Olothando:He's Heart 3

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2:03am
I just woke up, I had a very weird dream well this time it wasn't any of my demons waking me up ngey'nkathi zaba thakathi, it was something different for the first time ever, it was something way different.
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She's dressed in all white,"Sawubona" she says
ME:where am I? Who are you?
LADY:I'm your mother, sit down, ngik'chazele
I walk to the bench, I sit next to her and wait for her to explain whatever she's talking about right now, this feels surreal!
LADY :I'm Nomasonto Zulu
and now it hits me,NOMASONTO who? Well the lady at the orphanage once told me who left me there and that she had named me when she left me I never bothered to search for her because I felt as though she knew where she left me so she'll find me besides all of this happened in Durban and when I was old enough I moved to Johannesburg, and her leaving me just like that was the beginning of my hell
ME:Why did you leave me?

SONTO:I had to.
what the hell, she had to? How do you have to leave your infant daughter at an orphanage? Was she psycho?
SONTO:I couldn't take care of you, my mother hated the fact that I was impregnated by a white man, the white man hated the fact that he impregnated a black girl from the slums, I just couldn't let you live your life in a home that you were unwanted in, the home wasn't even a home, ngiy'xolisa sthandwa sam, when I named you I named you all that I couldn't have, uthando is something I never received from my own family, rainbow? how I wished for a life like that.
ME:but there is no such,there could never, it just wouldn't be life.
What is she saying, there's no life filled with rainbows, how I wish she knew that I've been fighting all my life
SONTO:I always believed that with you in people's lives there would always be something about life filled with rainbows and now?your life is about to change, it's about to change forever and for the best kodwa it's going to be hard I know you will withstand all the coming tribes and tribulations, just pray, I too will be there.
ME:uh uh, I did not ask for change, I'm not ready for whatever it is that you talking about
SONTO:I just need to know if you forgive me? I'm so sorry sana lwam only if I could get out the land of the dead and turn back time, be the mother you never had, I would.
ME:it's okay Sonto.
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I keep replaying this in my head,I just finished my blunt, yes I smoke weed, especially when I feel my demons are out to get me, I wash my hands and get back into bed and wait for it to kick in....


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