Chapter Twenty

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"Callie?"

"Hmmm?" She blinked. "Sorry, I was miles away."

Dreaming of coffee administered via an intravenous drip...

"I said the clients are going to love this." Avery angled her head. "You okay?"

No. Yes. Kind of. She should be. 

Truth was, she didn't know what she was. 

Sometimes she felt a little lost. At others, like she'd finally found her place in the world. It was confusing. At times frustrating. A little scary. Worrying, too. 

All she really knew for certain was trying to be the perfect girlfriend was exhausting. Like every hour of every day she was trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole and no matter how much of it she forced in, there were always gaps left to remind her of how short of the perfection mark she fell.

She focused on the sketches laid out on the desk and tried to concentrate on the problem at hand. "I think it fulfills the brief, but if they decide they want something larger or smaller, it wouldn't take much to make the necessary adjustments."

Secretly, she had her fingers crossed they didn't want it any bigger. It was already the largest commission she'd ever been given, more sculpture than mirror. But while she was a tad concerned how she would get the finished piece out of her workshop and down six flights of stairs, if she wanted to expand her business, she couldn't afford to turn it down. 

Watching Oscar work made it feel like she'd failed to live up to her potential. She wanted him to be as proud of her as she was of him. 

But it turned out growth of any kind, whether personal or professional, took its toll. 

She'd never been so tired.

"Yes," Avery replied. "You said that, already."

"Did I?" Callie frowned. "It's just I know how important these clients are to you, so if they're not entirely happy, we can do as many rounds of sketches as -"

"You said that, too." Placing the sketches back in the portfolio case Callie had used to transport them across the city, Avery leaned back in her chair, folded her hands together in her lap and asked, "What's up?"

"Nothing," Callie lied.

"Is everything okay with Oscar?"

"Yes."

"How's he dealing with all the publicity?"

"Great."

Initially, she was concerned he would find it difficult to adjust. The Oscar she grew up with had always been insular, which with hindsight meant the whole great app millionaire conspiracy shouldn't have been such a big surprise. That he had years to consider how his life would change probably helped with the transition. As did the fact he was dealing with his kind of people in his kind of crowd. 

The confident and self-assured man she found so sexy didn't need help. If anything, the phrase 'duck to water', came to mind. 

Sure, there were times he was more tuned in to his phone or computer screen than what they were talking about, but that wasn't new. She was just more understanding of it now and didn't let it get to her.

Okay, fine, it got to her.

But she didn't tell him it did.

"Have you moved in together?" Avery inquired. "He seems to spend all his time at your apartment."

Callie looked through the nearest window at one of the tall, leafy trees outside. "Not officially."

It was a bit of a raw nerve. She loved having him there, falling asleep in his arms and being woken with a kiss in the morning were two of her favorite things. But her apartment was cramped for one person and while she was sleep deprived and irritable, it made living on top of each other feel claustrophobic. 

Then there was his whole super organized thing versus her penchant for chaos. If he mentioned the lack of storage. One. More. Time.

She gave herself a mental slap. The new and improved Callie didn't dwell on her own problems. She wanted to know how Avery was and hear about the new man in her life. 

Switching her gaze from the window to the woman behind the glass-topped desk, she led up to the subject with, "Have you done something to your hair?"

"Funny you should mention it," Avery's smile grew. "When you arrived, I found it amusing yours was up while mine is down. Feels a bit like we've swapped hair."

Ha! Callie wished. She'd tried to achieve a sleek chignon after Oscar mentioned he liked her hair up. But even if she tamed her troublesome tresses, she didn't have enough patience for all the necessary pins. One big, toothy clip and a top-knot which made it look like she'd been electrocuted were as close as she got to 'styled'.

She watched as a graceful hand lifted from Avery's lap to smooth the glossy, golden waves. Callie was so used to seeing her former boss's hair twisted into flawless, sophisticated up-do's, she was momentarily distracted by its beauty. 

It was so pretty. And shiny.

Avery shrugged. "I just felt like a change."

"Mmm-hmmm," Callie responded. "And does this sudden need to let it all hang out have anything to do with Josh? Cos I hear on the grapevine, as in Beth, who told me his name, you're spending a lot of time together..."

"Not that much."

Callie gasped when a delightful hint of rose pink appeared on Avery's high cheekbones. "Liar, liar, pants on fire." She moved around the desk, propped her ass on a corner and made a beckoning motion with her fingers. "Tell Auntie Callie every delicious detail."

"This isn't really the place to talk about it."

"Why?" She stifled a smile. "Are you scared his mommy might find out he kissed you and ground him?" When the pink on Avery's cheeks deepened, Callie's eyes widened. "Oh my, you did more than kiss, didn't you?"

"Can we talk about this over lunch?"

"I can't do lunch," she said apologetically. "I'm making Oscar's favorite dinner tonight. I have to pick up groceries on the way home."

"You're cooking?"

A little less incredulity would be nice. Callie could cook. She just didn't particularly like cooking and had never seen the point when the city had so many Delis, diners, restaurants and about a gazillion other places for take-out food.

"You had sex?" she countered. "Safe sex, right?"

Avery arched an elegant brow. "Despite what everyone seems to think. Not my first rodeo..."

The comment caught Callie off-guard, as did the spark of jealousy she experienced when she saw the sparkle of undiluted happiness in Avery's eyes. There was no need for her to feel jealous when she had Oscar. 

Except she didn't really 'have' him, did she? 

It felt more like he was on loan. And the lease was almost up.

She shook her head a little to displace the thought and smiled brightly. "Go, Avery. Was it good? It was great, wasn't it? He looked like the kind of guy who has skills in that area when I searched for him on Google."

"Beth told you to do that, didn't she?"

"She waxed lyrically about shirtless sportsmen for a good half hour and there was no way I wasn't gonna sneak a peek at all the links she sent me. Didn't mention Josh is seriously smokin' hot, did we Ms. Buchanan?" Callie fanned her face with her hand. "I mean, damn girl. If I wasn't head over heels in love with Oscar, I'd have ovulated looking at some of those pictures. Have you seen the things he does on a snowboard? The man literally has no fear. There's this one clip on Youtube where he drops out of a helicopter and –"

"I'm sorry." Avery held up a palm to silence her. "Did you just say you're in love with Oscar?"

Crap. She had said that, hadn't she?

"We're talking about you and Josh."

"Not any more, we're not."

"But I need details."

"Callie," Avery said with an uncharacteristic hint of impatience at her friend's attempt to deflect. "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"There's something."

Damn it. The few minutes she was focused on Avery's love life were the closest she'd felt to her old self in for-ev-er. 

"It's nothing," she repeated with one of the reassuring smiles she'd perfected. "I'm fine."

Avery studied her face for an uncomfortably long moment before she shook her head. 

"No, you're not," she said softly. "You look drained. What's wrong?"

The concern in her voice made Callie's spine stiffen. 

"I'm tired," she stated firmly. "That's all."

"Oscar keeping you up at night?"

"Yes." The truth this time. She rolled her eyes. "You know how it is when they turn up the heat on us. It can be hard to resist."

Avery smiled wistfully. "Yes, it can."

"Kind of fabulous, isn't it?"

"Kinda is..."

It was a rare moment of equality and as a result, Callie's next smile took less effort. "We should totally double date."

"So I can be reminded josh is closer to your age than mine?"

"Does it matter what age he is?"

"No," Avery replied with a conspiratorial wink. "But stamina helps."

Callie chuckled, uncertain whether she should be outraged or proud. They'd come a long way since the Passion Pact, had taken the first steps on a journey she hoped would lead them to happiness. It might not be with the guys they were with, a thought which made her incredibly sad, but some of them would get there. She really believed that.

"Are you sure you're okay? If you want to talk about anything..."

"I know." Callie stifled a yawn. "Sorry. Late night. Once I've got some sleep, I'll be back to my usual chirpy self." She checked the time on the antique clock above Avery's easel. "I gotta go. I want to pick up a couple of Oscar's suits from the dry-cleaners on the way to the grocery store."

As they got to their feet and Callie moved around the desk to gather her things, Avery shadowed her. "Are you aiming for a housewife of the year award?"

"Nope. Just a busy little beaver."

"Call Oscar, tell him to collect his own dry-cleaning and you're ordering takeout tonight. Then we can have lunch."

"I'd love to." And she meant it. "But I can't."

Even if she stuck to her tight schedule, she knew she would have to push hard to get the most recent website orders ready for collection before Oscar came home. 

She couldn't allow anything or anyone to interrupt the time they spent giving and receiving more physical pleasure than most people got in a lifetime. It was her reward, made up for all the random little moments during the day when she yearned to see his face and hear his voice. She just wished she didn't feel like she was constantly on the run or that the thing she was on the run from was watching her every move like a lion hunting a gazelle, waiting for a moment to strike.

Avery enfolded her in a tight hug. "You know I love you, don't you?"

"I do." Callie blinked hard. "Love you, too."

She leaned back, promised they would get together soon, and left before she got weepy.

Dealing with her own shit instead of dumping it at someone else's door was part of the maturing process. Oscar had obviously learned that a lot sooner than her. She couldn't remember a time when he'd dumped his shit on her. Instead, he held everything inside, tucked safely away where no-one could see it. 

She needed to learn how to do that. She should add it to her list.

But damn that thing was getting long.

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