So I'm still trying to figure out if I should include an "R" rated scene in this book since some of y'all are asking for it.

Highlight this and tell me if y'all are down for it or nah. 

If most of y'all say yes then let me know if I should include it in this book or write it in a separate book specific for "intimate" chapters. Just in case some people don't want to read it. 

Okay, that's all. Enjoy the story!

"Do it for my homegrowns (sisters, brothers). Do it for the fam."

***

"You want me to kill 'em?" Kingston asks, sounding serious.

"What? No!" I say, my eyes going wide. "He's still my dad King, you can't just kill him." 

He shrugs and goes to light his blunt. We were sat on the concrete porch in front of his house since my auntie doesn't like when King smokes inside. After school, I drove over to King's so I could get some of the clothes I stored in his closet. 

During my stay at the Arreaga's, I quickly found out that they have very limited closet space. After King told my auntie what happened she let me store anything I couldn't fit in Amour's closet over here. It was nice while it lasted, but I'm supposed to be back at home in two days and I need to get my shit before King tries to steal it for himself. 

"I don't care if he's your pops or not, he put his hands on you, Zay. I don't fuck with that shit," he grumbled.

"It doesn't matter anymore," I sigh. "He's gone." 

"You miss him?" King asks, putting a comforting hand on my back.

Do I?

"I don't know. He might've fucked up my life but it's weird not having him around now," I confess. "Before all of this, everything was fine. Now, it's like I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

Smoke escapes King's mouth as he speaks. "What you mean?" 

"Last year I had my whole life planned out. I wasn't scared of what's next," I mumbled. "What if none of this shit works out? Then what am I gonna do? People like me don't make it very far." 

Kingston smacks the back of my head, hard. "What the fuck?" I curse as I attempt to rub the pain away. 

My cousin gives me a hard stare. "Don't say shit like that Isaiah," he warns. "Whatever your piece of shit father said, forget it. You have a better future than half of the people in this neighborhood, don't let any of these dusty motherfuckers tell you otherwise." 

"But—"

"Let me finish," King cuts me off. "I ain't gonna let you sit here and talk bad about yourself. So what if you like niggas? You're still the same Isaiah you've always been. Fuck what everyone else says, you're a fucking beast. There ain't no one else doing it like you." 

I give him a small smile. "You're just saying that." 

"Nah bro I mean that shit. I don't know if it means much comin' from me, but I'm proud of you," King praised. 

"Forreal?" I ask, raising a brow. 

"Yeah, bro. After all the shit you've been through you deserve a happy ending," King smiles, patting me on the back. "The world already sets us up for failure, you just gotta push through that." 

I was surprised at the words coming out of Kingston's mouth. He's usually never this serious when I talk to him about stuff, so this is a nice change. After Pop left I realized that the father figure in my life left too. I guess there's Amour's dad, but he still seems wary of me since he's so protective of Amour. And yeah, Kingston may not be the best role model but he does everything to keep the people he loves safe. I should've been looking towards him all along. 

"Hold your head up high," he continues. "You're goin' to one of the best schools in Cali and you got a bomb ass boyfriend. Everything happens for a reason."

"Thanks," I smile. "I needed that."

"I know you did. Loosin' a father is tough," he admits. "You'll get over it, eventually." 

I watch as King goes quiet for a moment, his mind wandering elsewhere. I decide it's best not to say anything since I know his pops is a touchy subject. 

"I guess I'm gonna head out," I say, changing the subject. "I need to finish packing my stuff."

"I'd come with you but your man's mom hates me," he says, taking another hit.

"They're in San Jose for a couple of days, they won't be there," I tell him. 

Kingston furrows his brows. "His siblings gone too?" 

"Yeah." I shrug. 

"Nigga, are you tellin' me it's just y'all two in the house and you still haven't hit?" he questions. 

I groan and roll my eyes. "Why are you so interested in my sex life?"

"Because!" King stresses. "Y'all have been dating for almost seven months and the only thing you've done is gotten head. And you didn't even return the favor!"

"What are you so loud for?" I hiss. 

"I'm just sayin'," he raises his hands in defense. "I always gave my girl head after she sucked my dick." 

 "I don't know how to suck dick!" I argued. 

"Well, you better learn how," King shot back. "Tomorrow's your last day there, you better take advantage of being alone together."  

"I know!" I huff. "I want to, and I know Amour wants to, it's just—"

"It's just what?" King cuts me off. 

"I've never been with a boy before, you know that," I divulged. "I wouldn't know what to do."

Kingston shrugs. "That's what porn is for," he says nonchalantly. 

I will never understand how King can go from giving me good life advice to giving me a headache in the span of a minute. I rub the temples of my head. "You're no help." I groan. 

"I don't know why you're bein' so dramatic, it's just a different hole," King explains. 

"I'm not talking about this with you anymore," I say, standing up. "I'm going to Reese's."

He gives me a look. "The fuck is she gonna do? Teach you how to give head with a banana?"

***

***

Reese returns to her room with an abundance of fruits and vegetables. 

As much as I hate to say it, Kingston was right. 

I made my way to Reese's house with King tagging along for "emotional support", her parents weren't home as always so King and I made our way to her room while she went to find "tools" for the lesson.

"Aight," she started. "So I was gonna use a banana but then I realized it's curved and you're not ready for that. So I got you a cucumber." 

Reese hands me the green vegetable and keeps another one for herself. She moves to sit beside me on her pink bed while Kingston watches eagerly from the beanbag in the corner of the room. 

I studied the cucumber carefully, the more I looked at it the more it resembled a dick. A scowl appeared on my face as the thought of sucking dick ran through my mind. I don't think I could do it if it was just anyone. The only thing keeping me from throwing the makeshift penis across the room was the thought of pleasing Amour. 

I had to do it. For him. 

"Let's get this over with." I sighed. 

Reese sends me a toothy smile before beginning her lesson. "First you wanna have a nice grip on the bottom of your cucumber, not too hard, not too loose." she directs.

I can't believe this is happening.

I let out another sigh and do what she says. "When coming in contact with your subject, it's best to start slow and then build up the intensity," Reese explains. 

"Yeah!" King pipes. "I like that shit."

I send him a glare. "Shut up, before I make you leave." I snap. 

Reese chuckles before continuing her lesson. "Start with a few strokes, then you can start using your tongue."

Reese demonstrates the action and then nods for me to do the same. I look between her and King before taking a deep breath. There was nothing more uncomfortable than this. I brought the vegetable close to my face and slowly stroked it, my hands shaking. I looked a Reese with pleading eyes, she urged me to go on so I sucked it up and connected my tongue to the cucumber, licking a stripe from the bottom to the top. 

I fucking hate cucumbers.

"Great!" Reese chirps. "Now, as a guy, you probably know what you do and don't like. I would take that into consideration when you're doin' the dirty." 

"Okay," I mutter. "Now what?"

"Suck it."

I give her a look. "Suck it?" 

"Yeah suck it. Like this," Reese puts the entire vegetable down her throat without gagging and pulls it back out like it was nothing. "Just make sure to keep your teeth out of the way or else—"

Reese takes a large bite out of her cucumber, causing both King and I to cringe. "That happens."

"Yeah," Kingston agrees. "Don't do that shit. I remember I was with this one bitch and she bit the fuck outta my shit. Hurt like a motherfucker."

"Reese I don't wanna do this anymore," I announce. 

"Just see how far you can go." Reese insists. 

"But—"

"Do it." she urges. 

"Yeah, do it," Kingston says, laughing. 

"Fuck you," I curse, sending him a glare. I look back to Reese. "And fuck you." 

She raises her hands in defense. "Did you or did you not ask for my help?" Reese questions. 

"I did, but—"

"Okay," Reese cuts me off. "Then you better act like that's Amour and give him the best head he's ever had." 

"King, get out," I order, pointing to the door.

"What? Why?" he asks. 

"You don't need to be in here for this."

He squints before getting out of his beanbag and walking towards the door. "Try not to choke," he says as he closes the door. 

"Okay," I mumble to myself, staring at the vegetable in front of me. This can't be that bad. It's just a cucumber, it's not like it's real. I just have to put it in my mouth, that's all. It's like sucking a popsicle, nothing weird about that. 

"Sometime today, Isaiah." Reese interrupts my thoughts. 

I huff before slowly moving to bring the cucumber up to my face. I direct my gaze from the vegetable to Reese, who nods for me to keep going. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for what I'm about to do. 

You got this Isaiah. It's just a cucumber. 

I open my mouth slightly and raise the green vegetable up to my lips. I go to put the cucumber into my mouth only to be interrupted by my phone buzzing in my pocket. 

Thank God. 

I quickly throw the cucumber to the side so I can retrieve my phone. The screen lights up, revealing the caller ID reading: Baby <3. 

"Hey babe," I answer, not realizing how much I was smiling.

"Hey...Isaiah," Amour says, sounding nervous. "Where are you?"

I furrow my brows at the sound of him calling me my actual name. "I'm at Reese's," I tell him. "What's up? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied. "Can you come home? Like, now." 

"Yeah, I'm on my way now," I say, quickly getting up from Reese's bed. She gives me a worried look, asking me what's going on without actually saying it. I mouth "I don't know" back, leaving us both unaware of Amour's wellbeing. 

I could feel my heartbeat starting to pick up. The tone in his voice made me worried, thinking about every possible bad outcome that could happen. What if Bobby's there? What if someone broke in? What if someone hurts him? 

"Amour what's going on?" I ask concerned. 

"Your dad is here."

***

It took me less than ten minutes to get to Amour's house considering the fact that I was going almost twenty over the speed limit. I know what my dad is capable of if he hates Amour as much as he hates me then there's no telling what he'll do. 

I pulled into the driveway next to my father's car and quickly put my truck into park before rushing towards the front door. I grab my key from my pocket, unlocking the door to reveal my father sitting on the couch in the living room and Amour sat on the stairs. His face lights up once we connect eyes. I rush over and wrap my arms tightly around him, ignoring the hard stare of my father. 

"You okay?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah, just...scared," he admits. "I tried to close the door but he's stronger than me. He wants to talk to you." 

Amour had a right to be scared. Pop was a good four inches taller than me and had a strong build. He easily towered over Amour.

"I won't let him hurt you." 

"Come on Isaiah, don't be like that." Pop pipes up, now standing. 

I let go of Amour and turn to face him. "Don't be like what? You fucking pushed your way inside Amour's house looking for me! Do you know how crazy you look?" 

"How else was I supposed to find you? Your mother won't answer my calls and neither will you!" he argued. 

"Momma doesn't want you in her life and neither do I," I state, trying to stay calm. "You need to leave." 

"I ain't leavin' until we figure this out," he says. "I ain't about to let your soft ass get in the way of my marriage."

"You're a fucking joke," I spit, stepping closer. "Momma left you because you're a homophobic piece of shit. Not because of me."

My fist clenched as he stepped closer, looking me directly in the eyes. "Phobic? You don't scare me, Isaiah, and neither does your little boyfriend," he sneered. "You can let him fuck up your life, but I won't let some fairy ruin everything I've built."

"Don't call him that," I snap. "Amour didn't ruin my life, he made it better. He's been more supportive of me in the seven months I've known him than you have in eighteen fucking years."

"Don't you try to disrespect me like that. I taught you everything you know. Without me, you wouldn't have that scholarship." Pop fumed. 

"When are you going to stop acting like you've been a good father?" I question. "You might've taught me how to play basketball or how to be a "man," but you never taught me how to accept myself for who I am."

Pop shook his head. "This isn't who you are Isaiah. Before him, you we're normal, he turned you into...this." 

"He didn't turn me anything, Pop," I say, lowering my voice. "I've been pretending all my life to be something I'm not. Without Amour, I wouldn't have discovered who I am."

My anger quickly morphed into sadness as the realization sunk in. Pop has never seen me for me. He sees me as a photocopy of himself. 

That's why hates the fact that I'm with Amour. That's why he wants me to like cars instead of photography and watch football instead of baking. He wants me to marry someone like mom and have two kids, a boy, and a girl. He lives through me because he couldn't make it far himself. 

We can't keep living like this. One of us has to let go. 

 "I'm not you, I never will be," I sigh. "I've been waiting for your approval for my whole life. All I've ever wanted was for you to be proud of me."

"Isaiah—"

"I don't need your approval anymore because I have my own. I'm fucking proud of myself. I'm going to one of the best colleges in the state, I have some of the greatest friends in the world, and  I'm in love," I smile, looking back at Amour. "I'm in love with a man who has supported me from day one. So if you can't love and support me like he does, then I can't have you in my life, father or not." 

I watched as my father's face softened. He was contemplating something in his head, trying hard not to let his face show any emotion. We finally understood each other. 

Pop took a breath. "Okay," he said softly. 

There was a small silence before my father turned to walk out. He stopped at the door, turning to look back one last time before walking out and shutting it softly. I shut my eyes, my emotions were coming at me all at once. 

I thought I had accepted the fact that he was gone the first time, but this was different. There was no yelling or fighting. This was real. He's gone. 

"Are you okay?" Amour asks softly. 

I nod, even though I'm not. Amour comes and hugs me from behind, resting his head on my back. Amour's embrace makes gives me a feeling of safety and comfort, allowing me to stop holding back my feelings. Salty tears begin to roll down my cheeks. 

"I'm proud of you," he whispers. 

A sad smile appears on my face as I cry silently. It's over. I can finally move on.

***

Whew, well that took a turn. Do you think Isaiah's dad will end up coming around?

Also, Kingston's back! How are y'all feeling about him?