CHAPTER 1

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My name is Naime. I was born on 27th July 1612 in Istanbul, as twin sister of Sultan Murad Khan. Child of Sultan Ahmed Khan and Kosem Sultana. I was born as their fourth child together with Murad.

My childhood always reminds me of how happy family we were some days. Osman, Mehmed, Ayse, Murad, me, Gevherhan, Kasim, Ibrahim and Atike. I remember scenes of our father and mother loving each other so much, and big love they had towards us all of their children. Even though Osman wasn't my real brother because he had another mother, I still loved him as he was the one. And Bayezid too, which was never close to us because his mother and my mother couldn't stand eachother.

I remember our peaceful life during our childhood. Our father ruled and we lived in Topkapi Palace. We had the opportunity for the best life possible. Everyday we would have our lessons, after which we would play all together without having any fear for our future. We knew nothing bad could happen to us because our mother was very strong and brave and she would always protect us from whatever would happen. Next to her we would be afraid of nothing.

But we were still too young to understand that the bad things started happening. First our father Sultan Ahmed Khan passed away while he barely turned 30 years. My uncle Mustafa came to the throne, but he wasn't able to rule because he has been locked for so many years without any contact with outside world and he lost his mind.

My brothers were kept in kafes and locked there, while Ayse, Gevherhan, Atike and I went together with our mother in the Old Palace. Everyone was against our uncle, because he wasn't one who ruled, but instead his mother Halime did it.

Very soon my mother ordered janissaries to dethrone him because she had such a kind of power. She placed my eldest brother Osman on the throne and we all thought this would make our lives more easy. We returned to Topkapi and my brothers were freed from kafes. Everything seemed that life if turning back to normal, until brother Osman decided to banish our mother in Old Palace.

He didn't want her to be in the Palace because he was afraid she might turn against him. My mother loved him always equally to us, even though he was son of another woman who tragically died. Osman turned against her and he kept all of us freed, except for my brother Mehmed.

Mehmed and Osman never did get well, and Osman many times feared our mother would dethrone him the same way she did to uncle Mustafa and place Mehmed on the throne. Because of those fears, Osman ordered Mehmed to be killed. I was too young to understand what was happening. I was barely 7 years old, but I remember scene of our mother crying like she has never before.

Not many time has passed, since janissaries themselves alone dethroned brother Osman and killed him very soon. They placed my uncle Mustafa once again on the throne, and my brothers were locked in Kafes once again.

Mother knew she couldn't handle this anymore and she feared of losing one more child, so she together with janissaries dethroned Mustafa and placed my twin brother Murad on the throne. We were only 11 years old when Murad got on the throne, and our Valide became regent of the Ottoman Empire.

She held all the power in her hands and no one could stop her from doing whatever she would wish for. She ruled the empire herself alone, while Murad was still young to rule alone.

First sister she decided to marry was Ayse. She was 14 years old when mother married her to a man who was 40 years elder than her and sent them to live in Egypt. I was terrified when I saw what mother did to Ayse, because her husband was the one to help Valide put Murad on the throne, and she had somehow to return him the favour by marrying him to his precious daughter.

I was devastated as I knew Ayse was not much elder than me and my time for marriage would come very soon too. And it came before than I thought. When my first period came, mother found the perfect timing to marry me off. She has chosen a man who was in his 30s while I just turned 14 years. She married me to Kemal Pasha in Anadolia where I had to move with him.

I was devastated when I heard those news. I couldn't believe Valide would marry me off to someone who is more her age than mine. I cried, I begged, but nothing helped me. Murad didn't have any power in his hands to help me to free me from this, and we were all afraid if our Valide would get angry on us.

Every night before my wedding I would barely sleep as I was crying constantly. I wanted to get sick or at least act sick so she couldn't marry me away, but nothing helped me.

"You are doing this to help your brother have more loyal man to him. You don't want to lose Murad like you lost Mehmed," were words my mother said to me and on a manipulative way winning over me making me accept the wedding, even though I wasn't even asked.

I married off to a man I didn't even want to look at. He was even elder than my mother and I was disgust by his presence in front of me. I would rather stay in Palace still playing with my sisters than living a life that is a nightmare to me.

I hated every moment I spent with Kemal. He didn't care about me even a bit because none of us wanted this marriage. He was just a loyal man to my mother who wanted to have more influence and pretend to be happy with me because he had to, but in reality we couldn't stand each other. We tried to do whatever was needed to be distant from each other, I didn't even want him to touch me more than once, but that was enough for me to become pregnant.

My mother was really happy with the news she would become grandmother. Meanwhile in my pregnancy, Ayse's old husband died, and instead of letting her live the life free, mother married her off again to even elder man who she placed in Divan. I knew I should at least act like I am happy in this marriage because if I would even express my wish to divorce, she would find me another husband as soon as possible.

I gave birth to a son named Mehmed, who my brother Murad named after our late brother who was killed by Osman. Mehmed was only one who made me still believe in happiness because I was happy when I had my child next to me.

But after Mehmed's birth, things between Kemal and me started to get even worse. He started drinking a lot because he had a lot of money as imperial son in law. I didn't mind his drinking until he was far away from me, but the citizens were always complaining on him, and he always forced me to silence them because he could lose his head.

I always did whatever was in my power not because of him, I didn't care about him, but because I know my mother would have no problem killing him and finding me another husband in less than 40 days of his death.

We lived for years in unhappy marriage. I did force him to stay away from me because I didn't want to have any contact with him. He always forced me to have at least one more child so my mother or brother Sultan wouldn't need to question our relationship. I didn't want it, but he did it by the force.

While I was in heavy months of my pregnancy, he bring slave maids to our palace letting me know those are his new concubines, and if my brother has a harem then he might have a harem too. I didn't care about him and I didn't care if he would have anything with any women beside because I didn't even care about him, but what I didn't want was to people gossip around about me. We had a fight, where he has pushed me down the stairs and I had miscarriage.

After this moment I was really angry on him, and planned to do whatever was needed to get rid of him. Nothing mattered to me else than my happiness now and I was ready to do anything, just to free myself from him. I lost a child who was innocent due his fights and alcoholism which my brother strictly prohibited. Sometimes Kemal would behave so bad to me that I wouldn't even have a wish to live, but Mehmed was only one who kept me strong and on life.

Mehmed was 6 years old at the moment I suffered miscarriage and he saw how his father pushed me down the stairs with his own eyes. He was afraid even to look at Kemal now and he hates him a lot. He wouldn't want to leave his chambers if I wasn't somewhere around.

I was always with Mehmed as he was the only one I had. None of us wanted to live in this hell of Palace anymore, we wanted to be happy without any fear if he would be drunk and dare to do something bad to us. It was more easy for me to calm down at these moments, but my heart hurt when I saw Mehmed like this. I knew I need to make sure my son lives peaceful life and not to spend his life in fear as I did my whole childhood while Sultans were changing always.

Together with my maid Nur and Amber Agha I made a plan to get rid of Kemal. I made sure no one will be able to accuse me of doing that, especially my mother who would be angry of losing such a loyal man to her. She would obviously care more for losing a man of his political influence than her daughter being hurt.

Sometimes I even had a wish to write to my family and tell them to save me from this hell of a life, but only bad news were coming from the Palace. First Murad murdered Gevherhan's husband which she loved so much. He stopped Valide's regency and took all the power in his hands. He married hungarian princess and took her into his Harem which made a huge scandal. He got rid of many people who weren't loyal to him and so many people were afraid of him, that they wanted to see my step brother Bayezid ascending the throne as he was only one year younger than Murad and me.

They had so many problems that my problem would mean nothing to them. Atike very often wrote to me how the chaos is going in the Palace especially after wedding, which our mother couldn't accept no way. She was very angry on Murad who took her off the regency with which she was ruling for so many years, and she couldn't accept that fact. But Murad was right, he was old enough to rule himself alone. He already had children and he wasn't a child not being able to rule without his mother's help. I feared this might make our Valide think to find a better way of taking her power back, because if she competed 3 times in dethroning of Sultan, nothing would be a problem for her.

I did my own plan together with Nur and Amber. I couldn't wait more to put everything how it needed to be, I knew I would kill Kemal and return to Istanbul. As mother didn't have so much power now, she couldn't marry me without Murad's approval, and Murad wouldn't force me to marry someone I wouldn't love to.

On a winter night when we made sure Kemal is drunk enough, we poisoned him and ordered the doctors to write he died of heart attack after being so drunk. I payed everyone enough to make sure the story is like this, because I didn't need to make anyone think it was my plan.

I finally got rid of a man who bothered me for my whole life. Mehmed and I were finally free, and ready to go back in our hometown where we actually belong to – Istanbul.


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