Present Day

Have you ever been to the emergency room? Weird question, I know. But if so, you'll remember the nurse asking you to rate your pain on a scale of 1-10. You're lying there in a bed, uncomfortable as hell, and everything feels like a 10. If it didn't, you wouldn't be in the emergency room, would you?

Clearly, I've been there. More than you can imagine, actually, from stupid concussions as a kid, to mishaps as a late teenager, and I think I've said 10 every time. I can tell you now, that I was being a baby, because there's only been 1 time I've felt a 10, and I wasn't even the patient. Hands down, there's been no greater pain than the night I thought I was going to lose Henley.

Calm down. No one's in the emergency room. Nothing bad has happened; in fact, I'm in in the middle of one of the greatest days of my life. I've just gotten used to using that rating in other ways in my life, like hunger and tiredness, and adoration. Right now, on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the greatest day of my life, I'm damn near close to an 11.

My heart is bursting beneath my tuxedo; it's pounding so hard it actually hurts, and if I don't see her in a second, I'm going to black out. Is it nerves? On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being scared shitless, where do I rank, you ask? That's simple. It's zero. I'm not nervous in the slightest; in fact, I'm even more sure than I was the last time, and trust me, I didn't think that was possible.

I ache with anticipation, though nothing will technically change. We've been married for years. She's been the greatest gift in my life since the moment I met her. But today, I'm giving her something I couldn't the first time around – a real wedding, surrounded by the people we love. A renewal on our forever.

A few months ago, after we got back from Wyoming, I found myself crazy with the need to propose again. It sounds silly, maybe, especially after what we've been through. But if she hadn't gotten her memories back, I would've done the same thing. I would've asked the woman I love, regardless of the history in her mind, to spend the rest of her life with me, because our tragedy and losses gave me a chance to fall in love with her in a different way. And if we'd never met years ago, and married in a crazy frenzy like a couple of desperate fools...if the first time I'd met her was because she was randomly seated next to me on that airplane...well, I'd love her just the same, because she's Henley, and she's beautiful in every way, shape and form. Broken and fixed, she's the real thing. She's a fighter...my fighter, and I'm going to fight to give her everything she's missed while she was asleep.

I've seen that show about crazy brides, and I'm happy to say my gorgeous wife has never been one. Our wedding in Vegas was short, and as sweet as it could be, but it lacked personal touches, and just about everything else. That's why I suggested we set the date a few months in advance, so she'd have some time to actually plan what she wanted this time.

She's never been overly needy or demanding when it comes to planning, but she was even less intense than I'd figured. Her bakery provided a beautiful cake that Henley insisted on decorating herself. She did an amazing job, and the look in her eyes as she showed me the pictures told me she's really found something she loves doing. I'm incredibly happy for her, and when the wedding and honeymoon are over, I'm going to show her the packet of info I found on a few culinary schools, because I want the world for her.

Even though we're the least traditional couple in most every sense of the word, she wouldn't let me see her dress, and she spent that night at Harlow's last night, saying it was bad luck to see each other before the wedding. Luck? When have we ever had that? But I smiled at her requests, because she's adorable when she's trying to be tough, and I'll gladly go along with whatever she wants.

She's all mine tonight and forever.

Waiting a few months had it's other benefits, too, like much warmer weather. It's warm and the sun is bright. Our backdrop is familiar, as Henley wanted to get married at our home more than anything. I'm standing just outside our gazebo, looking out into a crowd of people I've known all my life and some I've known for just a few months. As soon as my family heard about our plans to renew our vows, they went nuts. I was sure to let them know I wanted Henley to have first say in everything, and they've been angels in helping make sure everything goes perfectly for today.

Kristian helped me set up the benches for the guests, and made sure we had a decent DJ for the little reception we're having tonight in our backyard. It's nothing fancy—nothing you'd see in a magazine by any means, but it's perfect for us. If she'd wanted something more...or bigger...I would've granted any wish she had. I just happen to think it's sexy as hell she wants it to be here at our home, instead.

I've only been standing up here for a few minutes, and I know I don't have to wait much longer. My eyes roam the guests and fall upon so many people who've helped shape my life. We decided not to go with the split into "sides of the family" seating, but mixed together like the big family we already are.

My mother is there, right in the front row. She's teary-eyed, or course, for a few reasons. One, she's my mother, so it's ingrained in her to cry at big events. Two, I know she's thinking about how she missed out on our real marriage in Vegas, and she's so happy to be able to share this with us today, because she loves Henley like her own flesh and blood.

Beside Mom is Andrew, who looks white as a ghost because he's convinced Harlow's water is going to break right up here in the gazebo, even though we're still two months away from her due date. On the other side of Mom is Joey and her husband, Steven, and beside them is Mr. Football himself Erik Creston. Thankfully, Henley's family has been amazing and truly embraced her the way we hoped they would. No disappointments here.

Behind them, I see the smiles of my buddies from my auto shop, and many of the ladies Henley works with at the bakery. I see neighbors chatting and smiling, and I see the faces of the doctors and nurses who cared for my wife during the years I couldn't. It's safe to say we're in the company of everyone we care about, and this time around, everyone will see the way she makes me shake just by telling me she loves me.

The music starts—something pretty by a local sting ensemble of high school students, brought to us by one of Henley's co-workers. My hands sweat, again, not out of nerves, but out of pure joy and anticipation. I can't wait to hold hers. I can't wait to do this all over again. I'm so much wiser this time.

The wait is over, as I see Harlow, alarmingly pregnant, but gorgeous still, walking down the aisle on the arm of Finn. Immediately following is Kate, in beautiful heels, holding on for dear life to my brother Kristian. Our wedding party is small, considering it only includes our immediate siblings. And since Harlow's been the only sister Henley had for years, and her very best friend, she wanted her as her Matron of Honor. And because she adores her new little sister, she decided she couldn't just make her a simple bridesmaid; she'd get to be her Maid of Honor, too. Kristian was an easy decision for Best Man, and Finn rounds out my groomsmen, as we both wanted him to be included. We decided against siblings walking down the aisle together, so it was an easy fix. They take their places around me, but Finn rushes back down the aisle to meet Henley as she comes out the door.

I know they've only known each other for a few months, but as we started making plans, she was sure she wanted her brother to walk her down the aisle. And instead of being a dumb, disinterested teenager, he embraced the request. He really took it to heart that she needed him.

I can see her. She's just stepping out of our back door. She's walking toward me in a remarkable dress that looks like it was designed just for her. It's strapless and pure white, with little purposeful bunches in patterns throughout. She wanted a veil, but not one that covered her face. It hangs from something pinned under her deep, chocolate hair as if fall is in waves down her bare shoulders and back. I smile when she stops in front of me, presses a kiss to Finn's cheek, and takes my hand. Behind her gorgeous hair, I see a pair of pearl earrings, and my heart finally bursts. She was wearing these same earrings the day we met. I haven't seen them since. I know it's something little, but it means so much to me.

I don't know the schematics of all this, so I lean in and kiss her before the minister even says a word. I take her cheeks in my hand and kiss her lightly, and when I pull away, I press my thumbs into her pearl earrings to let her know I noticed.

My eyes drop to her necklace. It's the one I gave her on our very first Christmas—a scripted, diamond studded H. Everything about this moment is perfect, aside from the fact that I totally squished her bouquet of flowers between us.

She hands her pink and white roses to Harlow to hold so I can take both hands in mine as we say our vows again. I go first, and I hope the speech I planned goes smoother than my proposal.

"I've loved many things in my life. I loved being a kid and dreaming up an amazing future. I loved fixing cars and racing them. I loved spending little weekends, hunting with Dad and staying in this very house," I nod to our beautiful home.

"But I've only been in love with one person in my entire life. You. And once I fell in love with you, which, quite honestly was about two seconds after you told me you'd never eaten a pancake, I knew that all the things I thought defined love, weren't nearly as powerful as this. I let you run into me...you were this cute little thing, completely lost in so many senses of the word...and you literally fell right into my life. And we went wild, didn't we? Crazier than anyone here could ever imagine," I pause, and take a deep breath, hoping my speech isn't embarrassing the hell out of her, because our families don't know all the details of our days on the road.

"I was out of my mind in love with you the day I married you in Las Vegas. I thought I had it all figured out – all we needed was love, right? And maybe that was true, in some senses. You pulled us through a lot of things I never could've myself. You were my little wild one – the most gorgeous, carefree soul I'd ever met. I think back to that day, a lot of those days, and I can't help but smile. For all the bad, we were so, so good. And when we grew up..." I run the back of my hand along her cheek. "When we had to grow up, Hen...when I...I had to grow up and be strong for both of us..."

I stop and close my eyes. I promised myself I would not do this. I would not break down in front of our family and friends. But Jesus Christ, I can feel the damn tears prickling in the backs of my eyes. I take a deep breath when I feel her squeeze my hands. I'm all off track; I should've just stuck to the vows I wrote and not gone off on this tangent that's going to raise eyebrows.

I open my eyes and look into hers, and I see peace and adoration. I see love and a forgiveness I know no one else can see. It pushes me to continue.

To get back on track with my vows. To finally forgive myself fully.

I stare until my tears dry so they never fall.

"But through it all – our crazy times and our peaceful times, I never stopped loving you with everything I had. I stand here today, before everyone we love, and promise to always work on being the man you deserve, and to contribute to the best life we can possibly have. I will work hard for us, and I will love you more than everything and everyone, every day for the rest of my life. Because the selfishness in me died the day you nearly did. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life showing you how important you are. I love you. I love you so, so much."

I finish and take another calming breath to clear my head. I made it through, though it wasn't pretty, but a quick glance at the guests tell me they were all touched by my speech. It means more to some of them than others. I can't help but still be thankful for my family for everything they've done for us.

"Well, I had a speech all worked out and now it just seems too rehearsed," Henley says, swiping away a few small tears. The guests chuckle, naturally, and it all feels like some crazy tv movie for a moment until she starts to talk. Her voice is sweet and the gentle way in which she speaks calms me...makes me feel like she's really only talking to me. She makes me feel like we're just out here alone on our gazebo on a summer afternoon, and I'm so grateful that she grounds me so effortlessly when I start to float out of my head in worry.

"You're right, you know...about first impressions. My first memory of you will always be of that really sexy guy who let me wear his too big boots in a muddy field. Of the way your eyes seemed just too gorgeous to be real, and you hugged me like you'd known me for a lifetime, even thought it'd only been a few hours. Who are Ryan and Henley James? We've been a lot of things, haven't we? A couple of music-loving college kids. Reckless lovers who traveled the country in a car. Two people who knew they loved each other more than was healthy at a very young age, and got married on a whim. The healing couple. The couple torn apart for far too long. The couple people prayed for...mourned for. And then we were that couple who had to start all over, whose relationship suffered over something out of our control. But now we're that couple people celebrate. And maybe even that couple hope to become someday. That's who we are, baby. But that's not all we'll ever be.

"We've got a world of things coming that we can't even dream up, and one day, when I look into your too gorgeous eyes surrounded by somehow amazingly handsome wrinkles as we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, you can be certain we'll have a whole lot more definition than we even do now.

"I wish I could promise you we'll never be in pain, that we've experienced it all already and that we're in the clear from this point on. But we don't know, just as we couldn't have known what would happen the first time we got married. But the beauty is in the wonder, isn't it? Everyone said, hey, it's just not fair. Hey, it's so unlucky...but I beg to differ. I'd say I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

"I love you. And to everyone here, witnessing this...I want you thank you for what you've done, in any big or small way, to help us over the years. We love you,"

I see her eyes fall to my mother, and I feel my heart kick up a little faster. She's incredible.

"I promise to spend the rest of my life working to give us the best life we can have. To be always be honest, even when it hurts you, and to walk by your side until I can't walk anymore. And then I'll roll by your side, so long as you push me," she winks and I laugh, thankful for the way she's lightened the moment. "So...I do. Again. Forever and ever," she says, pulling me by the tie a little roughly and grabbing my collar with both hands as she moves in to kiss me wildly.

This is my Henley.

A few hours later, we're spinning on the little dance floor Kristian made for our backyard. Now that we made it through the ultra sentimental ceremony, we've been nothing but smiles. The dinner was simple and delicious, and Henley's cake is just about the tastiest thing I've ever eaten.

Our first dance as newly renewed married couple was soothing, and holding her so close to me has me thinking about our honeymoon. It may be a few years too late to feel as hot as that first married night should, but somehow, everything feels fresh and new and exciting. I'm itching to show her how much I love her in one of my favorite ways. Yeah, you know what I mean.

"Today was really good," I say to her softly as we dance slowly. I haven't given her up for anyone else to dane with yet, but I will soon. I can't hog her all night when I've got an eternity for all that. As we spin, I see her eyes narrow over my shoulder. I shift us slightly to look at what she's smiling at, and see Erik holding Kate closely on the dance floor just a few feet away from us. Henley said there was something going on there and made me swear on my life I wouldn't spill it. The girls all spent last night at Harlow's, but something tells me this development is so new not even Henley knew about it.

"Did they go public?" I swear she squeals. It's adorable.

"Seems so. Don't think he'd be holding her like that if they hadn't. Let's check it out," Her eyes go wide as I turn her quickly to gauge Finn's reaction on the other side of us. After all, the big secret was kept to protect him this whole time.

He's dancing with Joey, but he's whispering something in her ear. She turns slightly to grab a glimpse, then smiles brightly. Yep, the secret definitely just came out. I watch him for a moment, and after a few seconds, he smiles, too. Everything will work itself out.

Harlow taps me on the shoulder and Henley's eyes brighten.

"I know I'm the size of a house, but can I sneak a dance with my twin?"

"For you, of course," Henley teases. "Watch her feet, Ryan. She can't see a thing down there."

"I love you too, sis," Harlow laughs, sticking her tongue out playfully. And just like that it's like old times. Just me and my sister. My shoulders relax, and I didn't even realize how tense they really were. I'm not tense around Henley, it's just, this whole day has been exhausting. As silly as it is, this quiet moment with my sister just calms me. Henley may be the only woman I've ever been in love with, but my Harlow is the very first person I loved. Hard not to when you share a womb with someone.

It's getting late, so I know this is probably the only time I get to talk to my sister all night.

"How're you feeling? Andrew's been practically peeing his pants all day worried about you, you know. So sweet," I wink.

"I feel fine, but I'm so ready, Ryan. I just want this kid out of me. I know it's too soon, but trust me when I say I'm ready," she laughs. "And how are you?"

"Exhausted. Completely happy. Not a thing could make me happier than I am today. Wanna know a secret?"

"God yes. Spill," her eyes flare, and I smirk. "Whatever it is, I won't tell I soul. I swear on the womb we shared for 9 some months."

"Wow. Wow," I laugh. "I didn't' see that coming, and definitely don't tell Mom you're swearing on parts of her, but I'll tell you anyway. If you'll settle down and be quiet, okay?"

"I'm quiet. I'm silenced. Tell me,"

"We want a baby, 'Low. Henley and I. We're trying. She's way out of the maybe someday phase."

"Oh that's no secret. Henley's been ooo-ing and ahh-ing at baby stuff every time we go shopping. She begged me to get this cute yellow newborn outfit before I even knew what we were having because she loved it so much. At first I just thought it was bump envy, but seriously, she's goo-goo eyed, bro. So are you gonna give it to her, or what?" She laughs, bumping my elbow with hers. Her eyes dare me to come up with something to say after that comment, but because our personalities are the same, I'm quick to respond.

"Well when you put it like that, I'm giving it to her plenty. Like multiple times a d..."

"Okay. Sorry. Gross. Love you, but really don't want to think of you and my best friend getting... I can't even say it." She laughs, then the teasing