EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING.

-LINA'S POV-

Staring at the stone, a solitary tear falls down my face. I quickly blink it away, as anyone who knows me should be aware that I am way too proud to cry.

"Eighteen. I'm eighteen, mum. Can you believe it?" I whisper, stroking the letters engraved on her stone.

MOTHER. BEST FRIEND.

I ignored her title which linked her to my sperm donor (otherwise known as biological father) and continued to stroke these letters.

"I have to put up with a proper English birthday now, madre. None of my birth country celebrations. Did you know I wasn't going to tell anyone this year? Remember when I was younger, I'd make such a fuss of my birthdays. I had to get the perfect present- that wish always came true, because you'd always make sure I got it." I laugh awkwardly, still not quite used to the idea of talking to a literal rock like it's my mother.

Anyway, the whole hiding my birthday idea didn't work out because some little birdy told Sin.

"I might take someone to see you soon, madre. I think he could do with the wake up call- mothers are precious, even if they do wrong everyone needs one."

I ramble away to my mother, before noticing the roses.

Fresh, recently placed roses. Who the fuck put them here?

"Hello, Catalina."

*******
SAME DAY- MORNING BEFORE

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Catalinaaaaa.Happy birthday to you!" Arianna, Jagger, Zachary and Sin sing.

I roll over. "Hmmm?"

"Wake up, shithead." Sin grabs me out of the bed, chucking me onto the floor.

I pat myself down. "Asshole!"

But my anger doesn't last long as I look at the sight in front of me. A fucking huge stack of presents and cards, accompanied with balloons, strawberries with nutella and the sweet, sweet smell of cannabis.

"How did you know!" I turned to them, half exclaiming and half asking.

How did they know? I wanted to keep my birthday a secret this year- I just didn't feel like it at all.

Arianna shrugs. "A birdie told Sin, then he told us. Anyways, enough questions- I don't have time for that! That asshole over there," she gestures towards Sin, "has decided to kick us out so he can spend the day with you."

Sin's cheek turn an extremely dark shade of rouge. Noticing my glance, he winks at me before turning to Jagger. "You go first, bro."

Jagger nods, handing me two presents. The first is two zoots wrapped up, which I take very gratefully- much to Sin's distaste. [His face looks like he could murder Jagger]. The second was a ten pack of fishnets in different forms- tights, gloves, tops and a bag.

"Happy birthday, bro." He says with a grin.

Next up is Zachary, who got me the biggest pot of Nutella I have EVER seen in my entire life, alongside all the strawberries I saw. Thanking him, I can't help but feel guilty as all these people have wasted money on me.

Arianna got me so much, I can't even be bothered to list it. Mainly makeup and shit. How they all managed to buy this stuff at such short notice, god knows.

Whilst they all opened drinks etc, Sin came over to me.

"I'm sorry if this is too much, little red. I just thought that you've had such a shitty year, a good birthday would be nice," he grins, then lowers his voice to a whisper, "when these assholes leave you can open my presents."

"I don't know how to act when your being nice." I whisper in response, much to his amusement.

He shakes his head. "I'm always nice, Lina, your the bitch."

"And you love it." I respond with a shrug, before skipping over to the others.

They all look freakishly scared as a genuine smile creeps across my face. I'm gonna allow myself five minutes to be vulnerable, five minutes before I shut this moment off, five minutes before I shut them out.

My friends. I actually fucking have friends. Missy would be impressed, madre would be proud. They are all dipshits don't get me wrong, they annoy the hell out of me but at the end of the day they are always there for me.

They are always there for me.

Except that's what Rhiannon said and where is she now?

"I'm gonna go for a smoke. See ya." I say bluntly, grabbing a zoot and heading to step outside of the room.

Despite clearly wanting to be left alone, Sin eagerly follows me out, as though he was a lost puppy. He sits in silence for the first minute but decides to open his mouth, most likely to ease the uncomfortable aura snaking around us.

"Can I have a pull?"

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Is that a good idea? You know, cause like, your alcoholic obsession."

"Addiction. It's called an addiction, little red. And nah, a bit of weed would do me good. It's a special day, anyway."

I shrug, taking a puff before handing it to him.

He looks sexy, with his dark blonde (its starting to lighten) hair pushed into a wild, messy ponytail (its also starting to grow) and his empty eyes suddenly full of expression. He places the 'special' cigarette against his lips, taking a deep inhale before passing it back to me.

"So you've suddenly learned how to smoke properly?" I ask, blowing out smoke as I talk.

He nods. "You look too hot smoking, thought I'd practise so we could smoke together."

"Wanna see something hotter?" I whisper, leaning towards him.

I take a deep inhale, reserving the smoke inside my mouth as I lean forward to kiss him. His eyes widen as I swirl my tongue and the smoke around his mouth, before pulling back.

Sin breathes out and the smoke comes whooshing out to then gently breeze in the air.

"Your right. That's hotter."

Putting out the zoot, we head back inside to the others, who are now getting ready to leave.

"We'll see you tomorrow. Properly spend the day with you, okay? When Sin hasn't got a romantic day planned. Oops, did I spoil something?" Arianna giggles, hugging me before running out the room.

Zach and Jagger laugh. "See you Cat. Enjoy. Wear a condom, Sin."

They also run out of the room, most likely before Sin strangles them both to death.

Sin itches the back of his neck. "Okay. We need to get going. Um, you'll need a swimming costume. Is that okay? And it's a long journey, so probably something to keep you going."

"That's what your for, isn't it?" I wink playfully, then almost gag at how disgustingly corny that sounded.

His blushing face makes it even more fun for me. This suddenly-gained power I have is extremely dangerous for both me and him.

"Lina! Get ready!"

Oops.

Today seems like it'll be interesting.

****
"Lina. Lina. Lina wake up." Sin shakes my shoulders.

My eyes flutter open gently, my mouth ready to attack him for ruining my amazing slumber. How long have I been asleep for?

When he said it was a long drive, he wasn't kidding. I notice the sign Torquay- a beautiful seaside town, one that for me is filled with many shitty memories (unbeknownst to Sin). But you know what they say! Replace bad memories with good ones.

"It's gorgeous here, isn't it?" He says, grinning as we look across from the top of the cliff.

He stares at me, the bottle of beer in his hand as he climbs over the fence.

"I'll do it. I'll fucking do it. You little brat, if you don't shut up I'll kill myself."

"Yep. Gorgeous." I say, ignoring the fact the hairs on my arms are beginning to stand up in memory of my fear.

We leave the car and head over to the railway that leads you down to the beach- Babbacombe's most famous and prettiest place.

I'm wearing a tight red swimming costume, paired with baggy black shorts, my mum's necklace and some real sexy black and red crocs. I'm a fashion icon, I know.

When we get down to the beach, Sin and I take our shoes off, walking barefoot across the strangely red sand.

"I can't wait to swim. I haven't swam in ages. Not since that time with you." He grins, much to my delight.

Being the idiot I am, I slip over this fat rock. "Fuck."

"Get on my back, little red, don't hurt yourself. Think of it as one of your presents- although you still need to open all those back on your room."

"I'm not weak, I can walk across a fucking beach." I respond, rolling my eyes.

He nods. "I know. You're one of the strongest people I've met. But it's your birthday, you deserve to not be in pain, so I repeat as an order this time, not an offer. Get on my fucking back."

Honestly, it kinda turned me on when he told me what to do, but to maintain my pride I very reluctantly climbed onto his back, snuggling my face into his neck.

"Your an asshole." I whisper into his ear.

We dump our stuff on the rocks. Sin finally puts me down but he holds my hand with a firm grip, as if he thinks I'm going to run away.

"Put your clothes on, Catalina. And remember, no one is going to believe you, your just a poor little girl who's mummy left her."

"D.. Da..Don't. Please don't."

I bite my lip. What is this, fucking deja vu day?

Clinging on to Sin's arm, we walk towards the water.

"Shit. Fuck. Bollocks. This is cold." He stammers, his eyes widening at the freezing temperature of the water.

I shrug. "Let's just swim, okay? It's nice, it's real nice."

After a while, the water becomes a comfortable temperature. There's a few jellyfish, but it's vital to remember that we are in their territory, something aI had to tell Sin many times.

"But.. But they sting! They are going to sting us!"

I splash him. "My sting's worse than theirs, if you can put up with me you'll be fine, I promise."

"You are pretty hard to put up with. And hey, don't splash me." He splashes back gently.

Shaking my head, I laugh. "Excuse me? You've just put yourself in headlock."

I push with a bigger force this time, soaking his precious hair in the damaging salt water.

"Oh no she didn't." He states, shaking his head once more.

Grinning, I swim towards him. "Oh yes she did."

He opens his mouth, collecting salt water inside before spouting it like a whale onto my face.

"Oh my fucking god. You are dead. You are DEAD. Do you hear me?" I scream, splashing him again.

Our splash wars lasts for about ten minutes.

Obviously, I win, although I think it may have something to do with the fact this guy is strangely obsessed with me and that it's my birthday.

He puts his arms round me, picking me up so my legs wrap around his waist. I place my hands on his neck, leaning back so my hair is still in the water, but leaning forward enough I can practically hear his heart beating.

"Your so fucking beautiful, Lina, you know that?" He whispers, looking me dead straight in the eye, whilst he's normally one to avoid eye contact.

Now I'm leaning forward, eager for his contact.

"Hmmm. Your not too bad yourself." I speak into his mouth as we kiss again.

I don't know what this. I have some strange desire to be near him all the time. I have some strange desire to take the piss out of him all the time, but when other's do it I wanna fucking kill them.

And I got jealous. Jealousy is not attractive in any way shape of form.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

His hand grabs mine as he deepens the kiss, placing it on his shorts. "I've never had sex in the ocean before," he whispers hungrily, "would you like to try?"

No.

"No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No." I repeat frantically, visions flashing through my head. I'm drowning. I feel like I'm drowning.

I can feel his hands all over me. On my shoulders, he's pushing me down, the air is leaving me. Oxygen isn't on my side as I feel water spread through my lungs.

His hands move from my shoulders, down through my costume.

"Get off of me. Get off of me!" I scream, fighting like I never had the chance to.

Suddenly, there's no water. I'm dry and I'm breathing fine, but my head hurts, it hurts so bad.

"Shh, I've got you little red. You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay. I'm right here. Breathe, you've got this baby." Sin whispers as he hugs me protectively, leaning against a rock.

Fuck.

This is the first time that I can remember having an attack in front of anyone. What do I do? What do I say?

As if he read my mind, Sin kisses the top of my head. "You don't need to say anything, Lina. No one's going to hurt you whilst I'm here okay? And I don't plan on leaving. You're okay, shhh."

Sleep. I want to go to sleep.

"Te amo, Catalina."

He fucking what?

******
Holding my necklace in my hand, I sit on the bench that is sort of near her grave. I prefer sitting here and talking first, before I pluck up the courage to stare at the only thing left of her; a fucking rock.

"Today was meant to be good, madre. Sin tried so hard. He's so sweet, mama, you'd really love him, you really really would. I miss you so much. Why can't you be here? You're meant to be giving me advice, helping me get ready for dates and all that jazz. If you were here, you'd be disappointed in me. I've smoked weed twice today, mum. And I'm getting attacks again, apparently uncontrollable ones. What do I do, mama? I need you here. Why aren't you here? Why did you go and fucking leave me, madre?"

Everyone says its not her fault, but it is. She's the one who declined the fucking chemo, said it was 'God's wish' when she wasn't even religious. It's bullshit, utter bullshit.

The graveyard is eerily quiet- although I guess I should be more worried if someone started talking back to me. It's depressing to see graves with stones that are old and withered, the flowers beside them rotting and uncared for to the point that it is so obvious nobody visits them. It's depressing to see graves with the fresh flowers and the new light grey stones, signalling a recent loss of someone's family. Graveyards are just fucking depressing and honestly when it's dark they are fucking creepy.

Is it wrong to be swearing in a graveyard? I'm not doing it out loud, but I feel kinda guilty.

"Anyways, madre. I just came to visit. So I guess I should." I say, walking towards her patch in the ground as I sit down beside it.

Staring at the stone, a solitary tear falls down my face. I quickly blink it away, as anyone who knows me should be aware that I am way too proud to cry.

"Eighteen. I'm eighteen, mum. Can you believe it?" I whisper, stroking the letters engraved on her stone.

MOTHER. BEST FRIEND.

I ignored her title which linked her to my sperm donor (otherwise known as biological father) and continued to stroke these letters.

"I have to put up with a proper english birthday now, madre. None of my birth country celebrations. Did you know I wasn't going to tell anyone this year? Remember when I was younger, I'd make such a fuss of my birthdays. I had to get the perfect present- that wish always came true, because you'd always make sure I got it." I laugh awkwardly, still not used to the idea of talking to a literal rock like it's my madre.

Anyway, the whole hiding my birthday thing didn't work out because some little birdy told Sin.

"I might take someone to see you soon, Madre. I think he could do with the wake up call- mothers are precious, even if they do wrong everyone needs one."

I ramble away to my mother, until I notice the roses.

Fresh, recently-placed roses.

Who the fuck put them here?

"Hello, Catalina."

~~~~~~~

Okay. So when I originally planned this chapter, it was meant to be happy and extremely romantic. As you can see, whilst I wrote it, I took a completely opposite turn.

What's up with Lina?
Who put the flowers on her mothers grave?
Who said Hi to her?

This chapter was triggering and emotional. If any of you need help, please know that my wattpad messages are ALWAYS open. Also, there are many great helplines you can find on google (I would list below but it depends what area you're in).

Thank you SO much for reading.