c41- nobody's baby

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"Hello, Catalina."

Before I can even face the owner of the voice, I stand up and I run. I know who that man is and if I tried to face him for even a minute, I would most likely die of fear.

"Sin. Sin. Drive. Sin. Fucking drive." I scream, as I climb into the car where he was waiting for me. He did offer to come to her grave with me, but that felt way too personal, however now I wish I had taken him up on that.

He looks at me, my clearly frenzied face and the smudged mascara around my eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I will be if you fucking drive!" I scream, and he nods, not wanting to bug me further.

He pulls out of the car park and speeds down the road, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my thigh.

My leg bounces up and down in fear. It was him.

I haven't heard that voice in fuck knows how long- at least not really. I hear it every single day in my head, but seeing him....

That's worse.

Why did he know I'd be there? How did he recognise me?

I look like her, that's why.

After around twenty minutes of just driving around, Sin pulls into a layby, undoing his seat belt and wrapping his arms around me.

"Lina, what's wrong? What the fuck is wrong? You can talk to me. Whoever it is, I'll kill them okay?"

"No one can hurt you, baby. Only if you let them."

"But your letting them, daddy."

I gulp.

"Nothing. I thought I saw someone I knew. It's nothing. Can you drive please? I have presents I want to open." I state bluntly, pushing him away from me as I look straight forward onto the road.

He puts his finger under my chin, turning my head to face him.

"You're lying," he whispers, "I can see the pain in your eyes."

I shrug, placing my arms round his neck, crawling onto his lap. "If you can see it, then stop it."

He tilts his head to the side, obviously confused. I roll my eyes and lean into his neck, roughly kissing the tender skin.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He pushes me off, looking angry.

Ouch.

"You're upset, Lina, you don't know what your doing. I'm not just going to fuck you. What happened?"

I bite my lip, trying to keep back the tears.

"I saw father dearest."

His jaw drops, but I know it would drop a hell of a lot more if he knew why my father and I didn't have a particularly 'stable' relationship and that is the biggest fucking understatement of the century.

"Are you okay?" He whispers, pulling me back into him.

"Thought you could sense my pain?" I speak into his neck, before kissing it again.

He groans in frustration, but leans back again. "I can, Lina. That's why we can't do this right now."

"Please," I sob, dropping the tough act for once in my life, "help me forget about him. Help me feel something else, anything else."

As I watch his face give in and feel those lips on mine, I can only hear his voice over and over again.

I remember the phone call with my Abuela and Abuelo and I know the answer I have to give to their question is yes.

Even if it means leaving him.

"Are you sure you want this? You seem distracted?" Sin questions as he pulls off his shirt.

I stare at his abs which are quite literally shining in the car's light, his messy long hair and the bulge that is quite obviously desperate for me in his trousers.

"Of course I fucking want this, look at you." I say with a smile, as I straddle him.

Our lips are rough and hungry as he quite literally rips off my shirt, chucking it into the backseat. Luckily, I'm not one for bras, so his tongue leaves my mouth empty and is soon swirling across my nipples. I had to take out my nipple piercings as I got infected- which completely sucks by the way.

I tug at his bottoms, pulling them down to rest around his ankles. My hand finds his member and I begin to rub up and down in a slow, teasing manner.

"Fuck this foreplay. I want you and I want you now." Sin whispers into my ear, before hitching my pants to one side (always wear a skirt when with someone you wanna fuck, ladies).

I let out a moan as he enters me, feeling more at ease with him then ever before.

He stares me dead in the face as he thrusts in and out of me, planting rough kisses on my lips when necessary.

When we finish, we both collapse back onto our own chairs.

"Fuck." He breathes, looking at me guiltily. "I can't believe I did that."

I grin. "I can. I'm too irresistible."

"Are you becoming the cocky one now? Because we can go for round two, then you'll see who's boss." He winks, causing me to giggle slightly.

"Sadly Sin, you are the master of being full of yourself. Although, that doesn't mean I'm not up for round two."

We both laugh as we begin to drive home (after putting our clothes back on), both of us doing what we do best and avoiding many situations.

For example, this whole fucking day.

My flashbacks are coming back. Sin told me he fucking loved me in Spanish.

And the cherry on top of an amazing year, I saw my fucking sperm donor.

I let out a sigh as I chew on my bottom lip. I fucking hate to admit it, but I'm scared.

"Little red. We're here baby."

"Please never call me that again." I reply, feeling sick to my stomach at the vulgar nickname.

He laughs, locking the car door as we walk towards our room. His hand wraps round mine and for once I don't have the energy to push him away- I want to be close to him.

"You're going extremely soft, crybaby. Anyone would think your in love with me." I tease, trying to joke around about our situation as though it doesn't petrify me.

He grins. "You haven't called me that in ages."

"Are you seriously happy that I'm calling you a crybaby right now? And I thought the cogs in my head weren't right, but wow, you're something else." I joke again, letting go of his hand to unlock the door.

Sin grins again. "Or maybe I'm really happy because you are about to open some presents from your favorite person ever."

"So my mums back from the dead? Thank god, she always got the best presents!" I cheer as he closes the door behind us.

Shaking his head, he picks up three presents and hands them to me. "You have a warped sense of humor."

"Or yours is just boring." I retaliate, taking the presents thankfully.

My heart literally warms as I open the first present- the chain he was wearing the first time I met him. I kiss him on the cheek before attaching it to my neck. it looks great with my mothers necklace too, the pair of them shining happily. The second present is a book of songwriting tips [wasn't sure whether to take that offensively or not]. The third was a locket with the photo we took a while ago.

"Thought you could put it on the chain. Dunno. just an idea."

I lean my head into his chest, his chin resting gently on the very top of my head. 

"Thank you for today, Sin. I really appreciate it." I whisper, looking up.

He wraps his arm round me, lifting me up. "I know one way you can really thank me."

"Not like that, you freak. Dance with me." He orders, pulling his phone out and pressing play.

The night we met.

Flashbacks of that stupid ball thing dance through my mind. How rude I was and walking away like I always do. Maybe he does deserve another dance...

"As you wish, Sir," I curtesy playfully, putting my arms out and resting them upon his shoulders, "if I stand on your feet though, just know it was TOTALLY an accident."

He rolls his eyes, placing his hands on my waist as we sway to the music. For a few minutes, we don't talk, we just stand there dancing and literally staring into each others eyes.

But being the pussy I am, it all got a bit too intimate for me. Sex, that's intimate, but it's not the emotional kind- I can deal with it. Trips out, constant kissing, bed-sharing and dancing..

It's all a bit too much for me.

I'm wasting so much time on this one person, for what? It won't be long before he fucks off and leaves me, or randomly decides he's too good for me [which he is], or just turns his back on me. Everyone else does it, cause people suck, but I genuinely think this one might bother me more than the rest.

And that scares me. It scares me so fucking much.


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