"Girl, spill. You got me on edge."

Yuri and I were at a little café close to my house, drinking coffee and just talking. I'd told her I had a confession and had been walking circles around it this whole time. I sighed, "soo, what if I told you." I paused, not saying anything as a smile played on my face.

"Jo, if you don't stop playing with me I'm going to jump across this table."

I started laughing, "okay, okay."

"Okay! Tell me."

I decided I would tell Yuri first so she could help me with a way to tell my brother. I knew it wouldn't go over too well, but at the same time she would have my back. I cleared my throat as I took a sip of my coffee, "so what if I've been messing with one of the Hispanics?"

She rolled her eyes, "messing how Jo?"

"Like, talking to one."

"Talking like friendly or talking like fucking?"

I pushed a hair behind my ear, looking down at my coffee. "The latter."

"Bitch, you been fucking one of them niggas? I fucking knew it! That's the only thing that made sense on why you wasn't feeling Quez but couldn't tell me why."

I shook my head, "no, not even."

"Yes it is. Who is it?"

"That's not important."

She gave me a stale face, "the hell it ain't. Who is it?"

I rolled my eyes as a text came through on my phone, Yuri picked it up quickly, easily finding her answer. "Jose?" She semi-screamed. "The fucking leader of this gang shit." She shook her head as she put my phone back down, allowing me to pick it up and check the message. "You're brother is going to kill you and him."

I rolled my eyes at her, "you're being dramatic he was fucking Isabel in the middle of the worst of the shit. How much can he really say."

Yuri shook her head in disapproval, "let me know how that conversation goes. I know it's not going to go well."

"He isn't my daddy." I stated after responding to the text and locking my phone. "All this shit is stupid anyways."

"It is, but that don't change the fact that it's real."

I rolled my eyes at Yuri's response yet again. "Listen," she started, "I want you to be happy, and if he makes you happy I'm all for it. But I also care about your safety. Like I don't need no shady shit going down ya know?"

I nodded my head, understanding where she was coming from. "Good," I said with a smile. "So I need your help on how I should break it to my brother."

Yuri laughed, "girl it don't matter if you flip it, dice it, sauté it, it's going to taste the same. You just gon' have to tell him."

"How should I bring it up though?"

Yuri shrugged her shoulders as she played with the top off of her cup, "I really don't know Johanna," she said as she looked up at me. "You just got to spit that shit out. Whenever there's an open opportunity just say it." She said with a small laugh.

I shook my head, this was going to be a mess.

__

"What you want to eat tonight?" Joel asked as we sat on the couch watching some nonsense on TV.

I bit my lip knowing I was going to meet Jose at this restaurant later. Whenever there's an open opportunity just say it.  Yuri's words rang in my head. "I'm actually going out to eat."

"Oh word?" He asked turning to look at me, "with who?"

Shit, this was my opportunity. I pushed my hair back as I looked at the TV. "This guy." I couldn't do it, I couldn't say it was Jose.

"This guy?" He asked as he stared a hole through my face, "what guy? I ain't know you was dealing with no nigga."

I looked at him quickly before shifting my gaze back to the TV. "Yeah, just a guy."

He laughed, "Who Johanna?"

"That's not important." I was blowing it right now. The opportunity was screaming at me and I couldn't do it.

"Don't make me follow you down there to find out myself."

I got wide eyed, turning to look at him as a small laugh left my mouth, "you ain't crazy."

"Who ain't?" he asked as a smile played on his face. "You know I always got your location on my phone anyways."

I stood up, "you know I can stop sharing it right? But Jose." I stated, I said the name quickly as I started making my way to the kitchen.

"Huh?" he asked. I stopped turning to look at him. "His name's Jose."

My brother brought his eyebrows in, "wait, the fuck you talking bout?"

This was about to go bad, real quick. "Joel, I'm dealing with Jose and honestly I really wish all this bullshit between y'all would end."

My brother stood up, the anger on his face apparent. "Are you fucking kidding me Jo? Out of all people in the fucking world that's who? Man fuck that, hell no. You not dealing with that nigga. If I got to put bullets in that nigga to ensure that, you ain't fucking with him. I already planned on dropping some in him again but you just made the decision that much easier."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I yelled. "You're wildin'. This beef y'all have is bullshit Joel. Fucking pointless. Grow the fuck up, I want to be with this man and you should respect that enough to end the bullshit."

He laughed, "or you should have enough respect for me not to deal with my enemy, what type of shit is that Jo?"

"There's no real reason for this beef Joel! None! Y'all started the shit, over a petty ass game of basketball. Put a fucking end to it."

He crossed his arms, getting calm all too quickly "I will." With that he started walking and heading to his room.

I shook my head, knowing this wasn't the end of the conversation. I headed to the kitchen to grab a water and then to my room to get dressed.

—

Jose sat across from me nodding his head after I told him how my brother reacted, "what do you think?" I asked as I took a sip of my drink.

"That I'm going to have to put your brother down before he puts me down."

I just about choked on my drink, "Jose, no."

He shrugged his shoulders as he leaned back in his chair, his jaw going to work. "I told you this shit," he pointed between us. "Wouldn't work."

I rolled my eyes, "but we," I pointed between us, mocking him. "Decided that we would give this a try."

"And this shit is already a bust."

I hated how he always thought so negatively when it came to us, he always thought about the worst. He was such a pessimist. "Okay, my brother doesn't like it, so what. People aren't going to like many things in life that you do who the fuck cares? Who are you living for Jose? Other people's opinions or yourself? Because I'm really starting to believe it's other people's opinions."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "You don't get it Johanna, this ain't just some 'I don't like y'all together' shit. Like this is some life or death shit. Like I fucking had the opportunity to dead your fucking brother and I didn't cause I got feelings wrapped up in you. This shit," he pointed between us again, "is dangerous. Now this mothafucka threatening my life? Fuck out of here Johanna."

"I'm not going to let that shit happen!" I semi-yelled.

"You don't control that shit," he semi-yelled back as he leaned forward. "You not always with that man."

This conversation was ruining my mood and my appetite. Just as I thought it our food came out, putting an end to our conversation. We were at this restaurant downtown, sitting in the cut outside on their patio. We ate in silence as the wheels in my head were turning, I just didn't see this situation the same way he did. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to see where we could go but it's like he was focused on everything but that.

After we finished eating he walked me to my car, we were the last guest in the place so it was late and dark, and I parked in the cut. "Why the fuck you park back here?" He asked as we headed down a back alley. "It's free," I laughed. He shook his head, "don't do this shit if you ain't with somebody," he stated as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pausing to kiss my lips. "Yessir." I nodded my head  as I leaned into him. He looked back before he stopped walking midway, causing me to look at him. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"It sound like somebody walking behind us," he turned around causing me to turn around too but no one was there just two big trash cans. I chuckled, "are you paranoid?"

He shook his head, "nahh, I heard something."

"I think you're just paranoid. Let me find out you scared of the dark."

"Fuck out of here," he smiled.

We made it to where we could see my car in the distance and we could see that someone was standing by it, I squinted my eyes. "Who is that?" I asked moreso to myself.

"I don't know," Jose replied as he lifted his shirt a little, revealing a gun that was placed there. As we got closer I caught eyes with my brother, rolling my eyes at the fact that he was here. He must of checked my location and he was aware of where I parked when I went downtown.

Jose noticed it was him and chuckled a little. "Here go the bullshit."

We walked up as my brother looked him up and down laughing, "so you fucking my sister bitch?"

Jose stood their with a serious face not responding, instead turning to focus his attention on me. "You good?" He asked.

I nodded my head as I turned to focus on my brother who quickly pulled out his gun pointing it to the side of Jose's face. I got wide eyed as fear rose up in my body. "Joel what the fuck are you doing."

Jose chuckled, turning to face the gun as he quickly pulled his out with the barrel pointed at Joel's face. "c'mon now, you know I ain't going out like that. You should've pulled it as soon as you pointed it."

"Jose!" I was panicking right now. "Y'all please don't do this." I went towards my brother, pushing him back. Trying to get him to lower his gun. "Joel, please stop." I cried out. Tears were starting to run down my face, at this moment I was wishing I didn't park in the cut. There was no one back here but us and I couldn't handle a crime scene, I couldn't handle watching either of them get shot.

"Y'all please." I cried out as they just stared each other down smirks on their face. I walked towards Jose who took a step back each time I got closer, "Johanna, don't come towards me."

I didn't know what to do as I stood between the two of them, "you know," Jose started, "I should've killed you at the park. But I was trying to be a good Samaritan, and people like you make that shit hard to do. Like I did you a favor that night by not killing you."

Joel laughed, "you should've of, cause now I'm bout to kill you."

"Please," I cried out as I walked towards Joel. "Please don't do this. Please don't make me go through that pain again."

Joel took his eyes off of Jose, putting them on me. He knew how hard I took my parents death, he knew how bad I handled death period. I cried for three days when I was little when my goldfish died. I didn't do well with it, which I'm sure no one did; but mine was to another extreme. I couldn't go through it again, not so quickly.

He shook his head, "sis, I have to." With that he focused back on Jose as he moved his hand to pull the trigger.