"How's my little ball of sunshine this afternoon?"

"I feel like death."

"What was that you were always scolding me about? Drinking more water? Little baby Mina can't handle her alcohol?"

"You're going to have a freak accident one day and no one will be there to save you. I just want you to know. Be vigilant. It will happen.""

"I'll be counting down the days."

"That was a threat, in case you were too dumb to get it. I was threatening you. With your imminent death."

"So wait, we weren't just talking dirty? Oh man, this just got really weird."

"Right, this moment, right now, is when it got weird. Just right now. Not before."

"You're the one that called me first yesterday. For the first time ever, I might add."

"Oh shut up."

"Clearly that would be a disservice to you, the one who wants to hear my voice so badly."

"I was drunk, I can't be held accountable for my actions."

"Drunk words, sober thoughts."

"It was the vodka talking, not me. I plead the fifth."

"All up in this bitch?"

"Yes, that. Very much that."

"It's okay, I know the truth in my heart, that's all that matters."

"You actually have one of those? Are you sure?"

"Who is the one who was threatening to murder me? Should we really be judging who's heartless right now?"

"Right, right, my bad. I was the one without a heart, you were the one without a brain."

"I'm just walking into these at this point, aren't I?"

"Basically, I would stop but it's just too much fun."

"Speaking of fun, did you get out of last night unscathed? You sounded very vulnerable when you called. And I mean, it was adorable, but such an easy target. Did you make it out with your chastity in tact?"

"You act like I had it in the first place."

"Don't say such things! My heart can't take it!"

"It was fun, I don't usually do the whole drinking until everything goes fuzzy thing, but it wasn't too bad. I think I ended up petting a raccoon?"

"Well that's pretty dangerous."

"No, no, I think it liked me. I gave it the rest of my McDonalds and we became friends. I've definitely got an in with the raccoon underground, if needed."

"Are you sure you didn't get bit? Was it radioactive? Are you raccoon girl now?"

"You know, now that you mention it, I really do want to dig through some trash right now."

"All right, well, if you get to be a superhero then I get to be a superhero. It's only fair, you know." 

"Oh yeah, what's your superpower gonna be? Poorly timed awkward boners?"

"While I do pride myself on my amazing ability to do that, I'm thinking Wolfman. I like wolves. They're so cool, and by extension, Wolfman is also so cool."

"Wolves?"

"Yeah, don't you think? I've got a wolf tattoo and everything. Wolves are the best."

"What? Really?"

"Why do you sound so surprised? Wolves are clearly the superior animal. Didn't we just cover how cool they are? "

"No, no, not that. I just, I don't know, I didn't think you had any tattoos is all."

"But wait- tattoos are cool, and you totally think I'm the coolest ever, so why would you not think that? Unless- no! You don't actually think I'm cool at all!"

"The horror!"

"I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now, I hope you know. Stop it! Stop laughing! You're ripping my dignity to shreds here!"

"Christ, you're too much. I needed this actually, though, thanks."

"Wait- Mina's being nice to me? What's the occasion?"

"Yeah, the boyfriend was being an ass yesterday and ignoring me, which is probably why I drank so much in the first place. This helped. Your stupidity really is a great distraction."

"You think that helped? I've got something even better."

"Oh yeah?"

"Wolfman, who I am now, not only is he super cool, but when you dream of him saving you tonight from peril, he wears tights. And you can bet my ass looks amazing in tights. You're welcome."

"I'll be looking forward to it."

***

i'm sorry for the last couple updates being gif-less, i know you're only here for dylan's face, so alas, DYLAN'S FACE

also look at these on time as hell updates i'm a wizard