Imagine 02- Rebuild {Crumble pt.2 [Cesar]}

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As requested, loves.

"Y/n you have to come to school. You already missed a whole three days; Ms. Blachard is gonna fail you!" Monse shouts through the phone.

"I don't feel like it. Tell Blanchard I'm sick."

"Gimme the phone," I heard someone mutter on the other line. "PRINCESA! Consigue tus nalgas a la escuela! No vamos a dejar que te sientas y ser un desertor!" (Translated: Princess! Get your butt to school! We're not gonna just let you sit around and be a dropout!) I sigh. Ruby.

"Ruby, I'm not gonna be a dropout. I'm just not feeling good."

"Bull, y/n! I call bull. You were just fine before Cesar-" He was quickly cut off by Monse.

"Okaaay. What Ruby's trying to say in his own stupid way, is that you shouldn't let Cesar derail your life."

"He's not derailing anything! I just don't feel good, so I'm staying home. There's a difference. I don't feel like talking anymore. Bye," I hung up the phone before they could respond.

Great. Now I'm in a bad mood.

I roll my eyes. As I flop onto the bed, I hear my front door open. I quickly grab my pistol under my pillow. Soon, a knock is heard on my brittle door and rings through my body, since I was leaning on it. I jump away from the door and take a look around my room. Window!

The door is pushed open by someone. If I wasn't struggling so hard to open my window, I probably wouldn't have realized who it was.

"Oscar? What the hell! I was nearly gonna kill you!"

"Before, or after you killed yourself tryna jump out the window?" He replied slyly, smirking and taking the gun out of my hands, placing it into his pocket.

No, that's the only one in the house! My aunt always takes the other one with her since she leaves early and comes late. I don't dare to take the gun from Spooky, though; he's the one person I'm scared of, even if it's not by too much. As you can see, I can talk to him without choking, unlike Ruby.

"Shut up- S-sorry. Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here because they told me to," he gestures to the three small bodes in my door frame. None other than my friends. Except Cesar. I roll my eyes. "And because you need to talk to Cesar-"

"I'd rather jump out the window and die," I plainly say, crossing my arms.

"Look, I know he broke your heart, but you have to try to see where he's coming from."

"He also told me to 'keep my distance' so, really, I'm just doing what he asked."

"He might say that, but he doesn't mean it. Look, he hasn't been the same. He's more out of it. Looks like a lost puppy half'a the time. Cause, as much as I hate to say it, my little brother has fallen in love. With you."

"Hey! What's that supposed to-"

"So you're going to school," he interrupts, not explaining what he meant.

"Says who?"

"Says us. Easy or hard way?" Ruby interjects.

"Oh what're you gonna-" I stopped my sentence involuntarily, being thrown over Spooky's shoulder.

|*|*|

"Hey! No! Guys, I'm not going. Put me down. Is anyone even listening to me?" I whine.

"Y/n I don't remember you being this whiny." Spooky joked.

"I'm sorry that I was thrown over a 6'2 boulder's shoulder! I mean, guys, I don't even have shoes on," I gesture to my feet, only covered in black ankle high socks.

Nobody responds. You've actually gotta be kidding me. Nothing more was said the rest of the ride.

|*|*|

We reach the school as Oscar drops me to my feet.

Ruby pulls out a pair of black slides from his bookbag, boyishly smiling at me.

"Thanks," I mumble beginning to walk out the exit. One of Spooky's goons turned, taunting me with a a smile.

I sigh and turn back around, meeting back up with my friends.

|-|-|

It's lunch and Cesar hasn't spoke to us, or more so, me, all day.

"Hey, guys, was Cesar hanging with you before I came back?"

They all nodded sadly as I looked down and poked at my food.

Spooky's solemn words rang back in my head.

'Try to see where he's coming from.'

'My little brother has fallen in love. With you.'

Okay. I guess lunch is as good a time as any.

First, finding Cesar.

Okay, that was easier than I thought. He's over by Jaxon and Samuul (Samuel but cooler lol. Basically say it without the 'e'.)

I stride over to him. With each step I take, I lose bits of my confidence. "Cesar, can we talk?"

He simply nods, his demeanor changing slightly, looking more sorrowful. We walk into a nearby hallway that nobody's in.

"Cesar, I miss us. I need you. You keep me live; our love keeps me alive."

"Y/n, we talked about this. Love can't keep someone alive!" he groaned.

"Well that's the only thing that kept me alive these past few weeks. You keep me alive. That fact that I lo-" he interrupted me. He's really not gonna let me say I love him.

"Stop! How'm I gonna keep you alive if you've always got a green light on you?" He yelled.

"How're you gonna keep me alive if you're not around me, huh? They already know we were close. I've still got the bounty on me, whether we're together or not!" I begin shouting as well.

He groaned,"You don't get it. You're making this so hard. I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to you. I love you; I have to do everything I can to keep you safe. I'm sorry, y/n."

"Ok. But how're you gonna protect me, if at the time you're miles away, avoiding me?" A tear slipped down my face. I quickly wiped it away, not trying to show weakness.

He didn't answer. He just mumbled an apology and kissed my forehead. He gripped the straps of his black bookbag and turned to walk away.

Quickly, anger rushed through me. I speed-walked past him, purposely bumping his shoulder. I could hear his heavy sigh behind me.

I don't feel like being at school anymore, considering I sit next to Cesar in all of my last three periods.

I rush to our table, collect my things, say my goodbyes, and left, walking down the empty street.

Cesar's POV 

Love can't keep someone alive; nor is being apart enough to kill someone.

Third person 

It was enough for her.

See, what Cesar didn't know was that being apart from him was the only thing that could kill her. He wasn't aware of how worried he should've been, and he definitely didn't know the truth behind her broken words.

Your POV

Soon, I arrive at my destination- Cesar's house.

"Y/n, why're you here? You should be in school."

"I wanted to let you know that I talked to Cesar. And if he doesn't care anymore, neither do I. I did my best," I sharply turned around and began walking home. In that moment, it was like a switch. I just stopped feeling- not really, since everything still hurts.

Cesar helped me through some really tough times. When I was 10, and still lived up in Sacramento, My brother was part of a gang. He was killed, my mother also. They were the only ones home at the time.

My sister shortly killed herself after that, since she was close to my brother. Finally, my dad. He deeply and sincerely loved my mom. She was his foundation. His soul got so attached to her's, he couldn't be himself without her. He was doing stupid stuff while he was drunk. Ended up killing someone and got sent to prison. I don't know whether he's dead or alive since he hasn't wrote to me in ages.

My aunt caught me cutting and took me in.

I got teased for ages. People said I was a mistake and should've died with my brother or killed myself with the rest of my family- with the exception of my dad.

I thought the times Cesar helped me through would at least be enough for him to understand how much he means to me; I guess it's not.

Am I being irrational about this? I contemplated. ...Nope.

I flopped on my bed and thought about everything.

Nobody loves me. Not even Cesar.

In my head, I was officially alone.

|*|*|

11 days later

I was in his room, shuffling things around.

One's gotta be in here somewhere. Cesar's at school, but he could be home any minute now.

As I briskly searched under his bed, I heard a cough.

I turned around to see Cesar staring back at me with sad, confused eyes.

"What're you doing here?" He asked softly. It's probably cause I look like crap.

"I'm... um," Lie! "I'm looking for my sweatshirt, I think I lost it in here." Huh. Not bad.

"O-Oh, um, I could help you look," he offered me a sad smile. Great. Pity.

I shook my head,"No, I don't think it's in there. Maybe it was just at home; bye!" I don't give him a chance to respond, quickly excusing myself.

I pretend to leave but turn around to go into Spooky's room. He's not here. I don't know where he is, neither do I care. I just wanna get a gun so I finally end all my pain. Oscar took my gun when he took me to school.

I rustle through his things and find my pistol in a dark brown, wooden box, cleverly hidden under a pile of clothes.

I tiptoe my way out the door so Cesar doesn't hear me.

It's all gonna be over soon.

|*|*|

Dear Loved Ones,

I did this for a reason. It's no ones fault so don't blame anyone- even yourselves. I'll try to answer any questions you might have in here.

Auntie Cicily-Rose: I love you so much. You took me in when you saw I needed it, and for that, I wanna say thank you. You couldn't have done anything more for me. Please don't be sad about me leaving, I just couldn't handle all the pain. It hurt a lot. I really want you to be happy. And by the way, that David guy from work seems really into you. Give him a chance; after all you won't have me to care about anymore so you'll have time for yourself. I'll miss you, but remember I'll be watching. Make me proud. Don't worry; I'll say hi to mom for you. I love you.

Olivia: Honestly, Olivia, I kinda wanna say this is your fault but I won't. Cause it's not. But I'm not gonna say thank you either. I don't forgive you and a large part of me hopes you die in a hole. But, you know, I don't wanna die with burdens, so let's just say we both hate each other. But the times we shared as friends, before you became a backstabbing puta, were pretty nice. Bye, Olivia.

Monse: I'm gonna miss you so much. You make me not want to kill myself, but I have to. It's the only way. You were there for me when I first came here, up until my very last day. Please be happy. You're amazing when you're happy. I want you to move on and find a new best friend. And a tip: Don't let boys use you in the future, cause they'll try. You're a gorgeous girl with a beautiful soul. Please don't ever lose that. And please don't forget about me. You and the others slowly became my family. You'll always be my family and you'll always be my best friend. I love you.

Ruby: God, I'm gonna miss you too. I'll miss the way you were always there for me. I'm definitely gonna miss being called princesa all the time. You made me feel special and made at least a little bit of my life worth living. Thank you for that. I'm gonna miss seeing your stupid face every day. You were there for all my gossip, all my drama, every step of the way. You'll always be mi hombre principal.(my main man) I love you, Ruben.

Jamal: You always knew how to brighten my day or make me smile or laugh. Thank you. Even if I didn't want to. The entire world could've been falling and you would've said something that would make me pee myself. How did you do that? Always share the joy and brightside you have with the world. On the darkest day, smile. Laugh. Trust me, it'll affect everyone around you. I love you Jamal. And, remember, don't get "hurt" "playing" football. And I think Roller World exists. Keep looking; don't give up.

Cesar: Where do I start? You were the person that I told everything. Every last detail. You dealt with my crazy bull, even when I didn't want to. I know what you're thinking right now. It's not your fault, none of it. You're the first person I ever told my background to. You listened. You helped. And you became one of the most important people to me. As much as you didn't want me to say it, I love you. I'll never stop. I want you to know that I'm not mad at you. You were just looking out for me. I appreciate it. Please don't be sad about me. Even though you're a Santos, I know you have feelings that are stronger than you sometimes. Don't let anyone take advantage of you or your feelings. I don't want you to forget about me, but I do want you to move on. You'll always be my boyfriend (even though we broke up.) Goodbye, Cesar. I think I might miss you most.

My will: I don't have very much, but I want everything I have to go to my aunt, Cicily-Rose Anne, with the exception of the next few items. I want Monse to get my golden bow ring and my clothes. I also want her to have the picture with the both of us on the beach, in the water with salt in our eyes. I also want Monse to have the rose gold necklace she always said was beautiful. It belonged to my sister, so it fits, since she became my sister. They should both be on my dresser. I want Ruby to have the ring with a red ruby in the middle. It was going to be for his birthday, but you know. I also want to give him the Polaroid of us two at my birthday party with cake smeared on my face and him laughing like a maniac. I also want him to have my brother's slim golden chain. Also fitting, since he became a brother to me. I want to give Jamal all my brother's watches. So he'll always be able to time how long he has before he blabs somebody's secret. Also, the picture of us where it's raining outside, but I'm laughing while I'm completely drenched and miserable. Finally, I want Cesar to have my father's engagement ring so I'll always be close to him. I would like to be wearing my mother's matching engagement ring when I am laid down. And finally, I want Jasmine to have my CD Player and all of my music collection. She may be annoying, but she was nice. Besides. I think she'll use it more than I ever have. For that reason, somebody buy her a refill of her inhaler. She's gonna need it.

My funeral: I don't want my funeral to be sad. I want it to be happy. My funeral will grace over my life, and the time I spent on this earth. Not the time I left. I want it to be gray, black, white, and aqua. Make sure to throw in some polka dots, too. Serve a cake like you would at my wedding; make it a celebration! They say you can hear your loved ones crying from the heavens. I don't want that. I want you guys to laugh so loud, all of Heaven decides to join in on the fun.

I truly did love each and every one of you. I wish it didn't have to come to this. Goodbye, loves. Don't forget about me

As I shakily raise the small, black pistol to my head, I let out a wispy breath and prepare to pull the trigger, but I'm interrupted.

There's a soft knock at my front door. I might as well be able to say bye to at least one person before I go. I make sure I look presentable and open the door.

Cesar.

"H-hey, since you couldn't find your sweater earlier, I brought you one of mine, i-it was your favorite when we were-"

"Together," I finish his sentence, nodding, becoming more tender to our conversation. I nod and hesitantly reached for the jacket.

"Can I talk to you? Just for a second; I swear it won't be long."

Unsure of what to say, I instinctively nodded my head. As we walked up to my room, I realized I had forgetten that everything was set up in my bedroom. 

I briskly walked into my room before Cesar, quickly putting the items including the letter and gun into my jointed bathroom.

"So, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry, and you're right. I can't protect you if I'm no where near you. I don't like being without you. I'm sorry it took me this long try to get you back. Please, forgive me."

"Cesar, I-," I pause, "of course I forgive you. I've missed you so much," I sighed.

I'm about to miss him a lot more.

"So what do you say? Can I call you mine again?"

I hesitate. This will change everything. If I say yes, I won't feel so alone. I'll be better. I won't have to do it. If I say no, I'll finally rid the world of the parasite that is me.

Oh, to hell with it! I love the boy, what else can I say?

I nod giddily,"Yes, Cesar.  A million times, yes!"

He pulls me into a happy, tight hug and kisses my forehead.

"U-um, you want anything to drink?" I ask, needing to get out his presence.

"Can I have some water?" I nod and go into the kitchen and get a bottled water from the fridge. I decide to also make myself a soda.

I take my time, thinking over what just happened. He just convinced me not to kill myself without even knowing it. This boy was gonna be death of me. I should be worried that he's got so much power over me, but who cares! I have Cesar back. He's mine and I'm his.

When I come back with our drinks, I see Cesar on the bed with a paper, now stained with his numerous tears, his hands.

I walk closer to him and realize what the paper was. It was my suicide note.

"Wh-what's this? I went to the bathroom and saw this on the sink. Were you gonna kill yourself?" He managed to sob out.

I nod,"I know what you're gonna say, but I'm not anymore. You changed m-"

He doesn't let me finish, engulfing me in one of his bear hugs. He dampens me hair with his tears and let's out a muffled whimper.

"I read the note. It's my fault you felt like that. You told me-"

"Shhh, Cesar, I told you. it's a me thing."

"Well, now it's a us thing. I promise not to let you down or leave you again," he swore, looking completely truthful and broken. Almost as bad as me, I don't want that for him.

"It's okay. I'll get better. I'll try harder."

He shook his head,"You shouldn't have to try to be happy, you should just be. So I'm gonna do everything in my power to get you to laugh at least five times a day."

I nod. "Okay," I chuckle,"I think I like the sound of that," I smile up at him. It's actually half-real. I haven't had a real smile on my face for about a week, now. With the breakup and all.

"There it is."

He leaned down and engulfed my lips in his, also smiling into the kiss.

"I love you so much," he looked into my dull eyes.

"Bet I love you more."

"Impossible." he whispered.

And, gradually from there, Cesar began to rebuild me.

Guys I really didn't mean for this to take so long. But I've revised it like twice and it's 3473 words, so I mean that could be it. Anyway, I take request. That's all I wanted to say. Love you guys!

4.17.18

-joshie

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