The Reunion Special (Segment 2)

BODIES OF WATER

*COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT OF TELEVISION BROADCAST*

HOST: Welcome back! We're here again live with Cora and Jamie, a couple who's relationship over the past month was anything but smooth sailing. Thanks for sticking around, you two!

[Jamie and Cora wave as the audience applauds.]

HOST: We've talked about your first date, but something changed before you arrived at your private beach paradise in Cozumel.  The water may have been warm, but the temperature between you two turned downright chilly. Let's take a look back at your arrival.

[Fade in to Cora/Jamie on-deck interviews, spliced together in rapid cuts.]

CORA: I'll admit he's aesthetically pleasing...

JAMIE: I'd say she's barely tolerable. Not my type on paper.

CORA: Never trust a guy with an ego bigger than the boat you're sailing on.

JAMIE: Jazlene was the one who caught my eye. The only fittie in the bunch... other than myself, of course.

[Cut to close-up of Jamie with his shirt off, sprinkling his torso with droplets of seawater]

CORA: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a male model in possession of a good six-pack, must be in love with himself.

JAMIE: She's not at my level, but I'll try to be a gentleman about it.

CORA: I have zero interest. I'd sooner spend a month in forced proximity with a toad.

[Cut to slow-motion close-up of Cora turning her head over her shoulder, grimacing with her eyes squeezed shut.]

[ Mixture of applause, laughter, and booing from the studio audience. Cut back to live shot, where Host is now seated on stage in a chair beside the couch shared by Jamie and Cora.]

HOST: Jamie, we thought you two liked each other over cocktails! What changed?

JAMIE: Not my proudest moment, there.

HOST: Is it true Cora isn't your type?

JAMIE: [Looks at Cora] I must've needed my vision checked.

CORA: I'd be happy to refer you to a colleague.

JAMIE: No thanks. I'm a one-optometrist man.

CORA: [Smirks at Jamie, then turns to Host] You see what I'm dealing with?

HOST: Well, what about you, Cora? Jamie had you blushing on your first date, but the very next day you compared him to a toad. Do you still think he's a toad?

CORA: No. Not a toad. A chameleon, doing an impersonation of a toad.

HOST: I'm not sure that's better!

CORA: It is. Reptile, not amphibian. Still cold-blooded but less slimy.

JAMIE: [Draping an arm along the back of the couch behind Cora's shoulders] At least she isn't calling me a snake.

CORA: Not yet.

[Cora glances pointedly at his arm snaking behind her. Jamie drops his hand to her shoulder and draws her closer to him.]

HOST: As long as we're on the subject of wildlife, a little bird told me that you two might have been playing a game with us those early days. Is it possible all those insults were actually a sly reference to Cora's favorite book?

CORA: What? [Eyes flash to Jamie, then back to host] No! I mean, I did quote the opening line at one point, but—

JAMIE: [Laughing] I think the game is up, Cora.

HOST: Let's take a look at a certain scene from the movie version of Pride & Prejudice, shall we?

[Fade to movie clip from Pride and Prejudice 2005]

[Cut back to Cora and Jamie in the studio. Jamie looks around innocently. Cora has one hand pressed to her cheek.]

CORA: [To Jamie] Did you tell them?

JAMIE: I didn't breathe a word.

HOST: So it's true, then? All these traded insults were an inside joke between you two?

CORA: It was his idea.

JAMIE: The acting job of a lifetime on my part. She was only playing herself, of course.

HOST: OK, Jamie. Let's try telling us the truth this time. Is Cora your type or not?

JAMIE: No. But to be fair, I normally only mate with fellow reptiles. 

[Cora pinches his thigh]

JAMIE: Ow! Kidding!

HOST: Cora, what about you? All jokes aside, were you attracted to Jamie from the start?

CORA: I mean, look at him. I'm only human.

HOST: [To Jamie] And she grew on you, didn't she? What was it about Cora that caught your interest?

JAMIE: Our shared love of literature, evidently.

HOST: Funny you should mention it because we happen to have quite a bit of bookish bonus footage that never made it to air. Do you two remember this exchange from your first dinner together outside your bungalow?

[Roll clip of Jamie and Cora seated at an outdoor dinner table on the beach, surrounded by tiki torches, with a brilliant pink-orange sunset over the ocean in the background. They are eating pasta and sipping red wine in silence.]

[MUSIC PLAYS: Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol - 0:30 mark]

CORA: OK, I have to ask you something.

JAMIE: Anything. I'm an open book.

CORA: Well, I'm not, so explain it to me. How exactly did you guess my favorite novel?

JAMIE: I didn't.

CORA: Yes, you did. [Drops her voice] You know, at the airport earlier?

JAMIE: A lucky guess. Your face gave it away when I mentioned it.  [Spins spaghetti around his fork] What's your other favorite, by the way? You said there was more than one?

CORA: You said you would guess the others later.

JAMIE: I will if you like. I know the answer.

CORA: You do not.

JAMIE: Isn't it obvious? Given your profession, I mean. Optometry? It has to be All the Light We Cannot See.

CORA: [Jabs her fork at him triumphantly] Wrong!

JAMIE: Are you sure?

CORA: I did like that book though. The author came to speak at my synagogue once.

JAMIE: It had some good lines. [He gestures toward the glorious sunset view] "Open your eyes and see what you can with them before they close forever."

CORA: Do you always go around memorizing quotes from things?

JAMIE: It's a good party trick, don't you think?

CORA: Well, you're wrong. My other favorite book is Jane Eyre.

JAMIE: Ah, of course. That makes perfect sense.

CORA: What does that mean?

JAMIE: [Adjusts the microphone hanging on a cord around his neck, then dips his chin to speak directly into it] Isn't that the one where her love interest has to be struck blind before he can be convinced to marry her?

CORA: OK, smart guy. [Sips her wine] What's your favorite book, then?

JAMIE: You're not going to guess?

CORA: Probably your own modeling portfolio. Does that count as a book?

JAMIE: It does, but I don't have much of a taste for Fine Art books. Try again.

CORA: You tell me. I give up.

JAMIE: [He considers for a moment while swirling the wine in his glass] I suppose I have two favorites as well. It's a draw between Great Expectations and—

CORA: Dickens? Really?

[MUSIC STOPS with a record-scratch sound effect.]

JAMIE: —and He's Just Not That Into You. A modern classic. You might want to give it a read sometime.

[Cut back to live studio. Host hands Cora a paperback copy of the book He's Just Not That Into You with a pink bow on it.]

HOST: Here you are, my dear. We got you a gift!

[Cora takes it, laughing. Jamie rises from his seat and pretends to run for the exit.]

CORA: Oh no you don't! [Grabs Jamie's wrist and yanks him back in place beside her.]

HOST: So mean, Jamie!

JAMIE: Too far?

CORA: [Hands him the book] I think you won that round.

[Host laughs, then stands and walks toward camera, addressing the audience.]

HOST: Stormy seas for Jamie and Cora at the start, but they righted the ship soon enough. Who here remembers when things started to turn around?

CORA: I'm not so sure they have.

HOST: I seem to recall game of Truth or Dare that might have had something to do with it. Let's take another look back, shall we?

****

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