What are you doing tomorrow night?

It was Ben – the first interaction we'd had since Sunday. I'm both thrilled and pissed off by the text. After spending the entire week at college trying to catch sight of him, he was nowhere to be seen. I'd actually bought cigarettes and spent every lunchtime at the smoking area in the hopes of seeing him, but no such luck. Now, with Friday night looming, I'm suddenly worth getting in touch with? I'm not sure whether to feel flattered or mildly insulted. I drop my phone back onto the armchair and continue to watch the four-part drama I'd committed to watching with mum and dad.

"Who was that, Hol?" My mum asked, ever the nosey parent.

"Just a mate - asking what my plans are tomorrow." I reply, keeping the "who" vague.

"Ooh, you should go out. Your dad and I are meeting a few of his friends from work for dinner - we can always collect you on the way home?" I smile. That's basically a thumbs up from Sandra to do whatever I want.

"Cool - I'll text them back after this."

She squeezes my leg, eyes glued to the television. I continue to watch but my heart is only half in it, my thoughts now filled with Ben.

My phone beeps again and I look to see Leila's name flash up.

Hey! One of Mark's friends, James, is having a gathering at his tomorrow night – you better be coming! x

I turn the phone over again but start to wonder if Ben is planning to invite me to the party. My mind continues to wander until the end credits roll.

"I'm gonna head upstairs." I say to mum and dad and take my leave.

Sitting down at my desk, I stop to think about my options; do I text back Leila first or Ben? I go with my heart first and message Ben.

No plans - why'd you ask?

I decide to put on some music while I wait. Seconds later the three dots appear, as he responds.

James is having a party if you wanna come?

I smile. So, he was inviting me to the party. I keep my response vague.

Maybe - will let you know

I decide against telling Leila about Ben, again.

Do I have a choice?! x

She immediately responds.

What's there to think about? Pete's going! x

I hadn't really thought about Pete since last Sunday. He'd text a couple of times and I'd been replying with the bare minimum to avoid giving him the wrong impression. Before I have the chance to respond again, Leila calls me.

"Hey mate, you alright? What's happening?" She asks.

"Nothing - I'm just not sure I'm up for the party." I lie, walking over to my bed.

"It's not a party, just a few of James' close friends... and us." She adds. "I thought you'd want to see Pete?"

"He's a nice guy, but I don't really see him as more than a friend if I'm honest."

She sighs. "That's a shame, I thought we could go on more double dates. You should still come to the party though."

"Ok... I'll think about it."

She groans. "You're a pain in the arse, you know that, right?! Let me know tomorrow."

Laying down on my bed, I think about Pete. He's so sweet and we really do get on well... but I can't stop thinking about Ben. The rude, obnoxious, and intimidating guy that has this overwhelming and exciting hold over me. I lay there pondering the two beautiful boys and before I know it, I'm fast asleep.

***

In the morning, I wake up fully clothed on top of my bed – not the best way to start the day. I shower, get myself ready for college and then make my way in.

"Holly!" I hear Carly hollering. "Wait up, you're walking too fast!" she pants, speeding up behind me. I stop and wait for her to catch up. My brain is cloudy, and I blame the poor quality of sleep, rather than the boy I can't stop thinking about.

"Howdy! Are you coming to James's later then?" She asks, meeting my walking pace.

I groan. "Not you too! I'm not sure... are you going?"

"Of course! There's nothing else to do on a Friday, and James is pretty cute!" She says, then giggles. I smile.

"Well, if you're going, I'll come. I can be your 'wing woman'." I joke. She rolls her eyes "you'll be too busy with that skater dude, no?"

"Nah, we're just mates." I look away, afraid of giving away my true intentions. I pull a cigarette out my bag and light it.

"So, what, you're a smoker now...?" She asks, a little sarcastically.

I groan and shrug my shoulders. "Yeah, so? I like it."

Carly is quick to appease me. "Not judging mate! Just asking... didn't expect that from you."

"Well, I like to think I have some surprises." I jest, winking at her.

"Dick." She retorts, and I laugh loudly.

When we meet Leila at the gates, she immediately asks whether we're both coming to the party. When I roll my eyes and nod my head in defeat, she shrieks.

"Yes! This is gonna be so much fun!"

"My mum and dad are picking me up though, so I won't be out too late."

"That's fine - maybe they can bring the three of us home?" She asks.

"I don't see why not..."

***

Back home after college, I sit at my desk listening to Paramore and agonise over what to wear to a party, that's not a party, but is a party. My phone beeps and my stomach flips. I pull my phone into focus to see a message from Ben.

So?

Confused, I reply:

So, what?

God you're annoying. Are you coming?

I giggle.

I might be.

I know I'm unlikely to get a reply, so I set my phone down and resolve to find an outfit. Opting for comfort, yet again, I wear my skinny black jeans. This time I choose to pair them with a cropped vest top and a loose fitting open plaid shirt. With my Dr Marten boots, the vibe is a little grunge, so I add some additional layers of mascara and winged eyeliner for some added drama. I also decide to pull my hair up into a messy bun but let a few tendrils loose around my face.

After agreeing a time and place to meet with mum and dad, I wave them off at the door. The girls arrive soon after and we head into the kitchen to have a few pre-drinks and speculate about the party.

"So, you're really not into Pete?" Leila asks, pouring herself a glass of diet coke. She pulls a small bottle of rum out of her bag and tips a little in before offering to me and Carly. I accept and pass my cup towards her to add some.

"Look, he's really nice but we're not into each other like that..."

"He told Mark he's into you!" she exclaims, taking a sip and grimacing.

"Well, that's sweet... but it doesn't really change anything for me."

Leila sighs and I change the subject to talk about Carly's budding crush on James. After a while, we finish our drinks and make our way out into the chilly night.

After a short cab ride, we arrive at James' house, and I can't help but notice the vibe is very different from Mark's party. No half-cut teenagers outside, no overbearing music spilling into the streets – much more intimate. The girls knock on the door, and I hold back to smoke, which causes eye rolls. As the girls head in and close the door, I light up and spot Ben.

"So, you came then?" Ben asks, looking very James Dean in a black bomber jacket, white t-shirt and jeans so tight, they should be illegal. I realise I'm staring and quickly avert my gaze.

"I did."

"Good to see you, tiger." He says, pecking me on the cheek.

"Ok... what have you done with Ben?" I ask sarcastically.

"Oh, ha-ha. She's a fucking comedienne, everyone." He jokes and pulls his own cigarette to his lips. I pretend to bow and take another drag.

"I think Pete was hoping to see you?" He mentions.

I shrug, but don't reply.

"Oh... it's like that, is it? You're cold, woman." He smiles and licks his lips, immediately bringing my focus to them. My cheeks heat and I shake my head lightly to remove the obscene images from my mind.

"Right, I better go in there before my mates wonder where I've got to..." I say, gesturing to the door.

"Cool - we can go in together," he says, flicking his cigarette and walking to the door. He turns the door handle and I follow him in. His scent is intoxicating, Lemon and the faintest smell of tobacco. I try to compose myself as I trail behind him.

As I walk in, I spot a few more familiar faces, and make a point to say hello to James and Mark, before taking a seat on a sofa next to Carly. We make small talk with James' cousin, Tara. She's slightly older than us, with short brown hair and black rimmed glasses.

With the effects of our pre-drinks starting to wear off, I walk out to the kitchen for a proper drink and find Pete making his own. As I approach, he looks up and grins. He's so striking to look at and I can't help but question my reasons for not giving him a chance.

"Hey Holly! Good to see ya. Can I get you a drink?" He asks politely.

I smile and nod. "That would be great, thank you. Whatever you're having."

"What's been happening with you? I messaged a few times, but you seemed pretty busy, or something." He asks, a little awkwardly.

"I'm so sorry Pete, this week's just sort of been a bit crazy." I fib and fiddle with the napkins in front of me. He nods but refuses to meet my eyes again. "That's cool - here you go." He hands me my drink and I give my thanks before leaving. The discomfort leaves me reeling and I inwardly scold myself for handling the situation poorly.

When I return to the living room, Tara has disappeared, and the group seems to have naturally formed a circle.

"Holly!" Says Leila loudly, clearly already pissed. I wave meekly and take my seat next to Carly again. Seconds later Pete appears, choosing to sit away from me. I watch him walk towards James and then catch Ben looming in the background.

"You're just in time for spin the bottle," Carly says quietly, leaning into me.

"You've got be fucking kidding me... how old are we?!" I respond quietly through the side of my mouth. She giggles and I sigh. Well, might as well get this over with.

James explains this is a tweaked version of spin the bottle. The first spin that lands on you equals a shot. The second spins mean you have to answer a question from the person who spun the bottle. The third spin is a kiss. If it's a member of the same sex and you don't want to kiss, you need to down a forfeit shot.

James starts and as he twists the bottle in the circle, Ben takes his place up front. I'm sure I can feel his eyes burning into me again, but I refuse to make contact.

James lands on Leila, who takes a shot. Then Leila spins and lands on Mark's friend Tyler. It continues in this way for a while, as people drink shots of an evil-looking green liquid. A quiet guy with mousey brown hair spins on his turn and lands on me. As I bring the shot to my lips, I can see Ben grin. It tastes like apple and is actually pretty tasty. I spin and, surprise surprise, land on Ben. He brings the shot glass to his big lips and stares at me before slipping the drink down his throat. The butterflies appear again, and I try my best to ignore the feeling churning inside me.

The game continues and the questions begin. James asks Carly how many boys she's slept with - 1, Leila asks Tristan what his most embarrassing moment is - vomiting on a hot girl at a party. We all laugh. On Mark's turn, he spins, and it lands on me.

"Who do you fancy out of everyone here?" He asks and the 'oooohs' begin. I smile but fidget uncomfortably. I can't answer this question truthfully.

"Myself," I say and down another shot of sour apple. A mix of groans and laughs fill the circle, but the game continues. I feel Ben's eyes on me again and, feeling exposed, I decide to excuse myself, taking a moment outside to cool down.

Walking out into the cold, biting wind, I clasp my unlit cigarette between my teeth and button up my plaid shirt. As I remove the cigarette, I hear footsteps behind me and turn to see Pete.

"Hey" he says, shyly.

"Hey - having a good night so far?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's cool." He runs his hand against his shirt and clears his throat.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I say, lighting my cigarette.

"You're not into me, are you?"

I can feel my eyes widen at his brazenness and my throat closes. I think of the words to say, but they don't come.

"Are you... into Ben?" He asks. Suddenly my throat feels even tighter.

"I..." I still can't find the words to answer him.

"Look, it's cool, I saw the way you were both looking at each other in there. But can I give you some advice?" He asks, moving closer to me. I look up into his kind eyes and nod.

"Be careful. I love the guy, but he's a fucking arsehole when it comes to women. I like you, so I don't want him to screw you over like he does with every other girl he meets. He doesn't date, just fucks around and... forgive me for saying this, but he's a bit of a cunt."

I wince at the word, and he raises his hands. "Sorry, but it's true! Just be careful Holly, you're so nice. I don't want you to get hurt."

I smile. "Thanks Pete. I'm not really sure where my head's at right now, but I do appreciate your honesty and I'd really like for us to be friends?" I ask sincerely.

He laughs, runs his fingers through his messy blonde hair and nods. "Sure, friends."

A few minutes later, we make our way back into the party to witness Carly and James sharing their first kiss. As the circle whoops, I notice Ben's eyes narrow as he glances between Pete and me. His expression changes and I might be mistaken, but he looks angry. When they part, Carly looks positively drunk and dreamy on his kiss, and I can't help but giggle.

Back into the game, it's my turn to spin. As if the fates have aligned, the bottle swirls and lands in front of Ben. Again. The crowd whoops and giggles and Ben stands to make his way over to me. I bite my lip and try to contain the excitement and nerves bubbling within me. I stand, and my breath hitches as his fingers gently caress my chin and raise my mouth to his. My stomach knots as his lips press to mine and I'm aware of footsteps walking out of the room. It lasts only seconds, but my heart is threatening to escape from my chest. As I open my eyes, I feel his etching into me. I clear my throat and sit down, swimming with desire. Ben resumes his seat and I see a few of his friends elbowing him in the rib, which he shakes off, coolly.

Carly giggles and whispers, "Aren't you glad you came?!" I roll my eyes and gently push against her.

As the night continues on, I get a message from mum telling me they'll be picking us up in 30 minutes. I tell the girls and then pop outside to have one last cigarette, leaving Carly and James, and Leila and Mark to say goodbye. I hear the door open behind me and a voice in the darkness moves through me.

"So, you're off?" Ben says, placing a cigarette to his lips.

"I am."

"Without even so much as a goodbye? You really are cold, tiger." He jokes.

I roll my eyes and smile.

"You had a good night?"

I shrug. "It's been... fun."

"Fun?" He chuckles. "That kiss... was more than fun, no?" He asks, taking a step towards me.

"Eh..." I lie and my pulse quickens.

He laughs again. "Oh really?!"

I giggle and take my final puff before dropping the end to the floor.

"Have a good night Be-" he gently pushes me against the wall and brings his lips to mine. His hands run through my hair and a moan escapes my lips. His mouth feels so good, so perfect, and as our tongues meet and dance around each other, he groans.

"You taste so fucking good" he says breathily into my mouth.

The door suddenly opens and we quickly part ways, my lips tingling. Carly and Leila walk into view, completely unaware of the moment they've disrupted. They link arms with me, and we walk away into the night.

"Catch you later, Ben" I say cheekily, over my shoulder.

"See you later, tiger." he replies, his deep London accent sending shivers through my body. I smile and can't help but bring a finger to my lips, still tingling from his kiss.

We walk into the town and wait outside an Italian restaurant for my dad to arrive. Carly spends the time gushing about how lovely James is. When he finally shows, we file ourselves into the back of Dad's BMW. Mum appears a little worse for wear and starts asking the girls if there were any cute boys at the party. I giggle as they talk about their potential new love interests.

"No one for you, Hols?" She asks, with a slight slur.

"There's a guy that likes Holly, but she's not interested." Carly replies. I shove her in annoyance.

"Aww... that's ok baby," she coos, "you'll find someone."

I groan, but my stomach roils at the thought of that kiss.

Safely back in the confines of my own room, I pull out my phone to find a single message from Ben.

Can't stop thinking about that fucking kiss