"So Parker hasn't been banned yet?"

"I can make my own decisions, you know. I'm not that pathetic. I'll ban Parker whenever I damn well choose."

"Ah, so I'm guessing the shoes on your feet, you bought those? The clothes you're wearing, you bought those?"

"If you start a lumberjack inspired Destiny's Child cover band, I'll come to all your shows."

"That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"To provide the crowd with tomatoes and other perishable food items, of course."

"A nice snack to have while listening to my beautiful voice, right? That's where you were going with that? In the not-crushing-my-dreams direction?"

"Of course, whatever did you think I meant?"

"I'm going to trust you, mostly because I don't want to give you any reason to hate me. Orange isn't really my colour. I'm a winter."

"I ruin Marie's life out of love, you know. She still went on the date, and apparently the guy spent the first fifteen minutes insisting she must have done something different with her hair."

"Okay, so, please, don't ever fall in love with me. I don't think my non-existent reputation would be able to withstand your wrath."

"Trust me, it's an honour to be pranked by me. You are definitely not at that level yet. We haven't even exchanged friendship bracelets."

"I went to camp for four years, Mina. My friendship bracelets are no joke."

"Already showering me with jewellery? Parker, you're so romantic."

"Hey, I thought you didn't want me to keep you iced, spend my cash, or let you drive my Benz? Doesn't your love not cost a thing?"

"Stop, why are you so good at this?"

"I'm just saying, this boyfriend of yours might want to ban me. I'm pretty seductive."

"Oh, I bet. You must be out there killing the game ever since you got dumped."

"If by killing, you mean actually destroying any sliver of chance I get every time I open my mouth, you would not be wrong."

"You mean girls aren't being seduced by your epic knowledge of Destiny's Child lyrics and affliction for plaid?"

"You would think, right? I don't know, what are girls into these days? Civil war knowledge? Friendship bracelets? Conspiracy theories? I have them all, and yet, I'm sleeping alone tonight."

"Mmmm, baby, tell me more about how the moon landing was fake."

"See! Why can't girls be more like you?"

"Disembodied voices over the telephone?"

"Yes, exactly. Can you tell your boyfriend to hold onto you very tightly?"

"Well, I would, if he would answer the phone."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"... Want me to sing you Genie in a Bottle?"

***

if you ever hear that some girl got into a car crash and died because she was going too hard to love don't cost a thing behind the wheel, i just want you to know, that is me.

also deds to blackstain bc her comments make me laugh