23 - Coming To Find Me

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Adam had gone to a lot of trouble on Saturday, and took advantage of the nice weather by taking me to Hyde Park for a picnic. It was a beautiful day, and we spread out a red checked picnic blanket on the grass and sat there all afternoon eating mini sandwiches, delicious cakes, chocolate covered strawberries and drinking ice cold Prosecco. I had to hand it to him - he got ten out of ten for effort.

After we'd eaten we lay side by side on the blanket talking about anything and everything, and watching the people of Hyde Park go about their business. We watched dog walkers, rollerbladers, joggers, fellow sunbathers and families going past, and passed comment on everyone, deciding who looked most likely to have a shady past, who had a secret crush on who, and trying to guess people's professions. It was fun.

As the afternoon drew into the evening we packed up our things and kissed goodbye outside Marble Arch tube station. I refused Adam's invitation to go back to his flat for the evening, as I knew where he wanted this to lead, and something was still holding me back. I liked him, he was a really great guy, but I couldn't deny I was still hung up on Harry, and in all honesty I was terrified of jumping into bed with anyone else, in case my thoughts betrayed me and I accidentally said the wrong name. It was a risk I wasn't prepared to take, and I didn't think it was fair to Adam either.

I hadn't heard from Harry again, and I hadn't got back in touch with Gemma to confirm a lunch date either. I was mad busy at work the following week, and was surprised when I got into work on Friday morning to find Emma hovering by my desk.

"Hi!" she said brightly. "Have you heard One Direction's new single?! They released it out of nowhere this morning! In reaction to Zayn signing a new record deal!"

"Zayn's signed a new record deal?!" I yelped, forgetting I wasn't supposed to care about One Direction anymore. "Since when?!"

Emma face lit up as she slid into the chair opposite me. "Since yesterday!" she told me excitedly. "RCA Records tweeted a picture of him, welcoming him to the RCA family, or some twaddle, and then bam! One Direction released a surprise single without any warning!"

"Wow," I breathed. "That's great. Is it Drag Me Down?"

Emma stared at me, her mouth falling open, and I quickly averted my eyes. I'd forgotten I wasn't supposed to have heard it yet. "Yes," she said slowly. "Care to tell me how you already know that?"

I looked up to see her wiggling her eyebrows at me.

I cleared my throat nervously. "Um, Harry mentioned it weeks ago in passing. But I haven't really spoken to him since," I added quickly, eager to divert the barrage of questions I could sense was coming.

"Just how involved with this band are you?" she asked in a low whisper.

"Not at all," I said flatly. "I haven't spoken to any of them in ages. I didn't know about Zayn, or the single release, as you can probably tell."

"Is Louis a good kisser?" she fired.

"No idea," I replied. "If you're referring to that picture that was all over the internet, it was clever photography. I was stood next to him, that's all."

Emma pulled a disappointed face, and I couldn't help smiling at her.

"Sorry," I said. "I can't give you any gossip because I don't know any."

I stood up to take my bag to the staff room, and as I pulled my phone out to switch it onto Silent, I saw a message blinking at me. I sighed.

From: Harry: We released Drag Me Down today x

To: Harry: So I believe. Congrats. Hope it gets to number one.

I was just about to shove my phone in my locker, when I felt it vibrate in my hand.

From: Harry: Me too. Don't suppose you've changed your mind about meeting up for coffee next week? x

To: Harry: Nope.

I shoved my phone away hastily before it could distract me with any more texts, but I would soon discover that it didn't have to be pinging with messages to distract me. Just the mere thought of a potential reply from Harry was enough to occupy my thoughts constantly until lunchtime. I tried to pretend my quickened pace back to my locker at twelve o'clock on the dot was due to my hunger, but I couldn't deny the disappointment I felt when I pulled my phone out again, my hands trembling, only to find I had no new messages.

~~~~

August 2015

At the last minute I decided to visit my parents that weekend, much to Adam's and Callie's disappointment, particularly as the following weekend I had already decided to stay in Cardiff because of a work night out on the Saturday night and an early start on the Monday morning. In the back of my mind I knew Harry was due home sometime around the second weekend in August, and I didn't want to be in London because I half expected him to turn up at my flat or something equally as ridiculous, purely because of this strange desire he seemed to have to meet up with me. In fairness, I hadn't heard from him after I had dismissed his invitation again, but I just had a nagging feeling this wasn't over, so I wanted to put as much distance between us as I could while I knew he was back in the country.

Obviously Emma knew nothing concrete about my history with Harry, and therefore took great pleasure in showing me the pictures on Twitter of the boys filming the video for Drag Me Down while we were on our work night out, and hassled me with questions about them, all of which I managed to deflect with ease. It was testament to the time I had spent with Harry, that I knew how to answer questions about the band without actually giving anything away, and I briefly thought he would be proud of me for answering so vaguely and protecting his privacy, before this idea caused a lump to form in my throat and I quickly swallowed it and focussed on my workmates' drunken antics instead.

Adam called me late on in the evening, and I could only blame the alcohol in my system for my invitation to him to come and visit me that week in Cardiff as I knew he had some time booked off work. He agreed instantly, and then said hesitantly, "I'll see if I can get a room in the same hotel as you."

I only paused momentarily, before I replied, "It's OK. You can stay with me."

"Um, are you sure?" he asked softly. "It's no problem for me to book my own room."

"No," I said firmly. I had put this off long enough. "I'd like you to stay with me. In my room," I clarified, and then cringed at my drunken obviousness.

Adam chuckled. "OK. No pressure though, Jess. I'm just really looking forward to seeing you."

"Me too," I squeaked. "Let me know what night you plan to come up and I'll book the following day off work."

I ended the call feeling satisfied that I was taking back control of my life, and no longer letting Harry bloody Styles influence my decisions.

I woke up late on Sunday morning to a text from Adam saying he would come and stay Monday and Tuesday night with me in Cardiff, so I quickly logged on to the holiday tracker on my laptop and booked Tuesday off work, and then spent a couple of hours looking online for inspiration of what to do and where to go. I knew the picnic in Hyde Park had set the bar fairly high, but I wanted to make an effort to plan something nice for us, as he had gone to so much trouble for me.

I was in work early on Monday for a team meeting, and then took an early lunch. I was back at my desk just after twelve and had been buried in my reports for about fifteen minutes when my desk phone rang. I recognised the number on my display as being the London office.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Jess?" Sarah's voice came breathlessly down the phone.

"Hi!" I said, joyfully. "How are you?"

"Fine, fine," she said nervously. "Oh my God - Jess - you're not going to believe this."

"What?" I asked. "Have you got gossip? Have you and Gary finally got it together?"

"What - no don't be silly!" she said, her voice shaking. "Oh my God. OK. Don't freak out."

"What's going on?" I laughed.

"Harry," she said. "Harry's just been here. Asking for you."

My stomach dropped. "What?" I whispered.

"He just turned up," she breathed. "He was in Reception. Amy told him you weren't working here at the moment and I don't think he believed her, so he - he asked for me instead. Honestly, Jess, I got the fuckıng shock of my life. She rang my extension and asked me to come out to Reception because someone was here to see me, she was being all muffled and weird, and when I walked out he was just fųcking standing there, in his fuckïng skinny jeans with his hair in a mun. I nearly fücking fainted."

The room seemed suddenly to be spinning.

"Jess?" Sarah was saying. "Jess, are you there? Are you alright?"

"Fine," I croaked. "I'm fine. Oh God. I'm shaking." My hands could hardly hold the phone still against my ear. My insides were trembling. "What did he say to you?" I asked.

"He asked where you were. I didn't tell him, I just said you'd transferred to another branch and you wouldn't be back for ages. He said he needed to see you, it was important. He looked so sad, Jess. He just stared at me when I told him you weren't here. Those eyes... oh my God. And then when I finally convinced him I was telling the truth he just put his sunglasses on and turned and walked to the door. I just fuckıng stood there, staring after him like a loser, with my mouth hanging open and he turned round and caught me drooling - it was so embarrassing - and he just said in this sad little voice, 'Thanks Sarah. Sorry for barging in like this.' And then he left."

"Fųck!" I hissed. "Why is he doing this? Why won't he leave me alone?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"He's texted me a few times, asking me to meet up, and I keep saying no," I explained.

"No waaaaay," she whispered.

"Thank heaven I wasn't there," I muttered. "I don't think I'd be able to say no to him in person."

"Still?" she said, and then quickly added, "But I suppose it is Harry Styles. Hard to say no to him. I get it."

"Thanks for the tip off," I sighed. "No doubt I'll have another message from him when I finish work. You definitely didn't tell him where I was?"

"No of course not," she answered. " I promise."

"OK good," I nodded. "Thanks, Sarah."

We said goodbye and I sat at my desk, my stomach churning. I was tempted to retrieve my phone from my locker to see if Harry had texted me again, but decided to be stubborn and not give into temptation. I spent the afternoon with my head in my hands staring down at my work, trying to concentrate but regularly letting my mind wander to Harry.

I needed to snap out of it. I had a date with Adam tonight. He would be arriving around eight o'clock and I had booked a table at a Mexican restaurant, which I was really looking forward to.

When five o'clock came, I checked my phone to see I had three missed calls from Harry around midday, which coincided with when he would have been at my office in London, and a text from Adam just after four o'clock saying he would be leaving London shortly and would see me soon.

I shoved my phone in my bag and then faffed around gathering my things together. As I was walking through reception I heard Emma shout me, so I waited while she caught up with me, a member of her team in tow.

"Jess!" she said breathlessly as she drew level with me. "This is Claire. She's going to London tomorrow and she wants to know where Louis is hosting that charity ball on Wednesday."

We walked through the doors and outside into the afternoon sunshine.

"What charity ball?" I asked, smiling at Claire.

"For the Believe In Magic charity," Claire said, but I looked blankly at her.

"Sorry, you've lost me," I said.

"Louis, from One Direction," she explained, and my stomach gave a somersault. "He's hosting a charity ball on Wednesday at a secret location in London. I wanted to see if I could catch a glimpse of the boys but I don't know where it's being held."

"I thought you might know, with your connections," Emma offered.

I shook my head. "I don't really have connections," I told them. "I don't know anything about it, sorry."

"Oh, OK," Claire said, looking disappointed. "Thanks anyway. Hey, is Harry as lovely in real life as he seems on TV?"

My heart lurched at her words, and my stomach began twisting into knots. "Lovelier," I sighed. When he's not shagging My Little Pony, I added to myself, and disguised my smirk as a smile.

"Really?" they both swooned, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes," I said, patiently.

"Why is he always so mysterious?" Emma asked, adjusting the strap of her bag over her shoulder.

"He's not," I replied. "He's just private. He doesn't have to share his life with the world. Why should he? He gets enough intrusion."

"Did he sleep with that model in New York?" Claire asked, squinting in the sunlight.

My heart began to pound, but I kept my voice steady. "Don't believe everything you read in the papers," I said. "Most of it is bullshıt; twisted and embellished to create a story."

"So he didn't?" she pressed.

I shrugged. "You'd have to ask Harry."

"If he wasn't going out with you, how come he never denied the rumours?" Emma wondered, and I got the impression this had been on her mind for a while.

"Why should he?" I replied. "He shouldn't have to answer every speculation about his private life. It nobody else's business."

"He must get sick of it," Claire mused.

"He's grateful to the fans for sticking up for him," I said carefully. "And he knows he wouldn't have had the success he's had without their support. Anyway, I've got to go. I need to catch the bus."

"See you!" they both called, and they walked off in the opposite direction as I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Talking about Harry and One Direction required full concentration. It was downright stressful.

"Thanks for sticking up for me," said a familiar voice, that caused my stomach to twist so sharply I felt physically sick.

I snapped my head round so fast it caused a crick in my neck, and I stared open mouthed at the slight figure walking awkwardly towards me with his hands shoved in his pockets. He looked exactly as Sarah had described - wearing black skinny jeans with his hair in a mun.

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