this is about to be a deep one. Hope y'all are ready.
Also it pains me to say that Myles will be ending soon and unfortunately it will not be a series. 😢
Anyways enough of me. Enjoy

--

Myles Thomas

"Mylessssssss!" my sister exclaimed, running over to me with her arms wide open. I couldn't help but smile as she wrapped her arms around my body. The cops that had walked me out of the building gave me a pat on the back before heading inside. I had to admit, I hated the pigs but since I was in their kingdom, I learnt that since I can't beat them it was best to join them. I gave them a quick nod as I rubbed on my sister's back, swaying her back and forth.

"You best not be crying!" I said, pulling away to look at her tear covered face. "You twerp."

"Hush up," she shoved me before wiping away the rest of her tears with the arm of her sweater. "You just smell so horrible that it brought tears to my eyes."

"I gotta agree with you there." I raised my arm and took a sniff. "I need a shower, badly."

"You need to soak for a few hours to be exact."

"Alright, alright, you know you don't want me to start roasting you now." I shoved her slightly then looked up to see my mother get out of the car, holding Gabby in her arms. The moment her eyes met mine, she covered her mouth as she began to cry.

I sighed as I walked down the steps alongside Leisa, I hated to see my mother cry, especially knowing that I was the cause. "What you crying for ma, I'm out." I wrapped my arms around her then placed a kiss on her cheek and another on Gabby's. I had to admit, I missed them more than words could describe.

"They're tears of joy." She said against my shoulder before pulling away to wipe her tears. "I'm just happy that it wasn't as long as the last time."

"You and me both." I smirked. "How have you been?"

"Better now." She rubbed my cheek and popped open the back down to set Gabby back down in her car seat. Leisa hopped in on the other side and I walked around to the passenger side, jumping in as well.

Although I was more than happy to see my mom, I was kind of wishing that Monet would've been here as well. The officers had told me that it was her father who came by earlier to pay my bail and I had high hopes that she would've been with him as well but obviously, I was wrong.

Once my mother got everything together, she cut on the engine and wasted no time before pulling out of the parking spot she was in. I let my window down and allowed the fresh breeze to just blow against my skin, it was getting cold in New York as winter was approaching; but trust me, being away made you have a love for the cold that you no longer had access to.

Most of the ride was silent and since it was so far out of town, I wasn't surprised to see Leisa and Gabby fast asleep before we even hit the freeway. I laughed after taking a glance at them in the rear-view mirror. My mother took a look and chuckled to herself as well. "No matter how grown she thinks she is, she will always be my baby." She said. "Moments like this are a reminder."

"I feel you."

"You as well." She said, turning her attention towards you. "Moments like this are a reminder that no matter how much you think you're the man, you will always and forever be my only baby boy."

"Okay ma," I rolled my eyes and smirked a bit.

"I'm not joking."

"I know."

"No. To be quite honest, I don't think you know because now you got all these allegations against you ruining that Murray boys' career."

"My lawyer already told me I have nothing to worry about, so you have nothing to worry about either, he's just mad that I got what he made a mistake of letting go of. That's all."

"Of course, I'm still going to worry. It seems like no matter what you do, they'll always find a way to get you locked back up."

"And I will always find a way back out, so like I said before. Don't worry about it, ma. I got this."

"It's easier said than done," she scoffed. "What do you plan to head back home and do now?"

"What do you mean?"

"As in income, are you going back to the Auto shop?"

"Hell no." I laughed. "I'm about to hop in the shower then head out to meet Judas."

I watched as my mother shook her head and chewed on the inside of her lip. "Do you ever learn?" she mumbled.

"The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I asked, do you ever learn? How many time Myles? How many times do you gotta get locked up, get charged, get beaten up, to come to your senses and give this up?"

"Give what up?"

"The drug dealing, the carrying around drugs, just being associated with this whole thug life."

"Ma, please. Let's not." I waved off.

"No, please, let's. I am dying to know what it is that keeps making you go back to this! You were young when you started but you're a man now and still can't seem to give up those childish ways."

"As a man it is my job to go out and find a way to provide. Since you weren't woman enough to find yourself a real man, I have no choice but to do what I gotta do in order to make sure you stay eating."

"Oh wow," she laughed. "So, it's blame me."

"Let's leave it alone." I said under my breath, turning my head towards the window.

"Nah, I'm dying to hear this now. I don't understand how it is my fault all of a sudden. My fault why you left all your dreams and wandered back into this whole lifestyle of criminal activity. You love to blame everyone but yourself for just being immature and lazy. How on God's earth is it my fault?"

"You don't want to know, trust me."

"Oh, trust me. I do, and I want to hear it now because I reach our destination. The floors open and the balls in your court, speak Myles. Explain to me why you enjoy making me miserable as opposed to just going out and bringing in money the right way. Speak up like the 'man' you are."

"Fine," I threw my hands up in frustration. "I'm sorry, you know I hate seeing you cry more than anything else in the world. I don't do it intentionally, I'm just here trying to find a way out. I don't do this to hurt you, or hurt my family. I never had nothing growing up, whether it be money, love, friendship, not even a father. Until I got introduced to the street life and it gave me everything I wanted and more. I do this because it's all I got and it's never turned its back on me. You did, multiple times for him and it did nothing but push me further into this life. You kept him around when you knew it was toxic for me. Every fight, every argument, you stayed by his side and treated me as if I was nothing. The streets never did that to me, if a nigga looked at me the wrong way, I had people riding out, if I got into a fight, I had people I could count on. If I needed a dollar, I knew that the streets; the only family I knew, would bail me out. I don't do this because it's fun, I do this because it's my life and despite the negative it comes with, having real family is something I have wanted my entire life; and I don't plan on trading it for the world."

"We are your family Myles."

"No ma, I'm sorry to tell you but you're my surrogate and the nigga you live with is my sperm donor."

"Myles Thomas!"

"Even that, do you know how it feels to have to carry around a name from a man who doesn't even want me?" I balled up my fist and just sighed. "I don't think you understand how hard it is, to be surrounded by nothing but hate and heartache, growing up in that house was nothing but that and I can't imagine where I'd be if it wasn't for the little ounce of freedom the streets have given me. You know what's crazy about the whole thing?" I asked, "that despite it all, I never lost an ounce of love for you, despite having you treat me as terribly as he did; I still can say that I never wanted you to suffer. I don't know why and I can see that I end up treating my relationships the same exact way as well, allow women to use me then walk away when their finished, just like you do."

"I love you Myles,"

"Oh please, you aint ever loved me. You loved the money I was bringing in and the fact that when I was around you were no longer his punching bag. That's why you loved me. Aint no one ever loved me and how could I expect them to? Not even the people that brought me on this planet, love me."

"Listen." My mother said, pulling the car over onto the nearest shoulder. I watched her put it into park before turning on the engine, she turned in her seat and pointed her finger at me. "Myles, you are my only baby boy." She said, beginning to shake that finger at me. "I can't explain or even begin to apologize for the way I treated you growing up. I was a young mother with a husband that was at war. He came back a whole different man and I didn't know how to raise both of you at the same time. I was stuck at a crossroads and made some mistakes that I wish I never did and I am so sorry but never do I ever want to hear you say that I do not love you. I've heard you curse me out one, two many times, but this right here is where I cross the line. I'm your mother and I've hard enough."

"You're the one that wanted to hear me speak, no?"

"I did and now, it's my chance to speak."

"Go ahead." I said, looking over at her. "The floors yours, try and prove to me what I'm saying aint facts."

"It is far from fact because you will never understand how hard it is to know that my one and only son is behind bars wearing handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit, how hard it is to accept those collect calls. Knowing you're surrounded by people that you are the complete opposite of. I know there are some innocent people locked up as well but you, you have two big of a heart to even be in such a place." I held my head down as I listened to her, "You don't understand how it feels to have to pray until your knees get sore and you can't stand up, to have to cry all night and put on a smile the next morning for the rest of your kids, to constantly be told that you've failed as a mother. You don't understand what it feels like to wait by that phone every day just to hear your sons voice; to hear him say 'ma, I love you.' You were brought into a society that makes raising black boys hard and I did my best given the circumstances, of course we can wish and talk about my failures but Myles, I did my best and when I felt like I was failing, I put you into the hands of God who picked up the pieces where I fell short. You're so blinded by the façade of what the street life has given you, to the point where you don't realize what it has taken away. Your peace, your joy, your happiness, your integrity and most of all; your love, the love that didn't have to be taught but the love that I saw in those eyes the minute the doctor placed you on my chest on December 9th, 1993. This isn't you Myles, you're losing everything around you"

"And I know, it sucks to not have an active father and it sucks to have a mother that failed you at a young age but I thank God that you came out to be the man you are today. I never have and I never will regret the day you were born, even if I didn't do a good job, you did an amazing job of demonstrating how a rose can grow from the concrete. I hope that one day you find it in your heart to forgive me for the things I've done, to forgive your father even if he doesn't apologize. If not for us, do it for you because honey, holding this grudge is doing nothing but holding you back. You can never move on to a better future, if you hold onto the past." She reached over and placed her hand against my cheek. "Your struggle is only temporary and is nothing compared to the glory that God has for you, but first Myles, you really... need to let it go." She then leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me. "Trust me."

I sighed and looked up to the ceiling, I listened as she began to sob against my shirt. I let her words ponder in my head for a bit until every flash back came with it. Flashbacks of my father, flashbacks of her, flashbacks of me in the streets, flashbacks of Judas, flashbacks of Elijah and even Karla. I watched every flashback replay in my head until her words came to me once again. I listened to her voice saying 'let it go' one last time in my conscience. My mother then sat up and wiped her face before she turned the car back on, took a couple moments then pulled off into the traffic.

I turned up the radio a bit, pulled my hoodie over my head then leaned against the window, watching the other cars roll by. I continued to watch the cars until, I too, ended up falling asleep.

-

I felt a couple shakes, followed by the sound of Leisa singing my name in my ear. I groaned and pushed her face away from me as I stretched in the seat that I was in. I heard the sound of car doors opening and shutting until eventually mine opened and I nearly fell out, due to me still leaning on it. "What the hell?!" I exclaimed, catching myself before I could fall onto the cement below me.

"My bad!" Leisa laughed, as she ran away before I could get her. I just shook my head and removed my hoodie before finally stepping out of the car. I adjusted myself and the door, looking up to see, not my house but a house that was way bigger. It was a family sized home, one that you'd see on those Home Alone movies.

I took a look around and raised my brow, "ma... you know I gotta go get a shower, I can't be showing up at people's houses' looking and smelling like this." My mother ignored me and ushered Gabby up the steps and towards the front door. "I'm just going to wait in the car." I reached to open the door but before I could, I heard the sound of the doors locking. I groaned and glanced over to see her standing at the now opened, front door.

"Come inside." She said, then disappeared alongside Leisa.

"This is so embarrassing." I murmured to myself, how did she expect me to just visit someone when I looked like complete trash and smelt even worse? Was this some kind of sick punishment for what I said to her earlier? And she knew it was too cold for me to just wait outside too! I swear, I can't wait to go home so I can get my car and just bounce to hotel or something, this is exactly why I hated when people did favours for me. It always came to bite me in the butt at the end of the day.

I leaned against the car and folded my arms. "Matter of fact, I aint going no where." I said out loud, and it seemed as if God heard me because out of no where, it was as if a rain cloud had formed over my head. The rain poured and I had no choice but to run for shelter, inside the damn house.

"Finally." My mother said, shutting the door behind her. I watched as she peeled out of her jacket and hung it on the coat hook, then stepping out of her shoes and kicking it to the side. Comfortable, aren't we?

Before she could walk off, I grabbed a hold of her hand, pulling her towards me. "Ma, please just bring me home. You know I'm in no shape to be visiting no one."

"Of course, I know that. Why would I embarrass you like that?"

"Then why do you have me at someone's house when I should be home, you could've even brought me a change of clothes at least."

"She could've, but wouldn't you much rather pick out your own outfit." I heard a male voice say, his New York accent was thick but you could tell it had a little OG to it. My jaw clenched a bit as I looked up, I couldn't help but squint as I remembered seeing this man in the park with my mother that day with Monet. With my life being in shambles, I had forgotten all about it. As he approached me, my body tensed up and I let go of my mother to make sure I was on guard. "Good to have you home, Myles." He said, with his hand outstretched.

I glanced at his hand then looked over at my mother who shared a smile with me as if something was funny. "What the hell is this and who the hell is he?" I asked in a stern tone.

Although I was serious, it was clear that they were because all of a sudden, the two broke out into laughter. My mother stepped closer to the man and got on her tip toes to place a kiss on his lips, she then turned to me and smiled. "Myles, this is Andrew Houghton. My boyfriend, and this... is your new house." She said with such joy. It was nice to see it over her but I couldn't understand, how she expected me to be okay with this.

"You must be trippin if you think I'm about to be living up in here with you and your new 'boyfriend'." I mocked her voice, "especially with your choice in men, I'll be damned bout 'this is your new house.' You're tripping." I shook my head. "Yo Leisa! Call me an uber or something, I gotta bounce cause obviously this lady done lost her mind. Got me here looking at some boot leg, white version of puff daddy. This wanna be gangster is over here wearing house slippers. Hell nah, I gotta go." My mother continued to laugh, this time she walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "You think I'm playing with y'all." I said, trying to pry her arms off of me.

"Myles, you aint gotta do me like that." This Andrew character said, she ran his hand down the side of his face. "I mean, I know it's been a while but you gotta air me out like you don't know me?" he asked, holding his hands out in a questioning gesture.

"I don't know you."

"But you do." My mother chimed in and said, "Myles, Andrew Houghton, is your coach from middle school remember?"

"The reason you passed in the first place." Andrew said in a smart tone. "I know I'm a little older now and unfortunately, I don't have enough melanin to make me look as young as your beautiful mother here but dang. How could you forget someone who nearly lost their job tryna finesse those teachers to pass you, some of them said they didn't even know you because you skipped that many classes."

I squinted and gave him a good look, the more I glared at him was the more it was beginning to come back to me. I took a moment before I, too, broke out into laughter. I placed my hands over my face and crouched down in disbelief. This nigga right here, started off as my enemy, he used to call me lazy and wrote me up every chance he got. Every single detention was because of this guy if I was late, didn't brush my hair or tuck in my uniform pants, every time he saw me around crowds, I knew better than to be around, he would single me out, if he saw me hanging around the wrong cars after school he would personally drive me home no matter if it was against the rules of the school or not. This man had me on every single team and wouldn't let me play because my grades were never up to par but little did, I know, that this man was grooming me to be punctual, push myself to my academic limit, how to carry myself and although, I didn't want to accept it; which crowd to stay away from.

It took me a while to understand exactly what he was doing for me and the older I got was when I realized that he was only trying to help me. After getting released from jail the first time, I had tried to find him but I found out that he had transferred, I wrote him letter and even tried to reach him at his new school but I got nothing in return. I felt like he was just like everyone else who walked out on me. That's why I forgot about him, not because I wanted to, but because I hated the fact that I had lost contact with him and that is what sent me back into the arms of Judas.

I felt my mother place her hand against my back, giving it a pat. I stood to my feet and shook my head, grabbing his hand and pulling him into a manly