*Unedited*

The kiss, a fleeting and unexpected encounter, left me momentarily dazed. Christian, with a gentle yet surprising firmness, pushed me away, a subtle sigh escaping his lips. His fingers raked through his hair as he strode purposefully into the expanse of his luxurious penthouse, an air of tension lingering.

"I don't understand," I began, a sense of confusion tinging my voice as I followed his retreating figure. The rhythmic thumping of my heart in my ears heightened, creating an anticipatory backdrop for the weight of his impending words. In the kitchen, bathed in the soft glow of ambient light, he opened the fridge with deliberate slowness, retrieving a chilled beer before turning to face me.

"I thought you wanted this," I said, the air charged with the residual energy of the interrupted moment.

He took a swig, a brief pause accentuating the exhale that preceded his response. "I do, but you don't."

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't," I asserted, my steps leading me toward him, only to be abruptly halted by the subtle shake of his head. I stood frozen, caught in the undertow of our shared unease.

"How selfish would it be for me to pretend that's true when I know where your heart lies? I'm in love with you. That's the truth, but I've come to accept it's not reciprocated."

"That's not true; you know I love you."

"In a way, maybe, but not the same as you love him," Chris said, the amber liquid in his glass mirroring the complexity of our emotions. Placing the half-empty beer on the sleek counter, he bridged the distance between us, his hands cradling my head with a mixture of tenderness and resignation. I leaned into his touch, eyes closing to savor the warmth that momentarily distracted from the brewing storm.

"I'm not the one you can't live without. I wish I were because I'd do anything to make you happy," he confessed, his words a soft lament, laden with the ache of unrequited love.

Opening my eyes, the scene before me blurred, and a solitary tear traversed the contours of my cheek. "I'm sorry, Chris. I've tried relentlessly to extricate myself from the grip of my feelings for Darcy, but the more I struggle, the deeper they entwine with my bones. I can't separate myself from them," I confessed, allowing the tears to flow freely. The emotional burden that had silently consumed me now found its voice, echoing in the spacious silence of his penthouse.

"Shhh, it's okay, Charlotte. It pains me to utter these words, for it signifies releasing you. Yet, I comprehend because my love for you mirrors yours. In a way, I acknowledge that I might forever harbor that love." Gently, he brushed away a tear from my face, and a faint smile played on my lips as I turned my head to kiss the palm cradling me. "The moments we've shared have been joyous, but I need to set you free."

My tears flowed harder, the anguish of his words and the painful realization clawing at me. My body shook with suppressed cries. "I don't want to lose you. I can't bear the thought of not having you in my life again."

"But you must," his voice fractured as he spoke. "You must because I can't be near you, knowing I can't have you the way I want to. It would break me."

Opening my eyes, I witnessed the raw emotions etched on his face-love, yearning, longing, and loss. Despite him not being James, the simplicity and happiness we shared echoed in my heart. We could have built a beautiful life together. I reached for him, pulling his head down to kiss him with all the intensity within me, recognizing that this was farewell. I chose to let him go, knowing I needed to embrace Darcy. Though I loved him, I could endure life without him. Darcy had claimed a place so profound in my heart that living without him seemed impossible.

"You'll always have a place in my heart," I whispered after breaking the kiss, resting my forehead against his.

"I've never doubted that," he chuckled. Holding the door open, he hugged me tightly, placing one last kiss on my temple, marking the poignant end.

"Goodbye, Charlotte. Be well."

---

I hadn't anticipated James still waiting for me at home after my prolonged absence. His absence in the living room, the space where he would usually be, waiting for me, struck a deeper chord of sadness than I expected. Overwhelmed and exhausted from the day's weight, I ascended to my bedroom, contemplating the possibility of asking Royce to take care of Sebastian after their movie date.

The journey up the stairs, increasingly challenging as the weeks passed, bore the physical toll of pregnancy. In less than three weeks, the baby would arrive, and despite my impatience, I wasn't entirely prepared. The anticipation of meeting my baby girl warred with the weariness of being pregnant, and the desire to retreat into a cocoon with Sebastian intensified. I yearned for a moment of solace, just me and my baby boy, away from the demands of the world.

It hadn't been all bad, even though this pregnancy has been far from what I had hoped it would be. It was rather stressful having to deal with life's dramas and caring for a four years old rambunctious boy at the same time. But, we made it work. My greatest pleasure in life, I realized, was being a mother. I realized I didn't have a higher purpose in life than to love my children and raise good citizens, humans that I will be proud of.

I hadn't noticed, until I had fully unclothed myself and was about to light a candle which I would transport with me to the bathroom for my shower, the box that was left on my bed. I stopped just moments before I reached for it. Guessing by the writing on the box, who might have possibly left it.

My heart skipped a beat, James' writing was forever inked in my brain. I bit my lips, wondering what could be in the box. It wasn't too big, neither was it small. I reached for it again and lifted off the bed. It was rather light. I brought it near my ear and slightly shook it. Nothing seemed as though it would break. My curiosity getting the best of me, I quickly untied the bow that was on it, the box opening immediately. I reached inside and pulled out what seemed like a letter. I took a seat on the bed near the box and, with a heavy heart and an unmatched curiosity, started reading.

Dear Charlotte, life has a funny way of fucking with you, doesn't it? It has taken me all these months to finally come up with the courage to write this letter to you. Not that it was hard coming up with what to say, because God knows I have an infinite number of things to say to you, but in a way, It felt almost as if everything in my life would be depending on this. My very sanity and happiness would be on the line here. And so, for this reason only, I needed the words that I hope you take the time to read off this paper, to mean everything that I am feeling deep within.

You see, I'm not one to open up and let myself be vulnerable which is one of the things you've helped me battle and learn to adapt to and for that I'm forever grateful. And it's because of that today that I can sit here in this still unfamiliar living room at 4:38 in the morning to write this letter to you and open my heart to share with you the many, many emotions and feelings that are ravaging me.

I'm broken. That was something that you knew about and was willing to overlook and help me through. You've helped me become the best version of myself by challenging me, sometimes in the most frustrating ways imaginable, you've helped me see that love was possible for me and true happiness was within reach if only I could have the heart to open up to people and trust that they wouldn't necessarily hurt me or take advantage.

You've always been different from the very beginning with me which is what kept me going back to you over and over again, even when you enraged me to the heavens and back. You've seen my good and bad, and when I didn't think possible for you to ever come back, you did.

And now, after the forever and a half of fighting you, missing you, loving you, I don't know how to miss you in a way that it wouldn't hurt anymore.

You see, I'm broken, but this time around, for completely different reasons.

I don't know how to possibly move on without you because I can't imagine it and refuse to do so. You and I are supposed to be forever, so you not being with me is like a part of my soul has been taken away and I'm not whole.

As cliche as it all might sound, you ARE my better half. You ARE what makes me whole. You, and only you completes me and I just need you to come back to me. Please come back to me because this life isn't worth living without you in it.

I wake up every morning and I feel lost, I'm lost and I need you to find me. Help me find myself because this is eating me alive. To know that you're so close, yet so far away. To know that the spark you had in your eyes just for me had died is something I can't imagine.

I need you to come back to me because you're my home, you are my love, you ARE love, which is something I had been searching for my whole life.

With all my heart and the things that I cannot say.

Love,

James

It took me a moment, to center myself enough to realize that my phone had been vibrating on the bed. I shook my head to chase away the fog and the surprise state in which the letter had left me. Fuck, I could not process it, not when the phone did not seem like it would stop ringing. With the letter in my right hand, I reached out for phone which I answered a second later, my mind still swimming in the cloud.

"Hello." I answered simply, my focus far from the phone call.

"Ms. Kineton? I'm calling from New York-Presbyterian Hospital. We have a Royce Welch_"

The mention of Royce's name brought me back to earth in an instant. The drumming of my heart felt like hammers instead. I held my breath. Fuck, Sebastian.

"He is my child's father. Is he okay." I asked, letting the letter fall out of my hand.

"There's been an accident. I would suggest you make your way here as soon as possible."

I didn't need to hear anymore than that. I had already gotten up, frantically looking around for my clothes that I had left piled up on the floor. "My son was with him." I held in my breath, unable to even imagine the worse. I could not.

"He is okay, we are keeping an eye on him. He is shaken up a bit."

I let out the breath I was holding, feeling ten times lighter. The feeling didn't last long as I thought of Royce. "Thank you for the call. I will be there soon." I said before hanging up. I threw my clothes on in a hurry, the thought of a bath long out of my brain. I grabbed my cellphone with the intentions of calling Rose, but the second the person on the other line answered, I knew this was who I needed.

"James?"

"Charlotte." His voice came out as nothing but a breath.

"I need you." My voice broke but I refused to cry.

"Where are you?"

____________________

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