Ch.35. Breathe And Let Go

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      Breathe, just breathe it's okay, you're okay. It's fine, it's alright. All is right. Yup, that's it, Breathe, just breathe. Let it all go. Do not let it show how broken you are inside. Do not let it show, how this image in front of you is ripping you apart. Breathe, just breathe. It's all going to be alright.

       "Charlotte," I heard my name being called which took me out of my daze. I hadn't realized until then that a hand on my shoulder was slightly shaking me. I turned my head to find a frowning Rose staring at me, light blue eyes meeting mine.

       "What?" I asked.

       "I just asked you if you were okay." She replied.

      "Yes. Why?"

      "Because you've been standing here for awhile now with the fridge door open."

      Now it was my turn to frown. There was no way I had been standing there for more than a minute tops. "No, I haven't."

       "Well, you've been standing here since James got here. Long enough for the alarm to go off."

      Crazy that I hadn't even noticed until she pointed it out. I immediately closed the fridge door and plastered a tight smile on my face. It would have to do. "It just took me awhile to figure out what I wanted to drink. You know, water or juice type of choices." I said as I turned towards the elevators where James had just entered with Ella and Sarah in tow. What a cute little family. A beautiful man with his equally stunning woman, accompanied by their little mini me. Such is a picture of perfection.

        "James is here." Rose said, pointing out the obvious.

      Without taking my eyes off them while they were chitchatting with the few people already present, I replied absentmindedly. "And so I've noticed."

      "Are you okay?"

     "Yeah, I'm peachy." I answered right as Eva approached us, standing right in front of me, blocking my view of James and Co. I frowned.

      "Are you alright?" Ugh, I wish they would all stop asking me this dumb question so that I could stop lying to them. I needed them to look at me and know that I wasn't okay but was doing my absolute best to change that.

       "I wish y'all would stop asking me that." The frustration in my voice pretty noticeable. I just wanted to be left alone so I could watch from afar. It was insane the fact that I had never met Sarah before. She was even prettier in real life than in pictures or my expectations.

        With her long silky brown hair and her beautiful smile. No wonder why James had been so drawn to her. There was something about her that I just couldn't actively pinpoint. Something about her that made you keep your eyes glued on her, much longer than what could be socially acceptable.

       "Has any of you met her before?" I asked Rose and Eva who were standing next to me, without looking away. James put Ella down who immediately ran towards the kids who were playing somewhere in the living room. The way Frederick, who had just now approached the group, was interacting with Sarah, was as that of old friends who were reuniting.

       "Who?" Eva asked, clearly avoiding to reply. I raised an eyebrow at her.

      "The tooth fairy." I rolled my eyes, the sarcasm dripping off my words. I was not in the mood to play games.

      "Oooh you mean Sarah." Rose laughed nervously, which surprised me. That was supposed to be a fairly straight answer so I didn't know what was currently happening with the two of them looking anywhere but at me while mumbling their words.

        "I'm sorry, what? I couldn't hear you from all the mumbling going on."

      Eva finally raised her eyes to meet mine. She smiled. "I mean, I couldn't not meet her. Frederick and James are best friends, Char."

       "How many times?"

       "What do you mean? How many times what?" Rose replied. Oh, so now we are really playing. Okay then.

       "How many times, have my best friends been going behind my back to hang out with my ex and his then girlfriend? Without ever telling me... Not even once?"

       "Pssht, I mean it wasn't like that. We weren't friends or anything, just like..." Eva turned to Rose to pitch in for support. I watched them, my crossed arms resting on my round and large belly. The baby kicked, hard enough for me to pay attention. I ignored her and focused my attention on my friends as I listened to them fumble with their words.

      "It was like a couple of time, you know..." Rose replied  as I noticed James and Sarah moving towards us. His hand around her waist, directing her toward our group. "A few times....throughout their relationship." She finished but all I could do was watch James and Sarah make their way to us, as they moved in perfect union.

       I looked around me for anything to do so that I wouldn't be awkwardly standing there, just watching them walk. Nothing, not a damn thing. I could open the fridge again and pretend my thirst was real, but I've pulled that trick one too many times as it is.

        Then I figured, I should probably find somewhere to sit as I'd been on my feet for quite awhile and I was tired.

       "Hi, Charlotte," And alas, too late. There they stood, right in front of us. The awkward smile on James' face possibly mirroring the one on mine. "You look fantastic."

       "I'm glad you think so, I have been carrying your kid around for the past eight months now and I gotta tell you, it hasn't been a ball in the park, my friend." The awkward laugh that followed  faltered the second I noticed my embarrassing attempt at making a joke was obviously not well received. I cleared my throat. "So, I see you've brought the whole family today."

          "Uhm, yeah. I figured today was as good of a day as any to formally introduce Ella and Sarah to everyone in my life." He replied, a hand on the back of his neck.

      "I mean, I had hoped that I wasn't everyone." I chuckled but was far from being amused.

        "Charlotte_"

      I shook my head and focused my attention on Sarah. My arm extended towards her. "Nice to meet you. I'm sure at this point I don't need to introduce myself."

        She took the hand offered and shook it, redirecting the smile. "How can I not know about you? You're the woman James broke up with me to get back."

        "And now look at us. Ironic, isn't it?" I replied, taking a step back and looking around as if searching for something, but truly, only looking for an escape route.

       This whole thing was ridiculously weird. Bringing her there was weird. I hadn't know I would feel this way. I thought it would be fine. No, no, actually, what I thought was, there was no way James would bring her to Thanksgiving around all our most beloved friends seeing as she and I hadn't properly met yet. There was no way James would make this whole thing much more awkward and stressful for me.

         What a mess our lives had become. What a fucking mess. And to be honest, I was so tired of feeling this way all the time. And, above all, I was already over this whole day. I needed to just not be standing there in front of them. And as I was about to excuse myself, I heard my kid scream. Oh, thank God. "I'm going to see what he's crying about." I told them, and walked away before I could be stopped or anyone could say anything.

_________________

     "Did you drive today?" I turned around to find James standing behind me, his jacket already on. How handsome he was.

      "No, Royce was actually nice enough to pick us up on his way here." I replied, finishing the task of putting my jacket on, which was definitely too small on me now. I needed to accept the reality of what this pregnancy did to my body. I had gained some weight and that was okay.

       "I could take you," he started. "Home, I mean. I could take you home. You are on my way anyway." He finished his thought. I hadn't noticed til that very moment the tell tale signs of his nervousness. He was ever so slightly rocking back and forth. I looked up to find Sarah waiting by the elevator doors for him. No way in hell would I want to find myself in the same car as them. Things were already too weird as it was.

     The day had exhausting, with everyone aware of the huge elephant in the room but doing their absolute best to avoid it, had been something I never wanted to live through again. But then again, how did you approach such a situation?

       We were between close friends, yet it was as though we couldn't truly be open with one another. After all, who wanted to ruin Thanksgiving? Who wanted to be that person who couldn't mind their own fucking business and let the elephant suffocate us all until we couldn't stand it anymore, and gave a ridiculous reason why we needed to get the hell out of there?

       Not I, I would not be that person who made a scene and couldn't sit for a few hours and just pretend everything was fucking peachy, while she sat in front of the man that, depending on the days, didn't even know if she still loved or hated his guts.

       So I sat there, listened and made small talks and pretending all was well. So what, who cared if seeing how comfortable James was around Sarah was making me want to pull my hair, or that I would have given anything to know what he was saying to her when, every once in a while, he would lean over to her and say something that would make her chuckle?

    Fucking hell.

       "I don't think that's a good idea. Today has already been much more than I could handle and I'm simply exhausted." I replied, making my way past him to head out, as I had already said goodbye to everyone.

        "Hang on," he grabbed my arm. I stopped. "I'm sorry, I know today hasn't been ideal."

       That, made me chuckle, though there was no humor in his words. "That's one way to put it. James, for Christ's sake, you walked in here like a happy little family. Showed up with a woman that you have a kid with,  yet I had never met her before. Did you think this was the appropriate time to want to introduce her to everyone?"

        "What would you have wanted me to do then?"

        Was he kidding me?

       "Oh, I don't know," I offered sarcastically. "Maybe not introduce your daughter's mother to your partner in front of that many people?" I pulled my arm from his hold. He held on tighter. Of course he would.

      "Let me go."

     "We aren't done talking."

     "I'm definitely done talking about this and I certainly do not want to make a scene. We've already put on an epic show today to last ages. I think I'm all out the character play for the entirety of my life." I pulled away again, and this time he let me go. But, as I was moving away from me, he called after me. I looked back.

        "I love you." He said, loud enough for me and anyone around to hear.

       "Funny way of showing that." And then I was gone.

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We are back!!!!! Talk about long chapter, am I right? Lol. Like I said in the previous chapter. Now that we are caught up, I'll post 2 chapters a week starting next   until we are done with this book. I'm going to need you to keep me on my toes!

      

      

    

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