L E O N I E

Heath stared at me. Lips parted. Lashes fluttering with rapid blinking. I'd had two days to process the news that I was pregnant. I'd sort of come to terms with it. Sort of. I was still in shock. I had a whole damn human in my uterus. But still, the initial holy-shit-what-the-fûck moment had worn off. It was evident that Heath was going through that now.

My nerves and blubbering came from the fact that I was so damn scared of his reaction. Would he be mad? I mean, I was a little bit mad. I'd been on the pill. The only reason that I knew that I was pregnant in the first place was because I went for a renewal at the doctor and as part of the new prescription, I had to do a pregnancy test. It was standard. I'd done it a million times before.

What I hadn't done before was tell the doctor that I was going to sue his ass after he said in a calm and collected tone "oh Leonie. Were you aware that you're pregnant? This test is positive honey."

Yeah dipshit. I knew that I was pregnant. That's why I was in trying to get a renewal on my useless pill. Just to stop myself from getting pregnant again. Dumbass. He told me that it happened sometimes. The pill wasn't 100% effective. Well, I felt screwed. And not in the good way.

Heath swallowed and then he took me by surprise and engulfed me in a hug. A huge hug. One that wrapped right around me. His chin rested on my head and I could hear his heart pounding fast and hard against my cheek. "I'm here," he murmured. "However you need me. Whatever you want. I'm here."

Great. Now I was sobbing because affection when I was already fragile made me emotional.

"Leonie," he cupped my face again, forcing me to look up at him. "It's okay. It'll be okay."

"I'm sorry," I blubbered.

"Why? Why are you sorry baby? I was there too. Wasn't I? I was right?"

"Yes," I blinked and felt tears roll down my cheeks. "I'm sorry because I was on the pill. Something went wrong. I feel so fucking bad that I've put you in this situation."

"Don't do that," he shook his head and his thumbs swiped at my cheeks, drying the tears. "We were both responsible. I know that the pill isn't always effective. We've covered that in a few of our lectures."

He chuckled but it was a little unhinged. Like he was in a state of shock.

"But I don't blame you. I don't. Just talk to me. What are you feeling? Thinking? I mean, when did you find out?"

I exhaled and tried to stabilise my erratic breathing. "I found out two days ago. At an appointment to renew my pill. It was a standard pregnancy test with a not so standard result."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I wiped my face. "Because I was sort of scared that you'd be pissed. Like I'd tricked you into not using a condom so I could get knocked up on purpose."

"Yes I'd be the perfect man to trap. What with my no money and huge student loan. Don't forget, I still live at home. Who wouldn't want all of that."

"Excuse me. Look at you. Who wouldn't want to reproduce with all of that? Genetic lotto."

His expression softened into a sweet smile.

"But anyway. I was scared and I was also. . . processing. I just needed to let it sink in. It hasn't really. But I've come to terms with it. More than I was two days ago."

He opened his mouth like he was going to ask me something else. But instead, he looked behind me at his bed and then without warning, he snatched my hand and pulled me down onto his mattress, snuggling us under the covers. He put his arm under my head and I curled into his chest.

"What are we doing?" I asked.

"Just getting comfortable. So we can talk. You comfortable?"

"Yes." I felt more relaxed than I had in the last forty eight hours. Everything about him was soothing. His smell. His hold. His firm but soft chest.

"So," he kissed the top of my head. "You've come to terms with it. What does that mean?"

My heart sped up. I was in my safe place. With my safe person. But I was still nervous. "I think I want to keep it."

I waited for his reaction. For him to become rigid beneath me. Or his heart to pick up in panic. But he didn't.

"But. . . what do you want?"

"I want what you want, Leonie."

"That's not how this works," I argued. "This isn't a 'oh what do you want to eat babe' 'just whatever you're having' argument. I need to know what you want. Tell me what you think I should do."

"I can't do that, baby. I don't have the right to do that."

I sighed. "This would be so much easier if you weren't so sweet. You must feel something. You're not seriously finding out that you're going to be a father and just feeling. . . indifferent."

"I do feel something. But I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do."

"Fine. Let's start with what you feel. What is it?"

He held me tighter and pressed another kiss on my head. "Okay. Well I feel. . . nervous. I'm still in med school. You're in high school. We're both young. I don't have a lot of finances. But on the other hand, I've imagined all of this with you. Pictured a life together. I know that if you want to keep our baby, then I'm not dipping out. I'm there. And I'll love him or her because I love you."

I started to cry again. You know, like a mess.

There was that word again. The L word. The one that I felt but didn't want to say. Not right now. Now wasn't the right time. "I know it seems crazy," I sobbed and was glad that he couldn't see my ugly crying face. "But I do want to keep it. I just. . . do."

His hand slid down from my shoulder and rested on my waist. "We can do this. I can get a job an—"

"Stop," I declared with a flat tone. "First things first. This is not the archaic ages. You don't have to take the role of financial provider just because you're a man. I've actually thought about this and you're going to keep going to school. I have good savings. I've been saving half of my allowance since mom started working. Plus she contributes to it each birthday. I'm good. I'm in the position to take care of us. So I will. You can move in with me."

"Alright," he said slowly. "I can deal with continuing school. Although I really feel like I should get a job."

"If I'm capable of providing, that's what I'm doing. You have to finish school. If you could manage a job and studying and helping with Sarah, you'd be doing that right now. Just keep receiving student allowance and that'll be fine."

"Fine," I could hear his smile. "But the moving thing is a little harder. I don't know how I'd be able to leave mom and Sarah. It's kind of important for me to be here for her when mom is at work during the night."

"Okay so we don't move in together right away. That's okay."

"We'll play that one by ear."

The air felt a little thicker. Neither of us wanted to say it out loud. That eventually Sarah wouldn't be here and that was when we could discuss him moving in. That hurt. I'd rather she was alive and Heath didn't live with me than having to lose her.

We laid there in silence for a while. His fingers made slow circles on my side.

After a few minutes, his quiet voice mumbled, "we're going to have a baby."

"Merry Christmas."

Later that evening, Heath and I arrived at Bray and Jade's family home. We drove in our own cars so that he could go home tonight and be with Jazz and Sarah on Christmas morning. He originally wasn't even meant to be joining us for our Secret Santa exchange. But I was needy and wanted him with me. He just made me feel more settled. Happier.

Originally the event was meant to be at my apartment. But I asked if we could relocate when my Gran arrived for Christmas. Mom hadn't told me that the wrinkled wretch would be joining us. Bleh. Couldn't wait to see the disappointment on her old face when she found out that I was pregnant.

Bray's house was on Island Ave, Miami Beach. He and his parents lived in a three bedroom condo with a view of the beach. The living area was spacious. White walls, deep, rich hard wood floors and vibrant blue decor in the throw pillows and rug. A patio wrapped around the outside of their building floor. Thick white brick railing and an overhead shelter made it the perfect outdoor area. As well as the outdoor furniture and fold away patio doors.

We walked inside and found it decorated to perfection. White Christmas tree with purple and silver decorations. Ornaments and tinsel and lights covered the entire room as well at the patio outside. It was enchanting and we found the entire crew lounging on the sofas in the living area. There were four three seaters arranged in a square around a glass coffee table.

Sarah was cuddled in beside Alex. She'd been picked up earlier when Heath and I had still been in bed, talking about how our lives were going to change. Tremendously.

"What up, what up," I lifted my hand into one round about wave and received a collection of greetings.

"Dude," Bray sat forward as Heath and I dropped into the sofa opposite he and Jess. "You been crying?"

Jess narrowed her stare from beside him. Soon the whole group were giving me suspicious stares. Including Amy and Ethan who were surprisingly sitting side by side on the left hand sofa.

"No. I have not been crying," I scoffed and laced my fingers with Heath's. "I'm high."

"Excuse me?" We all looked to the kitchen threshold where Mrs Wilder stood with her hands on her hips.

Jade was behind her, laughing with her hand across her mouth. The mother and daughter duo looked almost identical with their dark dreaded hair and bronzed skin. However, their expressions were extremely different.

"Hey Mrs Wilder," I gave her a sheepish smile.

"You better not be high. On my couch," she waved her finger. "Not in my house."

I could hear Bray snorting and snickering. Prick. I gave his mom a teeth baring grin. "I was kidding, Mrs Wilder. I'm not high. I have been crying. My gran is in town."

Her expression immediately softened and she nodded. "I'll be in the study with a wine. But you come and talk to me if you need. I'll whoop that gran if she gives you any trouble."

She blew me a kiss, walked into the kitchen and then walked out again a moment later with a wine glass and a bottle. She told us goodnight and instructed that Bray and Jade lock up after we were all gone. The room was quiet for a beat and then Ethan looked  at me with a raised brow.

"Is that true?"

"Yeah my gran is in town. She's probably found Jade's old roommate and set up a sacrifice to the Gods to have me wiped from the face of the earth already."

Sarah laughed. "She can't be that bad?"

Jess shook her head and pulled her feet up under her bum. "No. She is that bad. She's horrible. I mean, she took care of Leonie a lot as a child but she's mean."

Alex had his arm around Sarah's shoulder on the right hand sofa. He tousled his fringe and ducked his head. "I met her once. She told me that I looked like the closeted nurse man at her best friends home for oldies. The one who stares at the doctor bums."

"Alex," I screamed with laughter. I fucking loved it when he mocked my gran's old croak. But then I felt a bit sad for him. "That was mean."

Sarah giggled but leaned in and pressed a kiss on his cheek. Jade came back from the kitchen with a plate of truffles and put them on the coffee table. She sat beside Bray and put her feet up. Amy shifted restlessly and smoothed down her skirt.

"I can't hang out late. I've got to be up early in the morning."

I was surprised that she was here at all. But I did wonder if it was because she wouldn't be seeing Ethan tomorrow. Jade shot her a harsh glare but Bray punched her in the leg before Ethan could see it. Not that he would have cared at this point. He was engrossed in his cellphone.

And I knew for a fact that he was not talking to another girl. I'd had a little chat with him and discovered that he was getting deep into writing music. When inspiration struck, he had to get it down. I asked him why he hadn't shown Amy but apparently she hadn't asked.

"Should we do gift swap team?" Bray stood up and wandered over to the Christmas tree where the box of secret Santa gifts were wrapped and waiting. He and Jess picked them up from my house after we'd changed our location. He dragged it over to the coffee table and put it beside the truffles.

"Do yours first!" I pointed at the box. This was just what I needed. A distraction. I snuggled further into Heath and he gave me a soft kiss on the cheek, subtly moving his lips to my ear so that he could whisper.

"You feeling alright?"

I turned my head so that I could look at him and smiled. It was easy to forget when I was surrounded. Not alone with my thoughts. Plus I felt a huge weight lifted after telling Heath. "Yeah of course," I kissed him and turned back to the present box. "Bray. Open yours."

He chuckled and picked up the envelope with his name on it. "Oh I wonder who my secret Santa is."

I rolled my eyes and watched with excitement as he fell back into place beside Jess. She leaned in so that she could watch him open it. When he did, he pulled out two tickets and threw his fist into the air. "A VIP box at the Super Bowl. You fucking legend."

"You're welcome," I grinned. He could have paid for his own tickets but now he didn't have to.

"We just went to the home game last weekend. Miami Dolphins against Dallas Cowboys. Eh babe," he nudged Jess and she smiled at him until he looked away and then her knowing smile met mine.

She was head over heels for the Cowboys quarterback, Drayton Lahey. He is stupid gorgeous.

Sarah opened her gift next. It was a beautiful diamond encrusted head piece. The three wire frames overlapped to create a crown and dazzled with white gold flakes. It was angelic. Gorgeous. Sarah marvelled at it, turning it in her hands.

"It's for the wedding," Jade pointed and then pushed her dreads behind her shoulder. "We can swap it if it doesn't suit. But I thought it might have been a good choice after Leonie described the dress."

"It's perfect," Sarah nodded with enthusiasm and lifted it onto her head. "It fits too."

Alex leaned back so that he could get a good look at her. I loved how in awe he seemed at her, no matter what. "Beautiful."

Jess opened her gift next. It was a football hoodie. A blue and white one with Drayton Lahey's number on the back of it. Bray was horrified. He didn't quite understand the extent of her crush on the quarterback. But when Sarah had come to me and asked for gift ideas on a budget, I knew it would be perfect.

Jess loved it.

Ethan got his present next. From Jess. It was a new UE boom. His old one was starting to lose its range and power. He'd had it since he was fourteen. He thanked Jess with a hug. I noticed the distance that he put between himself and Amy when he sat down again. She didn't seem to care.

Alex seemed pleased to open up his gift. A book series on science theories, experiments and studies. There were twelve in the set and I was surprised that Amy had managed to find him something that he'd really want. And use. I think he was surprised too.

My gift came next. I could tell from the handwriting on the label that it was from Ethan. Not that we hid our secret Santa's. We always told each other right after. He watched me with childish excitement and when I opened the box and found a Polaroid camera, I gasped. It was perfect. A cute little pink case. The retro look. There was a pack of printing paper in the box as well.

"Dude these are the fucking cutest little cameras."

He was proud of himself. Heath approved too. He had peep at it while we moved onto the next person. 

Jade unwrapped her gift and stared at it as though it was a gag gift. It was a box of drinking glasses. Alex gave her a nervous smile and shrugged. "You never have normal glasses at the house. Just mugs."

"True," she laughed. But it turned out that there was also a one hundred and fifty dollar gift card to the salon in there as well. She could get a facial or her nails done. Or even just a massage. She seemed sold on that idea.

Amy was the last to open her gift. I think that pissed her off to be honest. She wanted to get out of here. That much was obvious. Jade might not have been outright rude to her. But the tension was hard to ignore. She unwrapped her gift and turned a thick book over in her hands.

It was a recipe book for Vegans. Bray had shown it to me after he bought it. It was more than just recipes. It was nutritional information and alternatives and locations in Florida for decent vegan restaurants. She lowered the book and glared at Bray.

"Yeah I get it. You think that I'm a joke. That my lifestyle is a joke. But I'm the only one who got a gag gift?"

Bray sat forward, his brows pulled in confusion. "A gag gift? Dude. That book was seventy bucks. It's not a gag gift. I thought you'd actually appreciate it. It's got good shit in it. So the bookstore chick said."

"It's not a gag gift," I said, perhaps a little harsh. "He showed that to me when he bought it. We thought you might appreciate some variety. Some broader options for dining and all that shit."

She pursed her lips but she did seem a bit embarrassed for the outburst. I don't know what made her think that we'd give her a gag gift. She was so quick to assume that we'd attack her when the only one that was attacking, was her.

"Heath," Jess said, steering the conversation from Amy and Ethan who'd just turned to have a low argument. "What'd you get for Leonie?"

"A baby," I said. "Yeah Heath got me pregnant for Christmas."