Part 3: Keeley

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"Where are you?" Zach asked, suddenly sounding suspicious. "I thought you said you had a school project."

"About that...I might have been lying. I'm at the station right now. About to hop on the train."

"Lying? You? I don't know whether to yell or clap."

I was the good twin. My brother on the other hand snuck out of the house and got into trouble all the time. "Laugh it up. I know how to be bad."

"Yeah, right," he scoffed. "I'm going to hold this over you till the end of time. Now you'll know what it feels like to be blackmailed."

"I've never blackmailed you," I said.

"What about all those times you've picked me up from parties? Every time you wanted something you threatened to tell Mom and Dad."

"I consider that payment for waking me up from my beauty sleep," I shot back.

"Like you weren't already awake talking on the phone with Talon. I swear you too never stop shut up." His comment was an arrow through the heart. Moments later, he added, "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that considering everything."

"It's okay," I said softly. "It's the truth."

"It'll be okay. You'll see."

I hoped so. I couldn't imagine not having Talon in my life. He was one of those people that just got me. I could be myself around him. Didn't need to worry about how I looked or what I said. He accepted me for me. Flaws and all.

"Do you need me to pick you up from the station?" asked Zach.

"Yeah, that'd be great actually." I had walked from my house to the station, which was a good half hour away. My feet were already blistering from the high heels. Luckily, I had stuck a pair of flip-flops in my purse. As soon as I boarded the train I planned to kick off the heels and don my sandals.

"Text me when you're close by," said Zach. We said goodbye and I stuck my phone back in my purse.

The train pulled into the station and people started jockeying for a position near the doors. I shuffled along with the crowd trying to keep my toes from getting squashed. Ahead of me was the older gentleman who had given me directions. In all the chaos, he didn't notice the white piece of paper that fell out of his back pocket and onto the ground.

I hurried to pick it up before the letter got trampled. It appeared like some type of document. One of those important ones you were sent in the mail that was folded in thirds. It looked worn. The edges crinkled like someone had opened and closed it over and over again.

I rushed after the man, but when I stepped on the train, he wasn't anywhere to be found. I was about to go look for him when someone bumped into me. It was the scary guy in all black. He was blocking the entryway to the other train car.

"Um..." I suddenly felt nervous. Giving him a weak smile I motioned to the car behind him.

He raised an eyebrow, then leaned against the doorway, not letting me pass. What was with him? Did he enjoy being an asshole for the sake of it? I wanted to say something, but thought better of it when an icy draft of air hit my face. I glanced up, searching for an air conditioning vent, but there was nothing. Maybe I needed to get my head examined.

I turned around and sat in the first available spot, which also happened to be across the aisle from the guy with headphones. His eyes were closed and his arms folded as he leaned back in his seat.

As the train rolled out of the station, I put the letter and my purse on the seat next to me. I'd search for the older man in a little bit. As soon as the scary guy moved out of the way. In the meantime, I kicked off my high heels and pulled my sandals and a book from my bag. It was a new romance from my favorite author. I settled into my chair and began to read.

Sometime later, a conductor with a black vest and cap came down the aisle. "Ticket?" he asked. I handed him mine. He stamped it then moved to the guy with the headphones.

Suddenly, I heard him swear under his breath. "Frank," the conductor muttered, staring at someone in the next car over. "What's he doing here?"

Who was Frank? I started to become concerned when the conductor hurried away, leaving with the guy's boarding pass. I could hear voices being raised. Nervous, I looked at the guy with the headphones. He glanced back at me and shrugged. Seemed he didn't know what was going on either.

I looked over my shoulder to the intimidating guy in all black. He was still leaning against the entryway. He had a clear view of what was happening in other car, but he didn't seem alarmed so I relaxed. If there was something wrong he would say or do something, right?

I picked up my phone just in case. I don't know what good it would do me, but having it in my hands felt right. I unlocked it and saw I had several text messages since my call with Zach. Two from my mom and one from Talon. I opened my mom's first.

Mom: Dinner will be ready at six. Will you be home by then?

Mom: Can you pick up some bread on your way home from the library? We ran out.

I texted her back.

Me: Will do. I'll be home by six. See you then.

I was so nervous to see what Talon had to say that I could feel my palms getting sweaty. I rubbed them on my skirt, delaying the inevitable. Maybe I should go back to my book. Pretend I didn't see his text. But then I remembered what Zach said. Ignoring would only get me in trouble. I needed to face this head on. Holding my breath, I opened his text.

Talon: I'm sure Zach will tell you but I called him.

The air in my lungs jetted out. At least he was upfront about it. However, his honesty was salt on an open wound. It burned with guilt.

Me: I heard. Why would you call him?

Talon: You wouldn't talk to me. I figured you'd talk to your twin.

Me: I didn't.

Talon: So I found out. He doesn't know anything either. No one knows what you've been up to. Not your brother. Not your best friend. And not me, your boyfriend.

Me: It's not personal.

Talon: Sure as hell feels personal.

I remembered last week when I was cramming for a math test and he offered to help me study. I'd turned him down and the look on his face still made my chest ache. I knew I was hurting him, but I couldn't stop myself. My fear of losing him was holding me hostage. I didn't know how to break free from it.

Me: It's not. I swear. It's me. All me.

Talon's name suddenly came on the screen as my cell phone rang. I wasn't ready to hear his voice so I declined the call and texted him instead.

Me: I can't talk right now.

Talon: Why not?

I winced. How could I explain where I was without giving away what I was doing?

Me: I'm on the train. I'll be in Edgewood in a couple hours.

Talon: You're out of town? I didn't know you were gone for the weekend.

Me: I'm not. I just went for the day.

Talon: This is exactly what I'm talking about. You use to tell me everything and now I don't even know what's going on in your life. Where are you? What are you doing?

His text felt like an accusation. My walls started to rise as I became defensive.

Me: You're not the boss of me. You don't get to know what I'm doing every second of every day.

Talon: Wow. Is that really what you think of me? That I'm a controlling jerk?

I closed my eyes. Of course I didn't think that. Talon was a great boyfriend. What was I doing? It's like I was trying to push him away. Goad him into a fight.

Me: No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

Talon: You've been distant.

The simple statement tore at me. I hated the distance as much as I craved it. Distance offered me a way to protect myself.

Me: I've had a lot on my mind.

Talon: Care to share it with me?

This was it. The time to spill my guts and come clean, but words evaded me. I must have taken too long to respond because another text from him popped up.

Talon: Guess not. Is this how our relationship is now? Not telling each other things and avoiding serious topics?

Me: This isn't easy for me.

Talon: Well it's not easy for me either. I've been giving you space. Waiting for you to tell me what's wrong but you refuse to.

Me: It's not that I don't want to. I'm waiting for the right time.

Talon: And when is the right time?

Never. But I couldn't tell him that.

Me: I don't know.

Talon: I don't see the point of having a girlfriend if I never see her or talk to her.

My heart plummeted. This conversation was going downhill fast. I thought I'd have more time.

Me: Are you serious right now?

Talon: Dead serious. Will you tell me why you're pulling away?

I had a million answers to that. Because I was a coward. Because I cared too much. Because I didn't want to end up with a broken heart. I typed all those things and more but I immediately deleted them. I couldn't send those texts. I felt too vulnerable, too exposed.

Talon: You know what? Fine. Don't tell me. But I'm not going to keep trying if you're not going to do the same.

My eyes welled. I pushed my head back against seat, and looked up at ceiling. I blinked a couple times trying to stop the tears. This was stupid. I was being stupid. I told myself to get it together, to stop being such a wuss. Inhaling deeply, I typed out a message.

Me: I'm sorry. I'm just scared. I'll tell you everything.

My finger hovered over the send button. I thought of Talon's smile. Of the way he made me laugh. I thought of all the times I laid in his arms and felt cared for and loved.

It should have been an easy decision. But instead of sending the message, I turned my phone off. The black screen mocked me. I could see my own reflection. See the tears that streaked down my face. But I didn't care.

Fear. It was a powerful motivator. One I didn't know how to overcome.

I was too busy crying to notice a mysterious draft of wind pick up the older man's letter. It carried the letter off the seat and across the aisle landing at the feet of the guy with the headphones. If I had seen I might have been able to prepare myself for what was to come.  

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