Chapter 26 - Jesse Vanderlin's Reputation

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So..if you look above..you'll see Jesse and how everyone pictures him, because let's be real...how do you look like that and not get all the ladies? ;)

I chewed on the inside of my lip as I scowled out of the window at the ocean. I watched as we passed little kids running around playing in the sand with their families. Couples were oggling each other and college kids were playing volleyball. It was a beautiful day.

Makes me sick.

Jesse had stayed silent to my surprise. He didn't even turn the radio on, which for Jesse, that had to be torture riding in this silence. I mean, I was beginning to feel restless so I knew he had to be feeling something at this point, but no. He has been completely silent. Every now and then I noticed him steal a few glances my way, probably to make sure I'm not bursting into tears or something.

He wouldn't have to worry about that. I barely knew Adam. I certainly knew Olivia so it truly wasn't shocking at all. Okay, it was a little shocking because I thought Adam would be different. Turns out I was wrong, but I'm a big girl. It's not the first time I've been wrong. It's not the first time I've been inadvertantly let down.

Why would you think he's different?

I sighed at my own mind playing the devil's advocate.

He is a famous musician for crying out loud. You didn't think he hasn't had his fair share of women? Get a grip Alice.

I clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes at myself. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised.

My phone vibrated in my palm, shaking me from my thoughts. I turned it over in my hand and saw that it was Lissa, Demi and I's group message.

Girl's night, Friday night. Be there.

I smiled and quickly text my reply. Before I could even look up it vibrated again.

We're going to saran wrap his car and spread dirty rumors about him.

My eyes widened. Not at the things they wanted to do, but at the fact that it was Demi who sent it. That sounded awfully like Lissa. I just shook my head and tucked my phone underneath my thigh and continued looking out the window.

"That's it, if you don't say something soon I'm pulling the van over!" Jesse exclaimed. Ah, there it was. The outburst I've been waiting for.

I smirked, still staring out of the dirty window.

"I'll do it Dess, I mean it," he warned.

I sighed and lazily rolled my head to the side to look at him. "You're being dramatic J."

He narrowed his eyes at me, but looked away to stare at the road again. "You're being eerily silent Alice."

I froze. He used my name. My actual name. This is a moment for history. Get out your phones, ready your cameras people. Alice Dessen is about to receive a lecture from the hypocritical Jesse!

"Listen, what Olivia said, it was wrong...and probably completely false. You know how she is, she's always been bat shit crazy and a total slut...well and a bitch--"

"Jesse, I saw the look on your face," I murmured, returning my gaze to the ocean outside. "You already knew, you just didn't tell me."

And that was the sad part. I bet everyone knew except for me. Everyone tries to tip toe around my feelings as if I'll break at any moment. I don't understand why people began treating me that way, but it's really beginning to piss me off. I'm not fragile. I'm not going to break at one piece of bad news. For goodness sakes, my own father passed and people weren't this bad. It's like they're afraid--

The realization dawned on me at that moment.

Of course. Everybody thinks I can't handle anything because of the loss of my father. They're afraid they'll lose the old Alice for good if they hand me even just one more thing that might make me sad.

I scowled at my reflection in the window. Well, I've got news for everybody. The old Alice has been long gone.

That's the thing about some moments in life. There are moments that define you in life. There are smaller moments in between, but those bigger things in life? They're like mile markers. It's like you led two different lives before and after.

Losing my Dad? That was a moment in life that left an Alice before and an Alice after. It hurts that people seem to miss the old Alice more than they like to be around who I am now.

I'm still me. I mean I still have fun, I still go do things. Sure, I'm not as energetic or eccentric anymore, but I'm still me.

Right?

And how little do people think of me, how weak do they perceive me to be, if they are that terrified of me finding out about who Adam truly is? Adam is not a mile marker, that much is true. He is a smaller moment in between. He is but a mere pebble on a mountain. He means nothing. He has no impact.

I crossed my arms, silently proud of myself for working through my emotions rationally for once.

So what if he slept with Olivia? I bet he's slept with a million different girls. It wouldn't surprise me.

He doesn't like to use condoms.

Oh gosh. I inwardly cringed as Olivia's voice played on repeat in the back on my head.

Who even says something like that? Jeez.

"Alice, please," Jesse begged. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, slightly thankful for him interrupting the horrors replaying in my mind.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask softly, still refusing to look at him.

I heard him sigh. "I mean, I didn't think it was that big of a deal."

I turned to look at him. "Oh really? That's why you were so pissed at her when she said something about it?"

I waited for him to deny me, but his hand just tightened slightly on the steering wheel. "Alice, I knew how you--"

"What? How I would react? How I would hole up in a shell again? Did you think I would burst into tears or something? Jeez Jesse!" I shook my head and let out a laugh of frustration while staring ahead.

"Alice--"

"Just stop," I interrupted, tired of even thinking about the whole thing. It wasn't worth all of this. It was just a crush.

"Alice--"

"No Jesse! I'm fine okay? You're right, it's not a big deal. He isn't a big deal," I said.

Who are you trying to convince?

I shook the thought away, annoyed. My own conscious was betraying me.

"Would you stop?" Jesse raised his voice. I glanced at him, shocked.

"Dammit Alice, you are one of the strongest people I know and I wish you'd quit thinking I'm the bad guy here! I wish you would realize not everyone sees you as a bubble waiting to burst! I'm not one of them Al!" His hazel eyes glazed over. He was angry and it was written all over him. This, much like his serious side, was a side I've never seen. Jesse doesn't get angry. He's a goofball.

He ran a hand through his curly sun-bleached brown hair and sighed. His jaw clenched and unclenched repeatedly.

"I'm going to kill him," I heard him mutter under his breath.

"Why do you even care? Since when do you care about your best friend's little sister? All you've ever done is pick on me," I pointedly stared at him.

He rolled his eyes. "Don't play the victim here, it's my job to pick on you okay?"

I scoffed. "The pranks are a bit much."

"You're just easy to pick on Baby Dess," he murmured, staring ahead.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "If you knew, why have you tried so hard to make me talk to him?"

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and sighed.

"I don't know, because for the first time you seemed interested in someone. You seemed all happy when his name came up. When he came into the shop, you were beside yourself. It was pathetic really," he smirked.

I sighed and looked out the window again.

"Look, I didn't necessarily know. I had a feeling because I had heard some rumors over the years that Olivia had some musician boy toy around her house every now and then. When he came in a couple weeks ago I recognized him and did some digging. He was the one at her house. It doesn't mean he fucked her Alice," he said.

I grimaced at the F word. I hate that word.

"Sorry, screwed," he joked.

"Jesse, come on, we all know how it goes with her. She wins. Every time. She gets what she wants. Every time," I grumbled.

"Not me," he said quickly.

I turned to look at him. "What?"

"Not me," he said again.

"What do you mean not you?"

"Have you not ever wondered why we don't get along?" he asked, shooting me a quick glance before returning his gaze back to the road.

I thought back to all the times they've encountered each other with me around. I mean, I knew they didn't like each other, but I mean a lot of people get annoyed with Jesse. And I don't know many people who actually like Olivia. So I never thought anything of it, but I guess it is kind of strange she doesn't bother flirting with him and Jesse is never flat out rude to people. He may joke, but he is always kind. With Olivia though, he's a side of Jesse I never see.

"In high school, before she dated your brother, she tried for months to get me to take her to prom. Months! Gah she was annoying," he shook his head. "I couldn't stand her and she knew it. Sure she was hot, but after what she said about my Dad after the wreck? I was done even giving her a second glance. She was nothing, but a whiny little bitch who bullies her way through life."

I stared at Jesse, utterly shocked. The guy who walked around our beach town acting like a sex god, is the only one around that actually never did anything with her? What? Jesse is that guy?

"Don't look so surprised Baby Dess, you might hurt my feelings," he smirked. His hazel eyes met mine and he momentarily let his smirk slide away. "So no, Olivia Wright does not get everything she wants."

He tore his gaze away from me and went back to watching the road, meanwhile I couldn't stop staring at him. To say I'm surprised is the understatement of the year.

I watched him and felt like I saw him in a new light. Okay so he wasn't a complete and total idiot like I loved to believe. I stared at his strong jaw that was still clenched slightly and moved my gaze to his strong arms. He was darker than most people because of the amount of time he spent out in the ocean.

He's cute I guess. I know everyone in our town thinks he's like the hottest thing on earth, but because I've always seen him as a second bother, he's always just been...well Jesse. Obviously, not counting the crush I had on him when I was 14.

"I know I'm good looking and all, but staring is awfully rude miss Alice," his voice interrupted my thoughts.

I scowled and rolled my eyes. "Whatever," I grumbled, but still looked away quickly.

Was I just checking him out? Oh ew. No way.

"And stop using my full name, freaks me out," I mumbled.

I heard him quietly chuckle.

"Okay Yeti," he replied. I groaned.

He glanced at me and smiled.

I looked away and went back to staring at the water to the right of us as we drove. I still couldn't believe he may be the one guy who hasn't been with Olivia. Jesse, of all people. He puts on this persona that he gets with everyone, why would he do that if it weren't true? Does he actually sleep with every girl? Or is he just an epic flirt?

As my mind wandered, I caught sight of a dragon kite flying ahead and I smiled, despite my current mood. I used to fly kites all the time as a kid. Well, who hasn't when you live on a beach, but it truly was one of my favorite things, even when we lived in New Mexico. They didn't fly there near as well as they did here so when I got here, I was so excited. Jesse was actually the one who helped me do it a week after we had moved.

He and Jared had fast become friends and they were at our house after school, they must have been 17 at the time and I was only 14. I had come running down the stairs with the brand new kite Dad had just bought me so I could add it to my collection once I had successfully flown it.

I actually tumbled into Jesse. I've always been clumsy, so I hit the floor with a loud crash and it turned out that I had broken the kite. Jesse helped me up and made some crude comment about how all the ladies fell at his feet, even the ones in junior high.

Truth is, I too had thought Jesse was the hottest thing on earth, but I was young and didn't allow a crush to cloud my vision from the perverted idiot he was so his adorable hair, tan skin, hazel eyes and buff surfer body didn't get to me.

Okay so maybe it got to me a little bit back then, but I was quickly over it after he nearly gave me a concussion when he was teaching Jared and I how to surf. He was so mean about it, he didn't have nearly the patience back then that he does now when teaching lessons.

Anyways, back to the kite, I remember not even acknowledging him and just looking down at my brand new kite, absolutely crushed that I had broken it. After Jesse and Jared were through laughing I think it bothered Jesse that I didn't respond.

He finally noticed what I was staring at when I bent down to pick it up, its broken form collapsing over my arms.

"I can fix that," he said. I looked up, annoyed and sad by the whole ordeal, but was surprised when I saw that he was being genuine. His eyes lacked his usual cocky humor and only had pure concern swimming in them. 

He carefully took the kite from me and he smiled before he turned to set it on the kitchen counter.

"Dude hurry up, my dad can just buy her a new one," Jared tapped his foot impatiently in the door frame, waiting for his friend to come to his room to do lord knows what.

"Dad will be gone for two weeks!" I shot back at Jared.

Jesse ignored him and found a pair of scissors before looking back at me.

"Do you have some duct tape?" He asked. I stared. Wait. Was he talking to me?  Jesse Vanderlin spoke to me?

"Come on Baby Dess, I don't have all day," he smirked as he leaned against the counter.

Baby Dess? I have a nickname now! I nodded and moved into the kitchen to open a drawer where I knew we kept the duct tape. I pulled it out and handed it to him.

He winked at me, making my knees weak for a moment before he began tearing off small pieces and working swiftly on the kite. Five minutes later he held it up, triumphantly.

"Ta da!" He handed it back to me and smiled.

"Th-thank you," I stammered while taking it from him.

He didn't make a crude comment or even say anything cocky, he just smiled down at me and gave a slight node before pushing off of the counter to jog after his friend.

That was the first time I ever questioned whether Jessie Vanderlin's reputation was true. It was also the start of a fleeting crush I had on him, but I'll never mention that to him. Ever. He would never let me live it down.

Today, hearing how he never slept with Olivia would be marked as the second time I've ever questioned his reputation. And I'm not sure how I feel about it. I was comfortable knowing him as the man whore of the Cape. This is new territory though, could Jesse actually be a decent guy who cares?

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