A few days passed by before I mustered up the courage to even walk by Ian’s house. I had been avoiding him like a coward and I usually wasn’t such a wimp, but I was afraid about what might happen if I continued down this road. Hell I wasn’t sure what would happen if I even did this. I chewed on my lower lip as I jogged down the end of the street, moving onto the trail. I walked through the woods, down the all too familiar path, until I made it to the lake. I quickly pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it onto the ground, before I dived in.

Swimming always helped me clear my mind. I thrust my arm through the cool waters, propelling my body towards the other side of the lake. I imagined myself against a crowd of opponents and it was enough of an incentive to make me move faster. When I got to the other side, I swam back, only to see what appeared to be a figure standing by my clothes. The figure became clearer as I swam closer.

“Hey! I thought it was you,” Ashley smirked picking my shirt up from the ground. “Mind if I join?”

“No, not at all,” I said as Ashley stripped down to her bra and underwear, leaving her clothes beside mine. My eyes flickered across her bare skin and onto the anchor that dangled from her belly button. She tied her hair up into a ponytail before diving in, surfacing beside me. Her foot brushed against the side of my leg as she shivered.

“It’s freezing, Ryder!” she huffed splashing water at me. “You could have warned me.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” I laughed splashing water back at her until she started swimming away. “Feels good actually.”

I swam after her, instantly thinking back to my childhood. Ashley and I used to come to this lake all the time. We swam in it when it was warm and skated on it, when it froze over in the winter time. It was where she and I had our first kiss. I was like twelve at the time and Ashley was eleven. Of course, I was the one who had initiated it. The funny thing was that even though Ashley was my first kiss, nothing ever came of it. We never dated. I guess she always saw me as more of a brother.

“So there’s a bonfire tonight,” Ashley began. “You in? Nolan, Victor and Lenny are throwing it. It should be fun.”

“I’ll think about it,” I replied. Victor and I didn’t exactly get along in high school. He didn’t like how close Ashley and I were. He was convinced I had a thing for her.

Ashley and I swam out of the water shortly after. I let her dry off with my towel as I walked home, dripping wet. I figured I’d air dry. Ashley reminded me about the bonfire again before she walked towards her house. I was close to my house, when I noticed Ian watering his garden. My heart dropped into my stomach as I kept my head down, quickly walking into my house.

My heart was racing as soon as I closed the door. I glanced out the window, wondering if he had noticed me. It didn’t look like he had. I’m sure he knew I was avoiding him. Ian wasn’t stupid. I would have found an excuse to stop by his house by now. My mother even questioned my presence in the house when she saw me, asking why I wasn’t hanging out with Ian today. I knew she had said it just said it to be funny, but it still irked me that even she was aware of how much time I had been spending with him.

So that evening, I went to the bonfire, stealing a bottle of wine from my mother’s liquor cabinet. I didn’t even need to text Ashley to ask for directions because I knew it would be in the same spot it had been every year of high school – by the lake. Ashley smiled as soon as I walked over to the group. A decent amount of people had showed up. Victor immediately stared at me, as soon as I sat down by Ashley.

“Look who showed up,” Nolan commented. “And you come bearing gifts.”

“Hey Ryder! You still got those gills,” Lenny chuckled handing me a hard apple cider. “I see your breaking records over at state.”

Lenny, Nolan, and Victor had been on the swim team with me in high school. Victor always competed with me. He was decent but he wasn’t as fast as I was. I took a deep swig, placing it down beside me.

“Eh,” I said modestly. Ashley wrapped her arms around my shoulder, shaking her head.

“At this rate, you’re making it to the Olympics,” she said kissing me on the cheek. I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

“I bet I could still kick your ass,” Victor commented. “Remember that day I beat you.”

I shook my head. “You mean that time you thought you beat me,” I retorted causing Lenny and Nolan to holler with laughter. Victor chewed on his lower lip as he stood up, walking towards me. I ignored his show of manliness, finishing the cider up. Everyone else was significantly drunker than I was, so I had to play catch up.

“I guess this calls for a rematch,” Victor smirked folding his arms across his chest. I rolled my eyes as I stretched my arms and legs out. I knew he was just doing this to impress, but I was never one to back down from a challenge.

We were to swim to the other side and back. Ashley, Nolan and Lenny would determine who the winner was. Just as I was about to pull my shirt off, Victor stopped me.

“Not yet,” he huffed. “You have to have a few more beers or it won’t be fair. I’ve had four.”

“I could drink five beers and still beat you,” I retorted as I downed another drink. Just as I finished the allocated amount of beers, Victor and I prepared ourselves at the edge of the lake. I pulled my shirt up over my head, shooting it to the ground beside me. Ashley smirked as she began counting down from five.

5

4

3 – But just as she got to 2, the sound of sirens echoed. Everyone quickly scattered disappearing out into the woods. I quickly grabbed my shirt, pulling it over my head as I rushed through the back of the woods. I could hear Victor swearing behind me as flashlights flickered around the trees. I took the long route back to Pear Street, exiting out behind Mrs. Tillman’s house. I stopped to catch my breath for a moment. I could feel the alcohol sloshing around in my stomach. It made me feel nauseous all of sudden. I took in a deep breath as I cut across Ian’s yard. I stopped as soon as a light flashed on me.

“Hey,” a police officer said. “Did you just come from a bonfire not too far from here? If so, I’ve got a few questions for you.”

I could feel myself beginning to sweat, as the officer narrowed his eyes at me. I was too nauseous to say anything. But before I could, I heard Ian’s voice chime from behind me. I turned around quickly, my eyes quickly shooting to his. I was almost relieved that he had come outside.

“Can I help you, officer?” he asked.

“Do you know this young man?” the officer replied directing his attention to Ian. I was hoping he’d bail me out of this. If I was cited for underage drinking, I would never hear the last of it from my mother.

“Yes I do – He lives across the street,” Ian replied. “He was just leaving my house.”

“So he was here for the past hour or so?” the officer clarified. I assume Ian nodded, because the officer went on his way, soon after, apologizing for the inconvenience. I could breathe again. I thought for sure I had been busted.

“Thanks,” I muttered quickly. “I appreciate it. You really didn’t have to do that.”

Ian ran his fingers through his hair. “I owed you one for helping me with Mrs. Tillman, remember? And do you mind explaining to me, what exactly I was bailing you out of?”

He sounded almost disappointed in me. “Just a stupid bonfire. I should really be getting home. It’s late.”

Just as I was about to walk away, Ian grabbed my arm, stopping me. “Before you go, I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other day.”

I could feel my face flush a bright red as soon as he brought it up. I was glad it was dark out. I could feel the heat rise to my chest, as I remembered how kissing him felt.

“I know it’s why you’ve been avoiding me,” he said letting go of my arm.

“Look Ian – I don’t know what happened,” I said in a bare whisper. “I- ”

Ian nodded. “Come inside for a moment.”

It was already so late, but it wasn’t like I had to go home. My mother was spending the night at Phil’s place, so she would never know I was gone. So I conceded and followed Ian into his place. I walked into his living room to see his laptop sitting out, next to a pile of papers. He must have been working on his novel. I picked up the manuscript, my eyes shooting over the first few lines at the top of the page.

Ian cleared his throat from behind me, causing me to drop his manuscript on the floor. I quickly shot down to the ground, picking it up, and placing back down by his laptop.

“Sorry,” I said sitting down onto his couch.

“Don’t apologize,” Ian said sitting down beside me. He was wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that had NYU written across it. I leaned in towards him, resting my hand on my thigh as I pressed my lips against his. Ian broke the kiss with a smile, gently placing his hands on my shoulder.

“Ryder,” he muttered.

“I’m not gay but I like kissing you a lot,” I groaned running my fingers through my hair.

“You should get some sleep,” Ian said completely ignoring my drunken speech. “You can stay here for the night. I’ll grab you a blanket.”

“I’m not tired,” I stood up, quickly grabbing Ian’s arm to balance myself. Maybe I was drunker than I thought I was. Ian sat me back down, urging me to stay seated as he disappeared upstairs. He came back a few minutes later, clutching a pillow and a blanket in his hand. I smiled as he laid the blanket across me and placed the pillow underneath my head.

“If you get sick, bathroom is around the corner,” Ian said flicking the light off. “We’ll talk in the morning. Good night.”

“Good night,” I managed to say. I stared up at the ceiling for a minute, my eyes flickering around Ian’s living room. If I wasn’t so drunk, I would have probably gotten up and explored a bit more. I was always in his house, but I had never gone upstairs. I would probably get caught if I went upstairs as I wasn’t exactly good at being quiet especially when I was tipsy.  But I mean - I had never even seen what his room looks like.

The following morning, I woke up to the smell of pancakes. That was enough to get me off of the couch, despite the hangover I had. I stretched my legs out, tossing my blanket off of me, only to realize I was only in my boxers. I must have taken my clothes off sometime during the night. Just as I started glancing around for my clothes, Ian appeared.

“I put your clothes in the washer machine,” he commented, a plastic spatula in his hand. “They were dirty. You can grab something from out of my room. Second drawer.”

“Thanks,” I said moving out of the living room and rushing upstairs. I pushed open his bedroom door to see it was a simple room – King-sized bed, simple comforter, two lamps and a TV. Well that was anticlimactic. I opened his second drawer, grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. All of his clothes were so neatly folded. I almost didn’t want to mess it up. I hardly ever folded my clothes. My mother would faint, if my clothes actually made it into my drawers.

As soon as I slid his clothes on, I slid open other drawers, searching until I found a stack of magazines tucked away. I smirked as soon as I realized it was nude magazines. I flicked through the pages, my eyes opening wide at the suggestive photos. I quickly placed his magazine back into his drawer as soon as I heard Ian’s footsteps. I had closed his drawer shut just as he walked inside.

“Oh you found something,” he nodded. “Good. I thought you had gotten lost for a second. Come on downstairs. I made breakfast.”

I followed him down, eagerly, my stomach rumbling as soon as the smell of pancakes entered my nose. I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten pancakes. My mother was always at work in the morning and I had no clue how to cook.

“God I’m starving,” I huffed as soon as he slid me a stack on a plate. I tore into the pancakes quickly, finishing them, not even five minutes after he placed it down.

“Do you want more?” Ian asked still chewing through his stack.

“No, I’m full,” I retorted as I washed my plate out in the sink. It was the least I could do since he had cooked after all. After I finished I sat back down across from him, waiting for him to say something. He had said last night that he wanted to talk.

“Thanks for last night and for breakfast,” I said politely. “I’m sorry for being such a drunken idiot last night.”

“You’re young,” Ian shrugged. “I did my fair share of stupid drunk things when I was your age. Speaking of last night, I think maybe we should get a few things clear. You’re attractive, Ryder and I enjoy spending time with you, but I’m not looking to be someone’s experiment.”

Experiment?  He made it sound like I was just using him.

“Experiment? I like you, Ian, a lot and I admit this is all new to me, but I know for a fact that I’m interested in you beyond friendship,” I quickly interjected.  

“Look,” he quickly replied. “You’re young, Ryder. I just don’t think it would be a good idea for us to get involved with each other period.”

Those weren’t exactly the words that I wanted to hear.

“We can still hang out,” he muttered as soon as I became silent. “How about we just pretend that the kiss never happened?”

“If that’s what you want,” I shrugged, standing up from the table. “I mean we can just pretend we never met each other if that’s easier.”

Ian bit his lip as soon as I said that. “Ryder. You’re taking this wrong way. It’s not easy for me to do this. I care about you. I don’t want to hurt you and I’m not interested getting involved with someone who’s never done this before.”

There it was. It was my naiveté again. I wasn’t like that. When I want something, I go for it.

“I’m not confused ,” I huffed. “I mean, well, a little but I – I like you, Ian. I know that I like you like I like girls – maybe even more.”

 “Ryder,” Ian interjected, folding his arms across his chest. His tone said it all. So, before he could think of another reason for why we shouldn’t be together, I quickly spoke up again.

“I want this. If I didn’t want this I would have never made the first move. Someone else was too coward.”

Ian raised an eyebrow at me, scoffing at my statement. “Coward? You think? Wow - The only reason I didn’t make the first move was because I didn’t want to scare you away.”

He stood up, towering over me for a second. My face burned a bright red, as his hazel green eyes, fixed onto mine. It sent chills down my spine, the way he looked at me sometimes. The way his eyes would glaze over, and focus on mine, as if he was staring right into my soul. I couldn’t look away either. I was almost mesmerized.

He licked the dryness off his lips, as they turned up into a seductive smile.  And for a second, I wished it my tongue that was on those firm lips of his. I’ve always been told I was a great kisser.

His fingertips lightly brushed against my chin, pulling it upwards, as his soft lips came to the top of mine. His tongue flicked against the top of my lip, before he pulled away.

“Taste like maple syrup,” he teased, before grabbing his plate and sliding it into his sink. “You should probably get home. I don’t want your mother worrying about you.”

“She’s not coming back until tomorrow morning,” I replied leaning back in his chair. “So I’m not leaving until you give me a chance. Like I said before, when I want something I go for it.”

“Really? So you’re going to stay here all day trying to convince me,” Ian smirked, running his fingers through my hair. “I have to write today. I have a deadline to meet, so I have to write a certain amount of words each day. But by all means, come back later. I would love to hear your argument.”

“Fine,” I huffed as Ian pushed my chair back to the ground.

“Perfect,” he retorted. “I promise I’ll keep an open mind. I should be set by 4pm.”

“It’s a date,” I smirked as I pushed his chair in.

Ian chewed on his lower lip, nodding hesitantly. “You can call it that I guess.”

I had a feeling Ian had a problem with the idea of having a boyfriend especially someone much younger than him. Hell, it would feel weird calling him that. I mean if things worked out, he would be my boyfriend.  I would have a boyfriend. No matter how many times I said it, it still felt awkward. I guess it was something to get used to.