The following day, Ellie and I went shopping to buy dresses for the gala she'd invited us to.

"Let's hope we find something decent here," Ellie said as we entered a small boutique downtown. It turned out that looking for a party dress in the mall was pointless.

We didn't want to spend a fortune, but the kind of event we'd attend required dress code.

"Sky, you have to try it on." Ellie took a red dress off the hanger and handed it to me.

It was beautiful, had a thigh-high slit, and would undoubtedly hug my body in all the right— or wrong— places.

I held it out in front of me, unable to decide whether I'd look good in it. Lately, I didn't like myself in any clothes, no matter what I chose to wear.

"Come on. I'll take this one." Ellie grinned, pointing at a golden dress that was very her.

I gave up and followed my friend to the fitting rooms. She was right, and the gown did look amazing. If, by some miracle, I was to dance, it would stand out among others on the dance floor.

Later, when Ellie and I paid for the dresses and stopped by a lingerie store, I watched her choose a lacy set. I wasn't going to buy anything. Then, moved by my shitty mood and all the chaos in my head, I changed my mind and bought myself a red bra.

Ellie teased me about it when we were back at our place, and I played it down when all I wanted to do was cry.

I wanted to cry over the stupid kiss that never happened, over the bad luck I had in love and over the fact that my best friend would go home to her loving boyfriend, who for sure cooked a tasty something and was waiting for her to come home. In the short time I'd known Aiden, I could see how much he loved Ellie. Adored her was an even better word.

Ellie and Aiden were one of those couples — one of the couples that put romance novels to shame because they had that kind of love at the age of eighteen in his case and seventeen in hers. Whenever they were together, there were the loving touches and stolen kisses and Aiden's genuine interest in whatever Ellie was saying.

The truth was, as much as I was trying to convince myself otherwise, I wanted that with someone. I wanted the magic, and the butterflies, and long walks in the park. More than that, I wanted to care about someone and have them care about me.

I was still thinking about everything I didn't have when I opened the door to our place, and Tim rushed to greet me, gripping a toy in his hand.

"Sky, we built a Lego spaceship, you have to see it." Tim took my hand and dragged me to his room, not giving me time to say anything. "I was at Antoine's; his mom made us cookies, and we watched Star Wars, and then Liam helped me with this." Tim pointed at his desk where the latest creation was displayed. A smile lit up his face, and I smiled back at him.

The boy had eyes like Liam's and a cute face, and his ruffled hair was only a tad lighter than his brother's. When Tim grew up, he'd be a heartbreaker for sure.

"Buddy, Sky's hungry, why don't we have dinner and you'll talk to her later?"

Liam stood in the doorway, looking at the two of us. I was grateful he said nothing about the kiss that hadn't happened and saved me from feeling even more pathetic.

"You're hungry, right? Because I cooked," said Liam.

"I'm starving. It took us ages to find the dresses."

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Liam asked and tried to peek into the shopping bag I was still holding, the red bra one.

"Liam!" I squealed, hiding it behind my back.

"Sorry." He chuckled. "I didn't think it was a secret."

My cheeks turned red, and I rushed to my room, where I tucked the bra in the drawer.

A couple of uneventful days passed, and it wasn't until one of the evenings that my life turned interesting.

We were playing Monopoly with Liam and Tim on the living room floor when my phone buzzed.

I checked it quickly, thinking that it was Ellie. A text from Paul made my heartbeat slow down.

Paul: I messed up. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I want you back.

I made my move in the game, landed in jail, and got another text.

Paul: please, talk to me. I still love you. I need to see you and apologize in person.

Liam glanced at me before moving his counter.

Paul: please, give me a chance. One more chance.

I snorted because I wasn't buying his fake apologies. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a liar, always a liar.

"Sky, you're losing on purpose!" Tim crossed his arms in front of his chest, giving me a disapproving look.

"Sorry." I silenced my phone and got back to the game, but I couldn't focus.

When Paul left me, I waited for him to tell me he made a mistake, to beg me to come back to him and be with him. Despite his betrayal, I wanted him to regret what he did if only to prove to myself that there was a guy who was able to love me.

Now, after meeting Liam and seeing all the things he was that Paul wasn't, I was not so sure I wanted to talk to my ex ever again.

But then there was the no-kiss, and Liam's refusal to date. Even if we got close physically, he wouldn't want a relationship with me because he wasn't looking for one.

I didn't know him well enough yet, but I knew he was straightforward and honest. If he said he didn't date, I had to believe him. Hoping that he would change his mind would lead me nowhere.

Tim went to bed, and Liam settled to work on his laptop. I watched him— handsome, confident, hot, with the air of calm around him. Why would he want someone like me — a girl with issues, not good enough to make a boyfriend want to be faithful?

Once again, I found myself reading all the texts Paul had sent and agreed to meet him for lunch the following day, hoping to find some closure.

***

"Black, no sugar, no cream." Liam handed me my cup of coffee in the kitchen on the morning of my meeting with my ex.

"Thanks." I forced a smile before taking the first sip.

"Are you okay?" Liam leaned against the kitchen counter, his mug in one hand, a croissant in the other, his inquisitive eyes focused on my face.

"Liam's bought you a croissant, too." Tim pointed at the paper bag on the table.

"Thanks, but you didn't have to, Liam." I looked at my roommate and forced another smile.

"Well, if you don't want it now, take it with you in case you're hungry later, or give it to Ellie." Liam shrugged.

I hesitated for a moment before grabbing the bag. "You know what, you're right. I'll need it before Econ today. That class is a nightmare."

"Aye aye." Liam chuckled. "You've been raving about it since I met you."

"No, I haven't!" I swatted his arm, laughing genuinely this time.

And just like that, my morning got better, my nerves settled, and I was no longer afraid of throwing up the little I had in my stomach.

"Holy cow." Ellie whistled when I knocked on her door to walk to the uni together like we did every day. "Got somebody to impress today? What happened to your hoodie?"

Ellie was a girly girl, just like me, but unlike me, she wore dresses way more often than I did, and even more so since she and Aiden got back together. My usual Monday to Friday thing was a hoodie plus skinny jeans plus sneakers. Today, it was a dress and a pair of pumps, paired with the statement purse Aunt Sam got me.

"Baby, I gotta run." Aiden appeared in the doorway, his laptop bag over his shoulder. "Hi, Sky and bye, Sky."

I waved at him, and a second after his lips were on Ellie's. "Eat well, okay? And call me if you need anything."

He said goodbye to both of us again and ran down the stairs.

Ellie and I took the elevator.

Her phone vibrated, and she took it out, grinning at the text she got as she typed away the reply.

"Aiden?" I asked.

"Yeah. Anyway, what's with the dressing up?"

"Nothing," I lied. "I woke up early and had some time to iron the dress."

"You look gorgeous." Ellie beamed at me. "Wait, today's the Econ day, right?"

"Yeah, and the quiz results day. I already hate it."

"Not as much as I hate Math and Chemistry." Ellie sighed.

We talked about our academic misery right until my school came into view. I said goodbye to Ellie and rushed to my first class.

By the time Econ started, I was starving. Thank God I'd have lunch soon in the restaurant Paul invited me to.

I needed comfort food because I was nervous. Soon, much to my disappointment, it became clear I failed the test for the first time since I'd started my degree.

Shoving my frustration to the back of my mind, I focused on the upcoming conversation on my way to the restaurant. When I arrived there, I spotted Paul at one of the tables as soon as I pushed the heavy wooden door and walked inside.

After getting my nerves in check,  I sat on a chair opposite Paul.

"Sky," he said, tearing his eyes away from the text he was typing. "I'm glad you came. I've already ordered."

I gave him a tight smile, my stomach grumbling. "You wanted to see me."

"How are you?" Paul leaned forward in his chair and placed his elbows on the tabletop. His eyes focused on my face as if he expected to find answers there.

"Good. You?"

"Come on, Sky. You can't be good because I'm not. I miss you."

"You had your chance, Paul."

A waitress stopped at our table, placing two cups of espresso in front of us.

"Don't you think about me? Not even a little?"

"I do, " I replied truthfully. There was no point in lying. I thought about Paul and his betrayal way too often, and I knew it wasn't good for me but found myself unable to stop.

"I messed up, okay? Us, guys, we mess up. We're not good at the feelings stuff, but I had my feelings, Sky. I'm sorry that I hurt you, but I also wanted to feel loved. You were cold with me. We hardly had sex."

"You cheated on me, Paul. You lied right to my face, and now you're trying to blame it on me? Are you for real?"

The rational part of me whispered that I'd showed him enough love by moving to Paris, and even before that. The other, insecure part, was a different story. That was the hardest voice to silence.

"Sky." Paul sighed. "It's not black and white. It goes both ways. You never made an effort to learn how to do it better, unlike other girls I've been with. After our disastrous first time, I really thought you'd try harder, you know? You didn't like being with me, and I know you weren't even able to...not once, Sky, and you can't blame me for wanting to be with someone who could make me feel wanted."

"I tried." My voice trembled. "I just couldn't, Paul. As you know, I had no experience. Until you, I'd never been with a guy. Everything I did was with you."

"I know, but what else could I have done? Maybe you need help, a doctor or a therapist. I'm out of my element here."

I took a sip of my coffee, praying I would be able to hold back the tears.

It wasn't even warm anymore.

It was cold.

Just like me.