacefully.
he was such a wild sleeper,
it was no surprise that his limbs that fell everywhere landed on her.
"good morning, love birds,"
jj mocked as he walked past them and out the door,
but not before y/n mocked his look of tease.
she turned her attention back towards pope who was left undisturbed by jj's exit.
she carefully ran a hand through his hair and watched as his eyes fluttered open.
"good morning,"
she began to sing as he registered who was beside him.
"morning,"
he mumbled as best he could,
sleep still coating his voice.
"you're still tired?"
"oh, yeah. exhausted."
y/n didn't realize at what point that this became the norm for them,
but suddenly pope was wrapped tightly into her arms and back asleep against her chest.
though she couldn't lie,
it was sweet to have someone of an innocent gesture hold her so dearly,
even in his slumber.
y/n almost fell back asleep herself now that she'd grown so comfortable,

until a presence entered the room.
"what is going on?"
kie asked in a soft whisper,
careful not to wake pope up.
y/n saw her with wide eyes and responded,
"i don't know,"
"why aren't you with that kook dude?"
"oh...we broke up. too pushy."
y/n wished the boy would no longer be a topic of conversation for the pogues.
she just wanted to erase his being from their memories,
and hers,
entirely.
kie nodded in an understanding that only two women could share,
then pointed a painted finger at pope.
"so, pope?"
"what? no. no, he's just laying here with me."
kie took a look at y/n's hands that were tracing up and down pope's back in a simple rhythm.
she rolled her eyes jokingly then said,
"oh, yeah, sure looks like it."
"stop,"
y/n laughed as quietly as she could.
"y'all are cute, i'll admit it."
and with those final words,
kie walked out the front door to leave pope and y/n behind.
y/n smiled wider than she'd ever known herself to then looked down at the boy who rested quietly on her.
she couldn't help but imagine what life would be like with pope as more than her friend.
the thoughts made her cheeks burn and her stomach fill with nerves,
but the kind that made her heart race with an excitement ready to be released.
he really would make a great boyfriend.
***
after weeks of letting their emotions run wild and going on adventures with one another,
y/n was completely over any heartbreak that might've been left behind in her system.
there wasn't a single thought about anyone but pope left in her mind.
pope and y/n now sat in the boat his dad let him borrow for the day so they could enjoy the sun and ocean water.
it was nice and peaceful,
exactly the things y/n admired about pope.
how easygoing it was to be around him.
no pressures,
nothing tense,
just pure relaxation.
after a few minutes of minuscule conversation,
pope finally asked the question begging at him for days how,
"so you're over him?"
"completely. totally, utterly, over him."
she affirmed with a smile as he passed her a juice from the cooler,
his good boy antics coming to play.
"good. good for you. fuck him, right?"
"fuck him,"
she cheered in agreement.
y/n then stood to slip the bathing suit cover off of her body to be able to soak the sun up without cloth shielding.
she felt every inch of her body warm up,
though she couldn't tell if it was from the shining sun or pope's fixed gaze.
pope realized he had never felt this way about another.
this infatuation,
his enamor for her,
almost took him up entirely.
y/n noticed him staring then asked,
"something wrong?"
as she took a seat,
lounging against the seat.
pope sat up straight and shook his head,
trying to play off his admiring stare.
"no, no. everything's fine."
pope eyed her through his peripheral despite his best efforts not to.
today was the day to make it official,
he decided.
she was over any boyfriend from before,
she was healthier,
she was glowing,
and pope wanted to add onto her tangible happiness.
he had waited so long for this moment.
"y/n, look! come here,"
pope announced as he leaned over the edge of the boat to stare at the surface of the water.
y/n joined beside him where he would direct her attention to the floating creature.
"there's a turtle,"
"awh! it never gets old,"
she said with an innocent smile to her lips.
she turned to face pope to see his expression matched hers,
though there was something lingering in the curve of his smile.
longing.
she recognized it immediately,
considering she'd felt it for so long too.
pope gently leaned forward to meet her in the middle,
placing his lips on hers.
the cherry chapstick she wore rang true to his tastebuds,
it would now be forever his favorite flavor.
her hands searched his body as they stood intertwined,
together as one,
never wanting to separate from one another.
whatever they had once deemed paradise was nothing compared to this.
it was ecstatically charged and beautiful.
pope pulled back slowly to catch his breath,
considering y/n had stolen it from him in more ways than one,
and watched as her lips folded into a genuine smile.
"how long have you been waiting to do that?"
y/n asked as she rested her head against his,
watching the glow of his smile.
"how long have we been friends?"
the two of them joined each other in a bout of laughter that was riddled with nerves and excitement.
the rest of the boat ride was full of fun for the pair,
despite their anticipation for their next kiss.
eventually,
they warmed beneath the embrace of one another until pope grew comfortable enough to lean over and steal a kiss from her.
she allowed it every time,
giggling over it like a schoolchild with a crush.
and each time,
she would thread her fingers down his bare arms or back,
desperate to feel his skin against hers,
but excused it with an outlandish claim.
pope never called her bluff,
only allowed himself to feel her gentle touch to his being and reveled in it.
when the day finally drew to an end and they returned back to the pull out bed in the chateau,
pope needed no excuse to wrap his arms around her and fall deep asleep with her.