6 - Start Again And Find Somebody

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"Don't let her go!" I heard Karen shout to Harry as I walked down the corridor to the stairs. "Go after her! She's going to the press!"

The door to the stairwell swung shut behind me, cutting off her voice and plunging me into silence. There was no way I was going to the press about this, but I couldn't help but smile at the thought that Karen was clearly beside herself at having just wound me up and sent me off, with no legalities in place preventing me from saying what I wanted to anyone who would listen.

When I reached Reception, Antos was sitting in a chair texting, and he got to his feet when he saw me.

"Can you take me home, please?" I asked.

As we walked out into the car park I caught sight of Harry's Range Rover in one of the parking bays - how had I missed that on the way in?

Antos let me into the back seat and as he shut the door behind me I fumbled in my bag for my phone, and suddenly remembered Harry's overreaction when I had tried to look at his phone. What the hell had that all been about? Was he really texting someone else so soon after we had finished? Or had he been doing it all along and I had been too naive to see it? Was it Nadine? Were they getting back together? I felt sick at the thought.

I saw Karen come striding out of the front door, and as she approached the car and bent down I rolled my eyes. I slid the window down and was inwardly pleased to see she looked harrassed, and there was a huge water mark on the front of her skirt.

"Please don't sell your story," she said, in the kindest tone I'd ever heard from her. It was funny really, how she was so good at being nice to get what she wanted.

"Why not?" I asked. "What have you ever done for me? What makes you think I want to do you any favours?"

"I'm not asking for me. I'm asking for Harry. Everything I said before still stands. He doesn't deserve this."

"So if it's so important to Harry, why isn't he out here asking me himself?"

Karen sighed. "Harry's not himself."

"I don't even know who Harry is!" I laughed shortly. "This whole episode was a joke. A farce. I just want to go back home, to my own boring life and enjoy being able to be a normal person again, without all this drama and interference."

"Then going to the media is that last thing you want to do," she began.

I rolled my eyes and pressed the button to wind the window back up again. "Bye Karen."

I think she realised she wasn't getting anywhere, because she stood back up again and watched as the car reversed out of the parking bay and drove back down the ginnel to the security gates. I refused to look back at her until we had turned onto the road, and as I peered back up the ginnel I could just see her standing in the car park alone, staring after us.

Harry clearly couldn't have been that bothered, because he hadn't even come after me, despite Karen telling him to. I couldn't understand it. It seemed to be Karen more than Harry who was so panicked about how the public would be treating him. It was almost like he had given up worrying about it. It seemed a far cry from his confession a couple of weeks ago that he was terrified of the fans dropping him like a stone once something more exciting came along. None of this added up.

Why wouldn't he look at me the whole time I was there? Why wouldn't he speak to me? I could have understood if I had been the one who had been unfaithful, and therefore he hated me, but it had been Harry who had ruined everything. He was the one who had cheated. He was the one who had ended it, despite me offering to try and work it out. So why was he acting like the one with the problem? It just didn't make any sense.

I obsessed about it non-stop over the next few days, and I was relieved when Callie suggested some drinks on Saturday night to take my mind off things. She seemed particularly keen to get me out of the house so I agreed to go to The Rose Garden, and she arrived at 8.30pm in a taxi to pick me up.

"You look amazing," she said as I slid onto the back seat. "Have you lost weight?"

"Not intentionally," I grimaced.

That's what a broken heart does to you. Particularly when it's been ripped in two by one of the most amazing men on the planet. Famous - I meant famous.

As soon as we walked into The Rose Garden I caught sight of Nick Grimshaw sitting at a table next to the bar with a group of friends, including James, Callie's boyfriend.

"Are you joking?" I muttered to Callie as she waved enthusiastically and began to weave her way through the tables towards them.

"You can't avoid everyone who knows Harry Styles forever," she said out of the corner of her mouth.

"Wha - he's the only person we know who knows Harry!" I protested as Nick caught my eye and broke into a smile. I smiled back shyly and looked away, but he stood up as we drew level with the table.

"Jessie darling!" he cooed, and threw his arms around me in a hug.

"Hi Grimmy," I said, trying to not sound as awkward as I was feeling.

"I'm starting to get a complex," he joked. "Everytime we meet like this you look like you want to commit suicide as soon as you see me."

"Sorry," I smiled. "It's nothing personal."

"I promise not to mention his name once," he said, holding his hands up, and I nodded.

"Yes, yes, Harry's a prick," Callie gabbled. "Sit down, Jess. Here." She pulled out a chair for me a few seats down from Grimmy. "There's someone I want you to meet. This is Adam." (She said his name deliberately loudly.) Both Nick and I looked down at the guy sitting next to the empty seat she had pulled out for me. "This is your Plan B," she continued, and I saw her throw a defiant look at Nick.

"Adam is a friend of James' at work," she added. "His parents own an art gallery in Camden and he loves live music. You have so much in common!"

I wanted the ground to swallow me up; not only because of the embarrassment of being shamelessly set up with this poor guy, but for Callie's lack of discretion and undisguised attempt to involve Grimmy in this. To his credit, Grimmy just grinned and shrugged, and sat back down with his friends. I slipped my jacket off, smiled a hello at James, and sat down self-consciously next to Adam.

"Hi," he smiled. "I had absolutely nothing to do with this, I promise."

I smiled back wryly. "That doesn't surprise me. Callie's like a bulldozer most of the time. I dread to think what she's told you."

"Just that she had a beautiful friend called Jess who she thought I'd enjoy getting to know," he said, his blue eyes twinkling.

I smiled in spite of myself. "I imagine that's the heavily edited version, but OK."

"So will you let me buy you a drink?" he asked, standing up.

"Um, OK, thanks," I said. "I'll have a white wine, please."

Adam disappeared to the bar and I leaned forward in my chair to scold Callie.

"What the hell was that?" I hissed.

"You needed to go in the Right Direction," she emphasised loudly, so it was impossible for Grimmy not to hear. "He's dreamy isn't he? And the best part is, he doesn't need you sign a contract before you go on a date with him! I mean, who knew?!"

"Shut up!" I hissed. "I never signed a contract with Harry and you know that! Stop stirring it!"

"Oh come on, Jess," she said. "This is exactly what you need. Something to take your mind off Harry No-Style. And Adam is such a sweet guy."

"Let me be the judge of that," I snapped, and I sat back in my chair, indicating the conversation was closed.

My heart was pounding at the mention of Harry's name, and my stomach had already been churning the minute I'd laid eyes on Nick. This was too soon, all of it. I wasn't ready.

Adam appeared at my side with a glass of white wine and a pint of beer. He sat down next to me and smiled. "Sorry you got coerced into this," he said.

"I wasn't exactly coerced," I said. "I just didn't know anything about it. It's not your fault."

He nodded slowly. "I didn't know you were still with your ex when I texted you a few weeks ago," he said. "I'm not the sort of guy to chase after someone else's girl."

"It's fine, it was a sort of on-again-off-again kind of thing," I said, looking away. "It was no big deal, really. It's over now, anyway."

"OK, well at the risk of speaking out of turn, it's his loss," he said with a smile.

I forced a smile back. "Yeah," I said.

"So, what do you do?" Adam asked.

And so it went on. The awkward first-date-getting-to-know-each-other conversation; stilted, forced, unnatural... or maybe that was just me. His blue eyes were the wrong shade of green. His hair was too short and too straight.

The wine kept flowing, and with every sip I slowly relaxed and began to take this for what it was - just a casual conversation with someone I had never met before. He wasn't so bad, really. In fact, Callie had been right; he was actually a nice guy. It wasn't his fault he wasn't Harry Styles.

"So what d'ya say I give you a text sometime and maybe I could take you out for a drink?" he suggested after we had been talking and laughing for about two hours.

I hesitated. Did I want this to go any further? Not really. But would it do me any harm to at least go on one date with this guy and get to know him a bit better before I made a judgement on him?

"OK," I agreed.

"Well don't sound too enthusiastic," he teased.

"Sorry," I laughed. "I didn't mean to take so long to decide. Yes, I'd like that."

"Great," he smiled. "Let me get some more drinks in."

"No, I'll get these," I said. "It's my turn."

I stood up to go to the bar but he stood up too. "No, really," he said. "Let me get them."

"Nope," I shook my head. "I pay my way."

He smiled at me and his gaze dropped to my lips. Suddenly I knew what he was going to do, and I didn't react quick enough to stop him. He leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on my mouth, and I let him.

"Sorry," he said, as he pulled away after a second. "I didn't mean to be so forward."

"Um, OK," I said, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks.

"I've messed this up, haven't I?" he sighed. "I'm being way too pushy."

"Let's just get to know each other first, OK?" I said.

"At least let me buy you that drink now, by way of an apology for invading your space like that," he said.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Go on then, seeing as you're so pushy about that as well."

His face dropped. "Oh god - I -" he began.

I grinned. "It's fine. I'm just teasing you," I said.

He breathed out and smiled, and turned away to the bar.

I sat back down and looked at Callie who was staring at me open-mouthed.

"Oh my God," she said. "I never could have predicted that."

"It's no big deal," I sighed. "I would have pushed him away but he took me by surprise. It wasn't so bad, really."

Nick and a couple of others stood up, and Nick leaned over to me. "We're heading off," he said. "Good to see you, honey. Take care."

"You too," I smiled. "See you again, no doubt."

"I'm sure you will," he smiled back.

They left, and about ten seconds later I looked up and saw Sarah and Nicki walking in to the bar. Sarah caught my eye and gave me a confused smile as she approached us.

"Hello!" she said. "What are you doing here?" She nodded a hello to Callie, and she and Nicki both pulled up chairs and sat down at our table.

"Just on a night out," I explained. "You've literally just missed Nick Grimshaw."

"What?!" Sarah said in dismay. She pulled her phone out and began looking through Twitter at Nick Grimshaw's page.

"Sorry," I said. "I would have texted you if I'd known you were out."

We chatted for a couple of minutes and Sarah continued to scroll through Twitter. Suddenly I heard the tinny sounds of a crowd screaming, and a voice I recognised that sent chills down my spine shouting "OOHH YEAH!"

I gasped and looked over at Sarah's phone.

"Sorry," she said hastily. "It was a video of their concert last night on Twitter. I opened it by mistake. Sorry, Jess."

"It's fine," I mumbled. "That's not last night, anyway. That's from Cardiff."

"No it's not," Sarah said. "They played Oslo last night."

"Yeah, I know," I said, patiently. "But that clip is from their second Cardiff show. It's Harry shouting - " I swallowed hard - "Harry shouting 'oh yeah.'"

"Yes I know," she laughed. "But trust me, it's Oslo."

"But Harry did the 'oh baby yeah' thing in Cardiff," I argued.

Sarah gave me a strange look. "Yes," she said slowly. "He started it the night after our show. And he's done it every show since then."

I stared at her, my heart dropping to my shoes. "What?" I said in disbelief.

"What's the big deal?" she asked. "Apart from the fact that he did it at every show apart from ours, which means we didn't witness that beautiful act in the flesh?"

I said nothing but stared at her.

"Jess, I don't get it," she said uncertainly. "What's the matter?"

"Let me see," I said faintly. "Please."

Sarah handed me her phone and I pressed play on the video. Harry came into view wearing a yellow shirt and black skinnies, shouting, "Say 'OH YEAH!'". The crowd screamed OH YEAH! "Now say OOOHHHHH YEAHHHHHH!" Harry shouted, and the crowd echoed him, amongst the screams.

Sarah was right - it wasn't the second Cardiff show. I knew this because Harry was wearing a completely different outfit.

My hands were shaking as I stopped the video and handed Sarah back her phone.

"And he's definitely done that at every show?" I asked hoarsely.

"Yes," she said, looking completely lost. "What's going on, Jess? What's the significance?"

"It was... it's a..." It's a private joke between us, I finished in my head."It's nothing. Forget it," I said. "I think I'm drunk. I need to go home."

"What?" Callie's head snapped up.

"I'm just going to jump in a cab," I muttered. "Sorry. You stay here."

"But it's still early!" she protested. "Adam's getting you a drink!"

"Tell him I had to go and I'm sorry," I said, picking up my coat and bag, my lip trembling.

"Jess," Sarah called as I walked towards the door, but I didn't look back.

I stepped out onto the pavement and hailed a passing taxi. I closed the door just as I saw Callie step out of the door looking for me and I gave her a small wave as the taxi turned around and headed in the direction of my flat.

I leaned my head back on the seat and let the tears slide down my cheeks.

How could Harry shout those words again so easily in front of thousands of people, knowing they had started off as a private joke between us? And in front of Niall, who also knew the significance of it and who had laughed along openly on stage in Cardiff when Harry had done it the first time?

The realisation that he really and truly had never loved me was beginning to sink in. If I had meant even half as much to him as he had to me there was no way he would have been able to share such a personal joke with the fans, even though they had no idea what it meant. Unless he had made those stupid noises with other girls before, and it was just his own joke he had shared with me on that one occasion in the hotel in Cardiff? I wasn't sure which was worse.

He'd barely spoken to me at the Modest offices. He'd barely even looked at me. He'd made every attempt to get away from me, and hadn't come after me despite Karen yelling at him to stop me from leaving. He hadn't fought for me. He hadn't loved me. And it was about time I got over him.

I pulled my phone out and sent a quick text to Callie.

To: Callie: Sorry for rushing off. Come round tomorrow afternoon and I'll explain. Please tell Adam I'm sorry, and ask him to text me xxx

I flung my phone back in my bag. Maybe Callie was right. I just needed to move on, and going on a date with a nice, good-looking guy seemed like the best way to go about it.

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