Throwing myself face first on the bed, I can't help the tears that flow freely from my eyes. At this point, I'm not sure if it's from Greyson's death, the glass stuck in my arm, my broken ribs, or a combination of all three. Probably the latter.

A soft knock hits my door, which I ignore. The last thing I want right now is Finn coddling me, telling me it will all be okay. It will never be okay again.

The knocking persists. "Go away, Finn," I say through sobs.

"It's me," A voice says gently. "Ronin."

My tears stop abruptly from my confusion. I get out of bed, ignoring the pain shooting through my chest and arm. I open the door, and Ronin is standing, holding up a medical bag.

"Do you mind if I take a look at your arm? I'm a healer," He says quietly, shyly.

I shake my head, opening the door. I sit in the chair by the window I shattered, and Ronin takes the second chair that Finn would sit in.

Ronin hold my wrist gently, looking at my bloody arm. He opens the bag, and pulls out a pair of tweezers. "This may hurts a little bit," He apologizes.

He uses the tweezers to remove the chunks of glass, and I wince slightly. "No one is mad at you, you know," He says quietly. "They understand the... situation."

I swallow. "Did Finn tell you all about..." I can't bring myself to say it out loud.

He hesitates, pulling out another piece of glass. "Not the details. Just the gist," He reassures me. "We were there when he found you outside."

I flinch. I barely remembered that night, the Darkness had nearly completely taken over.

His voice is shakey as he says, "I thought you were dead when I first saw you in Finn's arms. Your skin was blue. Later that night, Finn asked me to take a look at your ribs. He thought they may have been broken, but when I tried to heal them, you started screaming and punched me in the face while you were thrashing," He laughs slightly.

"Sorry," I wince. "I... I don't really remember that night well."

He shrugs. "Like I said. No one blames you for anything."

Guilt reverberates through me. I had much to be blamed for. Starting with Greyson's death. "Maybe you should," I mutter.

Ronin takes an alcohol pad and rubs it on my arm, wiping up the blood in the process, and apologizing when I flinch. "You shouldn't blame yourself," Ronin says quietly after a moment. "I've been down that path. You can't save everybody, Onyx."

Ronin hovers his hand over my arm, and I can feel it tingle as skin patches over the cuts. He was a full-fledged healer, a rarity among wolves. Many had an affinity for bandaging and knowing what herbs to use, but very rarely could they use their Gift to quickly heal over wounds. Grams was a healer too, and I was used to the strange sensation.

"I should take a look at your ribs too," Ronin insists.

I shake my head. "They're fine." A lie.

Ronin raises an eyebrow. "You heal at the rate of a normal wolf. I saw how destroyed they were that night. It looked like your chest was collapsing in on itself. I can't imagine what could cause that much force..." His voice trails off. "I know what you're doing."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I deny it.

He looks at me, sympathy present in his gaze. "You're punishing yourself for that night. You think you'll feel better if you repent through pain, but you're wrong."

I can't help breaking down. All I do these days is cry. "I-I don't know how to get over this," I sob, and Ronin wraps his arms around me. I stain his shirt with my tears.

I pull away when I'm calmed down. "Time," He says softly. "I know it's cliche. The whole time heals all wounds saying. But it's true. Every day will get a little bit better. It'll always hurt you, but one day you'll realize that the pain isn't debilitating anymore like it used to be."

He hands me a tissue to blow my nose into. "You've lost someone close to you," I observe.

He gives a sad smile, and he gets a far away look on his face for a moment. "That's how I know it won't last forever. No matter how hard it is, you just have to keep it moving. Getting out of bed every day, even when you just want to waste away. Seek comfort in those around you," he advises, and I look down. As if guessing my thoughts, he says gently, "We are here for you, Onyx. Kallista asked Finn about you every day you were in here. Dean fought Finn tooth and nail to let him come in because he thought he might cheer you up."

I smile slightly, but he continues speaking. "Will, Astrid, and I kept our distance, because truthfully, we were scared of upsetting you more. But we fixed up a makeshift home theater for you, because Finn said you like movies. We thought you might want somewhere to go for a distraction once you felt up to it."

My mouth drops open, completely shocked and touched by the sentiment. "But- why? You all don't even know me."

He smiles kindly and squeezes my hand. "Because you're Finn's mate," he says, and I wince. That again. "But more importantly, because you're one of us. Not just because you're a rogue at heart. But because you're driven by your desire to help others."

Words completely escape me, and I suddenly can't remember a single word in the English language. Or any other language, for that matter.

"So how about you take the first step towards healing, and let me fix your ribs."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ronin leaves after healing my crushed ribcage, and I'm thankful he didn't ask how it happened. Some things are just too painful to say out loud.

I take a shower, and get dressed in pajama pants and another one of Finn's hoodies, the other one somewhere in the home theater.

The home theater they made for me. I couldn't believe that people I didn't even know would try so hard to make me happy. That they immediately accepted me for as I am. The feeling was foreign, unfamiliar.

There was another knock at the door, and I told them they could come in. It was Finn.

"Hey," He said, sitting on the corner of the bed. "How are you feeling? Ronin said he healed the cuts and breaks."

I nod. "He's very kind to me." Unjustly so, in a way I didn't deserve. I don't answer his question regarding how I am, because the answer is depressing and obvious.

"You sound surprised," Finn states.

I shrug. How do I explain why I'm surprised by kindness? It's not like the Blue Moon wolves were terrible towards me, with the exception of Brenna. But their kindness felt forced, like it was out of obligation to Thane, not because they genuinely wanted to see me happy. I hadn't been able to connect with any of them, and I knew it was because I was too different, by no fault of their own. We were raised differently, with a different set of ethics and morals.

Finn's gaze goes to my hoodie. His hoodie.

"Sorry," I immediately apologize. "I should have asked before taking your clothes. I just found it in the closet and I get cold kind of easily but I should have-"

Finn cuts me off. "I already told you that you don't have to apologize for anything or explain yourself. I just like seeing you in my clothes, that's all."

I gulp, my cheeks burning. I hadn't really considered the implications of wearing something that belonged to him, the message that may send.

His eyes widen. "I shouldn't have said that," He muttered. "You should go to sleep. You've had a long day."

I nod, and he says goodnight before leaving the room.

An hour goes by, and I can't sleep. Being in the room reminds me too much of the night I came here, of the night Greyson died.

I see the window, and think about the times that Grey and I would wake up early to watch the sunset. The bed I lay on right now is the same bed I slept in, plagued by nightmares of Greyson's heart. I feel trapped in this room, and I long for the outside, where the air is crisp and I have no traumas associated with it.

But I'm in control of my life now. I can do as I please. I don't need to ask anyone for permission to go outside.

I get out of bed, and quietly make my way through the twisting hallways, until I find the back door to the garden.

Laying down on my back, I stare up at the stars and the moon, and I feel free. Connected to my wolf, to myself.

Dozing off, I awaken when Finn brings out a pillow and blankets. He gently lifts my head up, putting a pillow underneath my head, and blankets over my body. I'm grateful when he doesn't question why I'm doing this, and leaves me alone.

I wake up again, and I look back at the house. A light is on in one of the higher up windows, and I see the outline of Finn's body, undoubtedly watching over me.

And that's where I sleep the next few nights, enjoying the peacefulness of the outdoors, my connection to nature the only thing that hasn't been destroyed by that night.

Sometimes when I wake up throughout the night I look back at the house, and there's always someone watching through a window. Usually Finn, but sometimes Dean or Ronin are there, watching over me.

And those nights, I didn't have any nightmares.