Aight so...I don't know how this book got to number three in the lgbt hashtag but it did for a hot second and I am so thankful! Like honestly I didn't expect all this! So I just wanna say thank y'all for all your comments and votes!

Once the book is done imma go back and fix the switching from present to past tense issues. Idk what I was on when I did that.

That's all, highlight this and tell me your favorite and least favorite character!

The golden rays of the sun peeking through my blinds accompanied by the sweet tune of morning birds were almost calming enough to shake the nerves and fear of what today might bring. 

Amour and I talked for hours last night, he coached me on what to do and say and how to keep my nerves at ease. I nearly had a panic attack over the phone thinking about everything that could go wrong.

I was the most worried about Sarai. Thinking about dealing with the guilt of driving our family apart made me want to throw up. I didn't want her to end up becoming another little black girl who was forced to grow up without a father. 

"Don't overthink it. It'll only make things worse."

Amour's soft voice parted the clouds that slowly began to form in my mind, reminding me of what he said last night. He's right. I just needed to stop believing that the worst will happen.

I know for a fact Pop isn't gonna take it well, but that doesn't mean we'll end up fatherless. He loves us too much to leave. Knowing him he'll probably forget about it in a couple of weeks anyway. Hopefully. 

And even if he does decide to leave, he'll come back. Amour's dad came back so why can't mine? It'll be fine. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. 

"ISAIAH!" Momma's voice travels from the kitchen to my room.

I huffed, not wanting to get up from the comfort of my bed. "Yeah?" I yell back. Ever since I got popped in the mouth at the age of eight I've stopped responding with "what" when Momma calls me. She says it's disrespectful. 

"Come eat!" she hollered.

After taking a moment to contemplate if I really want to get out of bed, I finally move the covers and slip on my slides before walking downstairs. The smell of bacon and pancakes seeps into the atmosphere as I enter the kitchen. Momma sets Sarai and Pop's plates in front of them before grabbing her own and sitting down at the table. 

I sleepily make my plate of breakfast foods and join the rest of my family. Momma's black curls bounce as she turns to look at me. "What did I tell you about stayin' up all night?" 

"I couldn't sleep." I shrug.

"You were probably up on that damn phone all night." Pop speaks up.

The urge to roll my eyes was strong, but I fought through it. "Nah, it's not that."

"Then what is it?" Momma questions.

"I'll tell y'all later," I say, brushing them off. There is no way I'm starting my day with coming out. 

Momma and Pop decide not to probe for once and leave it be. Momma motioned for us to join hands so she could start the prayer. We closed our eyes and bowed our heads, waiting for her to start.

"Dear heavenly father," she started. "I just wanna thank you for blessing this food and blessing our family. I wanna thank you for blessing us with opportunities and paving a way for our kids to be great. Amen."

"Amen," we repeated. 

I quickly let go of Momma and Sarai's hand and dug into my food. We ate in silence, for the most part. Every so often Momma would ask Sarai how school was going and she'd reply with the same answer she always does. White. Every week Sarai has a new story of how the white kids would subtlely be racist or do something offensive.

Apparently, one kid named Hayleigh tried to tell Sarai that it was okay for white people to wear box braids because it's "just hair" and they can do whatever they want. 

Sarai got detention for slapping her. 

Momma had to explain why it isn't okay for her to go around slappin' people while I got to tell her how proud I was. I never had the balls to do anything like that as a kid. Shit, sometimes I still don't have the balls to stand up to people. 

"Isaiah has the UCLA coach talked to you about practice yet?" Pop asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

"Pop I just found out I got accepted yesterday," I say, taking a bite of bacon. "Give it a minute."

"We need to go dorm shopping for you and Drake!" Momma chirps. "I'm so excited for y'all!"

"Can I come and stay with you in college?" Sarai pipes up.

I chuckle. "If you want."

"Take her so I can finally get a break." Momma jokes.

Pop surprisingly lets out a small chuckle. "Sarai will be goin' off to college at twelve if she keeps it up." he smiles, patting her on the shoulder. "Lil' genius."

"Harvard, Stanford, or Yale?" I ask her.

She scrunches up her face. "Neither."

I almost choke on my pancake while Momma and Pop gasp. The three of us look at her with wide eyes. 

"What you mean neither?" Momma questions, furrowing her brows. "You're goin' to college Sarai."

"Those are the best colleges in the nation," I stressed.

She shrugs. "I wanna go to an HBCU," she explained. "I'm tired of being pushed around by white people every day of the week. I don't need that in college."

My parents and I let out a breath of relief. 

I've been going to primarily black schools my whole life, so I've never really dealt with the kinda white people like Sarai's classmates. Just the hood white people who try hard to fit in and the weird white girls who wanna have mixed babies. Gross. I don't know if it's the thought of being with a girl like that or the thought of being with a girl in general that made me shudder. 

I can see where she's coming from though. Any time Drake and I have an away game at some fancy white school we always feel out of place. Sure, there are some black kids there but they don't seem like the kinda black kids who are around gang violence and drugs 24/7. 

And then there's Issac. It seems like every kid from that weird-ass Catholic school is a different breed of crazy white people. His personality adds up to every single story Sarai has told me about the people at her school. It's wild. 

"That's great, baby," Momma smiled. "I'm glad you wanna be around your people."

"You know, your mom and I went to Clark Atlanta right?" Pop smiled as he went to hold onto Mommas hand. "I remember watchin' her dance for the first time and fallin' in love."

"Aww," she cooed. "I remember tellin' you to fuck off cause you tried some basic ass pickup line." 

"Momma!" Sarai yelled. "You gotta put a quarter in a jar!"

She scoffed. "Girl, I ain't puttin' no quarter in no motherfuckin' swear jar," she said chuckling. 

Sarai crossed her arms over her chest and squinted. "Now that's two pennies."

"You tryna challenge me, little girl?" Momma asked, mimicking Sarai's pose.

Pop and I gave each other a knowing look from across the table. He held up likes hands like he was going to take a picture, quietly telling me to go get my camera from my room. I nodded and slowly got up before rushing up the stairs to I didn't miss anything.

Once I reached my room the sound of running can be heard from downstairs. I quickly grabbed my new camera and ran back down, almost tripping down the last step. 

"You gotta catch me if you want me to give you my money!" Momma taunted, running around the island while my little sister chased her. 

The sight of Momma getting chased around with her bonnet on was hilarious. She had on old house shoes while Sarai wore socks that made her slip every one and a while as they ran around the kitchen. Pop was losing his mind, laughing harder than ever when Momma tripped and fell over the couch while knocking a picture frame over. I snapped pictures constantly without them knowing. 

"Pop look at this," I laughed, showing him the clear quality photo of Momma's legs dangling over the couch.

He burst into a fit of deep laughing, causing the girls to look over at us. 

"Isaiah," she snarled. "I've done told you multiple times about takin' pictures of me when I'm ugly."

Pop and I both stood up slowly. "I'll go left and you go right," he whispered. 

We soon abandoned our breakfast and began to sprint in different directions, joining the chase. Momma was after me and my camera while Sarai was chasing around Pop. Even though I'm being hunted down by my mother, I can't help but smile. Moments like this are what makes us a family. Nothing can change this, not even coming out. 

***

***

Group FaceTime is both a blessing and a curse. 

It's late in the afternoon and I still haven't found the right moment to come out to my parents. Instead, I've been on FaceTime with Reese and Drake for almost two hours. They've been arguing about whether or not Reese is allowed to talk about girls while they're in a relationship and I've been the mediator. It's hard to even understand the situation because they keep talking over each other.

 "Reese you know for a fact you would be pissed if I kept talking about how big some girls ass was," Drake grumbled through the screen.

"But it's different!" Reese defended. 

"No, it's not!" Drake fumed. "That's like Isaiah goin' up to Amour and telling him that he saw some girl with the fattest ass." 

"He has a point." I chime in. 

Reese huffed. "Yeah but you like girls more than guys and I like guys more than girls. It's different."

"It's still not something you should do Reese," I tell her. "If you're with Drake then you don't need to be lookin' at girls or boys." 

"Exactly!" Drake says, throwing his hands up. 

 "Fine," she mumbles. "Next subject."

"Reese thinks that we should start doing more shit like roleplay in bed but I think we're fine the way we are," Drake explains.

I groan and roll my eyes. "I'm not y'alls couple counselor," I say. "I don't wanna hear all that."

"But I wanna be tied up and shit and he thinks it's going too far," Reese added. "And guess what, he doesn't even wanna eat my as—"

"Okay!" I yell, interrupting her. "That's it! I'm done." 

"But—" 

"I'll talk to y'all later!" 

With that, I pressed the red button and ended the call. I'm honestly too disgusted to even try to picture what else Reese was about to spill about their relationship. I don't need to know all that.

The time on my phone reads six-thirty, the day is almost over and I still haven't tried to talk to my parents. My nerves are going wild, I could feel my fist clenching into the palms of my hand and my head beginning to pound. Fuck. 

Breathe in four seconds. Breathe out. 

I'm good. Everything is good. I got this. 

I made myself get up and walk towards my parent's bedroom so I can hesitantly knock on the door. Momma yelled out for me to come in so I slowly peeked my head in. Her and Pop were laying together watching a movie.

"Can I talk to y'all?" I asked. 

Momma sat up. "Of course baby." she smiled. 

"Can we go to the living room?" 

"Yeah, we'll be right out," she answered. 

I didn't say anything before closing their door and heading towards Sarai's room. Her door was open, so I decided to walk in and let her know what was happening. 

"Hi Isaiah!" she beamed. "Look, I figured out how to make an origami bird."

She held the folded piece of paper up to me and gave me a toothy grin. 

"That's dope Rai," I tell her, trying not to sound nervous. "Um...I'm actually gonna tell Momma and Pop about you know who, so can you come downstairs?"

Her eyes went wide. "No way. Are you serious?" 

I nod. 

"Come on!" she bursts, grabbing a hold of my hand and rushing down the stairs. 

Momma is sitting on the couch waiting with a smile on her face while Pop watches a recording of the NBA playoffs. Sarai takes a seat in between them, resting her head in her hands and looking at me with a huge grin.

"Pop, do you mind turnin' off the game for a sec?" I ask nervously. 

He raises a brow. "Is this that important?" 

"Kinda, yeah." I shrug.

"Fine," he huffs. "What's up?"

I take a breath before speaking. "So I've kinda been seeing someone for almost six months now," I begin. "I'm sorry for not telling y'all about it, but I've been scared because—"

"Don't tell me you got some girl pregnant." Pop interrupts. 

"No, Pop. I didn't get them pregnant...It's kinda impossible...so yeah..." I trail off.

Momma and Pop look at me with confused faces. "Isaiah, what are you on about?" Pop questions.

Just say it, Isaiah. Just say it.

"What I'm trying to say is," I take another breath. "I'm in love with someone...and that someone is a b-boy...because I-I'm bi."

There was a long silence. I don't have the strength to look at their faces so I keep my eyes on my shoes. 

"You're what?" Pop speaks up, his voice harsh. 

I sigh. "I'm bisexual." I murmur quietly. 

"Look at me when I'm talking to you."  

I look up to find my father staring at me with cold eyes. "I'm bisexual," I say again, this time louder so they can hear. "I like girls and boys."

"Momma, why are you crying?" Sarai whispers. 

I look to see my mother attempting to hold back tears, sniffling into her hands as Sarai rubs her back. 

"So you're tryna tell me you're gay?" Pop says flatly. 

"I'm bi, Pop. I still like girls." I try to explain. 

He rubs his hands through his beard and huffs. "You said this has been goin' on for six months? You and this boy?" 

"Yes." 

"What's his name?"

I don't answer. 

"What's his name, Isaiah?" Pop asks again, his voice getting louder. 

"Amour." 

Momma cries louder at the sound of the name, she puts her hand over her mouth in an attempt to quiet herself but it doesn't work. I can feel myself tearing up as I watch her get up from the couch and make her way to the bathroom. '

"Momma please," I say, grabbing a hold of her arm before she can leave. 

She looks at me with sad eyes and shakes me off as she makes her way into the bathroom and quietly closes the door.

Pop stands up and comes walks towards me. I often forget how tall he really is, it feels like he's towering over me as he stands and looks down at me.

"You made your mother cry," he says flatly. "You've been bringing some boy into this house, sneakin' around under our noses. Only God knows what y'all have done when you go over to that house and sleepover. Fucking disgusting." 

"Daddy don't call him that!" Sarai pipes up. 

"Not now Sarai." he snaps. 

"Pop I promise I—" 

"Shut up Isaiah." he sneers. "I didn't raise you like this. I raised you to be a man, not a fucking faggot!" 

I could feel my heart begin to break into a million pieces. 

"Dad, please. I'm still you're son, I'm still the same person I was before!" I say, holding back tears. 

"No son of mine is gay." he spat. 

"I'm not! I'm not gay! I'm—"

"It's the same thing! You're a faggot either way!" he fumed. "After everything I've done for you, you, this is how you repay me? By sinning in my house?"

"You haven't done shit for me!" I shout. "Everything I've accomplished I've done by myself! You've never been there for me or Sarai! All you do is sit on your ass and watch basketball all day crying about your fucking knee injury!" 

I wasn't prepared for the palm of my father's large hand to collide harshly with my cheek. The force of the hit pushed me back, almost making me trip and fall. Sarai screamed which caused Momma to rush back into the family room to see what happened. 

"You're a fucking disgrace Isaiah!" he yelled inches away from my face. "Everything you know is because of me! I always knew you were soft but I didn't think you would take it this far."

I pushed him back. "You're fucking pathetic!" I sneer. "When are you gonna stop trying to live your sorry life through me? I'm still going to UCLA and I'm still going to have a boyfriend whether you like it or not! Just because I didn't turn out how you wanted doesn't mean I won't be successful." 

I watched with wide eyes as the vein in Pop's forehead bulged as he fumed with hot anger. He raised his fist and struck me right in the side of the face, causing me to stumble backward. 

"Isaiah!" Momma gasped, rushing towards us. 

She tried to hold my father back but he pushed her back onto the couch and attempted to throw another punch that I dodged. I tried to run but he grabbed the back of my shirt and pushed me into the wall. We made eye contact as he had a strong grip on the collar of my shirt, bunching it up in his fist. 

"You'll never make it," he seethed. "People like you don't go far in life."

"Fuck you." I cursed, angry tears started to stream down my face. 

"Get out of my house." he spat, pushing me to the side. 

I wasted no time going up to my room and angrily stuffing all my clothes and shoes into my old gym bags. I grabbed the necessities and some sentimental stuff and threw them into my backpack before rushing downstairs to grab my keys. I couldn't feel anything but anger and hatred. The only thing that mattered was getting out of this fucking house. 

Once I got to the front door Sarai rushed over towards me and grabbed onto my hand to stop me.

"Please don't leave." she cried. 

"I can't be here no more Sarai, I gotta go." I sighed.

"No you can't leave!" my little sister sobbed. "You can't."

I bent down and wiped her tears away. "I love you okay? I'll come back to you, I promise." 

I took a breath as grabbing my bags and headed outside, closing the door behind me. I threw everything into the trunk of my car before getting into the driver's seat and starting the engine. Before driving off I looked at my childhood home one last time, closing my eyes and finally letting the tears fall now that I was alone. 

I did it