Hey guys, there's a potential new cover and I'd love to hear which one you'd like to have! The three are up above, let me know if I should keep it as is or one of the others :)

Drifting in the air was the scent of the ocean and sunscreen and that's when I knew, Jesse was in the house. How was it that I could smell him? Could I be more creepy?

Adjusting the blanket around my shoulders, I took a sip of the tea Jared brought to me when he got me back to the house. He read the shock on my expression when he handed me the steaming cup and smiled. "You said you don't drink caffeine anymore, I saw the box in the back of the cabinet."

Mom must still have some leftover tea bags from Christmas. I smiled at him and he went back downstairs when someone rang the doorbell.

My heart, exhausted from the past hour of the explosion of emotions, still sped up knowing Jesse was right under me.

Hearing footsteps, I braced myself for Jesse's anger at my skipping work, but suddenly Jared roughly blocked the doorway to my room.

"Man, it's really not a good time," Jared said urgently. He shifted uncomfortably, surely at the scathing expression I could practically feel Jesse wearing.

"Jared, move."

"I'm serious," Jared's voice lowered.

"What the hell? Let me see her." I saw Jared step back, but return to his original position after regaining his balance. "Is something wrong?"

Jared sighed.

Jared probably didn't think I could see or really hear from my spot. I was just outside on the upstairs balcony, but I huddled next to the door to avoid the rain blowing up so I could still watch what happened. And hear.

"Jesse, she's had a bad day."

"Yeah, me too, I got yelled at by a customer because it was still locked up at 10 am."

I cringed.

"Tell me what the hell is going on, if something is wrong, let me see her," I saw Jared be shoved back a little bit, but he didn't budge.

Sighing, I stood and set my tea on the table next to my wicker chair.

"Jar," I said softly.

Alarmed, he turned quickly allowing Jesse to shove through.

"Where the hell have you been?" he burst before his eyes registered my appearance. "What happened?"

Concern replaced his anger within a second and he rushed toward me, but I took a step back. When I did, he stopped, looking like he had just been slapped.

"I'm sorry I didn't come in today," I chewed my lip.

Jesse ran a hand through his damp hair and sighed. "Please, will you guys just tell me what's going on?" He glanced back and forth between the two of us.

I opened my mouth to answer, but then shut it. What I just experienced was so...indescribable and I didn't have the energy to try and piece together words.

Jesse stepped closer to me, his hazel eyes burning into me. It was nearly impossible for me to keep anything from him, but the strange mood building between us the last few days left me feeling exhausted.

I wanted to tell him. Jesse was the person I went to for nearly everything. Actually, no, he just always happened to be there.

Swallowing, I looked down. I felt tired and desperately needed to lay down. Maybe for days. The odd thing was...I felt lighter. It was a strange contrast, my heart feeling heavy, but overall feeling like I had let something go. Something I had held onto for a long time.

I met his eyes. "Jesse, I just need a day. Please."

His hand twitched like he wanted to reach out to me, but Jared's protective gaze beside him left him standing there, frozen.

"Can I talk to you later?" he asked, like he feared it.

"Maybe," I answered honestly.

Watching me for a moment longer, he blinked before turning on his heel and walked out.

A breath I didn't know I was holding escaped me as he left the room. Jared and I looked at each other, both wearing the same guilt.

"You should talk to him you know?"

I nodded aimlessly.

"He'll be going out of his mind now."

"That makes two of us," I whispered.

I ignored Jared's confusion and went back to my spot outside. He followed, both of us wincing at the sound of the front door slamming shut.

"I just wish everything would go back to the way it was."

Jared leaned forward on his chair, resting his elbows on his knees and nodded.

"You know," he began. "When I was in rehab I kept reliving this memory of him." He looked down and smiled.

"Dad?"

He laughed. "No, Jesse."

I waited for him to explain.

"When he and his Dad got in that car accident, he basically lived at our house," he glanced at me. "Remember that?"

"Yeah," I murmured. "He pranked me like crazy."

"Yeah, well, that's just because he liked you." Jared said nonchalantly. "But I just kept thinking about how even then, he was still the strong one for us." He faced me. "Even when he was in the most pain, he put on a front for us."

I nodded to myself, staring at the wooden deck. I tucked my hair behind my ear so the wind wouldn't blow it into my face.

"Have we ever been there for him?" Jared asked, still looking down at his hands.

"Maybe not," I murmured.

He sucked in a breath and sat back up, his grey eyes meeting mine.

"I heard about your new program," he started, treading cautiously.

I glanced away and clenched the blanket closer around me.

"I know I haven't earned a right to offer you advise, but," he sighed. "Never mind." He shook his head. "I've spent all Summer mad at you for holding it all in, but Al I just want you to be happy."

"You mean like my old self," I looked away. That was what everyone wanted.

"No."

Surprised, I met his gaze. A ghost of a smile graced his lips.

"You know, I get that everyone sees you as this weak, broken girl, but I know the truth."

He smiled.

"I like you now, you're stronger. It takes a lot of strength to try and hold a family together, to sacrifice your own feelings to make sure everyone else was okay."

I felt tears brimming at the corner of my eyes. He reached out a hand and placed it over my clenched fist.

"I just want you to know I'm sorry and that you don't have to hold us together anymore," he squeezed and pulled his hand away. "And Al, I'm here for you. If marketing is what you want to do, do it."

For some reason, Jared releasing me from the pressure of my past songwriting dreams made me let out a deep breath. It also made me realize...hearing him associate marketing with me felt misplaced. As if I was living two different lives, Cape Alice and Texas Alice. Maybe it was time for the two to meet.

"Will you come visit?"

Jared beamed, a hand reaching up to wipe at his mouth, as if he was trying to hide the smile he wore.

He nodded. "Of course, whenever you want me to."

"I really missed you," I admitted. "I also hated you."

He laughed and looked down at his feet. "Yeah, I hated me too."

Shaking my head, I faced the ocean. I closed my eyes and let the sound of the waves meeting the shore fill my mind. Trying to memorize the noise, I sighed.

"What a summer," I whispered.

The wicker chair groaned and cracked as Jared leaned back, placing his hands behind his head.

"I feel better, do you?"

I shrugged. "I feel strange."

"Yeah, that goes away."

I glanced back at him. "Yeah?"

He nodded, but cocked his head to the side. "Well, no actually. It's like it just becomes a new way of...being."

My eyes fell back onto the ocean and I nodded. I knew what he meant because that was just how life went after someone you love dies. There was your life before and then there's your life after. Not necessarily better or worse, just different.

It was almost like learning to live again and everything you used to experience would never be felt the same way. It was like placing a capo on a fret. Same guitar, different sound. It could still play beautiful music, in fact, it opened up a whole new world of songs.

"Why are you smiling?" Jared asked lightly.

"Oh just," I shook my head. "I don't know actually."

"You're a freak," he sang quietly, both of us breaking into laughter.

I reached over and lightly punched his shoulder.

"Do you think he's watching us now?" I asked as our laughter died down.

He smiled. "Heaven isn't far away."

"Good lyric," I smirked.

He met my eyes suddenly. We both smiled and he stood, nearly knocking over my tea in the process.

He walked into my bedroom and when he came back he had my guitar and a notebook.

"What do you say, sis? For Dad?"

My heart sped up, my breathing quickening at the sight of the guitar. Jared had Dad's pick in his hand, the one I hadn't touched in two years.
Swallowing, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to slow the electric current that seemed to be coursing across every inch of my skin.

I opened my eyes and Jared wore a sympathetic smile. He was holding out the notebook, a pen resting on the page.

I took it slowly from his hands and nodded.

"For Dad," I whispered.

And for the next two hours, the Dessen siblings wrote a song dedicated to the man who made them the musicians they were. The goodbye they were never able to properly say.

When it was finished, we looked at each other, tears in both of our eyes.

"I love you punk," Jared murmured, his voice tight.

"Love you loser," I replied quietly.