tumblr: societyobeys; Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus
(ONE DIRECTION DID NOT FUCKING WRITE IT)]

TWELVE:: when you mend your broken strings.

"God, Jules..." Paul had rushed over after Will had gone to get him, promptly dragging Benji out of the room to give us some privacy. Andy had left sometime around 4:30 so he'd make it to the school on time for practice, my dad disappeared as had Jade, and Rilee was nowhere to be found.

Trying to sit up on the bed, I winced at the pain in my ribs, "I'm fine, Paul."

But Paul didn't agree, his breath hitched as he quickly moved beside my bed, hands on my shoulders and slightly pushing me back onto my pillow so I didn't cause further damage, "You're not fine, you look like you've been hit by a truck, what the hell?"

"It was just a fight..." I excused, it was getting tiring being treated like I was fragile and weak. Hell, Paul wouldn't even let me sit up. Pushing the button on my bed that brought the back up, I maneuvered it so I could successfully sit up without putting too much pressure on my stomach.

And even though Paul wasn't really pushy, he was different that day; something changed. Normally, he'd smile as soon as we'd seen each other but that day, he was stressed. He was looking at me with a sense of sadness as he stared my cast down, "Tell me what happened."

I wasn't aware when my hand became tangled in his tattooed one but as he sat in the chair beside my bed, I found myself admiring the skin beneath mine. I was nervous as his eyes analyzed my battered face. Wondering if I looked like a mess, I kept my eyes on his hand, afraid that he'd be able to see the hesitation I had bubbling and the insecurities is tried to keep at bay.

But apprehension was laced in the dullness of my speech. I hadn't even convinced myself, "Nothing happened."

His free hand automatically clenched around the bed sheet, surprising me. I watched as he shut his eyes trying to calm down, veins popping as he heard my response. His shoulders were squared as he opened his eyes, brown engulfing my green, "It was Calum wasn't it?"

I winced.

Shaking his head, Paul was stern with his words. Paul wasn't normally a commanding person but when he was, it was both extremely attractive yet completely intimidating, "Tell me the story."

And regardless of the fact that I knew he wouldn't judge, I was hesitant. I didn't want to talk about it, "Paul..."

But the look on his face and the plea in his voice persuaded me, "Tell me."

My voice was hoarse as I spoke, I hadn't said much in a while and with my new position, I'd accidentally shifted my stomach while I was turning to explain, "I... I would've left but he slashed my tires and brought his friends."

He seemed to be mulling over my answer as we fell into a comfortable silence. My eyes were on our hands -my bruised one and his tattooed- as I subconsciously ran my thumb over his knuckles, his breath hitching slightly.

I hadn't expected him to speak, "How close are you to the school?"

Feeling my eyebrows furrow, I disregarded how much I didn't want him to see all the damage on my face, I looked up at him and I ignored the grimace on his face, "I live like five-ten minutes away, why?"

He shook his head, "I'm picking you up in the mornings and driving you home after," he must've seen the incredulous look on my face because he lifted his eyebrows as if daring me to retaliate, "no exceptions."

"Paul..."

"Jules," he sighed, gently caressing my hand in his, eyes flickering between mine and my bandaged arm, "they fucking jumped you."

"Andy stopped it."

I didn't know why though. I was going through Hell and suddenly these amazing friends pop up out of nowhere and I'm accepted as protected. I didn't deserve Benji, who jumped into a fight for me. I didn't deserve Andy, who risked his own status for my safety and I definitely didn't deserve Paul.

"And there won't be anything else for him to stop." He wasn't backing down. Paul may have been gentle and kind but this was asking too much of him, "I want you to call me or Brandon whenever something like this happens again, okay? Because if they hurt you again," he shook his head with a slight chuckle, "fuck being a pacifist."

That was when I realized how serious he was, "We're not even dating, Paul."

I noticed the small falter in his smile but, not wanting to call him out, I pretended I hadn't seen, "You're still my friend and I care about you, okay?"

And then he leaned in, lips pecking mine so soft, I didn't feel it against the swollen skin. This was different from our other kisses. Our other kisses were heat of the moment; our other kisses were more make-out sessions that meant nothing and usually left me with a raging hard on and hickeys. They were slow but filled with so much sexual tension that it didn't seem this real. And I didn't have time to react to Paul kissing me so frivolously and sweetly. That was a dating thing, not a whatever-we-were thing and he couldn't just kiss me like that, that was couple-y and I wasn't ready for it.

He didn't let me respond as he pushed some hair off my forehead, eyes wide as he saw the confusion on my face. I watched as his movements became a little frantic. It was as if he were scared of my reaction, "Lay down."

"Paul, I-I-"

I didn't even know what I as going to say but he relieved me from that pressure by cutting me off, "I'm gonna get more information and see when you can leave, okay?"

"Is anyone here?" I asked with a comforting smile. I had no idea what the kiss was about either but I knew that he shouldn't have been as uncomfortable as he was. We were still friends, friends that happened to kiss once or twice or three times...

He sighed in relief at the subject change, "No, your dad got some emergency call, it's late so your friends left, uh... Andy I think said something about soccer and the twins went to this tech-y meeting thingy at Brandon's school."

Standing, I watched as he made his way to the door, not giving me a chance to respond as he slipped out, "I'll be right back, okay?"

: : :

Paul had been gone for almost twenty minutes and the feeling that he'd left had implanted itself in my head. I could deal with my mother not showing up and I could deal with Calum but I just thought Paul was different.

I heard footsteps and felt the eyes on me as the one person I was avoiding stepped through into my hospital room, "Hey..."

I raised an eyebrow, ignoring their presence as hurt embedded itself in me. Some part of me was hoping it'd be Paul and I was upset that it wasn't. I was upset that I couldn't get up to go find him or at least walk away from the person that has made themselves home in the doorframe.

"Bro, I hate fighting with you like this..."

And that was when I finally looked up, assessing her clothing first which was just an old pair of boyfriend jeans, my old red converse, and a black tank-top. Rolling my eyes, I looked past her outfit to her remorse-filled green eyes, "Jade, I'm not in the mood-"

And that was when she groaned loudly, not up for my bullshit anymore, "When will you be in the mood then? I need my brother and I'm sorry if I hurt your man-pride or whatever but, it's been weeks..." And that was when she realized that we weren't getting any closer to recovery, "I didn't know he meant that much to you and if I did, nothing between him and I would've happened," she assured, "but it did, I screwed up and he screwed me over. I lost the best thing I had because I was so stupid, I can't lose my brother too."

"Look... I get it, I really do but you're my baby sister, you're too young to have sex, and I thought I loved him..." I explained as she listened. That's the thing about Jade, she listened, "You have to understand how that felt."

She nodded, encouraging me to speak but I couldn't meet her eyes anymore as I kept my vision on my ring. I felt like a little kid admitting to stealing from the cookie jar or something, "It's just the fact that Calum led me to believe that there was something and was fucking my sister behind closed doors... I had no right to flip out on you, it just... hurt."

And that was when I realized that I only thought I loved Calum. I wasn't in love with Calum, how could I be when I'd so quickly let Paul in and moved on?

I liked Calum, a little more than a friend and a little less than I liked Paul which was insane considering the fact that it hadn't even been three weeks since we'd met. I'd known my best friend for seven years before I realized my feelings which were all misinterpreted anyways. Maybe I was a mess, maybe I was too young, and maybe I really just had no place in romance.

"He led you on?" she asked, lips moving like a fish out of water.

But I didn't want to even think about what happened let alone explain.

"I don't want to talk about it." I didn't want to talk about it because it was supposed to be a secret and even though Calum had battered me, I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

She shrugged but I could see how much she wanted to know but how cautious she was being. We'd just repaired our relationship, "Okay, talk to me when you're ready, I'm seriously not gonna judge. I don't even think I'm in the position to judge anything you do."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, her hands wiping at the watery brim of her eyes and I felt the need to say something. She was heartbroken and had been dealing with in on her own. She'd been dealing with the name calling and the locker room talk that I often had to stop before I lost it, "Sorry about Caspar..."

"You finally got his name right." she chuckled dryly, trying to find humor as she stood, going to retrieve y giant sports bag that I hadn't realized she'd brought. Unzipping it, she pulled my Xbox out.

"Well, he's apparently a friend now..."

"I'd be lying if I said that didn't sting," but Jade being Jade, brushed it off like it was nothing. My sister was hooking up the system and grabbing the controller as she put the disk in for a movie called Project Almanac. The air was no longer tense around us as she pulled things out of her bag, "Anyways, I have a pizza scented candle, your XBox and a couple movies if you wanna watch them with me?"

I couldn't stop the smile that spread when she'd said pizza scented candle. She knew it was my favorite and she also knew that j couldn't pass it up, "Of course."

"I really missed you, Jules." She muttered as she at beside me on the tiny hospital bed, back against the headboard as I laid down in the most comfortable position I could. My sister fluffed my pillow before unfolding a navy blue blanket that see brought from the house and settle in, draping it across herself and leaving me in the hospital sheets.

"I missed you too." I'd been so wrapped up in myself these past few days that I hadn't even thought about how my sister's sexual escapades were being talked about consistently and Jade could normally hold her own but I could tell it was getting to her. "Are you okay?"

With her brows furrowed, she looked over at me but probably seeing the sincerity on my face, she'd settled for a shrug. "It's whatever, people talk."

But it wasn't just whatever, a senior had slept with my baby sister and then announced it. Someone who used to spend weeks at our house was gaining all the props for everything he did, no repercussions or anything and she was hurting. "We can talk to Dad-"

"I'm not talking to Dad." And with her eyes never leaving the tv, she spoke firmly. "I don't want them to know about this, Jules, not Loraine and definitely not Dad."

Going to speak up even if I knew it wouldn't change her mind, I sighed, "Jade-"

"I slept with Calum cause I was stupid." Her voice held so much pain that I didn't realize was there to begin with.

"I was drunk and stupid and we were at this fucking party and Cas rejected me in front of everyone."

"I wasn't even- I wasn't even trying to have sex with him."

"He made it seem like that. We got into a fight and he said I was obsessed with him and... and-and he put his arm around that girl he always hangs out with and... and told me that I needed to stop being so needy and find some friends."

And I couldn't imagine that was the same Caspar who seemed devastated.

"A-and I was feeling ugly and Calum called me pretty."  She shrugged. "I've had a crush on him since we were kids, and my boyfriend didn't want to touch me but could be all over Willa a-and Calum said that I didn't need to think of myself in any way that wasn't fucking perfect."

"He's good at making you feel important."

"Yeah, he is." And almost as quickly as the tears had sprung to her eyes, they dried up and in seconds my sister was clearing her throat and sitting up straight. "I just forgot for a second how easily everything becomes the girl's fault, so could we just drop it?"

"It's not your fault."

"Hey," my voice was cut off as I heard Paul's. Looking up, I noticed him opening the door, not looking up from the coffee and soda he was balancing on top of a pizza box, "They said you can leave on Friday," he said with a small smile as he closed the door with his foot.

Almost as if the conversation hadn't happened, Jade elbowed me and raised her brows at the boy who had entered and I didn't press further. She wanted to forget about it and even if I didn't agree, it wasn't my place to argue when we'd just mended our relationship.

I briefly saw Jade wiggle her eyebrows at me, my eyes catching onto Paul's ass as he turned around to place the pizza on the table by the chairs. I felt the blood rushing to my face and ears as he still hadn't turned around.

I was hoping Hade wouldn't say or do anything embarrassing.

Paul laughed as he opened the box, grabbing a slice; "Sorry it took so long, I had to give Brandon a pep talk over the phone..." I heard him chuckling as he turned around, pizza in his mouth, "The guy is terrified that they won't accept-" and that was when he saw Jade, "um... H-hello."

I watched as his smile faltered at the sight of Jade with her head on my shoulder as she selected the movie on my system and put in the pass code, "I thought you were- I'm just gonna..."

And that was when Jade winked at him, "Damn bro, you know how to pick 'em," she said, slapping my back, reminding me of a certain ginger. Turning towards Paul, she reached her hand out for a shake, "Hey, I'm Jade, Julian's sister."

And Paul's eyes widened as he hesitantly took her hand.

"That's Paul."

Jade giggled at his deer-caught-in-the-headlights look and I internally told myself that Paul was gay and he was into me not her, "Well, hi Paul."

And that was when his eyes transferred to mine before going back to Jade's, nervous scratch at the back of his neck and nervous laughter sputtering out as his hand swung back to its side, "Uh, hey. Sorry, I uh saw and thought you were- yeah."

Apparently Jade caught on before I did, "Did you seriously... Ew that's gross, man."

I watched his Adam's apple bobble as he gulped, hand rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. And then it came to me, he thought Jade and I were together.

The thought made me want to vomit.

By the way Jade was looking at him, I could tell she felt the same. But when Paul rocked back on his heels, she cooed, "He's cute, keep him."

And behind her smile, I could see how much she missed Caspar. She was masking it with humor but I knew it was there. I knew my sister.

"Wanna join us?" She offered Paul, eyes scanning him.

"I don't want to interrupt your family time..."

Paul knew how distant Jade and I had been because of my I secret rambling so due to his selfless nature, he politely declined.

And I knew how bad he wanted to see Project Almanac.

But she chuckled, shaking her head, black and green ponytail bobbing, "No, stay. Seriously, the more the merrier."

And Jade sat up from squeezing beside me on the small one-person bed. Patting the spot where she moved from, she'd winked at me before hauling ass to the bottom of the bed and pressed play on the movie, the previews already passed.

"You've been dying to see this movie." I persuaded him with a small smile, him matching mine as he moved over to the chair beside my bed.

And even though it wasn't what I'd had in mind, it was nice to have him there.

A/N:

So I recently went home (Connecticut) for a week and it was heavenly. (Not the sixteen hour car ride, that was Hell) You don know how much I missed it. And I went to a wedding where I lost my iPad charger. So my iPad is dead and that's what I usually write on.

Hopefully I get a new one tomorrow but until then I'm stuck writing on my phone.

Oh and if any of you guys remember when I used to write a book called Noelle, you'd know how much the song attached bring back memories. It's basically the theme song for Noelle, my God.

Updated: Tuesday, June 16.