James Darcy's POV:

        I couldn't sleep. And as I stared yet again at the fan hanging down on my ceiling, I wondered yet again how long I had been lying awake in my bed, staring at nothing. In fact, I could possibly count on one hand how many nights I was somewhat successful at finding peace and sleep, in the past month or so since I left our home.

         I've carried with me a heavy heart that seemed impossibly unbearable at night. My head full of thoughts and worries and my heart full of sadness and anxiety. That was a new one for me.

         Never had ever been in a situation where I was not in control. But as I realized, I would give up control a thousand times over if it meant all those mistakes and decisions I have made that led us to this would be none existent.

       "Fuck." I sighed before raising my head slightly off the pillow to reach for the cellphone I had placed on the nightstand before lying down on my bed only a few hours ago.

  Four thirty in the morning.

           "That's just fucking fantastic." I groaned the words out as I threw the phone back on the night stand before getting myself off the bed. I haven't slept, and although I've tried so damn much, I ended up just lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark room only illuminated by the light outside and the sound of the ticking clock hung on the wall. the only background noise that could be heard. But even that felt like madness.

           The fact that I was still up at this godawful time of the night or day should not have been all that surprising seeing as I hadn't been able to find much sleep for the past three and a half months of our separation. Since everything, literally everything in my life came crashing down and I found myself losing a part of me.

          I slipped into my slippers and walked out of my bedroom in nothing but my pajama pants and straight into the living room, turning on one of the lights to be able to find my way towards the kitchen. I needed a beer or possibly ten, but since I had to be at work in only three hours, I decided just a beer or two would do.

           Never would I have thought that I would ever be able to feel so much. I had never been one to properly deal with feelings and emotions which is partly due to the many situations I had been in growing up and so, the James Darcy that was born out of all of that mess promised himself to never be vulnerable, never allow himself to show emotions other than anything related to strength and power. People respected and feared anyone who had power.

          It had taken so much and so many years for me to finally be able to show any genuine human emotion, which is partly due to Charlotte. She had been the best thing that had ever happened to me because she taught me valuable lessons that I'm grateful for. It hadn't been easy, God knows how much I've fought against everything I was feeling for her but in the end, I was able to fully embrace love and what she represented in my life.

        So, to have come from not wanting love and vulnerability because I thought those were for the weaker hearts, to needing it so much that it literally was impossible to breathe, I found myself not being able to cope with the current situation that we are in. The situation of not being with the person that meant everything to me, more than life itself.

         What the fuck was I supposed to do then?

          With a long gulp, I finished the last content of the beer bottle I had in hand threw it in the trash can before reaching into the fridge for another, deciding then to try and finally put out everything I was feeling, everything that I needed to say and had not been able to or simply refrained from saying.

         It all had to be said, to the only person it was always meant for. The one who mattered the most. She had to understand how everything had affected me in the worse possible way. She had to know that I was broken, it had broken me and even though I had tried my hardest to not show it as much, this separation had torn me apart.

         So with that in mind and the Half empty bottle of beer in hand, I walked over to my office, turned on the light, opened one of my desk drawers and took out a black pen and a sheet of paper; and with that, started writing down everything that's been in my mind for so long now.

         Dear Charlotte, life has a funny way of fucking with you, doesn't it?.....

         I do not know how much time had gone by, how long I had been sitting in this office to write this letter that felt so much like a love letter yet was nearly not enough. I had so much to say that finding the right words was nearly impossible.

        I heard someone coughing behind the closed door, followed by a few soft knocks before the door slowly opened to reveal Sarah in a satin nightgown.

      "Hey," she smiled, standing at the door, probably waiting for me to tell her to come in. So I did just that.

       "Hey, come on in." I put the pen down, covering the letter I was writing with a book that was sitting on my desk. "Are you okay?" I asked as she walked in, noticing the phone in her hand. She handed it to me.

        "Yeah, I came down to get a glass of water and noticed your phone vibrating on the island and since the light was on in here I figured you were working."

       I looked down at the phone's screen and frowned as Rose's name flashed.

      "Is everything alright?" She asked. Sounding genuinely concerned. I thought but just for a second. Rose wouldn't have called me at this time of the night just for a chat. My heart jumped and my thoughts immediately went to Charlotte. What if something had happened to her or the baby? I hit the call back button while getting out of my chair, my full focus on getting ready to head out to them.
    
       "What's wrong James?" Sarah asked again as I passed her to make my way out of the office and straight to my room, all I had in mind was to get to Charlotte. Something in me was screaming that she needed me and I wasn't there.

      "I'm not sure. I think something happened with Charlotte but Rose isn't answering her phone. I'm gonna head over there." I replied, distracted by the fact that every second that passed with rose not answering the fucking phone put me on edge. I took the phone off my ear and dialed Charlotte's number. Straight to voicemail. Fuck. I started taking the stairs two at the time. This was not good.

      I hadn't noticed, but while I was putting on my clothes, Sarah followed me back upstairs. She stood by the door. I appreciated that she respected my space. I might have invited her to move in but nothing had truly changed. I was doing this so I could have my daughter with me.

     "Do you need me to come with you?" She said as I put my shirt on. And grabbed my wallet that went straight to my pockets, along with my phone.

     "No, that won't be necessary. It's probably best if you stay here with Ella." I replied and grabbed a jacket as fall was almost over and colder days were ahead. "Get some rest." I said and passed her, ran down the stairs and straight out of the main door, car keys in hand. I needed to get to Charlotte and fast.

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Alright then. Here's a chapter for y'all. Hope you enjoy. Does it look familiar at all? Yes? Maybe? 😆😅 okay then. Don't forget to vote. Wtf is wrong with Charlotte now?