Trading Yesterday – Shattered  

I was sitting on the bed next to Harry. I wanted so badly that everything what happened this evening was just a dream. Just a nightmare, which I would gladly forget and all the unpleasant feelings would disappear. I wanted so much that Harry could save me from my nightmares, but he won't be able to do so.

My nightmare is a reality which I must face. The images of Michael and his father appeared in my head, one after another. I was glad that Harry is with me right now and I wasn't almost angry at him, although he was the one who ruined my day from the beginning.

"I thought that we cleared everything up?" I whispered in the darkness, knowing that he's sitting there and looking at me with his blue eyes.

"I'm not stupid after all. I understood that you don't care about me and I promise that I'll leave you alone..." I kept whispering.

My words sounded like a sentence. My own sentence. I have already imagined my horrible future. It's good that we are not close with Harry. It's good that I haven't fallen in love with him yet. My life literally changed in one night. I am like a bird in the cage, but she was caught and trapped inside that cage. In my case, I went into that cage by myself and closed the door behind me, leaving Harry outside. I have decided everything. As I got up from the bed, I came to the window, it was opened, seems that Harry forgot to close it when he sneaked into my room.

"I...I need to tell you something..." I heard a husky voice from behind.

I kept looking at the window and staring at the night sky. Looks like there's going to be a storm soon.

"You, I..." the guy began to stutter.

He was trying to say something to me. "Come on, surprise me," I thought. You won't able to do that. The prize for the best news goes to Mr. Stone.

"You're precious to me..." he finally said.

I quickly turned around, okay, that sounds interesting. Harry was still sitting on the bed. Judging by his silhouette, I could say that he was nervous. The same shirt and jeans, don't tell me that he went after me right away? Harry put his hands on his knees, nervously fingering, before beginning to speak again. He looks completely different right now, not like this morning. Depressed and sad about something, but I couldn't understand what was bothering him.

"What?" I asked quietly, coming closer to him.

"I want you to be with me..." Harry replied silently, I came closer to him.

I was standing between his widely-disposed legs. I couldn't believe my ears. If it wasn't for this situation with my father and marriage, I would fall upon his neck, hug him and whisper, that I want to be with him, but it's only my imagination, my dreams which will never come true. I felt Harry's hand on my leg. He was gently stroking my leg and started raising his hand higher, moving it under my dress. I hardly pulled his hand away. Hardly, because I really wanted the continuation of this, but I had to stop him.

"I can't be with you, Harry..." I whispered, stroking his hair.

He lowered his head and sighted heavily. All of this was strange. Harry, the guy who considered serious relationships as a waste of time, is sitting right now on my bed and asking me to be with him. What's going on with him? He's as if a different person. In the morning, he yells at me and in the evening, he's polite. It's a bipolar disorder? I dove my fingers into his hair and started smoothing it. So soft and silky. Even if he had a bipolar disorder, I would be still dating him. But there's Mr. Stone and my father who has big problems.

"We can't be together?" he asked with a husky voice and coughed.

"Yes," I replied shortly, as I kept brushing his wavy and soft hair with my fingers.

The guy stretched his hand to the table-lamp, to turn on the lights, but I didn't let him. I don't want him to see me like this. I won't be able to say, 'good bye' looking into his eyes. It better be dark, this way I will be braver. I didn't think that I am such a coward, but maybe it's not a cowardice. I will have to lie to him right now, even if I don't want to, but I will have to do it. I won't be able to look into his blue eyes and lie.

"Is that because of me?" he asked.

"No, it's because of me, I can't be with you..." I replied.

I couldn't resist and hugged him as tight as possible, and nuzzled then into his hair. I don't know, but Harry was so dear to me right now, as if I have known him for a long time. I didn't feel anything alike towards Michael, I even broke up with him without a hesitation. With Harry, it's completely different. He wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me closer to him. His hands are so strong and warm, I would have never left him out of my embrace. I closed my eyes, as I breathed in a familiar scent.

"I have to go..." he whispered, raising his head.

Suddenly a bright light illuminated the room, it was the lightning. After a moment, there was a deafening thunder blast. With another lightning, I could see Harry's face. It was bright enough to see him. His eyes faded, my beloved and familiar fire was gone. He frowned so much, that there was a wrinkle on the bridge of his nose. Bitten lips, it seems that he was biting them nervously while he was talking to me. He was pleading with his eyes for me to change my mind. God, I wished so much to run away with him, no matter where, just so his was with me. A strange desire of being with a person who I barely knew took me down. Last night it was so simple, we talked and laughed. I will miss him.

Harry saw the answer in my eyes. It will never happen, I won't be with him. He removed his hands from my waist and got up. The thunder sounded even louder, the lightnings were ruthlessly slashing the sky. It's as if the weather was reflecting my feelings. And maybe I was the lightning and Harry was the poor sky. I didn't want to hurt him. "Just don't leave," my inner voice whispered.

"Stay..." I whispered.

He obviously didn't expect me to say that. It doesn't matter what happens tomorrow, I know for sure that this night I want him to be with me.

"Stay with me..." I repeated whispering.

Harry was hesitating, it was easier for him to leave now before it's too late and not so painful. It will be much harder and more painful for him to leave me tomorrow, but he gave in to me. There was a strange connection between us. I couldn't understand why he needs me, but I know for sure that he wouldn't come if he didn't care about me.

"Okay..." I finally heard his voice in the darkness.

Just as I wanted to go to the bathroom, someone knocked at the door. I turned on the lights and finally saw Harry in a normal lighting. He was sitting on the chair and staring at me.

"Emily," I heard dad's voice behind the door.

We looked with Harry at each other, God forbid that he sees us.

"My dear, we need to talk," my dad kept insisting. I came closer to the door.

"I'll come to your office in five minutes," I finally replied.

Harry mustn't hear that. He doesn't need to know about Michael and his father. I don't want to involve him into my problems.

"Okay," dad answered and left.

I turned to Harry, he was still sitting on the chair.

"Don't go anywhere, I'll be back soon..." I said.

I hope he will fulfill my request and won't run away. The guy didn't answer anything and just nodded. I left the room, hoping that when I come back, Harry will still be there. I quickly got downstairs and entered dad's office. He was sitting on the couch and drinking whiskey. That's not a good sign, he rarely drinks. Dad looked depressed, of course, but I know that I look the same right now.

"I'm here..." I said to my father, sitting down on the couch next to him.

"Please, forgive me, it's my fault. I'll never forgive myself," my dad started pleading me.

I was confused and didn't know what to do. He was always so strong and now he was broken and almost crying.

"Dad, let's just go to police before he does, we'll tell them that he was blackmailing you, us..." I was reassuring my dad, patting his back.

I noticed how he got much older in only one night.

"We can't, Emily. Do you think that he'll go to police and report about me? No, he'll just get rid of me, he can kill me..." dad was crying.

I shivered because of his words. An icy horror seized my body, my arms and legs began to shake.

"And the worst thing that he can do, is to kill you with your mother in front of my eyes and then get rid of me..." he continued.

As soon as he said that, his face was distorted with pain. It was hard for him to even say his thoughts at loud. I was even afraid to imagine what kind of thoughts he had in his head.

"Dad, what did you do? What did you do to Mr. Stone?" I interrupted him, looks like I am going cry in any moment.

"He's a bad person. Mr. Stone is illegally exporting weapons to different countries. Emily, they kill people, women, children with these weapons. I tried to stop him," dad answered sobbing.

I hugged him as tight as possible and stroked his back soothingly. "No one's going to hurt my family," I thought resolutely. I won't let that Stone to mock and torture my dad.

"I'll fix everything," I finally said.

"I'll marry Michael, dad..." he pulled away and started stroking my cheek.

"You'll never be happy with him..." dad said almost whispering.

"I know, but only this way I can save you with mom," I said with a confidence.

I stayed with him for a little longer. When I made sure that he has calmed down a little, I headed over my room. As I came closer to the door, I remembered about Harry. If only he was there. As I opened the door, I looked at the side of the chair straight away, but he wasn't there. I quickly started looking around, hoping to see him.

"Harry?" I called the guy whispering, so that my parents didn't hear.

"I'm here..." I heard a husky voice from behind.

Harry was standing behind the door, I brightened up right away. I needed to see him, after that hard conversation with dad. He's my painkiller. I get better whenever Harry's with me, how sad that I can't tell him everything. I would like to talk to him, to share what bothers and disturbs me. I needed him. But Harry has changed by the time while I was downstairs. The guy looked at me coldly and passed me by, without even wanting to look at me once more. Don't tell me that he heard everything? Anything but that.

"There's a thunder outside and it's dangerous right now to go somewhere, so I'll stay only because of that..." he started to speak indifferently.

I didn't know what to answer, I silently came closer to the bed and started making it.

"I'll sleep on the floor," he cut off.

That wasn't the same Harry who was hugging me an hour ago. Not that Harry with whom I was ready to run away.

"Okay, I'll make bed for you on the floor..." I replied with a rude voice.

He turned away to the bookshelf and started looking at my collection. Mood swings again? He could have been not so rude. Maybe his rudeness is an acting.

"Why are you like this?" I couldn't bear it, so I asked him.

"I am what I am. And don't ask me stupid questions anymore," Harry replied roughly.

I couldn't stand it and threw a pillow at him with a full strength. That was the only thing which was within my reach. It got right in the guy's head.