L E O N I E

Things changed fast after Amy and Ethan split up. I mean, she'd been drifting from us before they made their break up official. But it felt different once we were all back at school. She didn't sit with Jess and I in homeroom. She moved to a new cooking group in food tech. She left the group chat. I never believed that friends who were opposites couldn't work out. It was all in the respect that you had for each other.

But she made it clear that she felt, she didn't belong with us. She spent more time with Yulia and her club friends. And as the weeks went on, she seemed happier. Happier than I'd seen her in a long time. So did Ethan. He stuck close with us though and I could see the shift in him. He was more relaxed. Less on edge due to the fact that there was no arguments that he had to dodge.

On Friday at school, I wandered down the locker corridor, reading a text from Heath - we had the baby's twelve week scan on Monday - when I saw Amy coming from the other direction. She had her head down, reading a letter with an enormous smile on her face. She looked up before we bumped into each other.

"Oh, hey," she folded the paper up and slipped it into her shoulder bag. Her gaze flickered down to my stomach. It was quick. "How are you?"

"Great," I smiled.

It was still a secret that I was pregnant. I figured I'd get through as much school as possible before I had to leave. My grades were good at the moment. Thanks to Heath. He helped me a lot. I'd even been accepted to University of Miami on early acceptance. I hadn't turned down the spot but I did need to get on with that and give them a call.

"How are you?" I asked and pointed at her bag. "You looked excited about something?"

"Yeah. That was an acceptance letter. To the University of California. They have the top veterinary program and I'm going to be joining it."

"Congratulations," I said. It was sincere too. That was impressive. She'd worked hard for it. "Wow. California, huh? That's a big move."

She shrugged. "Good thing there's nothing keeping me here."

That was sort of awkward. But I nodded along and decided not to get into it with her. I hadn't exactly been a big advocate for her and Ethan remaining together. In fact, I'd been vocal as hell about letting go of their relationship. It was a toxic mess and they were both better for it ending.

"You didn't have to stop being friends with the rest of us, you know?" We moved over for a group of sophomores filing through the corridor, loud chatter and excitement echoed in the halls. "You and Ethan split up. It didn't mean that the rest of us wanted to split up with you."

She made a pssh sound with her mouth, amused it would seem. "I didn't fit in. I didn't fit in for a long time. You were all so close and I was on the outs. No matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to fit like you and Jess did. Neither of you had to do a damn thing apart from be yourselves, and the guys loved you. But if I was my true self, I was teased. And it made me resentful and angry. I'm actually relieved to be away from that toxic environment."

"You're kidding, right?" I blinked. "When you told us that you were going vegan, we were all like, alright, that's cool. But then it started. The lectures and the judgement. You'd have a go at all of us for eating meat or drinking or doing this, that and the next thing. So we might have started teasing, but we never put you down the way that you did to us."

"Yeah, well when all of you were constantly picking on my lunches or clothes, it made me a little defensive. It was hard to be heard between you and Bray and even Jess. So forgive me if I spoke up and defended the fact that I was who I was and refused to change."

I felt like pulling my hair out. "No one expected you to change. We just didn't want you to attempt to change us. It was constant lectures and arguments and being made to feel like none of us were good enough. If you'd just done you and left the rest of us to be who we are, there never would have been a problem."

"Well I guess when you're passionate about something," she said. "You want to share those passions with other people."

"You have to let people ask first. You have to share in a way that makes people want to listen. Being a bitch isn't going to work. Ever. And then there's the fact that you told me to get rid of my baby. Like, who do you actually think you are?"

Her expression softened and her shoulders fell. "I am sorry about that," she mumbled. "I was upset about Ethan. It was just. . . projecting and I didn't mean it. You'll be a good mom."

"I know."

She sighed and glanced around at the corridor which was quiet again. For a long pause, she said nothing and then, when she looked at me, I really could have believed that she had regrets about how it had all gone down.

"At home, it's just me and dad. Always has been. And I've never had to fight to be heard. Not like I did when it came to our group," her brows pinched, like she was realising something and then she shrugged. "We all would have drifted after high school. Grown apart. Moved on. It's not a big deal. It just is what it is."

I agreed but I still would have tried to include her. If that was what she wanted.

"How is he?" She asked, referring to Ethan. "I heard that he's seeing Jade?"

I kept a neutral expression. He had hooked up with Jade. Just once. It had surprised me when it happened. After all, it had only been six weeks since their split. But it wasn't more than a one night stand.
"He's not seeing Jade. But he's good. I'm not going to lie and pretend that I thought you two should stay together. It just wasn't going to work."

"I know," she nodded and tucked a piece of her shoulder length hair behind her ear. "Even if he was seeing her, that'd be fine. He can do what he wants."

She didn't mean that. I could tell from the hurt in her voice when she asked about Jade. It takes longer than six weeks not to care when your ex moves on. But Amy wouldn't admit that.

"How about you?" I asked. "Seeing someone?"

She shook her head and swallowed. Whatever she was about to tell me was a lie. I'd known her for too long. She had tells. "Nope. I'm not seeing anyone at the moment. It's too soon."

"Just casual sex then?"

She turned a rich red. "No! Look, I need to get to class. Take care, alright?"

She stepped around me and her shoes tapped the tiled floor until she reached the electric doors at the end of the corridor. I smiled to myself and genuinely wished her all the best. Perhaps I'd even invite her to the baby shower that I planned on having in the summer.

The next night, Saturday, the crew and half of the senior class were gathered at Jade's house. Bray was hosting a celebration for his football team winning the state championship game. Heath and I decided to go and of course, we were sober. Sarah had been here earlier. But just for a little while until Alex took her home because she was exhausted.

He was living with her now. At their house. Heath seemed to appreciate that he was such a huge help. He knew that if he needed to go out at night, or be at a lecture during Sarah's appointment or if he and I wanted some time to ourselves, Sarah was in good hands. I think it took a bit of pressure off Heath and that meant a lot to me.

We stood beside the front door, my back was to Heath's chest and his chin rested on my head while we watched Bray and Jess drunkenly serenading each other on the SingStar machine. Someone had the bright idea to create a karaoke competition. It sounded horrible but I couldn't stop laughing.

Jade wandered over to us with a cup in her hand and a frown on her face. Her dreads were long, down to her lower back and her oversized hoodie was being used as a dress.

"Hey," she pouted and threw the rest of her drink back. "Heath, is Damien here? I need a super causal cleansing screw."

I felt Heath recoil behind me. "Excuse me?"

She pointed at the far corner of the room where Ethan was. With his tongue in Quinn's mouth. He had the petite girl pressed against the wall, her tousled black locks were tangled in his fist. I didn't see the problem. I loved Quinn. She was cute and gorgeous and super hot when she wore those little shorts and long socks. But coming from Jade's perspective, I could see how that would sting.

"I didn't think you liked him?" I said. "I thought that was casual hook up? You had your turn. Move on."

"I don't like him," she snapped. "But it was fun. I wouldn't mind doing it again. And now he's getting with my roommate."

Her expression turned into one of disgust. Suppose that would be a bit awkward for someone who cared. Personally I didn't think that it was that serious. Ethan was newly single and he was doing what newly single dudes did. It was hardly shocking.

We all looked back over at the other side of the room and saw Ethan backing Quinn into her bedroom. They remained attached at the mouth and the door slammed shut a moment later. Jade was so full of shit. I could tell from her expression that she was crushing on him harder than she wanted to admit.

"Dude," Bray nudged me in the shoulder, mildly out of breath after his karaoke session. He'd wandered over and left Jess to battle her next opponent. Such a drunk mess. Bray rested his hands on his hips and gestured at Quinn's bedroom. "What's with baby face Ethan getting all of the college girls?"

"He is not baby faced," Jade sounded outraged. "His cheekbones and jaw are so sharp. He's got the most masculine facial structure and a gorgeous body. He just happens to have smooth beautiful skin."

Bray stared at his sister with furrowed brows. "I should be upset that my best friend slept with my sister, right?" He looked at Heath and I and raised a brow. "Right?"

"I'm the wrong person to ask," I said. "I don't have a sibling. I think the general consensus is that it's a big disrespect on bro code. But I don't see the issue to be honest. Unless he intentionally hurt her. Which he hasn't. Jade just needs to move on."

Jade's blank stare was disapproving. Instead of giving a response, she turned around and disappeared into the crowd. A crowd of teenagers and college students who were high, drunk, stupid and in the case of a few, half naked. It was hard to believe that less then a year ago, I was in the same boat as the rest of them.

There was a reason that you didn't find pregnant girls at house parties or clubs. Being sober among a crowd of inebriated morons was a stress that no unborn child needed to experience. I mean, I could only talk shit because I was sober right now. Usually I'd be half cut as well. Still, I frowned at a girl stumbling past and adorned faux self righteousness as I turned around and leaned into Heath.

"Can we stop at the grocery store on the way home? I need ice cream and cake."

"You need?" He raised a brow and fought a smile. "You know that you don't need to ask me. If that's what you want."

I grinned and couldn't wait to leave. Lately, all I'd wanted was to be at home. Home was comfort. With the promise of sweet food, we said our good nights to our friends and drove to the store closest to my apartment. Tomorrow was blob Sunday so I figured I'd get some snacks for that too. I was usually a savoury girl. Over sweet. Fries and nuggets owned this bitch.

"My tongue wants some peaches and cream ice cream and a moist chocolate cake," I explained to Heath as we walked down the frozen food aisle hand in hand. "They're specific needs. Not any flavour will do. You feel me Gilmore?"

"I feel cold," he said and I looked up at his biceps, revealed in his T-shirt. I'd feel bad about the little goosebumps covering his arms but I was too busy staring at his solid muscle. Literally all he had to do was exist and I was aroused.

"You want my hoodie?" I offered. He looked down at me and laughed. "Na. I'm kidding. Your arm would split the sleeves in half."

He lightly scoffed and scanned the freezers full of ice cream.

"Heath?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, still searching for the flavour that I'd asked for while I stared at his gorgeous side profile.

"What did you want as a child?"

He looked down at me and his puzzlement was obvious. "What do you mean?"

"Did you ever think about kids or marriage or a career? Am I totally dismantling your plans and how you thought your life would go?"

A light laugh blew past his lips and he looked from one end of the aisle to the other. "Odd conversation for a late night supermarket run?"

"Look, I don't decide when I have the questions. They come and I ask. So?"

He tilted his head with a soft smile and nodded. "Alright. I always knew that I wanted to be a doctor. Always. Uh of course I thought that I'd get married and have a family. I guess I figured that it would come after I became a doctor. But I didn't obsess over the family fantasy. I just knew that it would happen when it happened. So no, you're not dismantling plans. I didn't have a lot of them set in concrete to begin with. I've been a one step at a time person for a long time."

I nodded. "Not that life gives a shit if you've got plans or not."

He smiled and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "Exactly."

He opened the freezer and found the ice cream that I wanted. We kept walking to the bakery department. Once again, my hand was in his. There was a familiar niggling in the back of my head. One that kept my chest a little bit tight.

"I've always wanted the picket fence thing," I said, casual. "Babies. Husband. All of that. I was super enthusiastic about romance before Benny died."

Heath stopped, so I stopped. I sort of had no choice but to stop. Especially seen as he was holding my hand and it was the equivalent to a hatchback trying to tow a truck. Wasn't gonna move. I looked up and saw his cautious stare, sadness in his gaze.

"I lost that part of me," I told him with a quieter voice. "I didn't think that I'd want it back. But I do now. You've been helping me find that side of myself and I love you."

"I love you too," he told me. I could tell that he was curious as to what had brought on the sudden confession session. But he was smiling and attempting to hide his confusion. "And I love him," his fingertips grazed across my stomach.

He needed to know. I knew that I should tell him the truth. About me. He was going to be the father of my child. It was the sort of thing that you told the person that you love and trust and planned on spending the rest of your life with.

"Heath—"

"Uh excuse me," a store clerk stood behind us, nervous and gangly. I almost wanted to strangle him for disturbing my momentum. "The store is closing. The warning announcement has gone out twice."

Heath took my hand again. "We just need a chocolate cake."

When we got back to my apartment, I winced at the state that I'd left it in. Heath looked around the kitchen as he placed the bag of treats on the countertop. Yeah I'd been a little tireder than usual. But it's not like there was mould growing in the sink or fruit flies eating rotten bananas.

Heath turned to me. "You wanna take your snack to bed?"

I shrugged and grabbed his hand. "Alright. Come on."

He laughed and gave me a tug so that I stepped into his embrace. His soft lips pressed a kiss against mine and I trembled. "I meant the ice cream. I'll clean up in here and then join you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I don't mind."

Irrational as it was, I couldn't help but grouch as I stomped over to the dishwasher, flung the door open and started piling plates into it while I hurled food boxes at the recycle bin. "I know. It looks like shit in here. I'll clean up. Just leave it alone."

"Leonie, I wasn't trying to give you a hard time. I just wanted to help."

"You know that we can't live together if this is going to be an issue right," I slammed the dishwasher shut and walked straight past him, grabbing the bag of food as I went. When I reached my bedroom, I pushed the door open and let it hit the wall with a thud. "Look at this place. You're so much tidier than me and this is going to be an ongoing argument."

Clothes flew from one side of the room to the other as I began hurling them at the closet. I kept on telling myself to chill out. This is why he needed to know. He did. And now I was too wound up to have the kind of calm conversation that I needed to have with him.

"Leonie—"

"It'd bother you, right?" I stared at him. "If I didn't keep the house clean enough?"

He sighed, folded his arms and leaned on the doorframe. I didn't like that he wasn't in the room. It made me feel like he was going to leave. It made me feel unsettled. "I don't love mess but it doesn't make me angry. And I wouldn't expect you to do it all anyway. Like I said before, I just wanted to help."

"Are you leaving?"

His brows pinched. "No. Unless you want me to go?"

"I don't want you to leave."

"Okay," he said, slowly. "Then I'll stay."

"Well stop hanging out by the door and come in then."

He walked into the room and sat on the bed. "Better?"

"Yeah."

"That escalated fast babe," he gave me a cautious smile. "You feeling alright? I'm guessing the hormones are getting intense?"

If only it were that simple. "Yeah," my shoulders relaxed as I looked at his gorgeous face. Gah. I was such an asshole. He was perfect. Slow to anger and patient. Supportive. "I'm sorry. That was—"

He stood up and the fast movement caught me off guard. Before I knew it, he had me in his arms and I had to tip my head back to meet his loved up look. "If I offer to help out," he said with a playful scold. "It's because I want to help out. And it has nothing to do with giving you a hard time. I'm not into that subtle manipulative put down, Leonie. If there's a problem, we'll talk about it."

"I love you," I let my head fall on his firm chest, his fingers went into my hair and I could feel my instability soothing. "Can we get into bed and eat food and watch Teen Mom?"

He laughed. "Teen Mom?"

"Jenelle makes me feel like I've got my shit together."

Monday wasn't my favourite at the best of times. Today's Monday was tipping right in the middle of exciting and dreadful. On the one hand, I got to leave school at twelve for the ultrasound. Which I was ecstatic about. On the other hand, I had an appointment with the guidance councillor before I left.

Truthfully I knew that we had some shit to talk about but I hated the appointments nonetheless. Back when Benny died, I'd stupidly agreed to monthly meetings until graduation. It wasn't all to do with Benny's death but that triggered a shit ton of events from there on out.

Bray and I were both on a free period. I was due at the office for my meeting in fifteen minutes and all I'd done with the last 45 was walk around with Bray while he talked about his college scholarship offers. He couldn't decide which one to accept.

"I mean I always figured that I'd stay in Miami," he said as we slowly descended down the staircase. The corridors were quiet and empty apart from a few other wandering students. "But I didn't realise that being given the offer to go to Texas or California would have me reconsidering. Ya know? But then I'm thinking about Jess and what she's doing."

"What about me bitch? Don't leave."