Brianna's POV:

Today was the first day that I was going to see my mother in quite a while. My uncle called me the other day and told me she wasn't doing very well. I know I should really go see her more, just every time I go it makes me remember the past. All the things I went through as a child, don't get me wrong, I had a very nice childhood being wealthy and all. I got every toy I could ever ask for, I basically got anything I ever asked for. All the other kids were so jealous of me.

My father would use any excuse he could do get out of the house and away from my mother. He had various other lovers, despite being married to my mother. I guess what's one of the many reasons I don't believe in marriage. It's pointless bullshit and in the end it means nothing. Sure you could vow to be faithful to someone for the rest of your life, but those are just words. A marriage is pretty much just based on words and promises that neither party will ever keep.

My father, Jared, he didn't care if I was there. He would tell my mother that he was going to spend time with me, take me to the toy shop, take me to lunch, take me for ice cream, etc. He didn't completely lie to her though, because he did take me for all those things. "Don't tell your mommy, and I'll get you whatever you want." Really, he would leave me in a store or at the park alone for hours, and then come back with a toy or ice cream or whatever. I just didn't really matter to him. To him I was just an object, an excuse really.

My mother, Maybelle, knew better. She knew that her 'beloved' Jared was nothing more then an unfaithful asshole. That all their 'love' and promises of it, was just nothing more then utter bullshit. In this world you can rely on no one but yourself. If you were to 'love' anyone in this world, it should be yourself. Love yourself, because it's you alone in this world. Sure you can have friends, lovers, family. But those are just people, and people let you down. People just make bullshit promises. So if love exists, love yourself. That's how I see it anyways.

Maybelle and Jared, together forever. That's bullshit right? Everything is just bullshit. They did however remain married to each other, despite my father's infidelities. My mother just learned to live with it. Of course she tried to change, she tried to lose more weight (despite her already slender frame), she tried a new hair style, she tried to dress sexier, overall she just tried to be a better wife. She was hoping my father would return this 'love' that he had promised her with marriage. He never did though, he never showed love for my mother. Not even for me. The few times my mother did bring up divorce, he would beat her. He would beat her so bad, that I didn't think I would ever see her again.

It's quite sad that even though he didn't have any love for her, he wouldn't let her go. He didn't let her be happy, or even give her a chance to be happy. But he was sure happy, being a Steele I guess with his great looks, he could get any girl he wanted. Much like I can. In his later years, when he was far too old to be getting girls, he drank. He didn't want my mother still, he just drank. And now that he's gone, my mother is too old to get the chance of happiness that she deserved. So do you see what marriage causes you?

I sit up and stretch, noticing Jessica is already up getting ready. It's not even 11:00AM yet, and she's already up. That's highly unusual for her. Usually on the weekends she likes to sleep in, and well cuddle me. Oh, and we have lots of sex too. That's the best part. Lately, she's seemed a bit distant? If that's the correct word to use.

"What are you doing up so early?" I ask.

"Going to hang out with Kelsey." She replies, finishing her makeup and hair.

"Oh... You've been spending a lot of time with her lately..." I reply.

"Yeah, she's pretty amazing."

"Yeah... I still haven't got a chance to meet her yet. Maybe sometime soon?" I suggest. I get up and walk into the bathroom, where she's observing herself in the mirror.

"Maybe. Do I look okay?" She asks.

"You look gorgeous as usual. Since when do you care what you look like though?" I question.

"Umm since always. Sorry some of us can't roll out of bed and look as good as you, Brianna."

"That's not what I meant. You always look good."

"Thanks." She responds.

"You're welcome." I kiss her cheek. "So maybe when I get back from my mom's house we can spend some time together? I'll make us some dinner, and maybe we can watch a movie or something after?"

"Yeah maybe." She sits down before putting on her favorite pair of shoes.

I sit down next to her and frown. "I just miss you lately, Jess. We barely see each other anymore. Between work and school. And you've been spending time with your friend a lot."

"Okay, fine. Dinner and a movie sounds good."

"Alright, so it's a date." I can't believe I used that word, but whatever. A date can mean many things. Doesn't have to be the romantic kind. I, Brianna Steele, am not a romantic person. Sure sometimes with Jessica I can get caught up in the moment, but I haven't forgotten who I am.

"Okay." Is all she says back.

I lean in to kiss her, but she doesn't even notice. She gets up and looks at herself in the mirror once more, before spraying some of that good smelling perfume she always wears on herself.

"So I'll see you later I guess." She starts to head out the door.

"Wait." I follow her. "You forgot to give me a kiss."

She leans in and kisses me. "Is that better?"

"Not quite. I'm not satisfied yet." I lean in and kiss her again.

She kisses me back. "I really have to go now."

"Yeah... You don't want to keep Kelsey waiting."

She kisses me again, before leaving.

I just don't have a good feeling about this Kelsey girl. It's good for Jessica to have other friends though right? I just don't know of many friends who spend almost all their time together. It's none of my business anyways, I don't own Jessica. Sure I may feel a little jealous at times. Wait what? I don't get jealous. I'm not jealous. Jessica isn't my girlfriend. I'm Brianna Steele, I don't do girlfriends. I like to fuck. That's right.

I turn on the shower, and wait a bit for it to heat up. Once it's right where I want it, I get in. Lately I'm not used to taking showers alone. Usually I take all of mine with Jessica. Usually I do everything with Jessica... But lately we haven't been. As much as it does pain me to say this, I sure do miss her. Which is bad. Because I usually don't miss anyone. I just can't help missing her.

After I take a shower, I go to my closet to look for something to wear. I usually just have two categories of clothes, work clothes, and clothes that aren't suitable for 'mommy'. I don't really have many casual clothes. About ten minutes later, I find something. A nice plaid shirt and some jeans. Shortly after putting the shirt on, I realize it's Jesscia's. Which just makes me miss her even more, because it smells just like her.

I put my makeup on lightly, just enough to be suitable for my mother. I leave my hair down though. Which I'm sure my mother will have something to say about. "Oh Brianna... Your hair is looking so... Flat. You should really do more with it dear." My mother is always one for criticizing me. Which I don't know why, because I'm as perfect and perfect can be. Maybe she just needs to get her head out of her ass. Hey, at least her head isn't up my father's ass anymore.

The last step in completing my outfit, is finding a pair of shoes to wear. I would borrow a pair of Jessica's but I don't really need anything more reminding me of her. And I don't really want to look completely like a teenager. I look through my thousands of pairs of shoes, and finally find a pair that will look good with this outfit.

I set the alarm and lock up the door behind me, before making my way out to my baby (my car). I open the door and get in. I sigh, not really wanting to see my mother at all. I care about her and all, but like I said it just brings up too much from the past.

I've never really had a close relationship with either one of my parents. As I said, my father, just used me as an excuse so he could get laid. I don't think I ever once heard the words I love you come out of his mouth, to either me or my mother. I think my father and I were a lot alike though. I think that he believed in fucking, and that love was bullshit as well. I don't know why he ever got married. Maybe so he would look like the typical man of that time period. Successful, beautiful wife, and a daughter. We were a picture perfect family on the outside, but on the inside I think we all just really despised each other.

My mother, was so obsessed with making my father try and love her, that most of the time I think she really forgot about me, while disregarding her own happiness. I've never understood her. My mother and I are complete opposites. She needed to know that she was wanted and loved. She was dependent on someone else entirely. Where I don't need to know all that. Like frankly, I could give a shit less. I'm fully dependent on my own. Completely independent. I've never needed another person. All I need is myself.

I never came out to anyone in my family, not even my parents. It's none of their business who I fuck. It's none of anyone's business unless they're the one I'm fucking. Besides, knowing my parents, they would have taken me out of their will. Which would have been a big no no, because I love me some money. There, I said it. Money is one thing I love.

About an hour later, I arrive at my mom's house. I really wish I had a bottle of vodka right now, or maybe some Xanax. Even some Vicodin would be lovely. Anything really. Anything that would make this experience a little bit more enjoyable.

I get out of the car, and walk up the drive way. I sigh loudly, highly irritated that I'm doing this, and knock on the door. About a minute later, just as I was about to knock again, she opens the door.

"I forgot you were coming today." She moves out of the way, a walker holding her up. "Come in."

I come in, and walk into the living room. She comes in shortly behind me.

"Would you like a cup of tea or anything?" She asks.

"No thanks." I sit down on the couch.

She sits down on a chair across from the couch. "I see you didn't bother to do anything with your hair today..."

Told you she was going to say something about the hair. "Yeah well, I think it looks best down."

"I've always liked it up."

My mother used to be a very stunning woman. She looked a lot like me. I think I looked a lot like both of my parents. She had dark brown hair, which is now a light grey color. She had beautiful blue eyes, which are now behind some large rimmed glasses. She had amazing skin too, very tan. Which is now all wrinkly and nasty. Ew old people.

"So Larry told me you haven't been doing too well." I say, not knowing what else to talk about.

"Oh you know Larry, always worrying about me."

I nod my head.

"I can't even remember the last time I saw you Brianna." She spoke.

"You can't even remember what you had for breakfast." I point out.

"There's no reason to be rude, dear."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, it's been too long. Sorry I've been busy with work and a lot of other stuff."

"Work is no place for a woman. I never worked a day in my life. That is why you need to find yourself a husband Brianna, you're getting older now."

I clenched my teeth together, fighting back the urge to say something rude to her. If this was anyone else but my mother, they would have had a broken nose for saying that. "Maybe that's why you were so unhappy in life." I mumble. I could have said something a little nicer, but then again that was the nicest thing I could think of to say back to her.

"Your father provided a very nice life for me." She picks up her mug, and takes a sip.

Once more, I roll my eyes. She wouldn't know a nice life if it came up and bit her in the ass. I don't understand why she still defends him. It's not like he's here to hear her say it. He's dead. She could have had a better life if she wasn't so stuck on the idea of love. She could have made herself happy, instead of depending on others for it. That's what I do at least. I've stated so many times that you should never depend on others.

I stay and chat with her for about another hour. She tells me all the reasons why I don't have a man in my life. If she only knew the real reason why I didn't have one, I'm a lesbian. I think that's the thing that would kill her. Hmm... Maybe I should tell her then. Kidding. Well sort of. She also tells me how I could do more with my hair, and afford to lose a couple of pounds. Like mother please, if you only knew all the 'work outs' I get.

"Well it was nice seeing you mom." I say, interrupting her sentence.

"You're leaving already?" She frowns.

"Yeah, I got a busy day ahead of me." That's always my excuse to get out of something, even though the only plans I have are with Jessica, and those aren't for a couple of hours.

"I want to see you again soon, dear."

"Yeah, mom. We'll definitely make some plans soon. Maybe go out to lunch or dinner or something."

"That sounds lovely, give me a call." She stands up.

I stand up too, and give her a hug. "Take care, and call me if you need anything." She walks me to the door, and I give her another hug. "Bye, I'll call soon." My mother nods, and watches as I go down the driveway and get into my car. I wave and honk the horn before leaving.

Seeing my mother did make me think about the past a lot, as I thought it would. I do have my reasons for being the way that I am, but I wouldn't change a thing about me. As a result of my actions, I don't get hurt. It's easy and painless. Just the way I like it.

When I get back to my loft, I look at the clock seeing that I still had a couple of hours left before my plans with Jessica. I decide to give my best bud a call. I take out my phone, and dial Michelle's number. It rings a couple of times before she answers.

"Hello?"

"Hey." I reply. "Do you want to hang out for a little bit? I have the loft to myself. I could really use some best friend time."

"Sure, sounds great." She replies. "Is something up?" She asks, noticing the tone in my voice.

"No, nothing is up. I just miss my Shelly."

"I fucking hate when you call me that. I'll be over soon."

"See you soon." I hang up the phone.

About thirty minutes later I hear a knock on my door. I open it, and smile when I see Michelle. "Come in!" I pull her in and give her a hug.

"Are you high?" She asks, giving me an odd look.

"I wish... Do you have anything?"

"Sorry I left my bag of cocaine at home." She replies sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Damn. What a bummer." I chuckle as we sit down on the couch.

"So what's up?" She was still looking at me. She always knows when something was wrong. Even if I didn't say it. I don't like talking about my 'feelings' much or saying when something is 'wrong'. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable, which I'm not, nor will I ever be.

"I saw my mother today." I look up at her.

"I know how much you hate doing that, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It just makes me hate the thought of marriage and the idea of love more and more every time I go over there. Like barf."

"Speak for yourself. I'm getting married soon."

I wrap my arms around her. "What will I ever do when you officially join the dark side." I fake sob.

"Maybe you and Jessica can finally tie the knot." She jokes. "Speaking of Jess, how are things with you guys?"

"Nosy much?" I answer.

"It's just... I saw her with this girl at Illusion not too long ago, and I wasn't sure if I should tell you or not. They looked a little cozy to me..."

"Cozy can meet lots of things. And you know Jessica totally loves me." I don't know who I was trying to convince. Michelle or myself.

"I know she does. And you totally love her, Brianna. You're just too stupid to admit it."

"Excuse you?" I glare at her. "You're the stupid one marrying Paige."

"Don't even start with your marriage is bullshit thing. I love her and she makes me happy, okay? Sorry some of us don't want to be alone."

"I'm not alone. I can get any girl I want."

"But you have a girl, and maybe you don't see it Bri, but I do. She's slowly slipping away from you. You're not going to have her much longer if you continue to treat her like shit."

"I don't have her. She's not mine. She's free to do as she pleases. And so am I. We are not in a relationship for the last time."

"Don't come crying to me when she finally breaks your heart."

"What heart? I don't have one remember?" I smirk.

"Oh my bad, I forget sometimes."

"Never ever forget that Brianna Steele doesn't have a heart." I tell her.

"You may be able to fool everyone else, but you can't fool me. I know you too well. You have a big heart, I just wish you would let people see that. I know you love Jessica. More then you've ever loved anyone. Why don't you stop being such a heartless shit and just admit it?"

I roll my eyes at her and turn the TV on. "Want to watch a movie?" I suggest. Anything to change the subject.

"Whatever. You pick one."

When the movie is over, Michelle leaves. It was time for me to start cooking dinner for Jessica. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect. I cooked some chicken and noodles. There was also bread and some peas. I'm not the biggest fan of vegetables, but they're good for you. And I need to keep up my strength... If you know what I mean. I set everything on the table, and take out this bottle of wine I had been saving for a special occasion. I also take out some candles, and light them. It looks amazing, like just out of a magazine. I worked really hard to make sure Jessica would love it.

It was 7:00PM now, and I was expecting Jessica home any minute. Pretty soon thirty minutes passes. I take out my phone and call her. There was no answer. Next, an hour passes. I take out my phone again and try to call her. Still no answer. After two hours, I blow out the candles and open the bottle of wine. I guess she forgot about me... Too busy with that bitch Kelsey. I pour myself a glass of wine, and another after that, and another after that one.

Finally around 11:45PM, Jessica comes home. She takes a look at the table, then at me sitting on the couch drinking the bottle of wine.

"Oh... Fuck. I'm so sorry I forgot." She apologizes. "It looks amazing though. I'm really sorry."

"I tried calling you." I tell her.

"I guess my phone died, sorry."

"Yeah. Well do you want to spend some time together now?" I offer.

"I'm pretty tired, maybe tomorrow?" She suggests.

"Sure. Tomorrow sounds good." I force a smile, trying not to frown.

She walks over to me and kisses my cheek. "Sorry again. I wish I had remembered."

"Yeah, me too." Just as she starts to walk away, her phone goes off. "I thought your phone was dead, Jessica."

"Umm... I thought it was too. I guess maybe I just didn't hear it." She makes up an excuse. "But goodnight."