The Reunion Special (Segment 3)

BODIES OF WATER

*COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT OF TELEVISION BROADCAST*

[Studio audience applauds. Cora and Jamie are seated onstage on a couch, with host Danna Morton standing opposite.]

HOST: So tell us, Cora, how does it feel to be reunited with Jamie here today?

CORA: It's weird. Kind of surreal.

HOST: What do you mean by that?

CORA: Fake, I guess? Forced? I don't feel like I'm my real self with all these people watching.

HOST: What about you, Jamie? Did you miss Cora?

JAMIE: Yes. [To Cora] I tried to reach you. Robbie wouldn't tell me where you were.

CORA: That was probably for the best.

HOST: Your time together in Cozumel was almost cut much shorter. Should we look at another clip?

[Fade in to a wide shot of Danna, Jamie, and Cora standing on the beach beside a pair of easels.]

HOST: The game's called "Not My Type on Paper." Are you two ready to show me your portraits of each other?

JAMIE: Ladies first.

HOST: Go ahead, Cora. Let's see it.

[Cora turns an easel to reveal her picture.]

JAMIE: [Laughing] What in the world is that supposed to be?

HOST: Is it some kind of toad?

CORA: An Amazonian dart frog. It's believed to be the most poisonous amphibian on the planet.

HOST: Is that how you see Jamie here?

JAMIE: She sees straight through me. Why am I blue and purple though?

CORA: Dart frogs are known for their vibrant colors. They're beautiful to look at, but the striking looks are how they warn the other creatures to stay away.

HOST: Ahh, so you admit you find Jamie good looking, then?

JAMIE: Yes. Do you find me handsome, Miss Eyre?

CORA: What did you call me?

JAMIE: You're supposed to say, "No, sir. But beauty is of little consequence." Something like that, isn't it?

CORA: Are you quoting things at me again?

JAMIE: Jane Eyre. Your favorite. Do try to keep up!

[Jump cut to movie trailer from Jane Eyre, 2011]

CORA: So you're Mr. Rochester now, and I'm Jane Eyre?

JAMIE: She drew peculiar pictures too, as I recall. [Points at his foot] Not to mention how she injured Mr. Rochester's ankle with her clumsiness.

CORA: You do realize Mr. Rochester was an immoral, manipulative liar, right?

JAMIE: Quite the toxic toad.

HOST: [Clears throat loudly] I'm afraid you've both lost me. Can we get back to the game?

CORA: Go ahead then, Mr. Rochester. Your turn.

[Jamie grins and turns the other easel to reveal his picture]

HOST: Hmmm. That's not much better, is it?

JAMIE: No? I'm rather pleased with it.

CORA: Is the green part supposed to be my body?

HOST: It looks like some kind of vase, I think.

JAMIE: A Grecian urn.

CORA: Oh great. Are you going to recite Keats now?

JAMIE: No, and don't be so pretentious. I just like the shape of the bottom. [He traces a curve in the air with his hand] Everyone goes on about hourglasses, but there's a reason they put Grecian urns in art museums.

CORA: Too bad you didn't put as much effort into drawing my face.

JAMIE: That's not true. Note the purple paint splotch on the cheek.

HOST: [Shakes head, laughing] Neither one of you understood the assignment.

JAMIE: My dear Danna, are you always so literal?

HOST: I don't know how I'm supposed to judge between these. At least Jamie got the color of the bathing suit right, I guess?

JAMIE: Let's call it a draw.

HOST: Nope. I declare you the winner, Jamie. And now for your prize!

JAMIE: Bragging rights will do.

HOST: The name of the game is "Not my type on paper," and we couldn't help but notice that neither of you are each other's type. Since this is obviously not a love match, the time has come to switch things up!

[Camera zooms out to reveal a third easel. Danna turns it around to display a large photo of a woman in a bikini.]

HOST: Jamie, allow me to present your reward.

JAMIE: A photograph? I have plenty of those already, thanks.

HOST: Meet Camilla, a 24 year old surfer and swimsuit model from Los Angeles. Does she look like your type?

JAMIE: She looks like everybody's type.

CORA: I don't understand.

HOST: Cora, I'm afraid this means your journey with us has come to an end.

CORA: Wait. But I thought— They said we were stuck here for a month.

HOST: I'm sorry. Your suitcase has been packed for you. Please take a minute and say goodbye.

JAMIE: Excuse me, but do I get any say in the matter?

CORA: No, no. It's fine, Jamie. Don't worry about it.

[Jamie picks up his easel and re-positions it next to the photo of the new cast member. He takes Cora's hand and pulls her beside him to look at the two portraits together.]

JAMIE: What did they say her name was? Blanche Ingram?

CORA: Don't.

JAMIE: [To host] Thanks but no thanks. I'll stick with Jane here.

HOST: You mean Cora?

JAMIE: I mean my Grecian urn. [He puts his arm around Cora's waist].

CORA: [Side-eyeing him] I'm not sure that's the compliment you think it is.

JAMIE: 'Beauty is truth. Truth beauty. That is all ye know on Earth and all ye need to know.'

HOST: No, you don't understand. Camilla will be joining you here tomorrow, Jamie, and she's very excited to meet you!

JAMIE: I have a better idea. [He unclips the photo from the easel and rolls it up as he speaks.] Cora stays, but I'll hold onto this. I reserve the right to trade it in for a new partner at any time.

CORA: Like a "Get Out of Jail Free" card in Monopoly?

HOST: This isn't a board game.

JAMIE: No, but it's a boring one. Let's make it more interesting.

HOST: [Looks off camera, perplexed]

JAMIE: Brilliant. I have all the power this way. [He pulls Cora closer and brings his face near hers] I control your fate. You'll have to be much nicer to me.

CORA: You'd like that, wouldn't you?

JAMIE: Yes, actually. I think I might like it quite a bit...

[Studio audience oohs and ahhhs as we fade back to a live shot of Host, Jamie, and Cora seated on stage.]

HOST: Jamie, Jamie, Jamie... You naughty boy. You really threw me for a loop there.

JAMIE: I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. At least the viewers seemed to enjoy it.

HOST: What about you, Cora? Were you glad Jamie saved you?

CORA: I still don't know why he did that.

JAMIE: Yes, you do.

HOST: Tell us, Jamie. Why didn't you send Cora packing?

JAMIE: Same reason Mr. Rochester chose Jane Eyre when he could've had Blanche Ingram.

HOST: Translation please? For those of us who haven't read the book?

JAMIE: Sometimes you don't realize what someone means to you until they're about to be taken away.

CORA: Oh please. I was barely more than a stranger to you at that point.

JAMIE: The first stranger in a long time who didn't bore me silly. I imagine Rochester felt the same way when he first made Jane's acquaintance.

CORA: Jane Eyre only talked to him because he was her master and he commanded her to make conversation.

JAMIE: Do you think they played Truth or Dare for Cowards in the evenings?

CORA: Pretty sure I would have remembered a scene like that.

JAMIE: Not on the page. In between the chapters. What do you think those two were doing all those nights we didn't see?

CORA: I imagine they were both fast asleep in their own beds.

JAMIE: Liar.

CORA: Charlotte Brontë would have told us if anything important happened.

JAMIE: Right, that's what most people assume. Like all these people here. [He gestures at the studio audience.] They're all fans of this show, but I bet it never crossed their mind to wonder what went on in between the episodes.

CORA: Careful please.

JAMIE: What? Am I saying too much?

CORA: We agreed.

JAMIE: [Looks at her innocently] I'm just talking about the book. Why did Mr. Rochester choose Jane? She certainly wasn't his type on paper.

CORA: Because there's more to beauty than good looks.

JAMIE: Perhaps. But I prefer to imagine the answer in those long, dark nights in that big empty house—that was where the real story unfolded...

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