36 - Stupidity

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

Felix looked at him and meowed. "I know. I blew it."

He opened the fridge and shut it quickly. The ingredients for shrimp tacos stared back at him. Even the food thought he was an idiot. Lashing out, he canceled his order. His punishment would be food shopping.

Never had he felt alone, but he did to his core. It scared him. It was his punishment, a life sentence for stupidity.

To avoid his silent apartment, he went climbing every night. The hardest part was seeing Henry. He wanted to punch the guy. What a joke. He was a computer geek who never hit anyone in his life. He would like to pummel himself for being so stupid. Instead, he sent text after text.

Not only did the insensitive prick ruin things with Ainsley, he also told Val about his new single status. The gym should be an escape, but he had a persistent woman trying to get his attention. She stepped closer to ask how he was with a voice laced with concern. Her breasts brushed his arm, and he stepped back. She wasn't who he wanted. Sex was sex. He had a hand to get off, and it didn't come with complications. He missed something way beyond the sex. Something he would never have again. When they were together, he needed to be closer, physically. In bed, they merged into one, skin to skin, talking dirty, and fitting together like a puzzle.

Val rubbed his back. "I can take your frown away."

Henry walked by. "Dude, you're the man."

Val laughed. "I bet you are." Her low voice in his ear caused repulsion.

"I have to go."

His quick strides felt like running. He had text messages, but not the one he wanted. He sent another apology. Sighing loudly, he read one from his uncle. Brooke wanted to go to the gym.

A white lie was meant to protect his family from finding out the truth that he was an idiot. David responded with concern. Maybe he shouldn't have texted that his knee was sore. His phone rang while he was walking from the station.

"Ian, are you okay?" The doctor didn't sound calm.

"Just overuse." Did his nose grow? He almost wished for knee pain. It was a lot better than the constant aching in his head and tightness in his chest.

"Okay." She wants to talk to you.

"Ian, can you take me?"

"Sorry, kid. Not this weekend."

Her voice sounded like a pout. He could imagine her face. "Can I come see Ainsley?"

"No!" He took a deep breath. "She has plans." He would like to say laughing at him but he had heard her tears. "We have no time this weekend." He touched his nose. The constriction in his chest cavity tightened. "I'm sorry."

He sat in the dark and looked at his phone. Not even Felix wanted to be with him. He really wanted to know how her interview went. He texted her but didn't expect an answer. Henry thought his went great.

Ian had almost choked on his sandwich when Henry showed up bragging. Instead, he chucked it in the wastebasket. "What did he ask you?"

"About my experience at HMH. Then he went off on teamwork. I told him teamwork affects productivity with too much socializing."

Good thing he wasn't eating or he would choke. Somehow he doubted Henry could save his life.

"The best part was he seemed to know we were good friends. He said you're a good man, but he didn't know you were related to the Sumners."

"I'm not. I never said I was."

"But Christmas?"

Ian sighed. "I said I went to their house."

He wouldn't this Christmas Eve. Maybe he should book a trip some place warm and skip the holidays. Another reason to hate relationships, they had a direct correlation to him ruining his life.

The weekend came with zero fanfare. His goal was to catch up on technical articles. They were never ending. If they lulled him to sleep, he would sleep. It wasn't like he was getting rest at night. He hated his empty bed. Oddly, the last woman who slept in it was his sister.

Ian ran his hand through his hair. Letting her meet his family had been a huge mistake. His father wanted them to come to dinner. He didn't have the guts to tell him there was no them. Then he would have to explain his screw up.

On Friday afternoon, Oliver had replied for Ian to send the security email to all users. Drafting it took up some time. He set it up to send on Monday morning. No one needed to know he was working on Saturday afternoon. It was like a knife to his jugular. It may be the only email of his she would read.

He waited until Saturday evening to head to the gym while Henry was picking up girls and Val was doing whatever she did on nights off.

As he rounded the corner, he saw Ainsley waiting at their curb to cross the street. His heart thumped, she was dressed for a night out. Did her friends know he was a jerk? She probably called Lilli right away. If Zach knew then it was just a matter of time before Olivia called to yell at him. Since his parents communicated, even Brooke would know his lies in no time.

He struggled to breathe in the cold air. His phone had been quiet. What if she wasn't meeting her friends but going on a date?

When he reached the gym, he made a rash decision. He chose the same expert wall he had injured himself on. Time to face his demons. Correction, his old demon. His newest and largest one was his own stupidity.

The wall moved fast like a conveyor belt. It required concentration and quick reflexes. He slipped a few times. Thankfully, he had clipped in. The adrenaline eased the tightness in his chest for the first time. His blood pumped and his muscles burned. He welcomed the pain. It blocked visions of her smile and laugh across the table from another lucky son of a bitch. His mother was no bitch, but he was officially a bastard. Even if Anita and Andrew had tied the knot, he would still be a bastard. It blew his mind to think about them becoming parents when they were younger than the stooges or as she affectionately called them, the acne boys. Maybe he should mess up the database so she had to talk to him. He was too much of a professional.

His entire body ached when he arrived home after ten. The basement apartment was dark. He winced at the thought of her kissing another guy. Because he liked self-inflicted wounds, Ian downloaded the same dating app. It was easy to set the search perimeter to find her. He sucked in carbon dioxide when he saw her picture. He never deserved her. The proof was her active status. He couldn't sleep and she was dating. Owning the pain, it was exactly what he deserved.

Buzzing woke him. It wasn't his phone. His chest felt heavy as he tried to breathe. A sharp claw roused him as Felix stepped off him. His fat cat head butted him before jumping off the bed. The buzzing continued. He stumbled out to the intercom.

"What?" He barked to the intruder.

"Ian, it's cold out here."

Groaning, he pressed the button to unlock the outside door. Turning his own lock, he went in search of coffee. After a knock, his father appeared in his doorway. He studied his son with a frown. "I thought you might need this." He held up a Starbucks cup.

"What? How?"

"You confirmed my suspicions. You look like crap. What happened?"

Ian reached for the warm cardboard cup. "Who told you?"

"No one. We went out for dinner and I saw her. It looked like a date. I was afraid you didn't know, but you look like you do."

"I didn't know for sure she was on a date. I was an idiot and screwed the whole thing up."

"I have all day. What happened?"

As he recounted the story, the extent of his stupidity hit him like a kick in the groin. He winced. His muscles hurt but not like his chest.

"I think I'm having a cardiac problem. My chest hurts." Andrew smirked and Ian glared. "It's not funny!"

"I doubt it's physical. It's your heart. You broke it."

Ian shook his head. "How could I? We weren't serious. Neither of us want marriage."

"Marriage isn't the be all. You can still fall in love and not want to make it legal."

"In love! I've never been in love."

Andrew patted his shoulder. "You didn't realize it. Did you want to be with her all the time? Did you put her happiness first?"

"That's why I put off telling her. I knew she would be unhappy if she knew. Then the job thing made it more complicated."

"Son, I know you saw me as being happily single. At times, I was, but other times I was lonely. I put you before every relationship." Ian tried to tell him he didn't have to, but he stopped him with his hand. "Before you argue, it was my choice. Anytime I saw a woman she had to accept my weekends with you. I liked knowing no relationship would make it to July. My summers with you were too important. I had to make up for all the time we were apart."

"What happened when I moved in with you for school?"

"You dated more than me those years."

Ian almost smiled. "That wasn't much."

"I had you, but you had school and friends, so I started our brunch."

"What does any of this matter? I messed up."

Even as he created a profile using his middle name, Robert after his mother's father and her maiden name, Purcell, he knew he had no chance with her. He sent a message, but it was a mistake. Just more deceit.

"I know you're hurting. I've felt the same a time or two or three. The heartbreak is worth the alternative."

"What's that?"

"Growing old, lonely and dying alone."

Ian frowned. "You'll always have me."

Andrew nodded. "But who will you have?"

"Olivia might have kids someday. And Brooke, if she ever forgives me."

"No one knows. Not even Margot. I glanced in the bar on my way to the men's room. I needed to see you first."

"Don't tell them. Brooke doesn't need a broken heart."

Ian finally understood the cause of his pain. Andrew embraced his son. Ian remembered how good his dad's strong arms felt after having only his mother's thin ones when he was a kid.

"We're going to visit with Margot's sister. I'll text you when we've cleared out if you want to play. I should get back."

"Where does she think you are?"

Andrew shrugged. "Out. She trusts me."

Ian didn't believe she would accept just out as a destination. Ainsley would be curious as his chest tightened again, he realized he wouldn't care if she were. It would mean she cared.

Please vote ⭐️


You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net