64 - Goodbyes Are Bittersweet

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Given the excitement of the AMAs and the relatively sleepless (but enjoyable) night that followed, neither of us had really had time to consider that I was flying home the next morning. When Harry's alarm sounded at eight o'clock I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head while he fumbled to silence it, and felt him spoon behind me, draping his arm over my waist and nuzzling into my neck.

"Don't go," he whispered, kissing my shoulder gently, and I sighed.

"I wish I didn't have to," I admitted, turning onto my back and then over onto my other side to cuddle into him. "But you're going off to Mexico anyway. You have to work, I have to work."

"Mmmph," he agreed begrudgingly.

We lay together in silence for a few minutes until I felt my eyes closing and sleep beckoning, and I forced myself to sit up to avoid nodding off and potentially missing my flight back home. Harry reached up from behind me and cupped both my breasts in his hands, and gave a sleepy murmur of appreciation.

"Boobs are great," he mumbled, pulling me backwards so I was lying down against him with my back to his chest while he ran his fingers over my nipples.

"Harry, we'll be late," I protested halfheartedly as he began to kiss my neck.

"We've got ages," he whispered, nudging his hips so I could feel him hardening behind me.

It was an argument I didn't really want to win anyway, so I closed my eyes and let his hands roam my body freely. I reached back between us to squeeze his erection, and after a minute I guided it slowly inside me. He grunted softly as he pushed in and out, one arm curled around my waist holding me close and working up a rhythm before we both came together, Harry's face buried in my hair.

"I'm really going to miss you," I sighed as my heart rate began to slow again. I reached up behind me to cup his cheek with my hand as his chin rested gently on my shoulder.

"I'm going to miss you too," he murmured. "I'll ring you as often as I can, though. And text. And I'll be back home on the sixth of December. I'll be staying with Mum for a few days but then I'll be heading back down to London in time for the X Factor final on the thirteenth."

"Oh yeah, your last performance," I remembered. "Christ, I don't think I'm emotionally prepared for that."

"You will be there though, won't you?" he said softly, and I patted the back of his neck.

"Of course I will. Nothing could keep me away this time. Callie will just have to cope for one night with her heartbreak."

Harry said nothing, but kissed my shoulder delicately and sighed.

~~~

By half past nine we were both packed and ready to go, and eating fruit and cereal at the breakfast bar. A car horn sounded outside at quarter to ten so we picked up our bags, loaded them into the boot, and Harry locked up. The journey to the airport was fairly quick, and we both pulled on hats and sunglasses as we arrived and managed to slip into the terminal building unnoticed and into a private lounge, accompanied by Harry's security. My flight was due to leave first so I slipped out to the check in desk and checked my suitcase in, then returned to Harry to say goodbye before I was to go through Security.

"I'm not into dramatic goodbyes," I told him as I lifted my cabin bag onto my shoulder. He averted his eyes, trying but failing to conceal his smirk. "What's funny about that?" I demanded.

He cleared his throat, still smirking. "Nothing. It's just that last time we said goodbye in an airport - this airport, in fact - you told me the same thing, but then ended up throwing a tantrum and flouncing off in tears across the Atlantic over a comment about Taylor Swift."

I narrowed my eyes at him as he watched me with a grin on his face, obviously waiting to see how I would respond.

"Low blow, Styles," I said, shaking my head at him and he threw his head back and laughed raucously.

"For a minute there I thought I'd stepped over the line," he said gleefully.

"You're so far past the line you can't even see the line anymore," I told him.

"The line is a dot to you!" he finished with a flourish, quoting one of my favourite Friends jokes (and a tweet I had once sent to Zayn Malik amidst the Louis-Naughty Boy feud), and fell about laughing again while I watched him in amusement.

"I must have the patience of a saint," I sighed, as he slipped his arms around my waist and leaned down to kiss me.

"You fucking love it," he murmured as his lips brushed mine, and even though I had kissed him countless times over the last eight months, my stomach still gave a nervous and excited flip of appreciation. I draped my arms around his neck, trying not to think about the next two weeks I would have to spend without him, and I was horrified to feel the beginnings of hot tears prickling behind my eyes as I eventually pulled away.

He looked down at me with a serious, intense expression. "I love you so much," he whispered huskily. "No one else has ever come close to you, you know that don't you? I've never felt this way about anyone in my life."

My stomach twisted again as my heart missed several beats. The heat behind my eyes intensified, much to my embarrassment. This was absolutely ridiculous - I didn't do tears in airports. What the hell was happening to me?

"You're amazing," he continued, his lips only millimetres from mine and his gaze still burning into me. "You've changed my life. I didn't know what love was until I met you. I don't care how corny that sounds, it's the truth. You're my life, my world, my everything. You complete me."

My bottom lip began to wobble. I didn't dare speak, for fear of losing control of the emotion rising in me and threatening to erupt. I dropped my head down and buried my face in his chest while I pressed my lips together hard, fought back tears and tried to swallow the growing lump in my throat.

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly, kissing the top of my head and then resting his cheek on my hair. "You're my muse," he whispered, and this time I couldn't stop the tears from brimming over and soaking into his tshirt. I tried to sniff discreetly, but he pulled away and tilted my chin up. I expected to see concern in his eyes, but instead a triumphant smirk graced his face.

"No tears in airports?" he said, smugly. "OK then."

I pushed him away from me and thumped his arm harder than necessary as I wiped my eyes. "You arsehole!" I wailed. "Were you just saying all that soppy stuff to make me cry?! What a fucking shitty thing to do!"

The smug look dissolved from his face immediately. "What - no, Jess, I meant every word!" he said earnestly, walking around me as I turned my back to him to hide my misery. "I swear! I just made it sound as soppy as I could to make you emotional because you said you don't do dramatic goodbyes. Sorry...," he trailed off, putting his arms around me and pulling me close again. "Of course I meant it. You must know by now how crazy I am about you. I'm head over heels. I can't ever imagine being with anyone else. Ever."

I looked up at him again as the meaning of his words sank in. He was looking at me almost nervously now, as though he were afraid of laying himself on the line like this; afraid I would somehow break his heart.

"I can't imagine being with anyone else either," I whispered. "Well, except when you pull idiotic stunts like you just did," I added flatly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered back, never taking his eyes from mine. "I didn't mean to hurt you - not really. I meant everything I just said. You're the only one for me. You're... you're The One."

I could barely hear him over the sound of the blood rushing through my veins at the speed of light and my heart throwing itself mercilessly and repeatedly against my ribcage. I stared into his eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks and snot leaking from my nose. If he could make momentous declarations while I looked this unattractive, it really must be true love.

"I feel the same," I said, my voice wobbling. "There's never been anyone but you since the day I met you, Harry. I could never love anyone else the way I love you."

His bottom lip trembled, so minutely I could even have imagined it, and then he crushed me into his arms again, pressing his cheek on the top of my head and squeezing me tightly.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life," he mumbled into my hair, "but it must have been something pretty amazing."

"Everything you do is amazing," I sniffed. "That's why everyone falls in love with you."

"As long as you're in love with me, that's all that matters," he said gruffly.

I closed my eyes and snuggled into his arms. No matter how close I was to him, it never seemed to be close enough. I wanted to melt into him; I wanted every part of me to be touching every part of him. I had been in love before, but never like this. I had never craved someone to this extent. I had never felt as though I would die without them - I had always been fiercely independent; my own person. I had been sad over breakups in the past, but I had always known deep down that I would get over it and move on. This time, however, I could no longer envisage my life without Harry. I had experienced it once already, and had struggled through nearly every second. Yet as terrifying as it was to imagine us not being together, it also wasn't frightening at all. Because I just couldn't picture my future without him, and was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, that was because my future was indeed with him. It seemed ridiculous to be having these thoughts at twenty two years old, after knowing him for less than a year, but I had simply never encountered this depth of feeling for another person.

He was The One for me, too. I felt it in every fibre of my being.

Our time apart had made us appreciate each other even more, and I felt closer to him than ever. And from what he had just said, he felt exactly the same way about me.

I gave him another squeeze before pulling away and standing on my tiptoes to give him a (very wet) kiss.

"I have to go, or I'll miss my flight," I said reluctantly, and he nodded.

"I'll be in touch every day," he promised, tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. "I'll be on my US number, don't forget, not my usual one."

He leaned down and kissed me again, and I fought the urge to throw my arms around his neck, as it would only prolong the inevitable. And I would be seeing him again in two weeks anyway - I needed to man up.

"Do you want me to walk you to Security Control?" he offered, but I shook my head.

"I'll be fine. Besides, I don't want another emotional goodbye in front any stray paparazzi," I told him.

He hugged me one last time, and I walked to the door of the private room, adjusting my bag on my shoulder and smiling a goodbye at Dale.

"Text me when you land," he called.

"Ditto," I called back, and blew him a kiss over my shoulder as I left the room.

I passed through security and then settled into a comfy chair in the departure lounge with a Starbucks coffee and my phone for company. Before I had even unlocked it, a text had come through.

From: Harry: I love you. I miss you already xxx

I beamed as I texted him back.

To: Harry: I love you and miss you too, Squidge xxx

I spent half an hour looking through my camera roll, starting with the pictures from the past week in LA and scrolling back as far as it went. I now deeply regretted deleting all my original pictures of us from the beginning of our relationship and wished there was a way to recover those amazing memories. Even my tour tshirts and old concert tickets were gone. If only I had known then that eventually we would sort everything out and grow closer than ever. Hindsight was a wonderful thing.

My flight was called on time, and I boarded the plane and took my seat in first class. Once we were in the air I shoved my earbuds in, closed my eyes, reclined my seat and blasted Little White Lies on full volume. I may have binned all my One Direction memorabilia, but nothing could top the memory of Harry's lips on mine, his fingertips against my skin and the passion that sizzled between us the night we had first met.

I wasn't sure I believed in fate, but I was in no doubt that I had definitely been in the right place at the right time that night. The chemistry between us had ignited a fire that still burned as strong as it had eight months ago, and was showing no signs of fizzling out. I couldn't imagine it ever would.

We had been through so much in such a short space of time, yet our hardships had only strengthened us. We had both made mistakes but had learned from them, and although at the time I'd wanted nothing more than the pain and heartbreak to be over, I couldn't help thinking that it had been good for us in the long run. It seemed as though we were finally armed to face whatever life threw at us. No matter what that might be.

---***---

Thanks for being patient waiting for this update! I know I don't post chapters as often as I used to, but I'm doing my best to keep them as frequent as I can! Keep the votes and comments coming, I read every single one even if I don't respond to them all. Hearing your theories, your praise and even your frustrations really inspires me! I appreciate every single one of you, so don't be afraid to say hi ❤ xx

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