Ian could tell right away that I wasn’t okay. After explaining to him everything that happened with Patricia, he understood. He, however, wasn’t too concerned about Tillman. It was easy for him not to be because he was already out of the closet. I, on the other hand, wasn’t – At least, not on Pear Street. He had seen how my mother reacted when she caught Chris and I on Ian’s couch. That had been the most awkward three weeks of my life.

Ian rested his hand on top of mine, trying to reassure me. “She won’t tell anyone, Ryder. I wouldn’t worry about it. I mean if she hasn’t told anyone by now, she probably won’t. I mean she’s been sitting on this for a while. You and I both know that’s completely out of character for her.”

“I guess. But I still don’t trust her, Ian,” I said feeling a sense of uneasiness in my gut. I couldn’t tell if it was because of Patricia Tillman, or if it was because Ian’s hand was on top of mine. Maybe it was both. Just being around Ian was making me nervous. I was afraid I would slip up. I didn’t exactly know how to be around him without thinking about us or how good his lips felt against my skin. My feelings for him hadn’t completely disappeared. I still cared about him.

“If you’re so worried about it, I’ll talk to her,” Ian offered. I shook my head.

“No! You might just make it worse,” I retorted. “Maybe you’re right. I’m probably just over reacting. I should probably get going. I don’t want to keep you from Alan.”

I was about to stand up, when he stopped me, pulling me back down to the couch.

“Alan isn’t home,” he replied, his hazel green eyes not leaving mine once. “You don’t have to leave just because of him either. Is that why you haven’t come over again?”

I licked the dryness off of my lips as I slid my hand out from under his. It was hard seeing him with Alan. Didn’t he understand that? He let out a sigh as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him. The scent of his aftershave filled my nose. His strong hands fell to my cheeks, and before I knew  those soft pink lips of his were latched onto mine. I could feel my heart beat racing. I wanted this. There was a part of my head screaming for me to grab his hair and sink my tongue into that hot warm mouth of his. But there was that other part that was thinking about how hurt Jeremy would be if he knew what was happening. So, I pulled away from him, pushing him off of me without a second guess.

“Ian, what the hell are you doing?” I huffed, brushing my hand against my lips in an attempt to erase it from my mind.

“Kissing you,” Ian replied as if it was no big deal. He ruffled my hair as he stood up, his hazel green eyes fixated on mine. A sly smirk crept across his face as he leaned towards me again. I was smarter though. I dodged him. He groaned in frustration,  as I stood up from the couch to distance myself from him.

“Stop it,” I muttered in frustration. “You’re with Alan. This is wrong, and I’m seeing someone.”

Ian scoffed in disbelief. “Wait a minute? You’re seeing someone?”

Was I in the twilight zone or something? What the fuck did he mean was I seeing someone? That’s all he had to say after he tried to kiss me. He was the one who had a live- in boyfriend. My boyfriend was all the way in Wisconsin and I was being more loyal to Jeremy than he was to Alan.

“Yes I am,” I huffed. “Don’t act like you’re not with Alan, Ian. I don’t think he would like you kissing me either.”

Ian sighed as he sat back down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend. Alan and I – Well, we aren’t . . . we aren’t exactly exclusive.”

Well, I didn’t see that coming. It was my turn to sit down. I plopped down onto the opposite side of the couch, trying to process everything. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He and Alan had an open relationship. I would have never thought Ian would be the one to ever do something like that. He was as old-fashioned as they come. I thought he didn’t believe in hook-ups.

“He lives with you, but you aren’t exclusive?” I repeated for clarification.

Ian groaned, nodding. “It’s complicated, Ryder. Alan is staying here temporarily until he can get a new place. I mean I needed someone to watch the house and Hercules, while I was away, and he offered. It’s nothing serious between the two of us. Not as serious as -” he paused, taking a deep breath - “us or how we used to be.”

He was unbelievable. It wasn’t serious. He could have fooled me.

“So, this boyfriend of yours, are you two serious?” Ian asked.

“I care about him a lot,” I replied. “And we are exclusive.”

“Must be quite the guy,” he said, his voice sounding a little bitter. “Considering last summer – Hell, in the winter, you still wanted me. I should have known you had found someone else when I didn’t hear from you.”

I shook my head, trying to hold myself back from exploding on him. He was pushing all the blame on me as if it was fault that our relationship faded away.  “Don’t blame this on me, Ian. You didn’t exactly pick up the phone and call either. What was I supposed to expect? And it wasn’t like you were waiting, open relationship or not – you’re still seeing someone.”

Ian’s eyes flickered to mine as he took my hand in his. “I was lonely, Ryder. What was I supposed to do? You weren’t around, and you were just as busy as I was. Look – I’m sorry. This is my fault too. I didn’t mean to make it sound like it was just your fault.”

Now he was making me feel bad. He had missed me. I could hear it in the tone of his voice. But that didn’t excuse the fact that I had tried to keep this relationship, even though we were technically broken up. Ian was the one who didn’t even try. He was the one traveling to California and New York doing whatever and whoever.

Well Ian,” I shrugged. “I don’t know what to say. I reached out to you and you completely blew me off for your work. If it was actually work. When did you meet Alan?”

Ian narrowed his eyes at me, as he bit his lip.  “When did you start hooking up with your college boyfriend?”

“Does it even matter?” I retorted, not really wanting to argue with him. “We were broken up anyways. Didn’t we agree that we would just see where it went?”

Ian let out a laugh. “That early, huh? I should have figured as much, especially after Chris.”

Now, Ian was just being a dick. I ignored him. I wouldn’t dignify him with an answer. I didn’t have to explain myself to him. We weren’t together.  Coming to Ian’s house was obviously a mistake, I could see that now.

“You’re obviously upset,” I muttered standing up from the couch. “I’ll leave.”

“No, I don’t think so,” he retorted, his voice becoming more insistent. “I’d love to hear about your new boyfriend. How about this? You ask me a question about Alan. I’ll answer truthfully. Then I’ll ask a question about your boyfriend. Then you answer truthfully.”

I bit my lip. Whatever game Ian was trying to play, I knew it wasn’t going to end well. One of us was going to get hurt. But I fed into his stupid game. I mean I was curious about Alan. I did have some questions about their relationship that I wanted answered.

“Go ahead,” Ian said his voice turning more serious. “Ask away.”

“Fine,” I replied giving into his wishes. “Where did you meet?”

“We met at one of my interviews for my novel,” Ian answered, glancing down at his hands for a moment. “He was the executive producer of the television company it was broadcasting on. My turn? Right. So, this boyfriend, how did you meet?”

I cleared my throat. “He lives in my dorm. We met at party. ”

“Figures,” Ian muttered underneath his breath. “A party. Did you hook up at this party? Was he on top?”

I shook my head, fed up with his interrogation. “See this is exactly why I didn’t want to cross this bridge Ian. Let’s just stop right now.”

“Ask your next question,” Ian huffed pulling me back down onto the couch.

I sighed. “Do you like Alan? I mean you say you’re in an open relationship, but you two seem pretty cozy to me. I saw you two outside earlier, making out. You two actually looked like a couple.”

Ian ran his fingers through his hair, glancing down at the ground for a second. Now he didn’t want answer. He was the one who insisted on this stupid question and answer thing in the first place. So, I repeated the question for him. Just as he made eye contact with me, I glanced towards the doorway to see Alan standing there in the hallway, watching us. Who knows how long he had been listening?

“Forget it,” I muttered, not pushing him further. I had a feeling Alan wouldn’t be satisfied with any of the answers Ian gave to that question.

“Wait,” Ian sighed reaching out towards me. “I like him. I do. But – “

Just as he was about to finish his sentence, his eyes stopped onto Alan’s. They stared at each other for a moment, before Alan disappeared from the hallway, his footsteps echoing up the stairs.

“Alan,” Ian called out. He glanced back towards me. “Wait here, Ryder. Just don’t move.”

“I – “ I began. But he shook his head at me, as he raced upstairs towards his bedroom. I paced up and down his living room as they argued. I knew their relationship wasn’t as simple as Ian had made it out to be. It was clear that Alan had feelings for Ian. Anyone could see that. You’d have to be a fool not too.

“I didn’t know you felt that way,” I heard Ian say. I couldn’t hear Alan’s response. Either he was speaking too low for me to hear, or he wasn’t talking at all. I was guessing the former.

“But you said – “Ian began, but didn’t finish. From the bits and pieces of the conversation I was hearing, I could tell I didn’t like where this was going. It was awkward just standing here in their living room as they argued. I couldn’t be here. Hell, I shouldn’t even be listening to this.

So, I left.

I’m sure Ian would be pissed about this. But I didn’t want to be a part of this mess between Ian and Alan. This didn’t have to be complicated. Ian had a boyfriend. I had a boyfriend too. As much as I cared about Ian, I cared about Jeremy too. I could never hurt him.

If Ian and I were both single, things would probably be different. But for now, I chose Jeremy.

I knew my choice was obvious to Ian as well because he avoided me after our conversation. It appeared that he and Alan had sorted things out.

They didn’t hesitate to show their undying affection for one another, even more so when I was around. I know they could see me from Patricia’s patio. I had a feeling they were doing it on purpose. Ian, because I had hurt him; and Alan, because this was his way of making a claim on him. It was his way of telling me that Ian was his and I was no longer relevant. 

To Ian, I had picked my relationship with Jeremy over my relationship with him. So, he had thrown his hat in with Alan. I shouldn't be upset about it. But it was painful to watch. 

I think the most painful part of all of this was that he intentionally flaunted their relationship any chance he saw me. It was as if he was trying to make me jealous.

Unfortunately, it was working.

One hot afternoon when Patricia asked me to drain and refill her pool, I glanced over towards Ian’s house to see his bedroom curtains pushed back. This wasn’t surprising as it was daytime. What was surprising was that Ian hadn’t bothered to close the curtain while he was changing. I stood there, my eyes flickering between the pool and Ian’s bedroom window.

He was teasing me. He knew I could see him. He was pulling his clothes off way much slower than normal.

This was the final straw. I was tired of him doing this to me. So, I marched next door without hesitation, and banged on the front door. To my surprise, Alan was the one who answered.

“Yes,” Alan said his arms folded across his chest. He obviously didn't like me. 

“Is Ian here?” I asked awkwardly. Alan rolled his eyes, sighing.

“He’s busy,” he replied. “I can take a message though.”

Well, his cordial attitude towards me had gone right out of the window. I stood there for moment, standing my ground. Fine. If Ian didn’t want to talk to me, and be childish, I could be childish right back.

“Fine,” I nearly shouted, hoping he could hear me. “Tell Ian –“

“Tell me what?” Ian asked as he walked slowly down the stairs of his house. I glanced up at him, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat. Everything that I had planned to say had completely left my head as soon as I saw him. I could barely get a word out.

“Tell me what? Ryder,” Ian repeated as he wrapped his arms around Alan’s shoulder. “What is there left to say?”

“Look I’m sorry I left the other day,” I said as I ran my fingers through my hair. “It just seemed like something that was personal.  Ian, can we please talk alone?”

I couldn’t think straight with Alan standing there, staring at me as if I had three heads. It was awkward enough talking to Ian, who was clearly pissed at me. I had to explain myself to him. I didn't want him hating me. 

Ian sighed. “I mean anything you want to say, you can say in front of my boyfriend, Ryder.”

Boyfriend? So, I guess they had gone official. That’s cute. I wonder if they updated their Facebook statuses.

“Forget it,” I replied chickening out. “Nevermind. It wasn’t important.”

Just as I started walking away, Alan called out to me. “Hey! Ryder! I hear you clean pools. Could you by any chance clean ours?”

I sucked my teeth, turning around with a fake smile on my face. “Yeah. Sure.”

Alan closed the door shortly after. I ought to go back there and punch him until he bleeds. Not only had Ian single-handedly stepped on the last bit of feelings I ever had for him, but he had embarrassed me in front of his boyfriend. It was bad enough seeing Ian and Alan together from Patricia’s house. Now I had to clean his pool, and witness it up close.

I should have told Alan to shove it. It didn’t matter though. I could fix this. Ian couldn’t stay mad forever, no matter what Alan was telling him.