When Monday rolls around, I start getting nervous about how Ben might react at college. I go downstairs for breakfast and my mum has gone all out this morning. Two large '18' balloons are sat on the countertop, along with a couple of presents, a few cards and a plate of pancakes.

"Happy birthday!" she says chirpily, as I walk through the door and take a seat at the island.

"Thanks!" I reply. She hands over a cup of coffee and I take no time to take a sip. She slides across the pancakes, and I take a few mouthfuls. They're full of chocolate chips – delicious but doesn't feel like a proper breakfast. Give me marmite on toast any day.

As I fill my bag and get ready to leave, I receive a text.

Happy birthday. Can I give you a lift? x

Surprised, I type out a response – obviously a yes, and quickly grab my things. When I head out the door, I see Ben already waiting in his car, some aggressive punk song blaring through the speakers.

"Happy birthday, tiger." He says as I climb into the passenger seat. He turns down the music and kisses me sweetly on the lips.

"Thanks... this is very unexpected."

"I thought you'd like the surprise?" He asks, smiling.

"I do! I usually walk with Carly - can she join us?"

"Sure thing - shall we pick her up?"

"She will LOVE that, let me text her."

Carly, relieved that she doesn't have to walk, bites my hand off at the invitation, so we drive down to meet her at her house. When she opens the door, her eyes widen as she sees who's driving.

"Ben?! I thought when Holly said lift it'd be her dad!" she says, as she climbs in the back.

Ben laughs and she gasps.

"Oh my God! Happy birthday!" she says, remembering the day.

"Thanks mate."

We make idle chit chat, and I can feel Carly's eyes burning into my back the entire time. Once parked up, we exit the car and Ben wraps his arm around my shoulders. As we start walking, Carly looks as if her eyes are about to pop out of her head.

When we reach the canteen, he kisses me on the head and walks over to James and Mark. We continue walking until we're out of earshot and then Carly shrieks, "Tell me EVERYTHING!" I laugh, and explain what happened over the weekend, without going into too many details.

"Shit! This is incredible news! I didn't even know that you were... I mean, what about Pete?!"

"We're just friends... and this thing with Ben, I don't really know what it is... there's no status or anything."

"Sure, sure." She says, trying to keep her cool but failing miserably.

Later at lunch, Carly relishes in telling Leila, Sarah, Kelly and Molly about our unexpected chauffeur this morning.

"Wow! This is amazing! So, are you like 'together'?" Kelly asks, leaning in.

"No... we're just hanging out; we haven't really labelled it." I try and keep my tone light, but if I'm honest, the unspoken nature of our relationship is bothering me.

After the grilling from the girls, I make my way to the smoking area and sure enough, Ben is there. He's more tactile than usual, rubbing my arms and brushing a stray strand of hair from my face, as he talks about his day. His relaxed attitude is comforting.

"I haven't stopped thinking about Saturday" he shares, flicking his cigarette to the floor.

"Me either." I respond, smiling.

"I'm glad - I was a little worried that you might be freaking out about it to be honest." he admits.

"Ditto - but this feels... easy?"

"Yep - just me and my girl, hanging out." he says, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

I smile and nuzzle my head into him. We walk back towards the campus, and he stops and pulls me in for a kiss. It's slow and gentle and when we part, he smiles and watches me walk away.

I try my best to focus, but it's impossible. When the day ends, I head down to meet Leila and Carly.

"No lift?" Leila asks as I walk towards her.

I giggle. "Nope - no lift."

Carly joins a few seconds later and we make our way out of the gate. As we turn the corner, Ben beeps from his car. I stop and wave, but he beckons me over.

"Two secs" I say to the girls.

"Hey..." I say a little nervously.

"Hey tiger... want a lift home?" He asks, his deep drawl sending shivers down my spine.

"I was going walk with the girls, is that ok?"

"Yeah, of course... or I could drop them home first?"

"Do you want to?" I ask confused.

"Do you want me to want to?" He asks with a smirk, finding the back and forth comical.

"Let me ask them - Leila! Carly!" I shout across the street.

"Yes please!" shouts Carly, before I've even asked the question. Ben and I start laughing.

"Cheers Ben!" Carly says, immediately strapping herself in.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" asks Leila, ever the sweetheart.

"Not at all." he replies as he pulls away.

"So, Holly... what are we doing for your birthday?!" asks Leila, as we make our way towards her home first.

"Oh, we don't have to do anything." I've always been a low-key birthday girl due to its proximity to Christmas.

"No, we have to do something!" says Carly, excitedly.

"I agree – you can't let the big 1-8 go without a bang." chimes in Ben and I turn to give him a look.

As soon as we drop Leila, Carly starts asking Ben lots of questions about James, which he finds hilarious. When Carly finally exits the vehicle, he says "That one's well into James then?!"

"Erm... I'm not sure." He smirks at my clearly awful lying.

"So, do you have to get home yet, or can I steal you for a bit?" I look at him, his piercing eyes and hair lazily dropping over his right eye.

"Steal away."

He smiles and drives off. A few minutes later, we're sat in a deserted car park.

"So, what are we doing here?" I ask, turning to face him. His eyes move to my mouth and back to my eyes. I bite my bottom lip and smirk as he undoes his seatbelt. We lean in for a kiss and just before we do, he stops.

"Happy birthday, tiger." He pulls out a small square box from his jacket pocket. It's navy blue with an intricate border in gold. As I open it, I see a beautiful silver necklace with a small star in the middle.

I gasp a little. "It's perfect, thank you."

He smiles. "Hey, did I do good today?"

I look puzzled for a second. "What do you mean?"

"You know, the valiant man?"

"You did great, baby" I say, and gently grab at his bottom lip with my teeth. He groans lightly.

"Ooh, I like it when you call me 'baby'," he adds and pulls me in for a kiss. We start out gently and soon become more needy and aggressive.

"We have to stop...." he breathes "before I do naughty things to you."

"Promises, promises..." I say, licking his lips with the tip of my tongue.

"Fuck... Holly, you're going to kill me."

I giggle. "Ok Mr Sutton..." I sigh, leaning back into my chair, "take me home."

He growls again, before pulling back on his seat belt and starting the car. We drive to mine in silence and when we reach it, I give him a kiss on his cheek.

"Goodnight."

He runs his fingers through his hair. "Night."

***

As I'm getting ready for bed, a message flashes up on my phone. It's Pete.

Hey, hope you're ok. Let me know when you're free to talk.

I ignore the message – I'm finally in a good place with Ben and I'm in no rush to talk about what happened on Friday, or Saturday for that matter. As I turn off the light, another message appears on my phone.

It's about Ben

As I drift off to sleep, another message appears, but I don't bother to read it.

***

In the morning, I wake to the sound of my phone alarm and spy the notification from the night before. It's Ben.

Lift tomorrow? x

I grin at his cuteness and text a response.

Sorry, fell asleep early last night. You don't have to come out of your way for me x

Within seconds, another message appears.

See you @ 8:15 x

I decide to put a little more effort on my appearance today, choosing to straighten my hair and add more make up than usual. At 8:15, I walk out the door and see him waiting there with another angsty song pounding through the stereo.

"Damn Hol, what you trying to do to me?!" he says, as I get in the car.

"What do you mean?" I ask, innocently.

"You know exactly what I mean..." his eyebrows hike up as he looks me up and down. I feel tingles down my body and shrug.

"Shall we grab Carly?" He asks, driving in that direction.

"Please - you know, I could get used to this Ben..." I say, pulling out my phone to text her.

"Well don't! I'm not sure how long I can keep it up!" He jokes.

***

On Friday, I meet Leila and Carly by the gates. After the increase in lifts this week, Carly seems almost sad to see me by myself.

"So, Hols, how do you feel about us all meeting for a few birthday drinks in Tufnell Park later? Mark wants us all to see his brother's band play."

"Will James be there?" asks Carly, excitedly.

"Probably – I think it'll be the usual crew." Her eyes widen and she jiggles a little. I can't help but laugh.

"Yeah, ok, sounds like fun. Let me text Ben."

I fire him off a quick message to see if he wants to come. Almost instantly, my phone beeps.

Sounds good. At work until 9, but will come after x

Back at home, I shower and get myself ready for the evening. I opt for some faded, ripped skinny jeans, dad's Ramones t-shirt and a navy military peacoat. I can't decide which shoes to wear, finally opting for my platform ankle boots. I also add a little rusty red to my eyes and keep my long wavy hair down.

A little before 7 o clock, Leila calls to let me know that she's on her way and that her dad will be driving us all to the station.

When we reach High Barnet station, we see Mark, James and Pete waiting for us. We exchange 'hellos' and then complete the oyster card shuffle through the pay barriers.

Whilst we sit on the train waiting for it to depart, Mark turns to me.

"Hey Hol, I'm sorry about Friday... I didn't realise he was gonna come down, or I wouldn't have told him where we were." He says in a low tone.

"It's fine - don't worry about it." I reply, cheerily.

He breathes a sigh of relief. "Cool. I hear everything's good now though?"

I shrug. "I guess."

We arrive on Tufnell Park High Street and walk the short journey to an Irish pub called the Boston Arms. We make our way past the pub entrance to a set of double doors to the side. The venue is an intimate event room, with a small bar and even smaller stage. The boys head straight to the bar to get the first round of drinks in, returning with beers for the boys, rum and cokes for the girls and a round of shots.

"Happy birthday!" they cheer, each taking a shot glass and downing it in one. As I swallow the liquid, the deep, warming taste of liquorice hits the back of my throat. I grimace.

"That was vile!" says Leila, taking a large sip of her rum. The boys laugh.

We take a seat at one of the small booths to the side and Mark heads over to a group of guys - maybe in their early 20s, to say hi.

"That's Mark's brother, Seb and his band!" Leila informs me loudly.

"Cool!"

Carly is sat opposite us, talking with James. They seem pretty comfortable in each other's company, and it makes me smile. Pete, who was sitting next to them, moves round to our side of the booth.

"Hey!" He says, animatedly, "thought I'd give those two some 'space'." We both laugh.

Mark reappears at the table with his brother in tow. He's taller than Mark, with dark hair that's closely shaved on one side and swept over. He's wearing a shirt with holes in it and some seriously ripped jeans. His look pretty much screams "front man".

We talk for a while and he thanks us for coming to see the band, before making his apologies and heading back over to them.

Another band, who must be opening appear on stage and begin to play. Their lead singer is a red headed femme fatale type, and every man in the room seems smitten as she growls into the microphone. The band is good, but not my type of music and when they finish the set, the room is whooping.

"Can I get you ladies another drink?" Pete asks, sliding out of the booth. I nod and Leila gives him the thumbs up. Pete returns with our drinks just as Seb and the band heads onto the stage.

"Hey.... We're The Dropouts and this is 'Stand up'!" he says into the mic.

Leila and I are pretty tipsy by this point and start whooping, which makes Seb laugh. The band plays, and they're absolutely brilliant. By the time their set is over, I'm halfway through my third rum and diet coke and feeling the effects.

"I'm gonna have a cigarette!" I tell the group.

"I'll come with you" Pete says, standing. I nod and make my way outside.

We walk outside and the cold air makes me catch my breath. We light up and as I exhale, Pete sighs.

"Are you avoiding me?"

I shake my head. "No, of course not! Sorry I haven't replied, I just –"

"He told you to ignore me, didn't he?"

"No! Nothing like that. He told me that you two had spoken and that he'd told you to leave me alone, which I told him is ridiculous."

"He's fucking unbelievable!" says Pete, raking his hand through his hair and looking pretty annoyed.

"I know! I'm sure he'll chill out soon."

"I doubt it..." Pete says under his breath.

"What does that mean?" I ask, confused.

"Nothing."

"Pete... what is it?" I can feel the nerves bubbling up inside me.

"Did he tell you about Becca yet?" he asks and takes a long drag of his cigarette.

"What about her?"

"Of course, he didn't – he's a prick!" he says loudly, half laughing at the ridiculousness of his question.

"Pete, what about Becca?"

"Hols, you know he's still sleeping with her, right?"

Everything around me seems to slow down as the thoughts in my head speed up.

"Sorry to be the one to tell you... she gets him good gear and in return, he bangs her."

My hand instinctively goes to my chest, and I struggle to suck in a breath. This can't be true... he wouldn't do that to me, would he?

"You know, when I first saw you at Mark's party, I pointed you out to him to tell him that I thought you were stunning. He laughed and told me that if you lost some weight, you'd be fuckable. And then he ends up trying to get with you and tells me that he actually saw you first that night and I need to  "guy code" leave you alone! He's a fucking dickhead."

I will my legs to keep upright as I try to comprehend the barrage of information that Pete is reeling off. He notices my reaction and changes his tone.

"Shit, Holly... I'm so sorry, I –" he walks towards me, and I wave him back. I can feel the tears pricking behind my eyes and I bite hard on my lip to keep them from spilling over.

"Leave me alone." I say, stepping backwards.

Unsure what to do and how to react, Pete drops his cigarette onto the floor and heads back inside. A few minutes later, Carly and Leila walk out.

"What's up? Pete said you're upset?" Carly asks, confused.

"I want to go home." I say, quietly.

"What's happened, mate?" asks Leila. I feel a tear streak down my cheek and will the words to leave my mouth, but I can't bring myself to say it.

"What did Pete say?" says Carly, a little angrily.

"Ben..." is all I can say before my phone starts to ring. I hover my finger to cancel the call but at the last second, answer.

"Hey beautiful, how's the band night?"

"Are you sleeping with Becca?" I choke out.

"What?" He says, surprised by my response.

"You heard me - are you fucking her?"

"No, of course I'm not! What the fuck?! Where's this coming from?"

"I'm guessing you also didn't say that if I lost some weight, I'd be 'fuckable'?"

The line is silent for a moment.

"That fucking arsehole! Holly don't listen to him! He's just trying to mess us up!"

"You're not answering my question." I say, more calmly this time.

"Because it's stupid! Where are you? I'll fucking kill him!"

"Goodbye Ben." I say and hang up the phone.

"What a wanker. Let me go and get Mark." Leila says and heads back inside. I stand there for a second and try to calm myself down by smoking another cigarette. As I think over the stuff that Pete said, my sadness replaces with anger.

He told me that nothing happened with her, and I believed him. I'm so stupid. I thought I knew him, turns out he was playing me the whole time.

A few minutes later, Leila returns with Mark, and our things from inside the venue. When he sees my face, he looks a little wide-eyed but doesn't say anything. She briefly explains and he walks with us towards the tube station. As we cross the lights, Ben's car pulls in front of us and he jumps out, running towards me.

"Holly! Wait! Let me explain –"

Mark interjects, "maybe give her some space mate - she's clearly upset."

"Yeah, because of you and that fucker, Pete! What did you say to her?!" he shouts. I keep walking, refusing to look at him.

"What?! I haven't said anything!" Mark shouts back.

"Fuck you!" Ben's voice is angry, and I shudder at the aggression.

"Holly, please talk to me!"

I place my oyster card to the barrier and quickly walk through. As I reach the lift doors, I hear Leila shout, "Fuck off Ben, you loser!"

On the train journey home, Carly and Leila try to get more information out of me but I struggle to find the words. I apologise for ruining their nights, but being the lovely ladies that they are, they tell me to shut up and give me a big hug.

One cab journey later, I arrive at home and head straight to my room. I fall onto my bed in sobs of tears, feeling angry, stupid, and so fucking hurt. Ben rings my phone again, but I reject the call and turn my phone onto silent.

Pete has also called and text a few times, but I'm mad at him too. Even if he was trying to do the right thing, he went around it in a shitty way. I feel like I'm a pawn in some messed up game between the two of them.

I cry myself to sleep and the next morning, all croaky and pale from the night before, I convince my parents I'm sick and stay in bed for the rest of the weekend.