Finding Order

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

Someone wanted this and my only response to that can be: as you wish.

***********************************

"Alright team, you know how this works," Donovan said, hands clasped behind his back as he surveyed the gathering before him.

He turned on his heel and walked down the line. "Our instructions are clear and this will be done in an orderly fashion. There will be no slacking off. No falling behind. This mission will be complete by the end of the day. Is that understood?"

"Sir, yes sir."

Reaching the end of the line, Donovan rotated around and headed back. "I am putting you in pairs. Your job is to keep your partners on course."

When James raised his hand, Donovan stopped and sighed. James lifted his chin and stared beyond Donovan's shoulder.

"Sir, I request not being paired with Clint, sir. He stole my slice of pizza and we are currently not talking to each other, sir." 

Clint smacked James on the back of his head and dodged the retaliating punch to his side. A piercing whistle cut off the brother's full-on fight. Carter stepped up to Donovan's side, arms crossed as she narrowed her eyes at the collection before her.

"Listen up, soldiers," she said. "I'm pregnant and that means you have to listen to me. James you'll work with Brock putting together the crib. Danny, you get to work with Clint to put together the changing station and afterward installing the security cameras."

Danny straightened and snapped a sharp salute while Clint smiled down at the twelve-year-old.

"Donovan and I will be painting the room. Are there any questions?"

"No, ma'am," all three brothers called out, Danny a second behind.

"Good, you have your orders. Get to it."

The assembling broke apart, Danny scurrying to keep stride with Clint, talking all the while. Brock and James joined up and started arguing about who would read instructions and who would do the manual labor. Taking Carter's hand, Donovan tugged her away from the nonsense of his brothers and to the nursery.

The plastic sheeting that covered the floor crinkled under their feet as they stepped into the blank room. Paint cans were clustered in the center of the floor along with brushes and buckets. Carter grabbed a step ladder from the wall and set it up.

"You don't honestly think I'm letting you on that, do you?" Donovan said.

Facing him, Carter put her hands on her hips, eyebrows raised in a challenge.

"Oh, you aren't, are you?" she said. Donovan was impressed Carter could make one question sound teasing and like a threat all at once.

"Carter, I'll do the top edge."

"Donovan, I'm pregnant not an invalid."

She had a point but Donovan still felt protective. At four months and wearing one of his t-shirts, Carter didn't even look pregnant but she was and since finding out that she was carrying another life, he had wanted to shield her from everything. More than ever before. To his annoyance, Carter was having none of it.

Proving this point, Carter got her bucket of paint and climbed into the ladder. Knowing there was no fighting her, Donovan went to work on the walls. The small room quickly filled with the scent of paint as layer after layer was spread on the wall.

When Donovan got close to where Carter stood on the ladder, she leaned down and dapped his face with the end of her paintbrush, leaving a streak of yellow on his cheek. He jerked back which made her laugh.

"Cheer up, solider, I'm not going to die on a ladder," she said.

Donovan used the excuse to wipe off his face as a reason to not look at Carter.

"There is nothing wrong with being cautious," he said.

"True, but there is also a thing about being too cautious. Once this kid comes into the world, our lives are changed forever. Until then I'm going to live as I always have and I'll climb as many ladders as I want to."

When Donovan raised his head, he found Carter smiling down at him. She cupped his cheek and there was a glow in her eyes that had only appeared with knowing she was pregnant. It was beyond happiness. It was peace, surety, hope. It was as if she could see the future and knew that it was all going to be okay. She kissed him and left another smear of paint on his face.

He smiled because he knew that was what she was looking for.

As they worked, Carter talked about a million things they still needed to do to prepare for the baby. The novels on their nightstands had been swapped for baby books, all the things they needed to know.

Carter had read them all in the first couple of months and was going through them a second time as if they were files on an Op. Donovan made notes, forming lists so that they left nothing out. They would show the same attention to details as they would if they were working a case on a drug ring.

By the time late afternoon rolled around, fumes of the paint were overwhelming but the first coating was done. Donovan stepped into the doorway to get the full effect. The walls were a soft blue while the edges were trimmed in a cheery yellow. Carter leaned back against Donovan and he wrapped his arms around her, feeling her small bump.

"I like it," she said.

"Me too. Who says you have to stick to traditional girls have pink and yellow colors while boys have blue and green."

They stood there, taking it in, already picturing where the crib and changing station would go as well as the dresser drawers. Everything would be as it should.

"Want to see how the troops are doing?" Carter asked.

"Yeah, let's see if they've managed to understand how an L wrench works."

To Donovan's surprise, instead of finding mayhem of pieces spread out over the living room floor, both the crib and the changing station was almost completed. Carter clapped appreciatively.

"Look at that, soldiers," she said. "You haven't failed me."

Despite this encouragement, neither team responded, their focus unbroken. Carter peered up at Donovan in question.

"Yeah, I'm guessing Clint made some comment about being able to beat Brock and James. This is a race to the finish."

Carter laughed and headed into the kitchen. On the counter was an open pizza box and she took a cold slice. "Was it ever tiring growing up with such competitive brothers?"

Donovan leaned on the counter beside her, watching as James called out instructions and Brock obeyed without question.

"Yes and no. It made me more determined to be better. I don't think I would have graduated high school so early if it wasn't for them. They were all so smart and I wanted to prove I was the same. They pushed me to be the best I could, to never back down from a challenge. Without them, I wouldn't be me."

Carter nodded and finished off the slice of pizza. For a minute, they remained silent, listening to the murmured instructions and the clink of metal hitting metal as the final touches were being put together.

"I think," Carter said quietly. "That I want that for our kid. Four sounds like a good number." She looked up at Donovan. "There's always a partner for a kid. Always someone to hang out with. A group to encourage each other or piss each other off." She smiled. "I had always wanted siblings. But since how I came about it wasn't meant to happen. But we can give that to our kid."

Donovan brushed his thumb along her cheek.

"Four kids, uh?" He smiled. "I like that."

As Donovan leaned down to kiss Carter, James threw down the instruction manual, shouting.

"Done! That's right Clint, you can suck it! We win! Woo!" He high-fived Brock, both brothers looking extremely smug.

"But we were so close!" Danny cried out.

"Sucks kid, you chose the losing team," James said.

Scowling, Danny charged James but was scooped up and thrown over James's shoulder. With Danny trying to squirm out of his hold, James paraded around the apartment singing, we are the champions. Donovan laughed and kissed the side of Carter's head.

"Yeah, let's have four kids."

******

Something stirred Donovan from his sleep and he frowned, eyes still closed. He waited, trying to figure out what had woken him. With her back pressed against Donovan's chest, Carter slept on, worn out from the day. Shaking off the feeling, Donovan curled Carter closer to him, his arm resting on her stomach.

As he was drifting off, he felt it. It was the feel of a baby kicking his arm. Donovan froze. Waiting. It came again. Beneath his forearm, he felt the pressure of a tiny foot. Donovan placed his hand over the spot, his heart beating against his chest.

But it didn't come again.

Donovan laid there, unmoving, still able to feel the echo of the baby's foot.

His heart wouldn't stop pounding and suddenly the room felt as if there was no air left in it. When taking deep breathes did nothing to stop the rising panic, Donovan untangled himself from Carter and slipped out of bed. He grabbed a hoodie and tugged it over his head as he moved to the door. He needed air.

In the living room, his brothers and Danny were passed out in sleeping bags, their snores bouncing off each other. Donovan craved a path through the sleeping figures and snuck out the front door.

He quickened his steps as he hit the hallway and by the time he reached the stairwell he was pounding up them. He raced through the door to the roof and bent over his knees, sucking in lungfuls of air.

The night was frigid and he welcomed the cold, willing it to cool his sweating body. He was shaking and couldn't control it. It was as if his body were rebelling against him. Moving to the rooftop ledge, he rested his elbows on it and pressed his palms into his eyes. His mind was spiraling and he couldn't calm it down.

At the center of the storm was the feel of the tiny foot. The foot of a baby. Of his baby. Of his kid. The one he knew but didn't know. His baby. He was going to be a father.

Donovan rested his head on his crossed arms, knowing he was full-on panicking.

The door to the rooftop opened and Donovan tensed. He couldn't let Carter see him like this. She couldn't know the fear that was turning him into something weak and pathetic. Not when she was strong and calm. Donovan straightened and gripped the rough ledge, willing himself to appear in control.

But the hand that landed on his shoulder was not Carter's and Donovan crumpled.

"I can't do this," he said. "It's real. It's alive. It's a baby. A baby that will grow up and talk and walk and have its own thoughts and I can't do this."

Clint squeezed Donovan's shoulder.

"I'm not ready. We've read a million books and everything seems to make sense but I don't know how to do this. Every day I fear for Carter. I want to protect her, keep her safe, but I always know that she can handle herself. She's been through hell and still comes through.

"A baby can't do anything for itself and I'm going to be useless to protect it from everything bad in the world. I've seen so much bad that I don't know how we can do this. How anyone can bring a kid into the world?" Donovan dropped his head, gripping his hair. "I'm powerless." 

"Yeah, you are," Clint said. "But that doesn't mean you're useless."

Donovan pinched his eyes. "I feel like I am right now."

"That's called being a father. I faced it when Eva was pregnant. Brock faced it with Ashley's pregnancy and James with Ali's. We've been waiting to see when you would hit this. I had a feeling it would be today. There's something about getting a room ready for a baby that makes it all real."

Closing his eyes, Donovan let out a shuddering breath. He willed his heart to stop freaking out but it continued to thud against his chest as he kept feeling that tiny foot over and over. "How do you deal with this? How do you handle feeling completely inadequate?"

Clint leaned against the ledge, staring out on the city. "One, you realize it's a feeling that never goes away. You will always feel like you're not doing enough for your kid or protecting them from it all. Two, you eventually come to terms with that. Three, you do all that you can do for them."

"I thought protecting Link for all those years would somehow prepare me but I don't know anything. He wasn't my kid, only a kid I had to take a bullet for."

Clint chuckled softly. "Parenting is like that. You'll do anything for your kid. But it's more than being willing to die for them, it's raising them to know why a sacrifice like that is worth it in this world."

Donovan shook his head. "How do you teach that?"

"By showing them each day that you love them and that when you love someone it means putting them first."

Taking a deep breath, Donovan stared out over the city. The miles of buildings all crowded with lives around him made him feel so small. Clint took hold of Donovan's shoulder and turned him.

"Listen," he said. "You're going to be okay. I've watched you put Carter before yourself, even put Link before yourself. Though you feel unprepared, you've actually been working up to this moment your whole life. You're going to make a great father."

"Says the man who just talked me down from a panic attack."

Clint smiled and jostled Donovan. "It's all part of the process. Every father has gone through it." He tilted his head down, holding Donovan's gaze. "You're not alone in this. We're all here for you. We got your six."

The words echoed from years ago stabilized Donovan, grounding him in a way that all the reassurances of before couldn't. Because he wasn't alone. He wasn't just a father, he was a husband to a woman who would face hell to protect the ones she loved. And he had brothers who would stick by him. He wasn't alone.

"Come on," Clint said. "Let's head back in. You don't want Carter to know you left to have a panic attack."

Laughing, the brothers returned to the apartment. When Donovan crept back into bed, Carter twisted around.

"Everything okay?" she said, her voice groggy.

Donovan slid in next to her and wrapped his arm around her stomach, hoping to feel the kick of his baby.

"We're having a kid," he said. "Everything's perfect."

**********************************************************************

Hello and no.

No NO nO no No On nOo NNo no mo no no no no. I love you but no no no no No nO Nooo nOoOo! I'm not writing about the other babies, the brothers' wives, their weddings or any of that! I love you but I'm not.

*takes a breath* So...whatcha think about me chapter? 💬💭🗯👶🏽

You know I had to do this, Donovan is amazing and all but he's still human and he needed to have a moment of panic.

Now to something completely random. I love you and right now is really crazy in the world and I just want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers! 🙏❤️ More than you could know!

Vote, comment, follow and make suggestions! (Anything that doesn't involve the brothers' wives)

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net