The arena was so loud and the boys hadn't even gotten on stage yet. We were glued to our seats in anticipation, our VIP passes hanging both loosely and proudly around our necks as we mingled with the family and friends of the band. Gemma had come along too, looking so comfortable with the atmosphere that I wondered if she came every time they performed in London. I wouldn't have blamed her if she did, it was certainly an experience. Nola stood on my lap, clapping, with a ridiculously large pair of pink earmuffs attached to her head. Harry hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said it was going to be too loud for her. It was almost too loud for me. Elenore was already shaking with excitement, making me feel as though I was a mother of two daughters instead of just one. I should have been shaking with her and shrieking with everybody else, but being a mother had made me old. I felt old. 

"Any minute now, Marn!" She told me, a grin plastered across her face. And she was right. Right on cue the lights dimmed and were replaced by flashes of colour, shooting from the floor of the stage to the ceiling in a dizzying fashion. Lights swirled into the audience and my stomach churned with them. No one had recognised us and that was all that mattered. I just had to take a deep breath and enjoy myself. Elenore suddenly wrenched herself out of her seat so that she was on her feet, clapping and waving her arms around wildly. I was confused until a familiar deep voice rang through the speakers.

"Good evening, London!" Screens either side of the stage came to life and Harry's face, blown up so that it was towering over us, smiled into the audience. High pitched screams rang out all around us and I could hear Gemma laughing from beside me. She made eye contact with me and rolled her eyes, clearly finding the fans' overwhelming reaction amusing.

"Dada!" Nola squealed, although I could barely hear her. She clapped her hands and stamped her feet on the tops of my thighs, desperate for Harry's attention. As if reading her mind he looked up in the direction of where we were sat and smiled briefly before focusing back to the rest of the audience. I felt myself relax into the seat while they began their opening song; Don't Forget Where You Belong. 

I had to give it to the band, they really were very good. They had great stage presence and had their fans wrapped around their little fingers. I admired the way in which they read out the banners that had been slaved over for hours and how they included every section of the arena, not just the fans going crazy on the floor in front of the stage. I even found myself singing along whilst trying to conceal my embarrassment that Elenore had evolved into this wild fangirl, leaning over the barrier in front of our seats and screaming Niall's name repeatedly. I wondered if she'd forgotten that we were actually going backstage to see them all after the show was over. 

About three quarters in, Nola's posture began to slump back into my lap. I rolled her over, not surprised to see her struggling to keep her eyes open. It was technically way past her bedtime and I hadn't really expected her to last this long anyway. There was no way I was letting her sleep right here though, even with the earmuffs on. 

"I'm taking Nola backstage to sleep." I shouted to Elenore and Gemma. They both nodded as I hauled Nola up into my arms and headed for the stairs. One of the stewards had already shown me the way to get backstage for after the show, so I seized the opportunity to use it while it would be quiet.

Once down the stairs, I shielded Nola's face as we darted past some of the fans, before wrenching a set of double doors open and disappearing into a brightly lit corridor. It took my eyes a moment to adjust, going from an indoor firework display to something that vaguely reminded me of a hospital wing. It was also eerily quiet in comparison to the volume it had been when we'd first arrived and were shown to our seats. I looked left and right, trying to gather my bearings before heading in the direction the steward had kindly pointed out to me hours before. The boy's singing became more echo-like as it bounced down the corridor and I wondered if Harry would have noticed that we'd left our seats. 

It felt like I'd been walking down the same stretch of corridor for ages until I heard Lou's familiar voice coming from behind a door that read:

"ONE DIRECTION - DRESSING ROOM"

I pushed it open with my free hand, smiling awkwardly when Lou and another women looked up from where they sat in front of the mirrors.

"Marnie, hey!" Lou exclaimed, giving me a warm smile. Her lilac hair was pulled into a fishtail plait and her legs were tucked under herself. The chairs they sat on reminded me of the ones a films director would sit in on set. "Everything ok?"

I looked at the other woman, unsure as to whether I should have Nola anywhere near her when it was still largely a secret. "Don't worry, darling," the other woman spoke. "I know about your bub." She had dark skin and long hair to match. "I'm Caroline. I'm their stylist." 

She seemed friendly enough and Harry clearly trusted her to divulge in the truth about our daughter, so I gave her a timid smile before turning back to Lou. "Nola needs to sleep. I was hoping to put her down in here as it's quiet." 

Lou pointed at the sofa on the other side of the room. "Of course, just put her down there. That's where Lux used to sleep when we came to the London shows. She tends to stay with her Dad now." 

I followed the direction of her finger to the blue wash sofa that was pushed up against the wall. Nola was already sound asleep against my shoulder, so I lowered her down effortlessly onto one of the large cushions and covered her with my jacket.

"They're pretty good on stage aren't they?" Lou asked me as I perched next to my daughter. 

"Really good." I told her, nodding my head and smiling. "Nola loved it." 

"Isn't she just the spitting image of Harry?" Caroline cooed, gazing at Nola from her seat. "She's going to be a heart breaker."

I knew she was only really speaking in relation to Nola's looks, but if Nola was going to be what Caroline predicted, I wondered who she'd inherit it from. Harry was gorgeous, that fact was indisputable, but he was kind and selfless. He wasn't a heartbreaker. But then there was me. I'd broken his heart every time I'd threatened to take his daughter away from him. I was the heart breaker.

"How much longer do you think they'll be on stage?" I asked them. I felt bad for leaving Elenore and for leaving the show in general after Harry had gone to so much trouble to ensure we had the experience they had been raving about. Lou looked at her watch and back to me.

"Not long. They'll come off for the encore soon and then go back on for another song or two." 

I nodded at her gratefully and stroked my daughter's curls, running them between my fingers. I often wondered if Harry's curls felt the same way. We hadn't really bothered with one another's hair when we'd slept together. Caroline and Lou went back to whatever they had been talking about before I'd interrupted, so I leant my head back against the sofa and closed my eyes, listening to the soft hum of the band singing through the walls.

Nola slept until the dressing room door was thrown open again. My eyes flew open and I pulled her into my chest, relieved to find that it was just the boys taking a breather before they finished with their encore. I could already hear the fans chanting for them to come back on stage. Harry's eyes met mine across the room and his face broke out into a smile. I didn't realise how sweaty he was until he reached me; his face and collarbones covered by a thin sheet of perspiration.

"Everything ok?" He asked, panting slightly as he reached for Nola. I handed her over and she buried herself in his chest sleepily, yawning as she did so.

"Yeah, great. She was tired so I brought her back here to sleep." I explained quickly, overwhelmed with guilt for walking out on the show. "You guys are great out there."

"Thanks." Harry beamed at me, taking a swig out of his water bottle. "I'm really glad you're enjoying it. What does mini me think?"

"She was clapping and stamping away before she fell asleep." I laughed. "She loved it." Harry's smile stayed firmly in place.

"Alright guys, back on." A tall man with an Irish accent announced, clapping his hands once. Lou was busy fussing with Zayn's quiff, spraying it with at least half a can of hairspray to ensure it stayed upright. Liam peeled off his t-shirt and swapped it for one Caroline tossed at him. Harry suddenly turned to me, his eyes twinkling.

"Do you want to come side stage?" He asked, a smile playing on his lips. "You'd get to see us up close. Nola will have to wear the earmuffs of course."

I looked frantically between him and the rest of the boys disappearing out of the door. "Sure, why not." I figured I might as well make the most of the experience, although Elenore would probably kill me once she found out what she'd missed out on.

Harry beckoned for me to follow him as he carried Nola out of the room. Lou and Caroline eyed us warily but I followed anyway, my heart thumping the closer we got to the stage. Niall pushed open a set of heavy doors up ahead and disappeared through them, the rest of the band following suit. Harry stepped over the threshold with Nola in his chest and with me hot on his heels. He adjusted the earmuffs on her head and planted a kiss on both of her cheeks before shouting instructions at me.

"Marnie, see that guy by the controls?" He pointed at all the lit up electronics that ran around the back and sides of the stage, and then to a man hovering in front of them. "Go and stand with him."

The rest of the boys ran out onto the stage and the arena erupted, making my insides vibrate. For a moment I thought I could pick Elenore's shrieking out from the rest. I stepped forward to take Nola but Harry took a step away from me, shaking his head as he did so. I opened my mouth to ask what was happening, but before the words left my lips he'd turned and gone, taking our daughter with him.

"Harry!" I cried after him, but my feet were rooted to the spot, refusing to carry me any further than where he'd left me. I could only watch as he took her to centre stage, sending the entire audience into an uproar of confusion. The rest of the boys looked just as confused as everyone else, apart from Zayn who was staring at the floor, a guilty expression across his face. I felt my insides churn and I remembered his insistence that Harry knew what he was doing. He'd known. 

"Ladies and gentlemen," Harry said into his microphone. "There's sombody that I think it's about time you met." 

My chest tightened as he spoke, making it almost impossible for me to breathe. I clutched at it, gasping for air, willing it to stop. 

"I'm sure you've all seen the articles about this little lady." He said proudly. "So I want to introduce to you all, my daughter Nola." The arena was silent momentarily before erupting with applause. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out, revealing Elenore's name flashing up on the screen. My fingers fumbled over it, clumsily letting it slip from my grasp and onto the floor with a defeaning crunch. I felt my chest constrict again as black spots invaded my vision. I tried to see Nola through the mixture of spots of tears, but my eyes refused to allow me to see that far.

Just as I thought I was gong to pass out, I turned and ran for the door, bursting back into a brightly lit corridor. I wheezed out every breath as I searched for some sort of exit from the building, wishing the pressure in my chest would decrease. A glowing 'EXIT' sign came into view and I threw myself at the door below it, allowing my body to swallow up the cold air that hit me like a train. 

But something still wasn't right. 

Repetitive flashing and the sound of shutters rang in the air. I tried to look up but I was blinded by white lights coming from different directions. I was vaguely aware of voices shouting things at me and people thrusting equipment under my nose.

"Marnie! Marnie!" A male voice shouted above the rest. My head snapped up as a balding man came into view and stuck a voice recorder at my lips.

"Why did you keep Harry's child a secret from him?" A female voice snapped at me. 

"How can you even be sure that he's the father?" Another bellowed. 

I felt bile rise in my throat and the blood pounding in my ears. "Get away from me." I tried to tell them, but my voice was weak and drowned out by their continous demands. I stepped towards them with my head down and attempted to elbow my way through, confused when I couldn't find an opening on the other side. I looked up and gasped as they surrounded me like vultures.

The pain in my chest was almost unbearable now. A desperate sob broke through my lips and I clamped my hands over my ears, sinking to my knees on the floor. I thought of Nola as they rambled on. I thought of Elenore and our Saturday nights in together. I thought of all the good things in my life, only to feel crushed when I realised I could no longer class Harry as one of them. 

"Marnie!" A different voice pierced through their squawking. 

Harry's voice.